Pallando will return in "Never Say Never Again"

[Phoenix Dark]

I got a third date with Fit Girl. But I think that if I greet her with a handshake or something, she's going to kick me in the balls.

Just lightly squeeze her elbow

[FatalT]

I got a third date with Fit Girl. But I think that if I greet her with a handshake or something, she's going to kick me in the balls.

Just BITE THE PILLOW

Fixed.

[Flannel Boy]

The 21-year-old blonde canceled at the last second, and I was the one who apologized. I think I should write a guide on dating. If you read it, just make sure to do the exact opposite of what I recommend.

[Phoenix Dark]

You should have shook her hand bro.

[Flannel Boy]

I would have--but she canceled the date!

[FatalT]

Welp, I cut the 28 year old creeper out of my life today. Feels good and bad at the same time but it needed to be done. She was the definition of "crazy."

[tiesto]

]ust wondering because some people call a slightly "thick" woman a bbw, and IMO that's not accurate.

imo this would be a BBW (whether you think she's attractive/beautiful is up to you lol)
http://oi47.tinypic.com/25hip07.jpg

whereas I'd call this thick

spoiler (click to show/hide)

http://25.media.tumblr.com/500bd83d4d4a1e89f29a8faa862bd44f/tumblr_mnqpfwqmdo1spuxbbo1_500.jpg 

[close]

A bit closer to the first one...

[Flannel Boy]

I always thought that, in any sort of utilitarian calculus, the benefits of dating unattractive girls weren't worth the costs--turns out that the benefits of dating attractive girls aren't worth the costs either. Fit Girl is passive-aggressive and

[Mupepe]

And what??? I'm dying to know!

[Flannel Boy]

Can passive-aggresive be turned into a verb?

[Flannel Boy]

And what??? I'm dying to know!

Oh--the blonde might be a sociopath.

[Rufus]

[Flannel Boy]

Fuck this shit. I'm moving to a shack in the woods.

edit: also, fuck the internet

[brawndolicious]

Maybe she's angry because you let her pay? I once had a girl get mad at me afterwards because of that.

Actually, I went back and looked at it and you let her pay for two separate events. Where's your pride man?

[Cerveza mas fina]

Chicks that don't go double dutch out of their own >>>>>>>>>>>> 

[Flannel Boy]

Maybe she's angry because you let her pay? I once had a girl get mad at me afterwards because of that.

Actually, I went back and looked at it and you let her pay for two separate events. Where's your pride man?

First off, I overreacted again.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

It's almost as if I had various anxiety disorders caused by cognitive distortions.

[close]

She's coming over tonight. 

Second, she was ardent, and went so far as to remove my debit card from the Interac.

[Phoenix Dark]

So...when she comes over what are you going to do. Any cooking experience? I'd suggest making something, and planning on it being halfway prepared when she arrives; that way she can help you make it.

[MyNameIsMethodis]

so last week i went bowling with that chick, we had a great time it wans't a date just two friend shanging out but i'm like 100% positive the girl likes me likes me, but i have a gf, who i am debating on breaking up with because she's zzzzzzzz and bee nbugging me. ive never broken up with anyone before my last gf moved away and the ones before that broke up with me what do i do plz help ur friend

[Mupepe]

man up and tell her you just don't think it's going to work for you.  If she wants reasons, give her reasons.  It's never easy.  Always awkward and always annoying.  So get used to it buddy.

[Human Snorenado]

man up and tell her you just don't think it's going to work for you.  If she wants reasons, give her reasons.  It's never easy.  Always awkward and always annoying.  So get used to it buddy.

Pretty much this.  Part of becoming an adult is acting like an adult.  It's always gonna suck for someone when a relationship ends.

Malek- any updates?

[Flannel Boy]

Malek- any updates?

I ate her to orgasm several times yesterday. She dumped me today.

edit: She dumped me after I had my blood pressure tested. I hate to see what it is nw.

[Flannel Boy]

The title of my dating book is now Eat Chutes, Leaves.

[Human Snorenado]

 

Fuckin A man.  I'm sorry.

[Flannel Boy]

Thanks. Apparently I don't have the right personality for a long-term relationship. She's right, but it still hurts.

I like her so much--and I thought she liked me. It's really killing me (that or my hypertension).

[Mupepe]

She's missing out, dude.  She has no idea that you're funny as hell on the internet and now she'll never know.

[Flannel Boy]

She's missing out, dude.  She has no idea that you're funny as hell on the internet and now she'll never know.

I have no idea whether this is sarcasm. I also have no idea whether the following is sarcasm:

Wow, how was the book The Great Gatsby? I always wanted to watch the movie, but I didn't know there was a book.

Internet dating. Now I know why people get married. 

[Mupepe]

 

Mine wasn't sarcasm btw.

[Phoenix Dark]

sounds like you should work on your own health before dating, Malek. No offense but I don't think you're ready to date.

[Brehvolution]

Malek- any updates?

I ate her to orgasm several times yesterday.

[Flannel Boy]

Mine wasn't sarcasm btw.

Oh, thanks. My internet humor may have translated as I made her laugh hysterically all the time.

sounds like you should work on your own health before dating, Malek. No offense but I don't think you're ready to date.

I am a mess, but enough about the cunnilingus.

Seriously, I'm very concerned about my health right now. I don't know how I'm going to drop three different anti-depressants. I also don't know what to do with the kilos of bacon in my fridge! I have a doctor's appointment in a few hours. I'm anxious to hear what she says--she'll probably recommend storing it in the freezer.
 

[Cerveza mas fina]

You still got some hair between your teeth?

[Phoenix Dark]

Mine wasn't sarcasm btw.

Oh, thanks. My internet humor may have translated as I made her laugh hysterically all the time.

sounds like you should work on your own health before dating, Malek. No offense but I don't think you're ready to date.

I am a mess, but enough about the cunnilingus.

Seriously, I'm very concerned about my health right now. I don't know how I'm going to drop three different anti-depressants. I also don't know what to do with the kilos of bacon in my fridge! I have a doctor's appointment in a few hours. I'm anxious to hear what she says--she'll probably recommend storing it in the freezer.

[Flannel Boy]

You still got some hair between your teeth?

Completely waxed.

[Mupepe]

I can help.  Store 2/3 of that bacon in the freezer.  I go through about 2 lbs per week so you can too.  It's delicious!  when you see the doctor, arm wrestle her.  Let her know you're in charge.  Then ask about the pork and see what she says.

[Flannel Boy]

I put it in the freezer. I wanted to make eggs and bacon for breakfast, but had oatmeal and Greek yogurt instead. :/

With my hypertension, she might win.

[Phoenix Dark]

better bust out the Cheerios and oatmeal bro

But enough of food talk, tell us about this doctor.

[Mupepe]

How old is this doctor?  The older the better

[Flannel Boy]

How old is this doctor?  The older the better

My regular doctor is in her 30s and cute as fuck, but she's on maternity leave. The doctor I'm seeing today is probably in her early 40s.

[Phoenix Dark]

Do you struggle suppressing the boner when she peeks at your dick? That used to be my favorite part of seeing the doctor (milf Indian), just working on my self control; good practice for lasting longer BTW. But now my doctor is a middle aged Indian man so there's no challenge. 

[nudemacusers]

Do you struggle suppressing the boner when she peeks at your dick? That used to be my favorite part of seeing the doctor (milf Indian), just working on my self control; good practice for lasting longer BTW. But now my doctor is a middle aged Indian man so there's no challenge. 

You just come right away now?

[Flannel Boy]

Do you struggle suppressing the boner when she peeks at your dick? That used to be my favorite part of seeing the doctor (milf Indian), just working on my self control; good practice for lasting longer BTW. But now my doctor is a middle aged Indian man so there's no challenge. 

Not at my age and not with my blood pressure.

[Cerveza mas fina]

You still got some hair between your teeth?

Completely waxed.

Now were getting somewhere in this thread

[Flannel Boy]

She wants to kill me. 

I just don't feel the right kind of "spark" from you

Does that mean she felt a spark--but it was the wrong kind? OMG you're a genius, OMG you're so hot, OMG you're such a good kisser, OMG I don't feel the right spark.

[Human Snorenado]

I think what she means is that she didn't see the potential for a serious, long term relationship with you.  I've gotten basically the same sort of answers from women before, and years later when we talked or whatever after running into each other (irl and on social media crap) that's what was behind it, basically.

Which would be nicer if they could just fucking say that.

[Human Snorenado]

Also, I have found no real solution to this.  I'm not the marrying type I don't think- I have social anxiety disorder, I'm fucking weird, and I'm in a perpetual state of arrested development.

Well, apparently my solution is "date crazy 21 year olds" but I don't know if I can seriously recommend that as the way to go.

[Phoenix Dark]

chill Triumph from what I can tell you're pretty awesome and a good dude, you'll hit the jackpot eventually.

Malek my African American brother, I think you'll be fine too. You've put yourself out there a lot recently, and had some successes.  That's a step in the right direction, and you're making progress addressing the issues n stuff. When I come to Canada I'll be your wingman.

[Flannel Boy]

I was hoping my law degree would provide documentation that I was the marrying type. I guess I have to get a job, too.

Malek my African American brother

My flaccid penis pics are very deceptive.

I think you'll be fine too. You've put yourself out there a lot recently, and had some successes.  That's a step in the right direction, and you're making progress addressing the issues n stuff. When I come to Canada I'll be your wingman.

I'm not headed in the right direction; the right direction points to Fit Girl's open arms. 

[tiesto]

You still got some hair between your teeth?

Completely waxed.

Now were getting somewhere in this thread

Boo you.

[Flannel Boy]

I'm thinking about some self-immolation in front of Fit Girl's apartment building. Yay or nay?

 I'm trying to figure out how to electrocute myself to the point I have sparks flying out of every orifice.

[Barry Egan]

is a month of cranial sparks while tapering not enough 

[Flannel Boy]

But she won't see them! She needs to see the spark. She needs to feel that spark!

[Flannel Boy]

I'll never be able to eat butterscotch ice cream again.  :'(

[Barry Egan]

youre going to let some girl you dated 3 times ruin butterscotch ice cream? thats a key flavor to lose just like that.

[Flannel Boy]

But you don't know what flavor it was mixed with.

[Barry Egan]

please dont be chocolate.

[FatalT]

I'm disappointed that there's no parody of T-Pain's "I'm in Love with a Stripper" called "I'm in Love with a Minor." I'm going to start writing the lyrics now.

[brawndolicious]

Well malek at least you succeeded more than you did before. Just try to be graceful about it and focus on the legitimate problems you might have had.

[Human Snorenado]

I'm disappointed that there's no parody of T-Pain's "I'm in Love with a Stripper" called "I'm in Love with a Minor." I'm going to start writing the lyrics now.

Dude.  What's your age difference?  This thing I'm going through with the 21 year old is really flipping me out.

[Flannel Boy]

I wrote her a love* letter. I've gone full distinguished mentally-challenged fellow.

*Word never used in the actual letter.

[Flannel Boy]

Well malek at least you succeeded more than you did before. Just try to be graceful about it and focus on the legitimate problems you might have had.

This isn't about getting back on the saddle--I really care for her (not that this is going to make me sound any less crazy, but we talked online for a month before our first date).