Different presidents did things differently on the day of the midterm elections. George H.W. Bush preferred to spend the day alone, brooding and watching the television nervously, hoping that the electorate would keep his party in power. Bill Clinton liked having important people in his party over for a nice dinner, where they would discuss the possible outcomes of the election, and watch the television after dessert. George W. Bush liked to have his advisors and Alfred over for burgers, and no one payed much attention to the news, since they were having more fun just spending time. Barack Obama, on the other hand, invited just three people to the basement of the White House to watch the elections on a big-screen television while sitting on a very comfortable sofa- Alfred, Nancy Pelosi, and Joe Biden. The White House kitchen staff had provided all kinds of delicious snacks and drinks, and by the time the election results were announced, everyone was pleasantly stuffed and had a minor alcohol buzz. Things were going well, until the television news anchor dropped the bomb: the Republicans had taken control of the House of Representatives. Nancy Pelosi immediately started sniffling, and pulled Alfred onto her lap, hugging him tightly.
"I'm going to miss you, Alfred," she sniffled, slightly slurring her words. "Promise me you won't forget me, alright?"
"Are you stupid?" Biden snorted in response. "It's not like you're never going to see him again, woman! You kept your seat, you were voted back in! You're still a member of Congress! Stop actling like you got laid off! You weren't!"
"But I'm not going to be the Speaker of the House anymore," Pelosi sighed. "I might as well have just lost my job." To punctuate her sentence, she squeezed Alfred even tighter around the middle, who was beginning to show signs of distress.
"Um, can you please-" he began before a particularly strong hug to his middle cut off his air. "GAAK!"
"Stop squeezing him, you're going to crush him!" Biden said in alarm, making an attempt to free Alfred from Pelosi's clutches. Unfortunately, this only exerted more pressure on poor Alfred, who made a sound like a stepped-on squeaky toy. It was time for the president to step in.
"Both of you, let him go! You're going to kill him! Can't you just hear Glenn Beck's announcement? 'DEMOCRATS LITERALLY SQUISH AMERICA!' Do you want to have to explain to the people what happened to their country? I'll tell you one thing, they won't take it very well." Both of the other politicians dropped Alfred back onto the sofa, who wheezed, trying to regain his breath.
"If you want to hug me, tell me first, OK?" he finally said, once he had his wind back. Pelosi had the good grace to look ashamed.
"Sorry Alfred. Heat of the moment. I guess I was kind of shocked."
"No, it's cool," Alfred said, understanding her motivations. "But I'd prefer not to get squashed next time. And I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your position. You always did your job well, and I can only hope that whoever is the next Speaker has the same dedication to the job that you had." Pelosi smiled.
"I've given my entire adult life to try to make things better for our people, Alfred," she said. "I'm just sorry that I will no longer be able to serve the country in the same capacity that I have been. And I'm just afraid now that we'll never get anything done, with the Republicans controlling the House. They hate us, you know. They'll try to stop every single thing that we do, just because it was something that we did."
"Yeah, even those bills about naming post offices are going to fall into the policy gridlock," Biden said darkly. Obama sighed.
"This is really going to complicate our health-care reform efforts," he added. "Especially since the Republicans have sworn to overturn it, along with everything else I do. Hell, I could declare every day to be Christmas and they'd oppose it!"
Everyone fell into a companionable silence, watching the rest of the news. The next bit of news was greeted with joyful reactions from the Democrats. They'd managed to keep control of the Senate. "Maybe things will be OK after all!" Pelosi cried, high-fiving Biden. Alfred just smiled and shook his head. Despite their public personas, politicians really were just normal people who reacted to good and bad news just like everyone else. Sometimes it was easy to forget that, but the truth was, they had likes and dislikes and hopes just like everyone else. It didn't matter what party said politician was from, it didn't matter what their beliefs were, the important thing to remember was that they were Americans too.
A little while later, Alfred's cell phone buzzed with a text message from Mike Castle. Curiously, he flipped it open, only to read "WHAT DID I TELL YOU?" in big letters. Alfred had a good idea as to what that was about, and he turned to the television to confirm it. Yep. Christine O'Donnell had not been elected. He remembered Castle's dark words- "She might as well have wrapped the election up in a pretty bow and handed it to the Democrats!" While there had been some turnover, quite a few incumbents had retained their Senate seats, and Alfred immediately started taking notes of the election winners. Every year there was an election he sent congratulation cards to everyone.
"Hey," he finally said, breaking the silence again. "Who do you think will be the new Speaker?" Pelosi's face darkened again.
"Probably John Boehner," she said. "Why do you ask?"
"Don't you remember?" Alfred asked. "When you were chosen, I had a meeting with you to figure out how you were going to run things. I need to do that again, and besides, I like to get to know the people who have the potential to be my boss eventually." Pelosi looked alarmed.
"Haven't you met him before?" she asked. "I thought you knew everyone in the government!"
"Yes, I've met him before, but I need to know about his agenda, it makes things easier for me," Alfred explained. "That way nothing comes as a surprise and I can help formulate a plan of action, provided of course that the politician's plan doesn't go against the interests of the people."
"But doesn't everything someone does go against the wishes of some of the people?" Biden asked curiously. Alfred shrugged.
"Yeah, pretty much, but I'm talking about the seriously big stuff. Like, what if we got some super-villain politician who wants to nuke Las Vegas? That would definitely not be in anyone's best interests!" Everyone had a laugh at that.
"Super-villain politicians! That's ridiculous, Alfred!" Pelosi laughed.
"Yeah, what does this look like, a comic book?" Biden added, snorting with laughter. Alfred just smiled and shook his head. They were too young to know what had happened during some of the more sordid periods in his history. Oh, sure, there were no super-villain politicians in the line of the Joker, or Lex Luthor, but there had been politicians with less-than-honest intentions in his history, and who had caused many more problems for the American people than the terrorists in Glenn Beck's nightmares could even dream of.
And people had fallen for them.