RELATIONSHIPS: helping wizards deplete their mana since 2011

[CatsCatsCats]

Lol look at this gay man, no woman wants to be approached at gym -- or at the very least, hitting on women at the gym ain't gonna help with looking like a creep

[Rahxephon91]

Lol look at this gay man, no woman wants to be approached at gym -- or at the very least, hitting on women at the gym ain't gonna help with looking like a creep

Yeah even I think that's the worst place to approach well anyone. Most people don't want to be botherd and women I'm sure don't want to be hit on while they are working out.

[Atramental]

Also, most people wear earbuds/headphones at the gym which is basically a universal "don't talk to me" sign.

Keep it to bookstores and coffee shops for now.

[Valkyrie]

Also, most people wear earbuds/headphones at the gym which is basically a universal "don't talk to me" sign.

Keep it to bookstores and coffee shops for now.

I feel like no matter where he goes, he somehow manages to creep girls the fuck out.

At this point we should just start praying for him.

[fistfulofmetal]

I literally have no advice since I stuck to online dating until it worked and it eventually worked so I'm happy with the results. Good luck otherwise!

[thisismyusername]

Lol look at this gay man, no woman wants to be approached at gym -- or at the very least, hitting on women at the gym ain't gonna help with looking like a creep

I know plenty of gay men that get other men at the gym. Like I said: It's not my scene and I wouldn't know the heterosexual equivalent. You're right in that picking up women there probably isn't the best move.

Point being: Rah needs to get out there and talk to people. Men, women, EVERYONE. And lose the "woe is me, I'm going to me a 'virgin' forever so I should kill everyone" vibe he has on him. Andrex found him good looking, for example. So it's obviously not the looks that are going to shoot him down. It's his attitude that is. He needs to work on that ANYWHERE he can.

I feel like no matter where he goes, he somehow manages to creep girls the fuck out.

It's possible and it seems like he is wanting to take steps to fix this. Which is good. He needs to start with changing his mindview on women throwing themselves at him. Which seems to be what he's doing first. But the major stumbling block is translating that "disregard , acquire Euros" mindview to actual action/thinking.

[CatsCatsCats]

I'm sure the gym is a great place to get some cock, but there's a whole market of gyms built around the idea that women don't go because they don't want to be hit on

[Atramental]

Also, most people wear earbuds/headphones at the gym which is basically a universal "don't talk to me" sign.

Keep it to bookstores and coffee shops for now.

I feel like no matter where he goes, he somehow manages to creep girls the fuck out.

At this point we should just start praying for him.

Creepiness usually comes about from desperation and having a "taking" mindset rather than a "giving" mindset.

And if Rahx had the money I would recommend he go and attend this seminar:
http://bootcamp.theartofcharm.com/personal/

I might actually go to this or the business one in a year or two to improve upon my "soft skills".

[Rahxephon91]

Also, most people wear earbuds/headphones at the gym which is basically a universal "don't talk to me" sign.

Keep it to bookstores and coffee shops for now.

I feel like no matter where he goes, he somehow manages to creep girls the fuck out.

At this point we should just start praying for him.

Actually I'm going to refute this. I'm not a creep. People actually like me. At work I'm pretty popular. I have a decent social circle and unlike seemingly most gaffers I go outside. I also at the end of the day keep my hobbies to myself. I'm not going around wearing an N7 hoody or talking up the clerk at the game store about Final Fantasy.

I mean Christ I was asked out to the bar by a Mexican chick that is extrmley attractive.

My problem is not being a creep. Being weird sure but that's hardly a real problem.

My problems include honestly a lack of empathy, narrow mindedness, an extreme woe is me problem, a lack of confidence which means I don't actually try, and I'm sure other things. I keep to myself too much to be creepy.

Hopefully, I can improve on some things.

[I'm a Puppy!]

I told this to Pallo, take up a new hobby or join toastmasters. Just get in the practice of talking to anyone and everyone. If the cashier has cool hair say "Nice hair" you'd be surprised how a quick compliment will open up people to a conversation. If you see something funny mention it. Just get out there and TALK!

[Bebpo]

So I'm texting this girl for the first time tonight, conversation is going normal.  Talking about normal things for about 20-30 mins, seems fine then

Her: Wanna hook up?

Me: How about some coffee or tea if you're into that

Her: I'd rather have a free dinner.

Her: 5 star

Me: Joking?

Her: About what?  Who doesn't like free food.

Her: What kind of joke would it be.



That got weird fast.  I sorta backed away slowly from that point and let her know I wasn't looking to be a sugar daddy or anything.

[toku]

[tiesto]

Was supposed to meet up with someone tonight but she backed out this morning. She had to work late, so we rescheduled for Saturday. Also I joined Bumble and swiped right on a ton of women. So many are from CT though, which is frustrating... no matches currently, but we'll see... Don't like the lack of filters on it since I do have some dealbreakers. Never used an app like this before.

[chronovore]

So I'm texting this girl for the first time tonight, conversation is going normal.  Talking about normal things for about 20-30 mins, seems fine then

Her: Wanna hook up?

Me: How about some coffee or tea if you're into that

Her: I'd rather have a free dinner.

Her: 5 star

Me: Joking?

Her: About what?  Who doesn't like free food.

Her: What kind of joke would it be.



That got weird fast.  I sorta backed away slowly from that point and let her know I wasn't looking to be a sugar daddy or anything.

Also never trust anyone who asks a question but punctuates with a period instead of a question mark. Anecdotally, when I do that I know I've asked a rhetorical question. Or she's shit at grammar, and who needs that. ()

[chronovore]

I haven't seen The Wire yet; I tried watching a bootleg, but discovered that I'll need the subtitles to figure out what they're muttering. I cannot understand the shoplifter's last line in that scene.

[Rufus]

I haven't seen The Wire yet; I tried watching a bootleg, but discovered that I'll need the subtitles to figure out what they're muttering. I cannot understand the shoplifter's last line in that scene.

"You want it to be one way, but it's the other way."

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

So I'm texting this girl for the first time tonight, conversation is going normal.  Talking about normal things for about 20-30 mins, seems fine then

Her: Wanna hook up?

Me: How about some coffee or tea if you're into that

Her: I'd rather have a free dinner.

Her: 5 star

Me: Joking?

Her: About what?  Who doesn't like free food.

Her: What kind of joke would it be.



That got weird fast.  I sorta backed away slowly from that point and let her know I wasn't looking to be a sugar daddy or anything.

Did you mention you were a lawyer?

[Valkyrie]

So I'm texting this girl for the first time tonight, conversation is going normal.  Talking about normal things for about 20-30 mins, seems fine then

Her: Wanna hook up?

Me: How about some coffee or tea if you're into that

Her: I'd rather have a free dinner.

Her: 5 star

Me: Joking?

Her: About what?  Who doesn't like free food.

Her: What kind of joke would it be.



That got weird fast.  I sorta backed away slowly from that point and let her know I wasn't looking to be a sugar daddy or anything.

Yeah, naaahhhh.

[Mupepe]

"I've got something free you can eat"

[Phoenix Dark]

never forget

[tiesto]

So how long does it usually take ppl to respond on Bumble? How does the matching work? If you swipe right on someone, will the girl get notified, or will you show up fairly discretely in their matches?

[Atramental]

It's kinda complicated.

If I remember correctly, it's dependent upon whether or not they pay to see the people that liked them. If not they'll just get a blurred out profile pic in their notifications and that's it.

And I can only imagine fairly attractive girls would get hundreds of blurred pics.

edit: I probably would've gotten a better handle on bumble if I lived in a highly populated area like NY/NJ but it's not really popular like Tinder in Upstate SC.

[Valkyrie]

How awkward is it to meet someone from a dating app? I never tried those when I was single, it sounds kinda scary to be honest.

[Atramental]

First time was super awkward for me and my date. No chemistry what so ever.
2nd and 3rd time were fine after the initial awkwardness melted away.
4th time became awkward when my date told me she was a recovering heroin addict and that I just picked her up from her narcotics anonymous meeting.
5th time was fine but it was at midnight in small town in North Carolina and my date was tired despite saying she would be fine meeting with me.
6th time was great. My date wanted to bang me but was too shy to tell me until we were back at her mom's house. (ended up bringing her to my place after our second date)


So... like anything in life, it's a mixed bag. 

[thisismyusername]

But if it needs to be said, don't go into a bookstore expecting to talk with someone or get a number and then get mad or self-conscious when it doesn't happen. It doesn't work like that

*points up* Exactly what I'm getting at Rah. Right now you need to knock the " " and Serial Killer vibe off you. This means you go to these places to talk about things without the expectations of relationship(s) with women (and just general shooting the shit with men).

It's the same thing I've been telling Dufus but in reverse: You have the ability to easily talk to folks (while Dufus has social anxiety, which is understandable). You just have an "attitude" that turns folks off on you. You need to change that and be self-aware of it. Talking to folks that you may never see again to practice that can help.

How awkward is it to meet someone from a dating app? I never tried those when I was single, it sounds kinda scary to be honest.

Same as asking a person out in-physical would be, I'd wager. Just instead of that "fear" of rejection, you've been talking to this person for a few days (I'd hope) before actually meeting up. And so long as you both agree to meet up in a public place (like a coffee shop or a retail place) it won't be that bad. Outside of selling things on like Craigslist, I generally never get a "this dude/dudette may want to stab me" vibe from anyone on the internet (well, outside of Rah anyway.  j/k).

[Atramental]

I'm still surprised that two of my dates were totally cool with me picking them up in my car since both of them didn't have any easy access to transportation. 

[Valkyrie]

I'm still surprised that two of my dates were totally cool with me picking them up in my car since both of them didn't have any easy access to transportation. 

And both times you completely killed two girls' dark fantasies by being a decent guy. gj

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Did you at least have the FemAtra wig in the back seat?

[Bebpo]

How awkward is it to meet someone from a dating app? I never tried those when I was single, it sounds kinda scary to be honest.

It's awkward in the same way you don't know these people at all and they could definitely not be who they present themselves online to be.  I would never give anyone my home address before I met them irl, or get in a car with a stranger.  But generally I play it safe since I'd rather not get murdered or robbed.  Usually I meet people in public places during the day/evening, if it goes well we go from there. 

I'm still surprised that two of my dates were totally cool with me picking them up in my car since both of them didn't have any easy access to transportation. 

Yeah, to me that's pretty crazy that your dates would be cool with that.  Seems...not smart.

Did you mention you were a lawyer?

I didn't mention it but my profile does have my job occupation listed.  Never had anyone I just started talking to basically ask me to pay for them before though. 

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

A relevant link: http://www.vanityfair.com/style/2016/07/welcome-to-the-new-prostitution-economy

[Phoenix Dark]

you're not about that life Bebpo. Don't respond to her anymore.

[Kara]

Ask what her name on TER is.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

IMO, when it comes to being a well paid professional, the lower key you present yourself to be the less likely you are able to attract the "transactional" type of women.

If you have a picture of yourself standing next to your pearlescent 7 series BMW (or the Tesla equivalent ), then you will get all kinds of women who just see you as a meal ticket.

I don't think Bebpo is hung up on this girl, just wanted to point out some learned experience.

[Bebpo]

Uh, yeah I just posted that because I thought it was an awkward wtf moment that would be funny to share here.  I ended the conversation after that. 

[Rahxephon91]

So another quick update on myself.

The gym is going ok. I try to go at night because well one I don't like to be around tons of people and two,I'm still trying to find my jive and get over gym imitation. People are cool and well I don't know as I've grown up(this may be raciest, sorry) I find myself far more comfortable around other minorities. I just find blacks, asians, and Latinos to be far more chill and thats what makes up most of the gym I go to. No, overly bro type white dudes. I'm still a scrawny dude, but some muscle definition is taking hold, or rather I think it is when I flex really hard. It feels good. It feels nice to just work out for 2 or 3 hours listening to some music(The Persona 5 battle theme and Nier Ost get me pumped) or a podcast alone. It's relaxing and I guess I've opened myself up to something new. You guys were right. Who knows if I've found a new hobby, but so far I don't dislike it.

As for the girl thing. Well the girl from before...Well again I don't think anything will happen. We're just friends, but maybe if I keep playing it chill and cool something will develop. Yes, I know the key is to not plan on it.

Well anyway, I was at work and she sends me a snapchat of what she's drinking right now. I reply and we get into a conversation about mothers and families. She tells me she's at the bar with her mom and family. She asks what am I doing, which I say I'm at work and then later I remind her I'm getting off work. Which she then tells me I should come out. She'll teach me to dance and it will be fun. Well I'm like, you can't turn that down and I need to develop my social links. So of course I go. I meet some members of her family and I talk to her. At first she sits across from me but then moves to the seat right next to me as we continued talking. It was a solid night and honestly probably one of the few nights I've been the most in the zone chill and socially wise.

So I don't know. I'm just going to continue playing it cool, but I think this is all very positive.

[tiesto]

Glad to hear things are starting to pick up for you a bit, Rahx. The gym can be a pretty calming experience, when you have some good music and you get in the zone. Now I live in an area that is infamous for guido meatheads, so of course the gyms around here are loaded with them, but even those people I find leave you alone while at the gym.

Anyways, I went out with a cute girl yesterday. She was a petite brunette with big brown eyes. Into yoga and a really big fan of classic movies. We walked around Huntington village, went to dinner at a pan-Asian themed tapas place, and went to the cool indie bookstore they have there. We kissed and I told her I'd like to see her again and she seemed to agree.

I have a date with a photographer on Wednesday, she's a bit young (25) but really cute. Curly blonde hair, blue eyes, thin.

Also I start the new job tomorrow, which should be interesting wrt meeting women. It's a massive office with close to 5000 people working there, including many Japanese nationals. There's bound to be some cuties 

[Bebpo]

Anyone have experience or know anyone whose ever had experience with a professional matchmaker?  My therapist recommended it to me as a decently shy business professional without a ton of time to date and I looked around and found a highly-reviewed & rated person and gave them a call.  From what I understand a modern day matchmaker basically do what you'd do if you didn't have a full time job, they get to know you first and then look around online dating sites, say hi to people in public and just talk to lots of people of the sex you are looking for and they try to find people they think would be a good a match for you and then if you and that person agrees they set up a first date.  It's basically a time-is-money kinda thing where you pay a middleperson to filter through hundreds of people in the area to find some good dates and save you time.  Costs about $3-4,000 for working together with you for about 6 months to a year or until you find someone you get in a relationship with, which is expensive for sure, but when I date, I feel like the more avenues for meeting people, the better.  They also apparently act as a dating coach and give you feedback like a wingman/wingwoman, for example they said usually if a date doesn't go well they're able to talk to the other person after and find out why they didn't want a second date and then if it's not something dumb, but an actual thing you could improve on (like be less negative) they'll work with you on that for your next date.

If I had friends who knew single people they could introduce me to that'd probably be similar and free.  But my friends and friend couples only know other married friend couples for the most part.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Edit: nm

[brawndolicious]

I've heard of people in medicine using matchmakers. If it works cool but obviously the hard part is finding someone who can live with your time constraints.

[chronovore]

Bebpo, it depends on their references, success rate, and how much that kind of money means to you. If that's beer money, why not try it? If you earmark sums like that, maybe give dating a more thorough try. I think your biggest problem will be fitting someone in with your work/life balance, so maybe address that FIRST and then see how much time you can make for others.

[Bebpo]

I wish that was beer money that'd probably be more than I've spent on anything that's not travel or medical in the last 5 years (then again I'm not a big spender).  But I can afford it and I'd be comfortable paying something like that for a class to learn dancing or an new language lvl.1 or something over 6+ months.

I have time to date (not tons of time, but enough time).  It's more that I'm having close to 0% luck for the last 3 months since I gave dating another shot.  I've been on maybe 2 dates over 3 months I think?  On Match.com I didn't get a single conversation over 2 months of subbing.  On Coffee Meets Bagel & OKC maybe like 5% conversation rate, 3% first date rate for messages sent?  I've probably invested about 50+ hours at least over the last few months messaging people.  I find that unless I devote like my entire evenings every day to messaging people (1-3 hours a night), and/or a bunch of hours on weekends, that I get zero results.  When I spend that kind of time nightly, eventually it's a numbers thing and I end up on a few dates.  But spending like 1-3 hours a night for 2-3 weeks to end up on 1 or 2 dates that don't go work out, is just a lot of time spent.  The more I time I spend on dating that goes nowhere, the less I want to date because it feels like I'm wasting my time.  So a person who can sort through that and lets me skip a lot of that process sounds potentially helpful. 

Strangely enough the experience I'm having is a lot different than a year-ish ago.  I think once you're "35" instead of "34", you enter a whole new age range and expectations change for what people are looking for. 

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

IMO at your level (established, affluent professional) it's about friends of friends, friends of colleagues, social functions (not a bar), etc.

That was my original message before editing it out.

[Phoenix Dark]

So another quick update on myself.

The gym is going ok. I try to go at night because well one I don't like to be around tons of people and two,I'm still trying to find my jive and get over gym imitation. People are cool and well I don't know as I've grown up(this may be raciest, sorry) I find myself far more comfortable around other minorities. I just find blacks, asians, and Latinos to be far more chill and thats what makes up most of the gym I go to. No, overly bro type white dudes. I'm still a scrawny dude, but some muscle definition is taking hold, or rather I think it is when I flex really hard. It feels good. It feels nice to just work out for 2 or 3 hours listening to some music(The Persona 5 battle theme and Nier Ost get me pumped) or a podcast alone. It's relaxing and I guess I've opened myself up to something new. You guys were right. Who knows if I've found a new hobby, but so far I don't dislike it.

As for the girl thing. Well the girl from before...Well again I don't think anything will happen. We're just friends, but maybe if I keep playing it chill and cool something will develop. Yes, I know the key is to not plan on it.

Well anyway, I was at work and she sends me a snapchat of what she's drinking right now. I reply and we get into a conversation about mothers and families. She tells me she's at the bar with her mom and family. She asks what am I doing, which I say I'm at work and then later I remind her I'm getting off work. Which she then tells me I should come out. She'll teach me to dance and it will be fun. Well I'm like, you can't turn that down and I need to develop my social links. So of course I go. I meet some members of her family and I talk to her. At first she sits across from me but then moves to the seat right next to me as we continued talking. It was a solid night and honestly probably one of the few nights I've been the most in the zone chill and socially wise.

So I don't know. I'm just going to continue playing it cool, but I think this is all very positive.

Great to hear. What type of exercises do you do at the gym?

[I'm a Puppy!]

lmao.

I think he was hoping you'd do him instead of her doing him. I think it's going to be supppppper awkward because of that tomorrow.

Um...yeah. That was my thought, the guy probably wanted  you to fuck him more than to fuck her.  And yeah....itsa gonna be awkward because that's still unresolved. Did they not mention anything about the pegging/dude being bi first?

On a related note, so this happened, "Hey Puppy, you're a fun guy always looking for a fun story right? Why don't you come to this small sex party on Friday?"

So I should follow up on this.

Of course I was like "how could you suggest such a thing?!"

spoiler (click to show/hide)

So of course we did it.

There's been some drama no less. Not between me and the Mrs. but the people who invited us. Can't type it up now but will give some basic deets later. It's rather bemusing.

[close]

[Mupepe]

But I wanna know now

[I'm a Puppy!]

OK, So here's the skinny

spoiler (click to show/hide)

- So this couple invited us. At first we were like "Wha?" then as we discussed it, it was a bit like "Eh, when are we going to get a chance like this again? Might as well do it and see if it's any fun."

- So we show up and meet everyone. Everyone was really exceedingly nice. Everyone had a drink or two, but no one was drunk or doing drugs. Really it was no different than any other meeting of people you might think.

- When the time for the sexysexy came we came went into a room it was rather spacious. Now thinking about it I had sorta expected it to be couples pairing off but that wasn't really how it happened. It was more like a WWE no holds bar cage match with bodies and people everywhere. Some of the women were bi so that made it even more of a tangle of people. Thankfully (or maybe regrettably) none of the guys were bi so at least there wasn't that to keep track of as well. I think that went on for almost two hours before apparently there were cops in the area and everyone skeedaddled (everyone thought there was a noise complaint, but it turns out they weren't there for us)

- Afterwards the Mrs and I talked about it. We agreed it was fun but just overall exhausting. No jealousy or anything feeling drama. We viewed it as something we did together, not in any other way. But it was too many body parts to keep track of, and also when people switched around or shifted it took a few seconds for everyone to find a new place. Wife and I mainly interacted with each other. but it was just a lot and not really our gig. We don't regret doing it at all, it was fun, just too exhausting (and maintaining an E for that long? That's rough.) Since we had that threesome a while ago, we agreed that was much better, not having to keep track of everything and just being able to focus was better than a WWE match.

- All that happened when a few days ago I get a message from the friends that setup the whole thing saying, "Hey thanks for the fun. We had a great time, wanted to let you know there's nothing wrong, but we're just really busy and want to focus on ourselves for a while." Wife and I were like "uh..ok." And didn't think anything of it. Then the friends went out and unfriended everyone on facebook, even our friends that weren't at the party and didn't even know such a thing existed. Coming to think about it the husband was saying that his wife wanted to go on a cruise but that he was worried that she would throw him overboard. So in hindsight, that probably should have clued us into the fact there was something not quite right there. But we all thought they were just joking.

[close]

So there you go.

[brawndolicious]

Woow. Delivered.

The hero we wanted.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

suggesting orgies when you are fighting.

[close]

[Valkyrie]

Drugs are bad for you.

[Phoenix Dark]

Were there any black men there?

[I'm a Puppy!]

No.

Oh wait, there was one guy who was like 1/4th black though....

[Phoenix Dark]

How were condoms and cum handled? No condoms, guys busting on chicks, etc? A friend of mine fucked his boss' wife (cuck shit) and she let him finish on her face.

[Madrun Badrun]

1/4 black horizontally or vertically or spotted? 

[chronovore]

1/4 black horizontally or vertically or spotted?

That's called vitiligo and you shouldn't make fun of it.

[thisismyusername]

OK, So here's the skinny

spoiler (click to show/hide)

- All that happened when a few days ago I get a message from the friends that setup the whole thing saying, "Hey thanks for the fun. We had a great time, wanted to let you know there's nothing wrong, but we're just really busy and want to focus on ourselves for a while." Wife and I were like "uh..ok." And didn't think anything of it. Then the friends went out and unfriended everyone on facebook, even our friends that weren't at the party and didn't even know such a thing existed. Coming to think about it the husband was saying that his wife wanted to go on a cruise but that he was worried that she would throw him overboard. So in hindsight, that probably should have clued us into the fact there was something not quite right there. But we all thought they were just joking.

[close]

So there you go.

Please update us if one of them doesn't return from the cruise. TYIA.</Kara>

[Kara]

Strangely enough the experience I'm having is a lot different than a year-ish ago.  I think once you're "35" instead of "34", you enter a whole new age range and expectations change for what people are looking for.

I said it awhile back, but if you find yourself single for a substantial period of time while you're in your 30s something went wrong along the way* and the only people left in the dating pool also had a similar life trajectory. This is both agony and ecstasy, but it takes awhile before you can just laugh about the agonies.

As for a matchmaker, unless it was within a religious community (and even then, not all of those are created equal), I wouldn't take a win, place, or show bet, especially in O.C. There's a cottage industry of hucksters here.

*Which doesn't mean you did something wrong per se, you could have trusted other people or suffered a personal tragedy.

[Freyj]

I have an atheist former coworker / current friend that married a super Christian girl and seems to be pretty happy, but he does mention her trying to get him to go to Church and Bible Study and shit a lot so 

My wife and I have very different interests, preferences, etc but I think religion is mostly a bridge too far for anything semi serious.

[I'm a Puppy!]

How were condoms and cum handled? No condoms, guys busting on chicks, etc? A friend of mine fucked his boss' wife (cuck shit) and she let him finish on her face.

Yeah, no cuck stuff (thank god).

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Condoms were like everywhere. Every time someone swapped they removed the old and put on a new one. Given the WWE cage match kind of thing meant a lot of condoms were going through. Most just came in their condoms. No facials or anything like that. I never came (having to cut things a little short due to the unexpected police and all that).  Don't wanna say it was vanilla or boring or anything because it wasn't, it's just not as perverse free for all like in porn. Just normal, sober, people having a cage match.

[close]

[Bebpo]

Strangely enough the experience I'm having is a lot different than a year-ish ago.  I think once you're "35" instead of "34", you enter a whole new age range and expectations change for what people are looking for.

I said it awhile back, but if you find yourself single for a substantial period of time while you're in your 30s something went wrong along the way* and the only people left in the dating pool also had a similar life trajectory. This is both agony and ecstasy, but it takes awhile before you can just laugh about the agonies.

As for a matchmaker, unless it was within a religious community (and even then, not all of those are created equal), I wouldn't take a win, place, or show bet, especially in O.C. There's a cottage industry of hucksters here.

*Which doesn't mean you did something wrong per se, you could have trusted other people or suffered a personal tragedy.

Yeah, I agree with this.  Wasn't even like I did anything wrong, but I took a 9 month break off from dating and hell, getting back in after even that short of time is rough.  This definitely woke me up that if I get in and out of another relationship in the future, I'm going straight back into dating.  No more breaks because you just get totally out of the rhythm and getting back in at this age is a challenge.

[thisismyusername]

Strangely enough the experience I'm having is a lot different than a year-ish ago.  I think once you're "35" instead of "34", you enter a whole new age range and expectations change for what people are looking for.

I said it awhile back, but if you find yourself single for a substantial period of time while you're in your 30s something went wrong along the way* and the only people left in the dating pool also had a similar life trajectory. This is both agony and ecstasy, but it takes awhile before you can just laugh about the agonies.

As for a matchmaker, unless it was within a religious community (and even then, not all of those are created equal), I wouldn't take a win, place, or show bet, especially in O.C. There's a cottage industry of hucksters here.

*Which doesn't mean you did something wrong per se, you could have trusted other people or suffered a personal tragedy.

Yeah, I agree with this.  Wasn't even like I did anything wrong, but I took a 9 month break off from dating and hell, getting back in after even that short of time is rough.  This definitely woke me up that if I get in and out of another relationship in the future, I'm going straight back into dating.  No more breaks because you just get totally out of the rhythm and getting back in at this age is a challenge.

Disclosure: Totally gay, so take with a grain of salt...

I don't think you've done anything wrong. I get how you feel, especially as I'm about to hit my 30's with no long-term relationships and very little actual dating experience under my belt (total honesty there. I've been on dates, just not A LOT) but you're right in that once you hit your mid-to-late 30's, women are looking to either have kids (if they haven't already) or someone with stability (if they have kids, or just in general) in the hopes of their biological clock being taken care of.

Not sure how to word that without it sounding shitty... but you're right. There's a different level of expectations at certain ages, so taking a break isn't necessarily "wrong" it's just coming back after a bit to these new shifts that take you a while to catch up.

[chronovore]

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Just normal, sober, people having a cage match.

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Newsfeed, pls.