SO I popped in 50 cent tonight. I created the profile 'abc foreal' cause im keeping it real or something.
Anyway so the story starts out with some rap, and 50 cent is asking me if 'I ever had one of those nights' and then he tells me that the city can kill me. That's great 50 cent wisdom. So the rap shit starts thumpin and 50 gets a call on his PDA cell phone, cause the ghetto is all about high tech shit, and well apparently 50 cent is one of those 'good friends' cause he tells me if im his friend theres no place on earth for my enemies to hide. yeah ok 50.
SO the game jumps right into the action, with a thrilling cutscene in which terrorists, which I can only assume they are by their ski masks, are being hostile towards the honest salt of the earth ghetto gangsters. 50 wont have this shit so he gives his posse some guns and they proceed to run around the area firing shots off at random screaming words like 'fucking' 'distinguished black fellow' (used in context) and other random bits of profanity to properly emulate being in a gunfight with paratrooper terrorists that spawn randomly from windows and rooftops.
Now im playing on VERY EASY cause well im fucking lazy and im just trying to figure this shit out. So im taking no damage, which is good, cause the aiming camera sucks. My first 5 minutes of the game is me spinning the camera around 50 cent while bullets hit him with no identifiable feedback save the poorly rendered blood spurt that comes from his body. All the while my posse is educating me on street slang and shooting their guns in every which direction.
What else can a 50 cent do cept grab some wall around the corner. So my back is to the wall, all fucking MGS style, cause im sure 50 cent has played that game, and im sliding back and forth cause in the few seconds I started this I hadnt figured out how to disengage from the wall. So this terrorist shows up while im grinding 50 cents ass against a wall and he goes I SPOTTED HIM and then runs around the corner. I keep sliding along the wall and the terrorist guy keeps like coming around the corner, then running back out of sight again.
Once one of his other friends teleported to the scene they decided to start shooting at me. The nice thing about this game is it does have some tenchu style deathblow where he shoves his homemade knife into the guys stomach and slides it up his body and out. Except there is no visible damage to the model and the blood effects are ummm..sad.
I can also take people hostage and shoot them in the head if I get tired of them. So with these methods I dispatched the people who watched me scoot my butt against the wall. Not wanting to lose street cred with my foul mouthed posse, who have in 4 minutes set civil rights back 40 years, I grab the nearest dumpster and start sorta dragging it around the area. Eventually my posse kills everyone and I run in this building to the exit and well there ya go, thats the first area.
Whats obnoxious is the moron that calls you on 50's cell every 5 seconds in the first firefight. I mean its bad enough everyone is shooting at you and you cant aim for shit or see them cause everything is brick red or brown, but now you have some nerd calling you with fun facts about how to play the game.
SO yeah this game sucks. The models are decent, I mean they did put SOME time into it...but the game lacks any realistic context but its still trying to 'keep it real'. For example, in the second area I 'DISABLE ROOFTOP LASER SENSORS'
What. The. Fuck.
