Official Thread of Flogging the Log: A Place for Better Random Talk

[Bebpo]

"Hollywood Gaming"?

....what exactly happened to Wilco on his birthday 

[Ganhyun]

Why are you guys talking about Phoenix Dark fucking someone?

Its the random things thread. Its currently the hot item to discuss. Don't worry, it will eventually phase back to something else, likely more of Malek's trials and tribulations with his latest, Cute Girl.


Speaking of Cute Girl Malek, how is that going?

[Madrun Badrun]

I just got an email saying this

"Hello!  Your application has been forwarded to the College of Graduate Studies and Research for consideration for a 2010 USRA NSERC award.  Congratulations!"

which is pretty much congratulating me on having my application still being processed.  Then it went on to say that due to new regulations I need go to Student Enrolment[sic] and Services Division and pay $10 to send my transcript to tje College of Graduate Studies and Research which is located about to meters from  Student Enrolment.  sigh.

[Madrun Badrun]

I can't imagine Malek having sex (no homo). Hopefully he'll give us some details.

Did he have a beard?

Was he shaved down there?

Was she drunk?

Was he drunk?

Was it whiteAcid?

Hmm, the more important question is was she shaved down there?

doubt it.  She seems like the type that doesn't respect herself enough to take care of herself.

[Brehvolution]

Who cares? It tastes just as good.

[tiesto]

Who cares? It tastes just as good.

[brawndolicious]

Oh god.

I'm in the computer lab working at my online homework and this cbc chinese chick is leaned over a foot away from my head with this huge cheshire cat smile.  I try to gulp and whimper at the same time and then ask her what's wrong and she points to some religious children's charity and asks if I have any money.  I lie obviously lie and say sorry and she keeps right on fucking smiling and says "Okie, maybe next time?".

this is what's wrong with communism.

[Raban]

Oh god.

I'm in the computer lab working at my online homework and this cbc chinese chick is leaned over a foot away from my head with this huge cheshire cat smile.  I try to gulp and whimper at the same time and then ask her what's wrong and she points to some religious children's charity and asks if I have any money.  I lie obviously lie and say sorry and she keeps right on fucking smiling and says "Okie, maybe next time?".

this is what's wrong with communism.

You should have said, "God should be giving people money, not the other way around."

[Phoenix Dark]

How exactly does "going down on a woman" work? Is it just licking. I heard a good strategy is to write out the letters of the alphabet with your tongue in her puss

[Robo]

How exactly does "going down on a woman" work? Is it just licking. I heard a good strategy is to write out the letters of the alphabet with your tongue in her puss

...That's distinguished mentally-challenged.  *makes mental note*.

[elektrikluv]

How exactly does "going down on a woman" work? Is it just licking. I heard a good strategy is to write out the letters of the alphabet with your tongue in her puss

    

I will answer your question seriously though:

Its licking with varying speed and pressure, on the clit, around the clit, everywhere really. And not always just a 'licking' motion like you would lick an ice lolly, but moving your tongue side to side, up and down etc.

I can't imagine the alphabet thing working for me and it just sounds distinguished mentally-challenged really, especially if you're doing it with your tongue IN her pussy    So there is no conclusive way to lick pussy, every girl likes different things.

[Robo]

Baby's favorite is the double-story lowercase g

[Fresh Prince]

PD has to be trolling. He probably watches more pr0n than half this board combined.

[BlueTsunami]

If you really want to add variety, spell out the alphabet backwards. Dyslexic chicks really like this.

[Phoenix Dark]

I didn't mean totally inside the canal. I mean like on the pussy basically, clit yea. And just spell out the alphabet and I heard that would be a nice sensation

[elektrikluv]

I don't really like it (the alphabet thing), it's kinda boring. Maybe as a warm up but nothing more. Maybe some girls like it though.

[drew]

SUCK THE CLIT

GODSPEED PD

[Kestastrophe]

Shaved girls

'70s Bush

It must be different if you have the facial hair to match

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

PD has to be trolling. He probably watches more pr0n than half this board combined.

Yeah but he mostly watches cheeseburger porn.  Hence...

[Kestastrophe]

I would pay $5 to watch PD have sex

 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

http://www.tube8.com/hardcore/tubby-bob/24365/

[close]

[demi]

How exactly does "going down on a woman" work? Is it just licking. I heard a good strategy is to write out the letters of the alphabet with your tongue in her puss

LMAO you heard that on American Pie

[Flannel Boy]

PD has to be trolling. He probably watches more pr0n than half this board combined.

To be fair to him, everyone skips the part where the man performs oral.

[Raban]

How exactly does "going down on a woman" work? Is it just licking. I heard a good strategy is to write out the letters of the alphabet with your tongue in her puss

You use your non-dominant hand to pull the hood up so the clit's always open for attack, and then you use a finger from your dominant hand, hook it into her vagina, pull on that shit like a trout, and then you beatbox into her pussy.

[Diunx]

Whats good about bush?

Nothing, I'm assuming they are just trolling.

[Madrun Badrun]

I liked this thread better when it wasn't about sex or was about lack of sex.  This kind of talk is making me depressed. 

[brawndolicious]

this is like trying to explain organic chemistry to somebody who's never used a microscope.  gs, what's the point of all of that?

[demi]

LMAO

[CajoleJuice]

SMH, Maurice.

There are basically three variables to take into consideration: location, pressure and speed. This is complicated by the fact that, in my experience, a lot of girls like different things. I knew one girl who got way too sensitive directly in her clit, so you had to spend most of your time in the surrounding area. Another seemed to be much less sensitive than usual and wanted you to practically make your tongue into a jackhammer. However, there are generally some things that will work almost every time.

That alphabet thing is for your benefit, not hers. It's to give you a guideline for how to keep moving your tongue. You could do just about any pattern and it wouldn't matter, just as long as you're giving her the pressure and speed she wants in the right spot.

First of all, it helps if you've warmed up the oven with some good foreplay and then with your fingers. In my experience, the clit is usually too sensitive for you to just start there. I'm assuming you have the basics of foreplay down, so I won't go into that here. But once things are good and wet down there, generally you should start by softly moving your tongue over and across her clit and gradually build up speed and pressure, unless she's too sensitive for direct clitoral stimulation at the moment, in which case you just go in circles up the mountain like Dante in Purgatorio. Or she may not want this and may just want you to focus on one side. A lot of things can happen. In most cases, those who start out too sensitive for direct clitoral stimulation will want it by the end, but this is not always the case. One of the big keys is adaptability. What feels perfect to the girl when you start might not be what she wants ten minutes in, and you'll have to adjust your game plan, which means the key to that is receptiveness and communication.

You have to put in some groundwork for this. By the time you're going down on a girl, you want her to feel comfortable enough to tell you how she wants it. Not in a formal way, like giving directions, but you want her to at least be comfortable telling you the following: "higher," "lower," "harder," "a little softer," "faster," "oh, keep doing what you're doing," "a little to the right/left," and "oh, right there, RIGHT THERE!" That's basically the extent of the phrasebook. Some girls are more inhibited and don't like to give you any kind of directions at all, but generally if you're getting them close to orgasm they'll be a little more willing to help you help them get over the top.

You have to pay attention to her breathing and body-language. Generally a sharp intake of breath means you did something really good or really bad. Assuming you don't do something totally stupid, a sharp intake of breath usually = good. Increased rate of breathing = good. Legs and hips trembling or moving seemingly on their own = good. Keep doing what you're doing, maybe even adding slightly more pressure or speed.

Any changes you make should be incremental. It's like adjusting the bpm on a dance song when you're DJing. You can't just suddenly start going twice as fast or twice as hard. You need to work it up slowly. In the vast majority of cases, you'll be going a lot faster and harder by the end than you were at the beginning. Once you've found a level that works at the beginning, gradually dial it up, paying attention to her verbal and non-verbal cues.

Using your fingers can help a lot, as Raban said. Two of the biggest uses for them are 1) using your fingers to spread her lips more so that you can stimulate her clit more directly, and 2) fingering her while you're doing it. Generally you'll want to do both.

She may initially want a wide area and then want a more focused area later on. Be ready for that. If she's comfortable, she'll tell you. If you're working a wide area and then she says "Right there!" then obviously focus on that spot.

Good luck, Maurice.

*breathes*

[Bebpo]

I hate being invisible in some of my classes.  I couldn't sit in my normal front row seat today for one class so I sit a few rows back and like 5 mins later some guy next me goes, "woah, where is that weird dude who sits right up front"

There are only 10 people in the class
 

[BamYouHaveAids]

girls don't really like oral sex pd.

just slap the slit a few times, stick your wiener in, and vibrate. that's all there is to it!

[Phoenix Dark]

GS, where should I lay my head though. Seems like this shit would hurt my neck. Can't I just lay the side of my head on her thigh.

And I agree with Malek: I thought everyone skipped pussy eating in porn.

[Bacchus7]

Yes, you will hurt your neck at some point in your cunnilingus career.

[CajoleJuice]

Curb Your Enthusiasm taught me that.

[Phoenix Dark]

Meh, sounds like her sitting on my face would result in less strain on my part.

[CajoleJuice]

GS sure likes to write pointlessly.

[Madrun Badrun]

Meh, sounds like her sitting on my face would result in less strain on my part.

 

[Bacchus7]

Meh, sounds like her sitting on my face would result in less strain on my part.

Agree, but that position compromises accuracy and pressure.

[CajoleJuice]

Meh, sounds like her sitting on my face would result in less strain on my part.

Agree, but that position compromises accuracy and pressure.

Like beating off with the wrong hand.

[Phoenix Dark]

Your neck might get a little sore, but unless you're going at it for a REALLY long time you should be alright. Just position your head in such a way that your tongue has the best access to the area between her legs. Usually she's lying on her back and you're lying on your stomach. She might also be on the edge of the bed, with you on the floor on your knees. You can adjust your position slightly if you have to. In my experience, your tongue will get tired before your neck does.

Forgot to mention, a lot of times in foreplay you'll be licking her nipples, so you can transition easily from that. Just start licking and planting kisses downwards. This move has always been a big hit when I've used it. Builds lots of anticipation, and it removes all of the awkwardness.

Do you start licking the nipples when she's standing or when she's on the bed? Seems kinda awkward to me; ie what if she's just standing there while you're licking the nipples, who should make the first move to the bed

[CajoleJuice]

Why don't you just commission GS to write a sex manual for you, PD?

[Bacchus7]

You're seriously not trolling? Have you never been in a situation of human intimacy? The assumption is that if you're working on her nipples, you've already been necking a fair bit, I hope on a bed or a cushion of some sort. It should all be a fairly organic process...

[CajoleJuice]

Oh he's trolling.

[Phoenix Dark]

You're seriously not trolling? Have you never been in a situation of human intimacy? The assumption is that if you're working on her nipples, you've already been necking a fair bit, I hope on a bed or a cushion of some sort. It should all be a fairly organic process...

I just want to know how organic the process is. Like if someone asks me "how are you doing" I'll respond "fine how about yourself," as would most people. Are we talking that level of organic?

[Himu]

 

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Phoenix Dark]

Fair enough GS. Alright, we're on the bed and I'm tired of oral. What do you usually do at that point? Just get on top, or ask if she wants to be on top?

edit: well I'd put my condom on of course, but what after that

[demi]

You're seriously not trolling? Have you never been in a situation of human intimacy? The assumption is that if you're working on her nipples, you've already been necking a fair bit, I hope on a bed or a cushion of some sort. It should all be a fairly organic process...

I just want to know how organic the process is. Like if someone asks me "how are you doing" I'll respond "fine how about yourself," as would most people. Are we talking that level of organic?

[brawndolicious]

now gs is just making up stuff.

[drew]

i ate this girl out so hard one time that my neck AND my tongue got injured

[Phoenix Dark]

Fair enough GS. Alright, we're on the bed and I'm tired of oral. What do you usually do at that point? Just get on top, or ask if she wants to be on top?

edit: well I'd put my condom on of course, but what after that

A lot of times she'll pull you on top of her after enough oral. Otherwise you should keep going until she orgasms. At that point, you would usually give her a few seconds to catch her breath (during which time you can kinda talk to her in a James Bond way), then get on top. Don't just stick it in right away. Work the head of your johnson around the lips a little bit. Maybe tease her clit with it. You can tease her by sticking it in slowly, a little bit at a time, maybe even using a slight circular motion. There are a lot of things you can do. A lot of sex is improvisation, to be honest.

Sounds like jazz. I can dig it 

Now, if you aren't confident in your ability to last, would it be better to save oral for after you cum? That way it's not a total waste for her

[drew]

if youre having sex for the first time with a girl and you dont think you can last fuck her then eat her out then fuck her again when youre ready

first impressions are important

[Brehvolution]

Another plus after getting a girl off orally is that she will then do whatever you want.

[drew]

the only downside is when she tells you she loves you

[Phoenix Dark]

then what do you do?

[Joe Molotov]

Marry her.

[tiesto]

Whats good about bush?

Nothing, I'm assuming they are just trolling.

Anybody that knows me knows very well I am being 100% serious and not trolling.

[Fresh Prince]

I know PD is trolling but really PD it's nothing to be proud of that people think you're that inept.

[Phoenix Dark]

I know PD is trolling but really PD it's nothing to be proud of that people think you're that inept.

When was the last time you go laid?

[Fresh Prince]

When was the last time you go laid?

4 months ago. You?

[CajoleJuice]

I don't know why PD would ask that question when it's practically impossible for a person to have gone longer than him at this point.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

I did the impossible!

[close]

[Fresh Prince]

At this point I think PD is a joke character who is not actually a virgin.