Not sure why I'm posting this here but I'm on a plane flying to Yuma Arizona and I'm just trying to get some kind of distraction from my current situation.
My dad had total liver and kidney failure a few days ago and is currently terminal, in a coma. He was an alcoholic for as long as I can remember...I have very few memories about my dad that doesn't include him having a drink in his hand...so this wasn't completely unexpected, but it's still incredibly painful. Anyway, my dad was trying to take care of my mom, who is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's so she doesn't understand what's going on or who I am or where she is. My dad was never up to the task of taking care of my mom, especially since the guy started drinking from the moment he woke up until the moment he passed out at night. He'd just take my mom to the bar, sit her down and feed her a hot dog while he got blitzed. I never understood why he insisted on doing it himself instead of getting some professional help - maybe it was to save money - who knows. My sister and I have always been willing to pay for my mom's care but he always refused to let us get involved, and he'd get pretty angry about it. When I found out last month that my mom's weight had dropped down into the 90's, I called protective services thinking that maybe they could get my mom out of that environment and into a proper care facility but that only seemed to make the situation worse. My sister and I pleaded with my dad to sell that damn house in Arizona and move to LA so they could be close to my sister, her husband, and their grandkids who they never have any contact with but he was absolutely against it.
So the other day I call down there to check up on them and he said wasn't feeling well. The guy had pretty serious lower GI bleed a few weeks back so I told him that he needs to go to the hospital but he insisted it was something he ate. I got pretty upset with him and we had it out on the phone....again. I wish I could go back in time and have that conversation over. I'm going to be living in a sea of regret for the rest of my life knowing that the last time I was able to talk to my dad I was a cocksucker. I just want to tell him one last time that I love him. No matter how much chaos and pain he put our family through, I still love him. It hurts.
The doctor says my dad has maybe only a day or two left to live. According to his wishes, we're not going to keep him on life support and he's currently on comfort care only so they can make his last few days as easy on him as possible. I'm on my way down there now so I can be there when he passes and to take care of my mom. My sister and I have power of attorney now so we'll be taking our mom to an Alzheimer's care home in LA probably in the next day or two. There's so much to do....it's overwhelming.
