Well for me one of my things is that I guess I don't like the word. I didn't want to use the word depressed and say I have depression. Because honestly a lot of the time I do feel maybe not happy but not sad. Yet I guess many times I try to keep that I hate myself. I felt that my problems were not worthy of "depression", but just little insignificant problems, but I guess they aren't so insignificant if they are really dragging me down.You're doing the right thing by seeking professional help. Taking things one step at a time, not getting ahead of yourself is also a good decision.
I seriously wanted to kill myself and set out to do it. Now obviously I failed and thats good. I felt a lot of love from my family, my friends, this place. It was amazing, but it's not like the depression ended because I didn't die.
Rather now I feel guilty that I made my family and friends go through that. I question if I did it just for attention. My lonely and insecure thoughts haven't disapeard. I mean today I went to the movie and saw all these couples. I was trying to convince myself that the girl I have really strong feelings for isn't going to happen. She sends me pictures of us together. Its like life is trying to fight me.
But I guess I realized it is all cognitive. It really is all in my head. I realized a lot of these insecurities that I thought I could list where maybe not things that held water and I couldn't really think why I thought them in the first place.
Now I still think them and will continue to think them, but I guess it helped to realize that these negative thoughts aren't true.
But yeah, tomorrow I go to a therapist and I guess I'll just continue to see where I'm going.
Well for me one of my things is that I guess I don't like the word. I didn't want to use the word depressed and say I have depression. Because honestly a lot of the time I do feel maybe not happy but not sad. Yet I guess many times I try to keep that I hate myself. I felt that my problems were not worthy of "depression", but just little insignificant problems, but I guess they aren't so insignificant if they are really dragging me down.It can be easy to forget what "normal" feels like if you've been depressed for many years. I don't know if that is your situation but it was definitely mine. Depression for me wasn't necessarily sadness but more of an almost constant state of emotional numbness interrupted by brief moments of self pity and hatred. My emotional gradient was extremely limited.
But yeah, tomorrow I go to a therapist and I guess I'll just continue to see where I'm going.How did it go, man?
I've basically cut ties with everybody in my life and lived like a hermit with most of my social interactions being online. I'm not necessarily happy, but can't say I'm sad either.
Once you've been in the void long enough, you get used to it :yeshrug
This just hit one of my favorite channels this morning, might be useful to some people here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LO1mTELoj6o
Hello Depression, my old friend!
Going to be seeing new therapist once my car is back in shape to do so.
Jiu jitsu and body building help with my depression but I haven't trained in two months because my depression was so severe I didn't want to leave home. Now I'm back in a place where I'm mentally capable of returning to training. I can't wait as nothing alleviates my depression more than getting active and living life.
Hopefully therapy helps me finally beat my demons but I have doubts it will. I've held on to them for far too long. Quite frankly I'm not sure there is a cure for emotional or even physical abuse.
In November 2016, phase 3 clinical trials for PTSD were approved by the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to assess effectiveness and safety.[23] MDMA was granted breakthrough therapy designation by the FDA for PTSD in August 2017.[24]
I can feel my seasonal affective disorder creeping in these last feels days, I fully believe mushrooms do help and luckily I got like half an oz in my cabinent
I don't know where to get shrooms oh well
Don't eat the wrong mushrooms or they can destroy your liver too :)
Yes, I know I should go to a Dr, but one of my problems is I just hate actually talking about this a loud. It feels so stupid when I talk and so pointless. I know thats actually what therapy is, plenty of people go there and talk about things that are of little importance, but when I talk about my problems I just can't see through that barrier of "man this is irrelevant". I feel like I can't actually capture what my problems are when I talk to a thearpist and since it's not immediate and quickly understood solutions, I guess I lose interests. Maybe because I can easily go "well this is'nt going anywhere BAIL OUT".A good talk therapist doesn't mind the talking about irrelevant things because they understand it as part of an extended process. There's a lot of people like you describe, but because their position is one of experience certain therapists will shuffle off the people who just need some kind of weekly or monthly reinforcement and they're fine to someone else or use those people as kind of a mental palette cleanser.
No one here wants you gone. Everyone here wants you to get well. We want you to find a way to love yourself, and then you can be loved by others. We're assholes, mostly. I like you and I want you to love yourself.Thanks.
No one here wants you gone. Everyone here wants you to get well. We want you to find a way to love yourself, and then you can be loved by others. We're assholes, mostly. I like you and I want you to love yourself.Thanks.
I don't mean to disregard anyone else(everyone here is cool), but Chronovore you have been especially kind.
I can't do this anymoreYou have to, Doomsday Clock isn't out yet.
I can't do this anymoreDon't go, we need you and you need us. Come back. :heartbeat
I can't do this anymore
Why did I post that? 🤔
Sorry for the scare everyone.
I chose to believe everything is alright, because that's convenient, but I'm gonna be real disappointed if you end up offing yourself. :ufup
Why did I post that? 🤔
Sorry for the scare everyone.
Don't eat the wrong mushrooms or they can destroy your liver too :)
Expound please?
Why did I post that? 🤔
Sorry for the scare everyone.
If anyone is on their own, and want to talk/vent can always PM me.
Been diagnosed with mdd and gad, im not forthcoming about sharing my experiences as to why, but Im always willing to lend an ear. I'm not entirely sure if anyone here has yet managed to connect to the dots and figure out who I am on GAF, but regardless im not a bad person. :)
Just for the record: I'm on antidepressants (hence asking in the sex thread), and today I've been crying all fucking day. Nose is sore from wiping it because I keep breaking out crying.Do you mind elaborating on which one you're on? Also, were you prone to experiencing these prior to taking them? My experience with them is that these typically help regulate the low (and high) peaks of emotions, but if you're still experiencing this 4 weeks in there may be a need to up the dosage or switch to a different drug.
When does this get better? I'm already on week 4 nearly. I really shouldn't be having these emotional outbursts of the dam breaking at 100mg, right?
If anyone is on their own, and want to talk/vent can always PM me.
Been diagnosed with mdd and gad, im not forthcoming about sharing my experiences as to why, but Im always willing to lend an ear. I'm not entirely sure if anyone here has yet managed to connect to the dots and figure out who I am on GAF, but regardless im not a bad person. :)
If you want a fresh start, TheBore is your place. It's likely preferred that you come in with fresh eyes and a clean bill, rather than drag in baggage from NeoGAF times. You are reborn.
:rejoice
On the other hand, shitting up TheBore and then repeatedly trying to sneak back under new aliases is frowned upon.
Just for the record: I'm on antidepressants (hence asking in the sex thread), and today I've been crying all fucking day. Nose is sore from wiping it because I keep breaking out crying.
When does this get better? I'm already on week 4 nearly. I really shouldn't be having these emotional outbursts of the dam breaking at 100mg, right?
Just for the record: I'm on antidepressants (hence asking in the sex thread), and today I've been crying all fucking day. Nose is sore from wiping it because I keep breaking out crying.Do you mind elaborating on which one you're on? Also, were you prone to experiencing these prior to taking them? My experience with them is that these typically help regulate the low (and high) peaks of emotions, but if you're still experiencing this 4 weeks in there may be a need to up the dosage or switch to a different drug.
When does this get better? I'm already on week 4 nearly. I really shouldn't be having these emotional outbursts of the dam breaking at 100mg, right?
Just for the record: I'm on antidepressants (hence asking in the sex thread), and today I've been crying all fucking day. Nose is sore from wiping it because I keep breaking out crying.
When does this get better? I'm already on week 4 nearly. I really shouldn't be having these emotional outbursts of the dam breaking at 100mg, right?
Damn, you're taking GAF's shutdown too hard breh.
Kinda, sorta... mostly just apathetic. When I started on Zoloft, I had that and an upbeat of energy. Now it's just kinda fatigue-y and really no care.
Entering the 5th week you should be clear of some of the initial side effects, but like I said, I'd drop a call even if it isn't severe.
People can react differently to different SSRIs... I mean it could really be a number of things.
Fatigue is very common though, even for people who take SSRIs long-term.
--
Also, just to share, I've been diagnosed with mdd and anxiety for a while now, but I've been good at bettering my self and guiding myself out.
In my case it's not really case of bad habits, but mostly inherited & focusing on a lot of negative shit that normally would pass over people's radars.
I've been doing good, but my closer friends have been either moving further out or getting busier. Lots of shit is currently going on my personal life and having to shoulder it all on my own has been pretty terrible on me these past few months.
I can distract myself, go and workout, I'm currently pretty comfortable with myself etc. but I find myself entering anxiety loops and feeling severely depressed when I have some free time, and unfortunately I've been having a lot lately. :lol I try making myself busy by making espresso more, working out more, going out more, or chatting with y'all, but the second I'm free it's just instantly and totally south from there.
Not really sure what to do, but I'm going to try and stay off SSRIs, not that there's anything wrong with them... I personally know of quite a few friends/family who take them w/ little to no side effects.
I should probably jump back into dating :doge
Been thinking a lot about killing myself again. Just turned 25 and things largely seem pointless. Not quite sure what to do to get “right.”
I'll be seeing the Psych on Friday, so I'll just shoulder through it and if it gets worse I'll know. I'm about to take the next dose in an hour and then pass out. Hopefully a new day will ease the sting of everything going on in my life that just caused the outburst.
I'll be seeing the Psych on Friday, so I'll just shoulder through it and if it gets worse I'll know. I'm about to take the next dose in an hour and then pass out. Hopefully a new day will ease the sting of everything going on in my life that just caused the outburst.
Sorry to intrude, but there is something going on in your life that could have caused the outburst? or did i read that wrong?
I'll be seeing the Psych on Friday, so I'll just shoulder through it and if it gets worse I'll know. I'm about to take the next dose in an hour and then pass out. Hopefully a new day will ease the sting of everything going on in my life that just caused the outburst.
Sorry to intrude, but there is something going on in your life that could have caused the outburst? or did i read that wrong?
Many, many things going on in my life right now. Just feeling pretty worthless, way more so than usual.
That's the problem though: I'm nearly at the halfway mark of my life and haven't found it while others seem to have found it. To be fair, a major major event happened in my teens that basically upended my life and I'm still scrambling around on that trying to find footing.
There's other issues included in that but that's the gist.
I can relate to this 100%. I was circling the drain and doing the minimum while my friends continued to progress in life for many years. Didn't bother seeking help until the beginning of last year, and it's been a hell of a two year journey for me between therapy and psychiatry and learning to understand why and when my brain begins it's descent into sadness or anciety.That's the problem though: I'm nearly at the halfway mark of my life and haven't found it while others seem to have found it. To be fair, a major major event happened in my teens that basically upended my life and I'm still scrambling around on that trying to find footing.
There's other issues included in that but that's the gist.
I'm about to turn 27 and while I havent found it yet, every month over my ups and downs, im starting to see more hope every so often. I have moe epiphanies and greater appreciations for the things around me, it stimulates me socially and professionally and I actually start seeking to better myself compared to when I could stare at a ceiling for 12 hours. I know there is a lot of time passed that could have been spent living my life and pursuing "it". But the thing is, its all a journey, and just because others around us seem to be peaking at our age, doesnt mean we will. I used to think about how much time was lost to the bs in my head, and i still lose time dont get me wrong, but I also think that. Ive been alive for almost 27 years, and i think back to EVERYTHING ive done in my life, every experience and encounter, and I realise, as shit as it has been, it has been a fucking lot.
And while I cant be reborn with the same memories I have now as a 5 year old back in '95, I at least know that theres a very good chance my life expectancy will give me another 27 years minimum to explore what it means to be me. Remember expectations of others dont need to be the same expectations you should hold of yourself.
I'm also currently feeling much more positive about life.I'm pretty familiar with your post history via
Yeah, I know all that. It's more a mixture of everything and just not caring at this point that is basically nosediving my plane. I can pull it up now and then but it just keeps sinking.Like someone else said, might wanna talk to your doctor about your meds. It shouldn't be that bad after 4 weeks, although I believe some SSRI take more than 4 weeks for a full effect. Mine took 4ish weeks, and they were 4 weeks of hell. Then I just turned into an indifferent robot, with insomnia (from the meds). Doc gave me Remeron S which knocked me out completely. Just whatever you do, don't quit the med on your own without talking to your doctor.
I'm feeling slightly better today, but I keep having sleeping problems. I probably am gonna change meds and get one that lets me actually sleep.
Yeah, I know all that. It's more a mixture of everything and just not caring at this point that is basically nosediving my plane. I can pull it up now and then but it just keeps sinking.Like someone else said, might wanna talk to your doctor about your meds. It shouldn't be that bad after 4 weeks, although I believe some SSRI take more than 4 weeks for a full effect. Mine took 4ish weeks, and they were 4 weeks of hell. Then I just turned into an indifferent robot, with insomnia (from the meds). Doc gave me Remeron S which knocked me out completely. Just whatever you do, don't quit the med on your own without talking to your doctor.
I'm feeling slightly better today, but I keep having sleeping problems. I probably am gonna change meds and get one that lets me actually sleep.
I'll be seeing the Psych on Friday, so I'll just shoulder through it and if it gets worse I'll know. I'm about to take the next dose in an hour and then pass out. Hopefully a new day will ease the sting of everything going on in my life that just caused the outburst.just because you've got an appointment already i'd say this is worth trying unless it's really an emergency, especially since you're stepped up to the dosage now and will have a week at that
Doc gave me Remeron S which knocked me out completely.i hate this and love this, even half dosage, it's can be for so long i can get sore from being locked in a position while asleep, and feel like shit after waking up because it'll knock me out for so long i'm out of cycle on my other meds
While I hate to be cynical and also sound like a whako. My trip and well use of fun substances in Minneapolis was somewhat eye opening. I've never had an experience where I had so much fun and felt so comfortable with myself. It was really eye opening and because of it I've been trying to think far more positive about everything. I mean there's more I should probably do, but I do feel better right now.
I mean I don't want to advocate and say "go do Molly, but it did lead to a very positive experience for me". I mean it's not a quick fix or something, but it has lead to more positive thoughts.
I'll be seeing the Psych on Friday, so I'll just shoulder through it and if it gets worse I'll know. I'm about to take the next dose in an hour and then pass out. Hopefully a new day will ease the sting of everything going on in my life that just caused the outburst.just because you've got an appointment already i'd say this is worth trying unless it's really an emergency, especially since you're stepped up to the dosage now and will have a week at that
i say that because drugs have a different effect for everyone but even the standard effect of zoloft really shouldn't be sudden and mood swinging like this, especially stepped up over a four week period...i'm high tolerance for practically everything so it took a long time, but zoloft mainly was eventually stabilizing at a level before it eventually dropped off in effectiveness, it was never activating (none of which pairings with activators worked which is only reason i dropped it (i have no idea off hand what level i got up to in terms of dosage...400mg?))
i've taken so many LEGALLY PROSCRIBED PER GOVERNMENT RULES drugs and have such a high tolerance i can never remember what the uptake periods and times for dosages are supposed to be i have to look them up, but i think zoloft is after four weeks, so this week is like the one where you should start to notice it more
I'll be seeing the Psych on Friday, so I'll just shoulder through it and if it gets worse I'll know. I'm about to take the next dose in an hour and then pass out. Hopefully a new day will ease the sting of everything going on in my life that just caused the outburst.just because you've got an appointment already i'd say this is worth trying unless it's really an emergency, especially since you're stepped up to the dosage now and will have a week at that
i say that because drugs have a different effect for everyone but even the standard effect of zoloft really shouldn't be sudden and mood swinging like this, especially stepped up over a four week period...i'm high tolerance for practically everything so it took a long time, but zoloft mainly was eventually stabilizing at a level before it eventually dropped off in effectiveness, it was never activating (none of which pairings with activators worked which is only reason i dropped it (i have no idea off hand what level i got up to in terms of dosage...400mg?))
i've taken so many LEGALLY PROSCRIBED PER GOVERNMENT RULES drugs and have such a high tolerance i can never remember what the uptake periods and times for dosages are supposed to be i have to look them up, but i think zoloft is after four weeks, so this week is like the one where you should start to notice it more
The dosage is 2 weeks, actually. But outside of a few crying fits (that were over pretty quickly, like 2-5 mins) today, I actually got some sleep. Maybe it's starting to work. IDK. My depression is pretty damn deep, so I'm not sure these will work I'm one of the rare few that probably needs Ketmine or something to reset it.
The dosage is 2 weeks, actually. But outside of a few crying fits (that were over pretty quickly, like 2-5 mins) today, I actually got some sleep. Maybe it's starting to work. IDK. My depression is pretty damn deep, so I'm not sure these will work I'm one of the rare few that probably needs Ketmine or something to reset it.i've never really thought the ketamine shot is worth it but then what i have is more longer term in how you want to approach it, after the week or whatever boost you have to come down off the ketamine, so i guess i have a totally different time scale i'm looking at things
ssris are no sleeping pills.
TIMU - some SSRIs can take closer to 6-8 weeks to fully work. Or it may never work, but a different one may, so chat with your doc what the next step is
Edits: sorry weeks not months
are you doing therapy at the same time or just ssris alone? worth to ask to get therapy thrown in aswell.
are you doing therapy at the same time or just ssris alone? worth to ask to get therapy thrown in aswell.
Both. Check ins bi-weekly (so far) and therapy nearly every week.
I did therapy for about 10 years before going on SSRI's. Didn't work. It was CBT (mostly) and my negative thoughts would just scoff at the "challenging your beliefs" because various things in my life have fallen apart and those thoughts are completely justified (IMO).
I dont think anyone really ever feels like they accomplished anything in life. I don't, and I'm 32.
I dont think anyone really ever feels like they accomplished anything in life. I don't, and I'm 32.
Probably doesnt help your case, but what you're feeling is pretty common. That sounds rude, but I dont know how else to put it.
Life doesn't matter and life milestones matter even less. They're a shit-stained version of Xbox Live Achievements. The sooner you stop chasing them, the more enjoyment you'll have out of this game we call life.
How are you doing today, KissVibes?
Writing half the shit in my head out over the past 2-3 days (I bought a notebook, I remember a therapist/suggestion online saying to write shit out) has helped.
i'm flattered you think of me as a therapist :heartbeat
That talk about remeron earlier...it's an (usually add-on) anti-depressant and anti-anxiety drug, but that shit will knock you the fuck out. I don't really think it's considered a true sedative but you do feel kinda yuck when you wake up from some of the side effects of sleeping deeply (dehydration, stiff, etc.).
Just something to keep in mind maybe.
i've been breaking them in half the last month or so as opposed to the full dose, seems to round off the edges a bit without too big of a change in overall effect and if restless or whatever i can just take the other half, doctor actually suggested trying it if i wasn't liking the full dose anymore
just an option to keep in mind if it seems too powerful :lol
i've been breaking them in half the last month or so as opposed to the full dose, seems to round off the edges a bit without too big of a change in overall effect and if restless or whatever i can just take the other half, doctor actually suggested trying it if i wasn't liking the full dose anymore
just an option to keep in mind if it seems too powerful :lol
:heartbeatYeah. I mean I think if my boss hadn't been so understanding I'd no longer be with the company. It's interesting in that 2016 was the roughest year for our company financially. We had a bunch of struggles trying to transform and survive. Now in 2017 our problems are the exact opposite. There's too much and a few of us are drowning. Luckily I think we've pulled ahead of the storm but it's interesting how success can often be much more stressful than failure.
SUPER glad to hear your boss is empathetic to your situation. It's less inspiring to hear that the problem is anecdotally common in your work…?
Ugh today was the first day of the hardest time of year for me — when I leave in the dark and get home in the dark
Ugh today was the first day of the hardest time of year for me — when I leave in the dark and get home in the darkYeah here in the nw I think I am not going to see the sun at all for a few months.
Ugh today was the first day of the hardest time of year for me — when I leave in the dark and get home in the darkDude, that's so me. I don't know why, but I hate driving in the dark, not because of anxiety or anything, it just depresses me. Getting to work and it's dark, leave and it's dark is all kinds of despressing for me.
Ugh today was the first day of the hardest time of year for me — when I leave in the dark and get home in the darkDude, that's so me. I don't know why, but I hate driving in the dark, not because of anxiety or anything, it just depresses me. Getting to work and it's dark, leave and it's dark is all kinds of despressing for me.
Sometimes I can't tell if I fucked everything up or if this is just the way things are supposed to be. Nostalgia is a bitch.
It might be a placebo effect, but going tanning once a week during this time of the year helps me adjust. I go in the low watt bed where you can lay down for 20 minutes. Works as a way to meditate also.
If you get sunburn easily, do you put sunblock in a tanning bed?
Yeah, it can be rough.Did you see a professional after Hilary fucked us?
When you say depression here, do you mean the clinical type? It probably doesn't matter, as every person on Earth is vulnerable to depression at times. Just wondering if you've seen a professional at any point.
The combination of the daylight savings thing (dark) combined with weather finally cooling and having missed out on all the social stuff for the last couple of weeks due to illness (missing Halloween sucked), still having that illness sorta and not sure what it is and running tests, only eating like 1.5 times a day and being malnourished, not having any social stuff going on and not feeling the energy to reach out to any new social stuff, being out of exercise for weeks because of illness and having finished up the last rpg I was playing last weekend so nothing to focus on hobby-wise atm; = bad combo. Been depressed & lethargic all week, mostly reading books in bed and sleeping when not at work.
Apparently tomorrow is a holiday, so 3 day weekend, but got nothing going on with my life so that just feels like a lot of time. Probably should start up another rpg and time will fly by.
Well I want you timu :uguuSometimes I can't tell if I fucked everything up or if this is just the way things are supposed to be. Nostalgia is a bitch.
Better than feeling unwanted and that everyone hates you. :doge (Kill me.gif)
Fuck Daylight Savings Time right in the booty tube.
The combination of the daylight savings thing (dark) combined with weather finally cooling and having missed out on all the social stuff for the last couple of weeks due to illness (missing Halloween sucked), still having that illness sorta and not sure what it is and running tests, only eating like 1.5 times a day and being malnourished, not having any social stuff going on and not feeling the energy to reach out to any new social stuff, being out of exercise for weeks because of illness and having finished up the last rpg I was playing last weekend so nothing to focus on hobby-wise atm; = bad combo. Been depressed & lethargic all week, mostly reading books in bed and sleeping when not at work.
Apparently tomorrow is a holiday, so 3 day weekend, but got nothing going on with my life so that just feels like a lot of time. Probably should start up another rpg and time will fly by.
I hate to be /that/ asshole, but get out of your house, go to a park or café, and read there. Be around other people. You're a sweet guy, and you have a better chance of meeting new people ANYWHERE that isn't you-alone-in-your-living-room.
It's to promote extended hours of retail shopping and tourism. :hans1Fuck Daylight Savings Time right in the booty tube.
Indeed. The idea that it's beneficial for saving energy has already been disproven anyway.
I visited the folks the other day and they didn't really talk to me and my dad sends me a text to bring him the BBQ potato chips. I do and I'm opening them for him but instead he says,"give them to me, don't want potato chips spilled all over the place" when he dropped a glass of tomato sauce while prepping cooking dinner. I'm even criticized for doing basic acts of kindness. Yet I still question if this just me being a bitch.
Though in his defense, maybe he just spent six hours watching all of these on youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eMCURWpNAg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1ZbwqXQZPo
I visited the folks the other day and they didn't really talk to me and my dad sends me a text to bring him the BBQ potato chips. I do and I'm opening them for him but instead he says,"give them to me, don't want potato chips spilled all over the place" when he dropped a glass of tomato sauce while prepping cooking dinner. I'm even criticized for doing basic acts of kindness. Yet I still question if this just me being a bitch.
I visited the folks the other day and they didn't really talk to me and my dad sends me a text to bring him the BBQ potato chips. I do and I'm opening them for him but instead he says,"give them to me, don't want potato chips spilled all over the place" when he dropped a glass of tomato sauce while prepping cooking dinner. I'm even criticized for doing basic acts of kindness. Yet I still question if this just me being a bitch.
I'm sensitive to things like that too but I'm not sure your dad was intentionally rude here. My father still treats me like a child and doesn't think me capable of doing the most basic things. So when I try to do something for him he's like "Yeah just gimme that, I'll do it." or something like that. There's no intentional malice there and I think a lot of parents are acting that way. Though of course I don't know your relationship with your parents to judge that correctly.
Though in his defense, maybe he just spent six hours watching all of these on youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eMCURWpNAg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1ZbwqXQZPo
It's so weird to read people who are depressed cry often. Not that it's weird, but I basically never cry. I'm not proud of that or anything like I'm some kind of badass for never crying (although...)
I get the idea people who cry sometimes are better off than people who never have the urge to cry like me. It's weird. I'm weird. Even when my depression was at its worst, I don't cry and don't really show it emotionally outside of having a dead unemotional look on my face. :goty2
Oh well.
I'm sorta the same way man. Everyone I know in real life wants to talk sports or is boring. I'm here for you breh :doge
I'm sorta the same way man. Everyone I know in real life wants to talk sports or is boring. I'm here for you breh :doge
Same here, to both you dudes. Working from home, socializing is a challenging task!
Basically me post Uni, but I don't mind (which may or may not be indicative of something being wrong with me).
I've JUST started using Pomordoro method on Thursday. So far, pretty great results.Same here, to both you dudes. Working from home, socializing is a challenging task!This was really tough for me when I was working from home while doing some freelance game article stuff. It's also hard to keep cutoff points for work on/work off.
Sure, absolutely. But Viktor Frankl observed that sadness is like a gas: it can expand to fill any volume.choasdepression is a scale
depression and sadness ain't the same thing tho :dogeThat's fair.
So...I'm watching tv and the parent gives the teenager advice and the teenager can actually come to their parents about their problems with it being put aside. Because of how I was raised where my opinions weren't valued I've always wondered if that's how parents acted in real life. The thought of being able to go to your parent for help or advice or them actually caring is foreign to me so the way parents and children act on tv always felt lacking genuity to me. Is that how parents are actually like?
Eat a beignet for me!
I was doing ok. I'm hanging on, but things are hard. My car is in the shop and I can can't afford to get it out. I haven't been able to afford jiu jitsu in two months so now I owe two months back and that's 360 dollars, which I don't have. Month three is coming up soon so that'll be 540 dollars. Jiu jitsu helps me stay sane and non depressive because of the HIIT exercise I get from it. I can barely afford rent and I feel stuck. I've been looking into escorting and getting tips from escorts like on how to screen clients and stuff. In fact, I will be starting as an escort and take clients as soon as I get my car and some spare change to afford hotels. I spent thanksgiving alone. I'll be spending Christmas alone as well. The Disney-Fox buyout and net neutrality thing also have me on wits end as I see both decisions as profound evil that goes against every moral compass in my body which is funny because I highly considered ending it after seeing Episode 8. Basically, life is shit and there's nothing to look forward to except the day we all die to finally escape.
Becoming a prostitute doesn't sound like a very smart or safe life choice. If debt is the issue, aren't there services that can help with that sort of thing?
If you're hot you're going to end up dead or in jail. If you're not you're just going to stay broke or do increasingly dangerous things to get small amounts of money. Don't become a street ho.
that was spring 2008 tho
If I don't get 180 bucks before the 20th I'm fucked. :brazilcry
So I stopped Remeron for a week without telling the docs because I wanted to see what happened.You try cracking the Remeron in half? At first it was like you described but then I sorta adjusted to it to where I felt like I had more control than the full dose, could let it knock me out, or say "knock me out for just six hours" which has to totally be Placebo. But I'm fine with Placebo, it's a great drug, and cheap.
For one: My insomnia came back, it was manage-able and I got sleep but falling asleep (which was the biggest issue before the meds) came back hard. Nothing an energy drink and a nap in the evening couldn't fix.
I seriously don't get the point in continuing to live. Even if I ever become happy, it'll become short lived. I can't have children so I can't pass on my genes. The likelihood of me finding love and getting married is maybe 1%. I'm seriously considering ending it. I don't get the point anymore.
i just wasted five minutes looking for a clip from the Dilbert TV show where they replace all the company's medical care with "wonder drugs" call PLAH-SEA-BO
seems like if you want a late 1990s poorly rated cartoon series clip uploaded on YouTube you just have to do it yourself (see also, The Critic)
I feel much better after paying my bills. The extra stress from the bills sent me over the edge.
So I stopped Remeron for a week without telling the docs because I wanted to see what happened.You try cracking the Remeron in half? At first it was like you described but then I sorta adjusted to it to where I felt like I had more control than the full dose, could let it knock me out, or say "knock me out for just six hours" which has to totally be Placebo. But I'm fine with Placebo, it's a great drug, and cheap.
For one: My insomnia came back, it was manage-able and I got sleep but falling asleep (which was the biggest issue before the meds) came back hard. Nothing an energy drink and a nap in the evening couldn't fix.
I can't say anything positive about Wellbutrin as I noted before in here and elsewhere I couldn't ever tell if I had taken it or not aside from the fact that I set my pills out each day as routine compulsion. I guess one good thing about that is you don't have to ease off it, you can just stop. I would have suggested you try a week or so at least, I mean, if you've already got them it couldn't hurt. And if nothing fuck em. And their stupid commercials.
Does anyone know if anti-depressants help with listlessness
I wrote about when I planned to kill myself in 2016 and what happened after. (http://thisiswhereyoullfind.me/2018/01/15/this-is-where-youll-find-me/)
I haven't taken the time to write anything in so long and I feel like its all absolute garbage but whatever. I'm getting better at being sad.
I wrote about when I planned to kill myself in 2016 and what happened after. (http://thisiswhereyoullfind.me/2018/01/15/this-is-where-youll-find-me/)
I haven't taken the time to write anything in so long and I feel like its all absolute garbage but whatever. I'm getting better at being sad.
Her and I spoke about the counselor I was seeing, who I thought wasn’t great, and I could tell she also didn’t think he was great with her repeated use of “we are very aware of that gentlemen and his techniques.”:hitler
Have any of you looked into this?
http://digg.com/2018/wake-therapy-depression
I've heard anti-depressants are hit and miss to such a degree that some people (the ones that do research) think they're almost pointless. But then why do they exist? And some people do report they help.
Any hobbies?
i also did some of my own research and i guess periactin has weight gain aspects to it, especially if just taken when you go to sleep (which my script is for), whereas the appetite effect is more if you're taking it while awake, also if you want to you can buy like a thousand pills of the stuff for $20 off the internet (4.6/5 stars!) but i think i'll just get the 30 from my regular pharmacist as the doc thinks i'd probably only need to take it until my next appointment or so, my weights going upward but my metabolism has always been such that it'll take months otherwise to get where he wants it, let alone where demi wants it at my routine Bore PM physical
I decided to not work through lunch today as my mood has been in pretty heavy decline the past few weeks, and worsening this week.
I can't tell you how much better I felt after just sitting in the sun for 30 minutes and shooting the shit about not work stuff with coworkers.
It's a simple ass thing but I can pretty much always tell now when I need to get *some* sun, just any.
sometimes the world is like "no fam plz go reflect quietly and remember the face of your father" or some shit.
Put a bullet in me already.
Hire more people.That'll help in the future. Not in the now.
I'm fat and it's making me unhappy. I put on like 15 pounds in the last 6 months. Also, I might be having a midlife crisis because I have an extreme urge to get a mohawk again.
So you guys really think I'm crazy? All the opinion changes, life changes? Is it a mental health symptom? Is it a symptom or am I just unfulfilled in search for comfort? I'm trying to gather things to bring to the therapist. I could use outside opinions of me to bring up.
So you guys really think I'm crazy? All the opinion changes, life changes? Is it a mental health symptom? Is it a symptom or am I just unfulfilled in search for comfort? I'm trying to gather things to bring to the therapist. I could use outside opinions of me to bring up.
So you guys really think I'm crazy? All the opinion changes, life changes? Is it a mental health symptom? Is it a symptom or am I just unfulfilled in search for comfort? I'm trying to gather things to bring to the therapist. I could use outside opinions of me to bring up.
I'm going to go against the grain and say that extreme opinion changes you have a not normal. Not because changing opinions and beliefs is a bad thing but because of how much of yourself you put behind those beliefs and how much of personality change these seem to go with. You also tend to be very combative and aggressive about them - now that is partly what Tasty said is we here, myself included, have egged you on to be more aggressive and its natural to be combative when people are teasing or outright being mean to you, however, I do feel like your mental health is a contributing factor. And I don't say this to be mean but in the decade you and I have been posting here, you have seemed to become more unstable, especially in the last couple of years.
So you guys really think I'm crazy? All the opinion changes, life changes? Is it a mental health symptom? Is it a symptom or am I just unfulfilled in search for comfort? I'm trying to gather things to bring to the therapist. I could use outside opinions of me to bring up.
Nah, I think opinion and life changes are natural and should encouraged, if anything.
People ding you because you take some of these beliefs in a tribalistic, us vs. them direction, and get unnecessarily aggressive. If you can get that in check you'll probably get much like flak and enjoy fewer strained friendships.
As someone who has evolved from a:
1. conservative fundamentalist protestant christian
2. moderate egonovist christian/deist
3. liberal/progressive secular humanist & atheist
4. democratic socialist secular humanist & atheist
5. nihilist
6. apolitical apatheistic existentialist (where I'm at today)
I kinda get where you're coming from with shifting stances and perspectives.
It's your intensity and level of devotion that's a bit concerning at times, imho.
I don't think you're crazy, but all the attachment to different roles and identities is unhealthy. It's like you're trying to belong somewhere, get restless, then move on when it doesn't fill the unmet need underlying all of this.
So you guys really think I'm crazy? All the opinion changes, life changes? Is it a mental health symptom? Is it a symptom or am I just unfulfilled in search for comfort? I'm trying to gather things to bring to the therapist. I could use outside opinions of me to bring up.
I'm going to go against the grain and say that extreme opinion changes you have a not normal. Not because changing opinions and beliefs is a bad thing but because of how much of yourself you put behind those beliefs and how much of personality change these seem to go with. You also tend to be very combative and aggressive about them - now that is partly what Tasty said is we here, myself included, have egged you on to be more aggressive and its natural to be combative when people are teasing or outright being mean to you, however, I do feel like your mental health is a contributing factor. And I don't say this to be mean but in the decade you and I have been posting here, you have seemed to become more unstable, especially in the last couple of years.
What should I do?
Good post all in all, but just to not end on a complete nihilistic downer: if you want meaning, you can make your own or find someone else's and hitch your ride to their's. That's fine, even if it's not 'big' or 'important'.When I was 15 my parents moved to a new city. It was just the next town over but I was devastated because I'd lose all my "Friends" that I made through elementary school to High school. But looking back it was one of the most positive things in my life, because it gave me a chance to be no one. And when you're no one, you're free to be who you really are.
When I was 15 my parents moved to a new city. It was just the next town over but I was devastated because I'd lose all my "Friends" that I made through elementary school to High school. But looking back it was one of the most positive things in my life, because it gave me a chance to be no one. And when you're no one, you're free to be who you really are.In my case (5 resets before 20), a mostly internally (i.e. barely) motivated, ascetic loner who's come to actively enjoy the shedding of old relationships (fuck Facebook for this reason alone :yuck).
There is no one size fits all answer, Cindi. Asking "what should I do" is fine but really the person you need to be asking that to is your therapist.
That said, being someone that's "known" you over forums for over a decade now, I will engage in some armchair diagnosis. This is all just my opinion but everything I'm saying stems from wanting the best for you.
First, I think asking "what do I do" or "how do I fix this" is getting ahead of yourself. First you need to ask "why" to a lot of this. In my amateur opinion, a lot of your issues stem from identity issues and wanting to belong. When I say "identity issues" I am absolutely NOT talking about gender identity, let me just say that for the record I 110% believe that you're a woman. You will get no argument from me on that. I'm talking in a more general "belonging to a group and feeling like you belong." It's hard enough being black in America, but to grow up a black nerd in a religious household, and be a trans woman on top of that has to be incredibly isolating. Humanity is all about tribalism in my opinion, and not feeling like you fit in with any given tribe has to suck and be stressful.
I think that need to belong is what drives you to "try out" so many different tribes, whether it's jiu-jitsu, fighting game community, forums, socialists and other political groups, firearm lunatics, and if I can remember just about every religion under the sun. I think your underlying need for this crazy life to make sense drives you to adopt whatever group you've just joined as a guiding life philosophy. Your lack of "belonging" drives your zealous commitment to whatever group/cause/culture you've just immersed yourself in.
So, there's my armchair diagnosis. Here's my prescription:
1. Don't try to make yourself fit into any particular world. Tell the world to accept you as you are.
2. Don't feel the need to believe in anything. There is no "why." There is no rhyme or reason. There is no God, Yahweh, Buddha, Allah, or Spongebob Squarepants. All there is, is a random chance and collection of atoms. There's no afterlife. Just this life. Make it count.
All just my opinion. Take it for what you will.
Or maybe it's just that each person is different and therefore requires different solutions to their problems but people can only tell you what works for them because they only have visibility to themselves.this sounds sketchy tbh
Or maybe it's just that each person is different and therefore requires different solutions to their problems but people can only tell you what works for them because they only have visibility to themselves.Exactly.
I disagree.
There are people in this world who are seekers. Their comfort is found not in landing in a certain place or finding 'themselves' and staying static their whole life. Their comfort lays in always finding the next challenge, next interest, next idea and chasing it. Fully engrossing themselves in 'that thing' and then moving onto the next chapter.
It's like being a lifelong student of life. Every semester you get to sign up for new classes and new experiences.
There is nothing wrong or mentally ill about that. It's just a different way to go through life. This idea that you need to "find yourself" by your 40's and then just sit in that paradigm until you die isn't for everyone. We aren't all wired with the same reward systems.
Lean into your quirks. It's one of the few ways you can be special.
I disagree.
There are people in this world who are seekers. Their comfort is found not in landing in a certain place or finding 'themselves' and staying static their whole life. Their comfort lays in always finding the next challenge, next interest, next idea and chasing it. Fully engrossing themselves in 'that thing' and then moving onto the next chapter.
It's like being a lifelong student of life. Every semester you get to sign up for new classes and new experiences.
There is nothing wrong or mentally ill about that. It's just a different way to go through life. This idea that you need to "find yourself" by your 40's and then just sit in that paradigm until you die isn't for everyone. We aren't all wired with the same reward systems.
Lean into your quirks. It's one of the few ways you can be special.
That may be true for some people but by her own admission Cindi is not in a healthy, comfortable place.
That may be true for some people but by her own admission Cindi is not in a healthy, comfortable place.
So you guys really think I'm crazy? All the opinion changes, life changes? Is it a mental health symptom? Is it a symptom or am I just unfulfilled in search for comfort? I'm trying to gather things to bring to the therapist. I could use outside opinions of me to bring up.Take it from someone who has done lots and lots and lots of mental health work and seen someone close to me do some of the hardest work imaginable, there isn't much external that's going to fix what's going on in your head. There isn't a belief system or activities that are going to take over the role of challenging, personal work. I went years and years looking for that "thing" that was going to suddenly make it all go away, and things would work for a while and then it would come back and each time it would worse until shit got really bad and I was able to find a therapist who was able to work with me on fixing myself and opening up and looking at what inside me was fucking me up. And it was hard and very painful and shit got worse for a while (this is the part people don't like, that therapy as opposed to quick fixes can fuck you up really bad before it gets better) but eventually I was able to change lots, accept shit that wasn't going to change, and be at peace with that. And it come back from time to time and I have to remind that I have it in me to return and do the work again instead of flying off the handle or spiraling into dark depression. Feel free to message any time about any of this, I have loads of experience and can lend an ear.
And it was hard and very painful and shit got worse for a while (this is the part people don't like, that therapy as opposed to quick fixes can fuck you up really bad before it gets better)
I disagree.
There are people in this world who are seekers. Their comfort is found not in landing in a certain place or finding 'themselves' and staying static their whole life. Their comfort lays in always finding the next challenge, next interest, next idea and chasing it. Fully engrossing themselves in 'that thing' and then moving onto the next chapter.
It's like being a lifelong student of life. Every semester you get to sign up for new classes and new experiences.
There is nothing wrong or mentally ill about that. It's just a different way to go through life. This idea that you need to "find yourself" by your 40's and then just sit in that paradigm until you die isn't for everyone. We aren't all wired with the same reward systems.
Lean into your quirks. It's one of the few ways you can be special.
So you guys really think I'm crazy? All the opinion changes, life changes? Is it a mental health symptom? Is it a symptom or am I just unfulfilled in search for comfort? I'm trying to gather things to bring to the therapist. I could use outside opinions of me to bring up.
I'm going to go against the grain and say that extreme opinion changes you have a not normal. Not because changing opinions and beliefs is a bad thing but because of how much of yourself you put behind those beliefs and how much of personality change these seem to go with. You also tend to be very combative and aggressive about them - now that is partly what Tasty said is we here, myself included, have egged you on to be more aggressive and its natural to be combative when people are teasing or outright being mean to you, however, I do feel like your mental health is a contributing factor. And I don't say this to be mean but in the decade you and I have been posting here, you have seemed to become more unstable, especially in the last couple of years.
What should I do?
I disagree.
There are people in this world who are seekers. Their comfort is found not in landing in a certain place or finding 'themselves' and staying static their whole life. Their comfort lays in always finding the next challenge, next interest, next idea and chasing it. Fully engrossing themselves in 'that thing' and then moving onto the next chapter.
It's like being a lifelong student of life. Every semester you get to sign up for new classes and new experiences.
There is nothing wrong or mentally ill about that. It's just a different way to go through life. This idea that you need to "find yourself" by your 40's and then just sit in that paradigm until you die isn't for everyone. We aren't all wired with the same reward systems.
Lean into your quirks. It's one of the few ways you can be special.
Yeah, but the people who find solace on that path are usually accepting that they are exploring, that there are many perspectives out there in the world. They aren't the full-on, This Is The One Truth (and Your Truth Is Wrong), insta-expert, belligerent zealot that Cindi manages to manifest each time she switches horses.
I disagree.
There are people in this world who are seekers. Their comfort is found not in landing in a certain place or finding 'themselves' and staying static their whole life. Their comfort lays in always finding the next challenge, next interest, next idea and chasing it. Fully engrossing themselves in 'that thing' and then moving onto the next chapter.
It's like being a lifelong student of life. Every semester you get to sign up for new classes and new experiences.
There is nothing wrong or mentally ill about that. It's just a different way to go through life. This idea that you need to "find yourself" by your 40's and then just sit in that paradigm until you die isn't for everyone. We aren't all wired with the same reward systems.
Lean into your quirks. It's one of the few ways you can be special.
Yeah, but the people who find solace on that path are usually accepting that they are exploring, that there are many perspectives out there in the world. They aren't the full-on, This Is The One Truth (and Your Truth Is Wrong), insta-expert, belligerent zealot that Cindi manages to manifest each time she switches horses.
I do that because I have a low self esteem. I want to feel important and valued so I puff my chest like that.
Went to cousins wedding and felt like a ghost. I think I’m done with family events - they give me nothing but anxiety. I had never met my cousins bride before and he didn’t introduce me. When I tried to introduce myself she just said hi. ... At one point after dinner I had to get out. Immediately. If I had a cig I would have smoked it. Every family event I end up being surrounded by family and yet feel so utterly alone and invisible. I could tell I was not expected much less wanted.Is this not how non-immediate family (or equivalent) weddings are supposed to go for people not in the wedding party*?
Went to cousins wedding and felt like a ghost. I think I’m done with family events - they give me nothing but anxiety. I had never met my cousins bride before and he didn’t introduce me. When I tried to introduce myself she just said hi. ... At one point after dinner I had to get out. Immediately. If I had a cig I would have smoked it. Every family event I end up being surrounded by family and yet feel so utterly alone and invisible. I could tell I was not expected much less wanted.Is this not how non-immediate family (or equivalent) weddings are supposed to go for people not in the wedding party*?
Coincidentally, I went to a cousin's wedding recently and much of your description is basically how the groom's dad was treated after he did his small part in the ceremony. He had his cigarettes though.spoiler (click to show/hide)*It seems like every wedding I've been to in the last decade seems like it's designed as punishment for the guests. And the bride and groom. (But not the bridesmaids. Assi is right!!!!)[close]
I'm fat and it's making me unhappy. I put on like 15 pounds in the last 6 months. Also, I might be having a midlife crisis because I have an extreme urge to get a mohawk again.Hit the gym hard, get swole, and rock that fucking mohawk. Easy peasy.
that wasn't depression, ted talks is just garbage
I hate myself and I wish I was dead. I wish I could die tonight. There’s so little that’s worthwhile.bowsette is all we need, bb :-*
[God's approval or disapproval of slavery] can only be settled by the Bible... From his Word there can be no appeal... If it were a matter to be determined by my personal sympathies, tastes, or feelings, I should be as ready as any man to condemn the institution of slavery; for all my prejudices of education, habit, and social position stand entirely opposed to it.
But as a Christian... I am compelled to submit my weak and erring intellect to the authority of the Almighty.
Isn't there an argument to be made that Christianity is actually responsible from bringing the individual out of bondage? Considering human slavery under Christianity was shorter than any other time period.
Slave to a state or ruler was a thing for thousands of thousands of years was it not?
I'm not sure how you'd measure that?
And yet that slavery was also considered the most brutal.
I'm not sure how you'd measure that?
And yet that slavery was also considered the most brutal.
I mean, Egyptians died by the thousands building pointy buildings for dudes in pointy hats for centuries.
I've been enslaved by my cock and balls my whole life. The cruelest master of them all.so true
I've been enslaved by my cock and balls my whole life. The cruelest master of them all.
Having looked into those things as a way to be happy with no pressures. Doesn’t sound like they would help with that.I've been enslaved by my cock and balls my whole life. The cruelest master of them all.
Nothing's stopping you from chemical castration. :bolo
I just realized something is wrong with me. I devote an excessive amount of energy to my job which is much more than required for low paid prole work. I put in unpaid hours so I can "get things done" despite people telling me that I could be fired . The truth is that I'm not even really productive when I'm off the clock, either. Sometimes I walk into work to hang out. In other words, I think I'm trying to find meaning in my unskilled labor, but because that's impossible, the process is just leaving me drained and wayward.You sound pathetic. Go back to college
Last night while I was at home my failson coworker had a kind of existential crisis and started texting me with complaints about some of his tasks which he didn't think he could get done. My other coworker didn't get these same tasks done last night either, and so I went there in the middle of the night to help close because there was no way I was going to let it go unfinished two nights in a row right before my manager came back from vacation. And then after that I showed the the texts to another manager to vent. Well, she said she was going to bring this up to general management because this guy sucks and has issues getting his work done. But now it's like, why was I there working off the clock? Why is this my problem? Today is my day off and I can't even enjoy it because I'm wondering if they're going to discipline me.
if all this sounds inconsequential and minute, that's because it is. I am squeezing myself over the day to day minutiae of a grocery store and all it's going to leave me with is a termination on my employment history.
Get a hobby? I have a hobbies. Get friends? I have some friends outside of work. But my lack of gainful employment is always going to be an issue for me.
paging Puppy
I just realized something is wrong with me. I devote an excessive amount of energy to my job which is much more than required for low paid prole work. I put in unpaid hours so I can "get things done" despite people telling me that I could be fired . The truth is that I'm not even really productive when I'm off the clock, either. Sometimes I walk into work to hang out. In other words, I think I'm trying to find meaning in my unskilled labor, but because that's impossible, the process is just leaving me drained and wayward.Your goals are in the wrong place. What even are your goals?
Last night while I was at home my failson coworker had a kind of existential crisis and started texting me with complaints about some of his tasks which he didn't think he could get done. My other coworker didn't get these same tasks done last night either, and so I went there in the middle of the night to help close because there was no way I was going to let it go unfinished two nights in a row right before my manager came back from vacation. And then after that I showed the the texts to another manager to vent. Well, she said she was going to bring this up to general management because this guy sucks and has issues getting his work done. But now it's like, why was I there working off the clock? Why is this my problem? Today is my day off and I can't even enjoy it because I'm wondering if they're going to discipline me.
if all this sounds inconsequential and minute, that's because it is. I am squeezing myself over the day to day minutiae of a grocery store and all it's going to leave me with is a termination on my employment history.
Get a hobby? I have a hobbies. Get friends? I have some friends outside of work. But my lack of gainful employment is always going to be an issue for me.
paging Puppy
Your goals are in the wrong place. What even are your goals?You know, current plan was to get promoted and then transfer back to California where I'd make more money and can focus on my actual, real career goals. I started this year with no income, no vehicle, and pretty much no hope, and was just trying to survive. And I'm still just trying to survive, but I thought if I just work a little harder, kill myself a little more, show the right people that I'm worth the risk, I'd have a decent working class income so I could step back and fucking breathe and fix my shit. But now I can feel myself stepping back down Maslow's hierarchy over here and the suffocation's coming back.
Also, come on Shos, I know you're like 9 but log into your alts correctly please.
Jesus... do you have parents?Your goals are in the wrong place. What even are your goals?You know, current plan was to get promoted and then transfer back to California where I'd make more money and can focus on my actual, real career goals. I started this year with no income, no vehicle, and pretty much no hope,
Also, come on Shos, I know you're like 9 but log into your alts correctly please.
Bone crushing late night anxiety.You only feel it at night because that's when you finally have a moment to yourself to not be distracted by the daily struggle and really think about your own life. Not one thing you have ever said makes it seem like you enjoy living in ****** at all. What career path are we talking about, anyway? Because that probably makes a huge difference. There's a good chance that if you stick with what you're doing you'll make it in, eventually, and find a way to be happy about where you are, versus moving back to the US and starting over in some city where you have no friends at all.
I'm in a horrible fork in the road. On one hand I'm supposed to be studying for something that Is now taking what seems like a lifetime to open, with no sure bet it opens this year (maybe economy here improves, people retire, I can pass the certification and I'm in)
on the other hand the U.S economy is well, why not go back? Apply for something new but then what if everything opens here? How will I be prepared? I haven't studied in months, I forgot half the shit, its' hard, really hard, some people prepare for years.
I have no idea what to do I just keep getting older.
This is so awful and I only feel it at night.
Jesus... do you have parents?I moved back in with my parents last year and have been sticking around because my dad went crazy. If I thought my mom was safe living with him I'd move in with my aunt in the bay area so I could be where I belong instead of this god forsaken shit hole of a desert.
Any type of safety net outside of the government?
Enjoy living in what?
You only feel it at night because that's when you finally have a moment to yourself to not be distracted by the daily struggle and really think about your own life. Not one thing you have ever said makes it seem like you enjoy living in ****** at all. What career path are we talking about, anyway? Because that probably makes a huge difference. There's a good chance that if you stick with what you're doing you'll make it in, eventually, and find a way to be happy about where you are, versus moving back to the US and starting over in some city where you have no friends at all.
Bay Area is fucking nice man. I'd do that in a heart beat.Jesus... do you have parents?I moved back in with my parents last year and have been sticking around because my dad went crazy. If I thought my mom was safe living with him I'd move in with my aunt in the bay area so I could be where I belong instead of this god forsaken shit hole of a desert.
Any type of safety net outside of the government?
Glad I could help.Your goals are in the wrong place. What even are your goals?You know, current plan was to get promoted and then transfer back to California where I'd make more money and can focus on my actual, real career goals. I started this year with no income, no vehicle, and pretty much no hope, and was just trying to survive. And I'm still just trying to survive, but I thought if I just work a little harder, kill myself a little more, show the right people that I'm worth the risk, I'd have a decent working class income so I could step back and fucking breathe and fix my shit. But now I can feel myself stepping back down Maslow's hierarchy over here and the suffocation's coming back.
Also, come on Shos, I know you're like 9 but log into your alts correctly please.
Mind you, this isn't about the universal financial struggle everyone experiences. I can handle that, I've developed the tools for that. It's just, you know, working here, I feel like I'm watering a rock and expecting a tree to grow. That's the best way to put it. So as I type it all out I guess the answer is pretty clear: get a different job. Feel useful to someone somehow.
Me trying to diagnose problems:
(https://content.presentermedia.com/files/animsp/00009000/9345/bullseye_target_miss_anim_md_wm.gif)
I don't think it's a personal problem per se but I feel you analyzed me well enough at Bore-Con. 8)wait what did I even say
Only the dead know peace from that evil. Congrats, you're now an adult.
backlog marathon
Hey what's the SOP when your drive for living completely collapses
Asking for a friend
A lot of us are in the same situation. Imo work towards a goal. You’ve told me before you didn’t have any but I think you should aim for what pleases you.And I really appreciate this as I've been a huge ass to you recently.
Another year another thanksgiving alone.
How do people deal with this for years? Jesus:playa
How do people deal with this for years? JesusWhat's the "you must be logged in to see this post" bb code :doge
How do people deal with this for years? Jesus(https://i.imgur.com/rh4T1zj.jpg)
In a real bad spot. Struggling to break thought patterns of suicidal ideation. Feeling isolated. Had a bit of a self harm stimming type breakdown. Dunno brehs
Yeah I mean, I’ve kinda backed myself into a corner that I’m going to need to get therapy. I’ve never been, was raised to treat it with disdain. Lots of alcoholism and shuttered window abuse in my childhood + undiagnosed autism, I’m fairly broken. I need to change something but I’m pretty fearful of trying tbh
My reading comprehension is utter shit today, so sorry -- it's not clear if you're wanting to cause your brother pain by committing suicide, or if you're preventing yourself from it by trying to be considerate of a loved one.
Tomorrow night I'm finally going to a psychiatrist and getting treated for ADHD, letting it go this far has really fucked up my life in a lot of ways. I dropped out of college with a few credits left to graduate, I always did terribly at school, my house is always a mess, I don't communicate with people well at all, I constantly lose touch with friends unless I see them every day, I burn out at jobs after about 6 months unless it's really engaging, I'm always depressed and I lie constantly when I'm trying to hide this shit from people. I'm really hoping this turns my life around somewhat, I just want some stability and I feel like I've wasted a lot of time.
Tomorrow night I'm finally going to a psychiatrist and getting treated for ADHD, letting it go this far has really fucked up my life in a lot of ways. I dropped out of college with a few credits left to graduate, I always did terribly at school, my house is always a mess, I don't communicate with people well at all, I constantly lose touch with friends unless I see them every day, I burn out at jobs after about 6 months unless it's really engaging, I'm always depressed and I lie constantly when I'm trying to hide this shit from people. I'm really hoping this turns my life around somewhat, I just want some stability and I feel like I've wasted a lot of time.
Tasty, I just figured all my shit out by having three espressos and then sitting for two hours in a hot shower. I highly recommend it.Would having a triple shot work? :thinking
Anyway the only thing I'm shaky on is how skeptical he seemed to be at first, it feel's a little bit like he was trying to disprove that I have anything.This is often kinda less trying to wave you off than it is pushing back a little from outside to see your reactions. He'll probably subtly and openly test you in a variety of ways especially early on just to get a feel of how you be.
Long story short, I think I need to put some distance between my parents and I and get help for me.
Twenty years of depression feels like its on its last legs. All due to, seemingly, bad body image issues. Wish I didnt squander my 20s due to this relatively simple fix.
But as that veil pulls away I'm noticing anger coming through. Lots of it.
Strange depression. 4 hours before bed and I'm just so fucking bored. Nothing seems worth doing. Bored to depression.
I found a cure: high thc cannabis and 30 Rock.
I'm also fiddling with my Chrome Slate.
I'm also fiddling with my Chrome Slate.
How is it? You get the Pen? The keyboard?
Sent from my Google Pixelbook.
Twenty years of depression feels like its on its last legs. All due to, seemingly, bad body image issues. Wish I didnt squander my 20s due to this relatively simple fix.
But as that veil pulls away I'm noticing anger coming through. Lots of it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/aarzf7/researchers_found_that_increases_in_physical/
:thinking
Don't you fucking dare change majors. You're not going to find whatever's missing in your life by blowing up your future.I do and I don't agree with this.
long incoherent rant in the spoiler tags, I just wanted to ventspoiler (click to show/hide)I'm thinking of switching my major for the 2nd time. Maybe it's just the depression but studying IT has went from tolerable to something I actively detest. I don't even know what I want to do though. The prospect of starting over is also terrifying. I'm 22, I should be done with school and looking for a real job to support my parents who are reaching retirement age. I also have 12K in student debt looming over my head, which I know isn't a relative lot, but I have no money to my name and wouldn't be able to hold down a job while going to school. I tried that once and it ended in disaster for my grades.
The antidepressants I've started taking - Escitalopram, help I think. I'm not as lethargic as before. I know that no drug is going to single handily make my want to salvage me life though. I'm still on a waitlist for government covered therapy. Feeling this image pretty hard. I don't have the balls for suicide, but it looks very appealing.
(https://i.imgur.com/9ATq8kA.jpg)[close]
long incoherent rant in the spoiler tags, I just wanted to ventas someone five years older than you with retirement age parents, and just finished their bachelors degree last month, hang in there. it’s definitely worth doing some soul searching/talk therapy to figure out what’s the root cause of your detestment of your major - it could very well be for a reason that is antithetical to what you want from a future career, but perhaps you can try to rediscover what you liked about it and try to focus on things that are aligned with that aspect. would you actually need to start over, or are there tech-based majors that you’d be able to transfer coursework with?spoiler (click to show/hide)I'm thinking of switching my major for the 2nd time. Maybe it's just the depression but studying IT has went from tolerable to something I actively detest. I don't even know what I want to do though. The prospect of starting over is also terrifying. I'm 22, I should be done with school and looking for a real job to support my parents who are reaching retirement age. I also have 12K in student debt looming over my head, which I know isn't a relative lot, but I have no money to my name and wouldn't be able to hold down a job while going to school. I tried that once and it ended in disaster for my grades.
The antidepressants I've started taking - Escitalopram, help I think. I'm not as lethargic as before. I know that no drug is going to single handily make my want to salvage me life though. I'm still on a waitlist for government covered therapy. Feeling this image pretty hard. I don't have the balls for suicide, but it looks very appealing.
(https://i.imgur.com/9ATq8kA.jpg)[close]
Just wanna take poppers until I fall asleep and don't wake up. Sounds nice. Probably need a chaser.(https://i.imgur.com/FTcRuVf.jpg)
Edit- Not killing myself, just talking hypothetically.
Doctor wants me to see a therapist for depression. I've never been diagnosed as having depression before, but I guess it makes sense. Any tips on what I should look for in a therapist?That you're comfortable with them. It's fine to do intake, realize the person isn't going to work and move onto someone else. If you don't feel comfortable talking to someone younger than you or older than you or female, that's okay.
Having another depression/anxiety episode right now exactly when I can't afford it. Fuck I'm tired of this shit.
A Ketamine-Based Nasal Spray Is Now an FDA-Approved Depression Treatment
https://gizmodo.com/a-ketamine-based-nasal-spray-is-now-an-fda-approved-dep-1833048695
Very excited about this. No antidepressants I’ve tried work for me, and due to my collection of neuroses, I can’t really experiment with ones currently on the market because they may exacerbate other problems.
Blue week. Blue day. Trying to shake it.
Been having crazy anxiety bouts this past month; I've felt fairly "level headed" for a couple of years now after dealing with anxiety for a long time.riotoast, I love you, but DON'T DO THIS SHIT.
I had attributed the positive change to a change in jobs/employers which was good for me.. but this return of anxiety has coincided with my job going better than ever. And it's way worse than before; the swings are so incredibly wild, like going from feeling great, almost euphoric, to having near panic attacks.
I did also stop smoking pot near the other positive change; and took it back up this past November due to my migraines developing a nausea aspect to them.
Gonna try quitting again to see if that helps, but if these attacks continue I guess I need medication? Literally feel like I could die, can't seem to control my breathing, etc. Lasts for a good couple of minutes.
I did also recently go through a sort of resurfacing of some past trauma; something I'd burried pretty deep, and the panic attacks directly coincide with when that happened. The resurfacing was fairly life changing to me, so maybe it's just that? Some of my initial anxiety was revolving around that; this feeling like I had no control over my emotions, like I could break down at any moment in mental anguish over it specifically.. but now the anxiety is less specific than that. It can be anything I think about that isn't 100% positive all of a sudden turns into a world ending problem in my mind and then I feel like I'm going to hyperventilate. My wife is out of town for a week and it's been really bad since she left, and I haven't told her because I don't want to ruin her trip... sucks.
Been having crazy anxiety bouts this past month; I've felt fairly "level headed" for a couple of years now after dealing with anxiety for a long time.
I had attributed the positive change to a change in jobs/employers which was good for me.. but this return of anxiety has coincided with my job going better than ever. And it's way worse than before; the swings are so incredibly wild, like going from feeling great, almost euphoric, to having near panic attacks.
I did also stop smoking pot near the other positive change; and took it back up this past November due to my migraines developing a nausea aspect to them.
Gonna try quitting again to see if that helps, but if these attacks continue I guess I need medication? Literally feel like I could die, can't seem to control my breathing, etc. Lasts for a good couple of minutes.
I did also recently go through a sort of resurfacing of some past trauma; something I'd burried pretty deep, and the panic attacks directly coincide with when that happened. The resurfacing was fairly life changing to me, so maybe it's just that? Some of my initial anxiety was revolving around that; this feeling like I had no control over my emotions, like I could break down at any moment in mental anguish over it specifically.. but now the anxiety is less specific than that. It can be anything I think about that isn't 100% positive all of a sudden turns into a world ending problem in my mind and then I feel like I'm going to hyperventilate. My wife is out of town for a week and it's been really bad since she left, and I haven't told her because I don't want to ruin her trip... sucks.
I do!
I do!
Just switched to it after weaning off Cymbalta. Anxiety through the fucking roof. Hopefully this shit wears off. Can barely think.
A Ketamine-Based Nasal Spray Is Now an FDA-Approved Depression Treatment
https://gizmodo.com/a-ketamine-based-nasal-spray-is-now-an-fda-approved-dep-1833048695
Very excited about this. No antidepressants I’ve tried work for me, and due to my collection of neuroses, I can’t really experiment with ones currently on the market because they may exacerbate other problems.
I do!
Just switched to it after weaning off Cymbalta. Anxiety through the fucking roof. Hopefully this shit wears off. Can barely think.
Did they start lexapro when you were taping off?
So you were doing OK then starting the pills caused more anxiety?
why the fuck is seemingly everyone on this forum depressed :doge
What was I thinking no-one wants to read my sad-sack shit.
why the fuck is seemingly everyone on this forum depressed :doge
I guess if i lived alone and I was my only responsibility, it'd stress me out less, but the reasoning would still apply i think.
I guess if i lived alone and I was my only responsibility, it'd stress me out less, but the reasoning would still apply i think.
Defintely applies in my case. SINK, but get paid like shit. And try as I might, doors slam in my face repeatedly.
It's crazy I haven't ate a bullet yet, especially at my age.
Give someone with poor mental health money and they might create themselves more problems from it.Maybe i'm misinterpreting what we're talking about when we say "poor mental health", and every situation is different, so of course it's a case by case thing, but many cases of people being "depressed" is mostly a lack of future prospects (real or perceived) and more often than not, financial stress is a large part of that.
I know, cliche, but seen it happen.
Please, Bernie, you have an election to win!
:stahp life being very hard again
:stahp life being very hard again
If you ramp down the abrasiveness of your forum personality, [...]
or maybe just use firefox like the rest of us :camby
i was thinking about PMing some folks here that i think are interesting to talk to and be like LETS BE FWENDSyou've never PM'd anyone here? Lol. My inbox is literally like 2% away from being full.
If you ramp down the abrasiveness of your forum personality, [...]
or maybe just use firefox like the rest of us :camby
Please reconsider and talk to someone, Cindi. I like you so much that I gave up clowning on you years ago. Who else have I done that for? Really!
Thanks for all the messages and love. Mupepe and I talked. I have looked at every variable for the future, and suicide has been the top option. Currently on the phone with a suicide hotline.
Honestly the discussion with the hotline hasn't been helpful.
Those aren't your burdens. You said it yourself earlier in the discussion with Glenda, just do what you can.
Check to see if either of your jobs has an "Employee Assistance Program" where they give you like 4-8 free sessions with a councilor. Tell them to recommend you to a psychologist/mental health facility that will prescribe the meds. Depending on your job and the insurance (you have it, right?) you should be able to get meds for cheap if you explain your situation/pay/etc.
I can't afford mental healthcare for now which I desperately need.
Check PMs. I wanna help.
I get that feeling too Cindi, but one day it's gonna start moving in the right direction. It might have to get a bit worse before it starts to peak and go the other direction, but it will start to get better. For the time being though you can only do what you can do. Those burdens are not yours alone, but all of ours. If there is something you can do and be an active part of it do it! Any action is better than no action when it comes to the problems you are concerned with, they are worth fighting for.
I find unplugging from a bit from it all can be super helpful in reducing the stress of those burdens. Have you tried anything like that?
Texas right? What is it about the mental health services there that you can't get access to?
TNG: Elementary, Dear Data; Ship in a Bottle
another sliding scale option
https://openpathcollective.org/
Really glad to see you pushing through those thoughts and urges, Cindi. I struggled to come up to a reply to this yesterday, I was glad to see others stepping up. I felt an amount of guilt for bringing up suicide as a way out of this shit in the politics thread. I also just didn’t know what to say because I had very similar plans yesterday morning. Been feeling very out of control. Was thinking I’d hang myself at work before anyone go there, there’s a spot where I could do a real drop hanging. Instead I wrote an “im taking a mental health day” email from my work desk and reset the alarms and left. Then I researched and got a debt transfer loan dealio that’s going to make it so I can survive even if my ex completely stiffs me. For me the thoughts come at hard times, but I’m getting a lot better at taking a positive action instead. Sending all my love
Really glad to see you pushing through those thoughts and urges, Cindi. I struggled to come up to a reply to this yesterday, I was glad to see others stepping up. I felt an amount of guilt for bringing up suicide as a way out of this shit in the politics thread. I also just didn’t know what to say because I had very similar plans yesterday morning. Been feeling very out of control. Was thinking I’d hang myself at work before anyone go there, there’s a spot where I could do a real drop hanging. Instead I wrote an “im taking a mental health day” email from my work desk and reset the alarms and left. Then I researched and got a debt transfer loan dealio that’s going to make it so I can survive even if my ex completely stiffs me. For me the thoughts come at hard times, but I’m getting a lot better at taking a positive action instead. Sending all my love
this is true, but I found that if I am always waiting for the weather to be right , then I rarely get in the water. so I started going in anytime I was near a beach, even keep swimming shorts in my car so I'm always ready 8)I can say this, life does not get better. You get better. You get better at focusing on the things you enjoy, the things that you have, the people you care about, breathing. From there you can make improvements much easier and handle life better when plans don't work out, or anything else goes wrong.
Waiting for life to get better never worked out until I made myself better.
the things going on in my life are worse now than when I used to think about ending my life every day. if I look at things "objectively" I should be completely miserable. Instead I find it's pretty incredible I can drive to the beach, sprint to the water and jump into the waves. Hit up a taco truck for a delicious burrito on the cheap and maybe grab a coffee if I need to warm up. I get to take care of my mother and make sure she has it better than if I wasn't here.
It's not always easy and most likely never will be. I'm not doing everything I could be doing to improve my own life right now, but I'm also not thinking about ending myself every day. So overall I'll take that win and continue making slow progress on the things outside of my self. Inshallah :)
Maybe you wouldn't need to warm up if you weren't jumping into the ocean when it's cold outside smh
I can say this, life does not get better. You get better. You get better at focusing on the things you enjoy, the things that you have, the people you care about, breathing. From there you can make improvements much easier and handle life better when plans don't work out, or anything else goes wrong.
Waiting for life to get better never worked out until I made myself better.
the things going on in my life are worse now than when I used to think about ending my life every day. if I look at things "objectively" I should be completely miserable. Instead I find it's pretty incredible I can drive to the beach, sprint to the water and jump into the waves. Hit up a taco truck for a delicious burrito on the cheap and maybe grab a coffee if I need to warm up. I get to take care of my mother and make sure she has it better than if I wasn't here.
It's not always easy and most likely never will be. I'm not doing everything I could be doing to improve my own life right now, but I'm also not thinking about ending myself every day. So overall I'll take that win and continue making slow progress on the things outside of my self. Inshallah :)
When your Borito buddies let their mask slip to show genuine empathy :tocryspoiler (click to show/hide)My iPhone autocorrect tried to change “Borito” to “abortion” >:([close]
I can say this, life does not get better. You get better. You get better at focusing on the things you enjoy, the things that you have, the people you care about, breathing. From there you can make improvements much easier and handle life better when plans don't work out, or anything else goes wrong.
Waiting for life to get better never worked out until I made myself better.
the things going on in my life are worse now than when I used to think about ending my life every day. if I look at things "objectively" I should be completely miserable. Instead I find it's pretty incredible I can drive to the beach, sprint to the water and jump into the waves. Hit up a taco truck for a delicious burrito on the cheap and maybe grab a coffee if I need to warm up. I get to take care of my mother and make sure she has it better than if I wasn't here.
It's not always easy and most likely never will be. I'm not doing everything I could be doing to improve my own life right now, but I'm also not thinking about ending myself every day. So overall I'll take that win and continue making slow progress on the things outside of my self. Inshallah :)
I can say this, life does not get better. You get better. You get better at focusing on the things you enjoy, the things that you have, the people you care about, breathing. From there you can make improvements much easier and handle life better when plans don't work out, or anything else goes wrong.
Waiting for life to get better never worked out until I made myself better.
the things going on in my life are worse now than when I used to think about ending my life every day. if I look at things "objectively" I should be completely miserable. Instead I find it's pretty incredible I can drive to the beach, sprint to the water and jump into the waves. Hit up a taco truck for a delicious burrito on the cheap and maybe grab a coffee if I need to warm up. I get to take care of my mother and make sure she has it better than if I wasn't here.
It's not always easy and most likely never will be. I'm not doing everything I could be doing to improve my own life right now, but I'm also not thinking about ending myself every day. So overall I'll take that win and continue making slow progress on the things outside of my self. Inshallah :)
allah's love is effortless, brother. walking in his love only requires we take weight off, not take on more :rejoiceI can say this, life does not get better. You get better. You get better at focusing on the things you enjoy, the things that you have, the people you care about, breathing. From there you can make improvements much easier and handle life better when plans don't work out, or anything else goes wrong.
Waiting for life to get better never worked out until I made myself better.
the things going on in my life are worse now than when I used to think about ending my life every day. if I look at things "objectively" I should be completely miserable. Instead I find it's pretty incredible I can drive to the beach, sprint to the water and jump into the waves. Hit up a taco truck for a delicious burrito on the cheap and maybe grab a coffee if I need to warm up. I get to take care of my mother and make sure she has it better than if I wasn't here.
It's not always easy and most likely never will be. I'm not doing everything I could be doing to improve my own life right now, but I'm also not thinking about ending myself every day. So overall I'll take that win and continue making slow progress on the things outside of my self. Inshallah :)
lol Cindi got filler to put effort into a post. Mission accomplished, Cindi!
never had the government tell me I can't go outside, that's scary enough on its own :doge
scared, brehs
anyone have any experiences with anti-depressants
this year was gonna be great for me and i had all these plans but then you-know-what happened and now everything has to wait
but now would be a good time to try anti-depressants
i don't have much anxiety problems, just that i can hardly learn anything or focus on stuff
which in the grand scheme of things isn't so bad, but i'd like to be able to do stuff instead of just waste time
so i was wondering if anti-depressants can help with that
ffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuck
reading about those side effects makes me reconsider
i knew there were possible side effects but thats bad... altho i guess you seem to have had it pretty bad, other people seem to have only the side effect of not being able to orgasm anymore :doge
Man it really sucks when you're feeling down or even lonely and you have no one to turn to. I try my best to always be there for people when they feel the same way, but it's my own fault in that I hate talking to anyone about my problems cause it always feels like I'm burdening them. I'm always listening to people, so I know it really isn't as people just need an outlet sometimes. I just can't bring myself to do it. Maybe it's due to oversharing in the past and having that backfire in my face but I've been conditioned to think that as soon as I vent about my problems whoever I'm venting to would start distancing themselves from now on. The mundane truth is that people get busy, something else takes their focus, or they start having their own issues to deal with and there isn't anything wrong with that. It's never really that personal. But my mind will always go there regardless of what the truth may be.:heart
It's starting to get really tiring. I miss my ex and even regret turning her down last she texted me though I absolutely did the right thing in rejecting her, if only cause in spite of our relationship falling apart and the glaring flaws that were always there, she was always happy to listen and knew how to get me to open up and make me feel heard. And it went both ways, probably the only relationship and/or friendship where that never felt one sided. Hell, I'm sitting here thinking of hitting her up, knowing it'll either blow up in my face due to me rejecting her last time or fall right back into a co-dependent and parasitic relationship doomed to fail. I'm glad I typed this up if only cause it re-convinced me that I moved on and nothing good would come out of that.
But still, I'm fucking tired. Too bad saudi is shit for mental health, cause a therapist sounds like exactly the right thing for this hole I found myself in.
Life just sucks sometimes, I guess. Back to watching twitch streams.
might be nice to take up a new hobby or project, just to have some goals.
But still, I'm fucking tired. Too bad saudi is shit for mental health, cause a therapist sounds like exactly the right thing for this hole I found myself in.
Life just sucks sometimes, I guess. Back to watching twitch streams.
So I started trying Yoga with Adrienne, I first did her beginner video a bunch of times (she recommends repeating it until you're comfortable) and I've started on the 30 day series. Also at the behest of my therapist I've started trying guided meditations, because I struggled to do regular ones. It's still early in all of this, but honestly whenever I feel that tightening in my chest or acceleration of my heart from anxiety, I start doing some deep breathing and try clearing my head and it helps a ton. I'm not perfect, and last week I had a bunch of days where I had bad moments and didn't do any of this, but I'm trying to commit to it because I do notice the difference.
The other stupidly basic thing I did do while I was feeling down last week, was I would get up and move. Especially on the weekend. If looking at the internet was getting me down, I would shut my laptop, and just go to the kitchen and clean or go to my room and dust or something super simple. I also try to go somewhere close just outside my neighborhood in my car on the weekends. Just to remind myself there is a world beyond the area I usually walk my dog.
I was looking for an email I sent earlier this week; and when I read it I noticed I used 2 completely wrong words.
Like I know what word I intended to type, and I'm not talking typos, just total word replacement with something that maybe phonetically is somewhat close.
In glancing at a few of my forum posts I'm doing it here too; noticed "cleared" instead of "cured" for instance.
Something misfiring in my brain.
Had my first encounter with anxiety attacks, stemming from a vicious cycle. Sorry, only registered users can see this content. Please Login or Register.I used to get anxiety attacks back in my twenties when I was constantly sure I was going to go broke. Mindfulness helped me so much. I really had to evaluate my relationship with anxiety and the thinking that goes along with it and then practice identifying, noting and letting go of the mental cycle.
Sorry bluemax; it truly does suck.
These methods for dealing with anxiety inspired me to at least think about going that route. I'm not necessarily having panic attics (I have had a few in my life); more just intense long-lasting anxiety that comes and goes.
Really fighting against my own brain I feel; all it wants to do is obsess over:
- Something that actually is stressful
- Creating stresses where there aren't really any
- The fact that I'm having these issues in the first place
The third one being sort of the vicious circle type deal where the fact that I've been in this anxious state for weeks is causing me more anxiety as I obsess over the idea that my brain is gonna be stuck like this.
I'm cutting back on caffeine for now; wasn't really drinking insane amounts or anything but as this has been effecting me I've been so exhausted, and work has been incredibly busy.. so I did up my morning caffeine to get through my day.
Am thinking maybe I should completely cut it out before talking to a doctor; just sort of get it off the table so they can't cite it as a cause/contributor.
But alas; the idea of quitting caffeine... causes me major anxiety.
Really do appreciate y'all describing what has helped you in the past; definitely what I need. If I can avoid doctors I'm going to; although I probably shouldn't at this point. My issues tend to be cyclical so it's easy to wait for a healthy state and forget about all this but whatever is up with me is definitely getting worse. The low cycle lower and much longer.
A witty, fascinating, and counterintuitive read that turns decades of self-help advice on its head and forces us to rethink completely our attitudes toward failure, uncertainty, and death.
The Antidote is a series of journeys among people who share a single, surprising way of thinking about life. What they have in common is a hunch about human psychology: that it's our constant effort to eliminate the negative that causes us to feel so anxious, insecure, and unhappy. And that there is an alternative "negative path" to happiness and success that involves embracing the things we spend our lives trying to avoid. It is a subversive, galvanizing message, which turns out to have a long and distinguished philosophical lineage ranging from ancient Roman Stoic philosophers to Buddhists.
Oliver Burkeman talks to life coaches paid to make their clients' lives a living hell, and to maverick security experts such as Bruce Schneier, who contends that the changes we've made to airport and aircraft security since the 9/11 attacks have actually made us less safe. And then there are the "backwards" business gurus, who suggest not having any goals at all and not planning for a company's future.
Burkeman's new book is a witty, fascinating, and counterintuitive read that turns decades of self-help advice on its head and forces us to rethink completely our attitudes toward failure, uncertainty, and death. (less)
I agree with you, Bebpo, but I don't think it's really going to be any better in Canada. But a change of scenery does seem like it might be a good idea.
I agree with you, Bebpo, but I don't think it's really going to be any better in Canada. But a change of scenery does seem like it might be a good idea.
I feel like the big cities have their own issues like Vancouver's ridiculous cost of living elitist place, but I feel like maybe some of the smaller towns would be chill. Idk, I'd need to do more research.
had three therapy sessions during quarantine and the therapist no-showed on two of them
doing super over here guys :shaking
they did eventually join up, so that's something
Bedtime snack should be a chunk of cheese eaten in front of an open fridge.
My dinner yesterday was Ben and Jerry. My breakfast and lunch today was doritos
Pretty sure I'm depressedI knew Bakugan was bad but hang in there a Nintendo Direct will be here soon.
Pretty sure I'm depressedI knew Bakugan was bad but hang in there a Nintendo Direct will be here soon.
Wow, you really are depressedPretty sure I'm depressedI knew Bakugan was bad but hang in there a Nintendo Direct will be here soon.
The only game i care about is asphalt 9. 2 hours a day
Wow, you really are depressedPretty sure I'm depressedI knew Bakugan was bad but hang in there a Nintendo Direct will be here soon.
The only game i care about is asphalt 9. 2 hours a day
Wow, you really are depressedPretty sure I'm depressedI knew Bakugan was bad but hang in there a Nintendo Direct will be here soon.
The only game i care about is asphalt 9. 2 hours a day
We have a spot in our club open if you want to join
Going to take a break from reading Era and FB. FB is nothing but a million posts on all the terrible things going on in the world/USA, and Era is nothing but doom & gloom nihilism lately about the world/USA news. The combination of which is triggering some existential depression going on.Sounds good, just chill out and play some video games breh or watch more positive YouTube channels.
It's important to stay abreast of what's going on in the world, but I just need a break for a week or so.
Went to visit my new PCP for the first time this past Friday. After talking it over with her I decided to switch meds up. The anxiety levels I've felt this year are unlike any other year of my life. Obviously there's been a lot of shit going on (painful breakup, drama with my previous work place, global pandemic), but I feel like when you rate yourself as suffering from severe anxiety, and you take stock of the whole year and realize there hasn't been more than a few day stretch where I haven't felt this way... it is probably time to change. And it isn't like I haven't been trying other stuff, I do therapy, I journal, I have done some meditation, albeit not consistent. But, I just feel like my baseline is all screwed up.
It sucks, 8 months ago I was doing a half dose of the meds I've been on and my life seemed like it was completely on the rise. Now I'm trying to just get a stable baseline again. The medication I have been on (wellbutrin), is one I switched to after talking to my previous doctor about how I felt the previous meds (zoloft) were totally messing me up sexually. And while the wellbutrin made this aspect somewhat better, apparently it does not treat anxiety as well. But I guess if I have to pick between being able to have an orgasm slightly more often (and still less than most people) and not feeling like a complete emotional wreck every day, I'll choose the latter for now.
Predictably of course, the last two days have been unpleasant as I taper off the old meds and on to the new ones. I don't think I had this issue when switching from zoloft to wellbutrin, but at least I've experienced these feelings in the past, so I know it is temporary enough and don't totally lose my shit.
I also got a referral to a psychiatrist since I've never actually spoken to one. And to a urologist, just to see if my issues are all brain chemistry related or not. And the doctor prescribed me a secondary med that is a take as needed for anxiety. I forget the name, something with a p, that is supposedly safer than xanax.
Somewhere out there is an alternate universe me who didn't fuck things up to start the year and still has a wonderful and caring girlfriend so he doesn't need all these meds, sigh.
Came into work, wasnt feeling too bad
all of a sudden an existential feeling of dread came over me, and I started tearing up and feeling like shit
After a call with my mom I calmed down tho wtf man
Didnt even know where it came from just got depressed af all of a sudden
Sounds like some Jason Bourne shit you went throughit was just stuff like having people do things to trigger a response. problem was that I just didn't give any. I could just pray or meditate if I needed to, or take some medication. I think maybe that was the point, get me in the habit of doing things like that when I start feeling stressers. they were also trying to get me to do things like speak up for myself and not just be passive. it was interesting, seemed so strange how I felt it was all setup for me and partly it was.
(https://russellmediabonsblog.files.wordpress.com/2016/09/raw.gif)
4 months of 2021 has actually been worse than all of 2020For real.
well the mental health aspect is part of what makes it so difficult at times. mom's mental health wasn't great before this and I imagine even a mentally healthy person would struggle with losing use of legs and arms. it's just so much for her to have to go through and I was taking too much of it on myself. I have learned to care without taking myself down doing so. when mom is in pain I can just do what is possible for me to do and leave it at that. I am no longer breaking down over it and taking on all the pain myself to the point I become unhealthy.
Sorry to hear bork. Food poisoning and IBS fucking suck. Was it from that Peanut Butter recall? I think I got some food poisoning and GI flareup from that for a week or two myself.
It usually won't last that long though.
My friend told me she was extremely depressed and suicidal. She said the only reason she hadnt killed herself was that she was a coward. She said she had nothing to live for.
I suggested she get pregnant to have something to look forward to.
She said she was muting me.
Im not good a this :fbm
Tell her to seek professional help.
Tell her to seek professional help.
My friend told me she was extremely depressed and suicidal. She said the only reason she hadnt killed herself was that she was a coward. She said she had nothing to live for.
I suggested she get pregnant to have something to look forward to.
She said she was muting me.
Im not good a this :fbm
Tell her to seek professional help.
I messaged my other friend and that was what she suggested and I went with
My friend told me she was extremely depressed and suicidal. She said the only reason she hadnt killed herself was that she was a coward. She said she had nothing to live for.
I suggested she get pregnant to have something to look forward to.
She said she was muting me.
Im not good a this :fbmTell her to seek professional help.
I messaged my other friend and that was what she suggested and I went with
There is not being good at supporting friends in need and then there is actively being unsupportive. Think edgelord responses fall in the latter category. If you still want to help, an apology and explaining why you gave the response you did would be more supportive now than telling her to get professional help.
Dang brother, you still suffering with this? I'm sorry to hear.. Forget trying doctors, you should try a nutritionist. They'll actually help with a healing diet and not pump you full of cheap, oil based meds like big pappa pharma wants. And stay off the corbonated drinks...It usually won't last that long though.
Am at 3+ weeks feeling like this, but I also didn't fully-eat the right foods until just a few days ago after getting a low fodmap diet. Was told to wait a few weeks to see how everything is going- one more week and then I'm sure I'm headed back to the doctor.
Shiiiiiiit life is fucking hard lately. I don't even know how to explain here lol.
My job's fucked up, my sister's life is fucked up, we're all in debt to our eyeballs including my parents, I have no control over my finances due to a bad decision from 6 years ago, I put my creative ambitions on indefinite hold, and I'm starting to come unglued being in the middle of every single fucking drama event. My last two days off from work were May 31 and July 4.
Highlight of my day is anxiety-puking in the shower each morning. Yay.
This all sounds horrifying. You are not taking time for yourself. Is there any way you can ease off and take a couple days to yourself?
Too much of me wishes Putin would set off a few nukes so I could feel
My friend told me she was extremely depressed and suicidal. She said the only reason she hadnt killed herself was that she was a coward. She said she had nothing to live for.send her my way :rash
I suggested she get pregnant to have something to look forward to.
She said she was muting me.
Im not good a this :fbm
Too much of me wishes Putin would set off a few nukes so I could feel
Sounds like you need God. :)
Too much of me wishes Putin would set off a few nukes so I could feel
Sounds like you need God. :)
If I kill thousands of people will God honor me with virgins that does sound nice
But what if he kills Putin ???
- James defects to the Russian Federation
- Putin personally gives him his passport
- James detonates his Nintendo DS
:pika
Well I've made myself sick from the stress and anxiety of being on the phone half a day every day trying to get my iron infusions. Finally now after 6 weeks was told it was denied by my insurance, started looking at the costs of doing it cash without insurance, but then was told if I do new labs today maybe next week insurance would approve. Did a labs, but just been an exhausting mess.
Meanwhile I've been putting off my covid booster until I get my iron levels back since there's a decent amount of literature from the last couple of years that iron deficiency anemia greatly reduces the effectiveness of the covid vaccines.
Was looking up how long it takes for my iron to get fixed after I finally get the infusions and it looks like about 3 weeks on average. So should probably wait until that point to get my booster.
So if I can finally get my first of two iron infusions in a week with or without insurance, maybe I'll get boosted in like a month.
Holding off on dating or traveling right now until I get boosted just for some extra precautions. So another 1.5 months or so of forever alone. Maybe will be able to do both of those mid-november or december.
Also have surgeries and follow ups for my chronic pain which need the iron to kick in first so basically October looks like it's gonna be hopefully getting some iron and then feeling it kick in after a week or so and then maybe by the end of the month having normal non-anemic iron levels and that's about it. With all the next health steps being in November.
Whatever, at this point 2022 was a lost cause. Worst year of my life easily. I can get just get my health back on track by the end of the year and have some covid protection, will put a lot of effort into making it up in 2023.
Well I've made myself sick from the stress and anxiety of being on the phone half a day every day trying to get my iron infusions. Finally now after 6 weeks was told it was denied by my insurance, started looking at the costs of doing it cash without insurance, but then was told if I do new labs today maybe next week insurance would approve. Did a labs, but just been an exhausting mess.
Meanwhile I've been putting off my covid booster until I get my iron levels back since there's a decent amount of literature from the last couple of years that iron deficiency anemia greatly reduces the effectiveness of the covid vaccines.
Was looking up how long it takes for my iron to get fixed after I finally get the infusions and it looks like about 3 weeks on average. So should probably wait until that point to get my booster.
So if I can finally get my first of two iron infusions in a week with or without insurance, maybe I'll get boosted in like a month.
Holding off on dating or traveling right now until I get boosted just for some extra precautions. So another 1.5 months or so of forever alone. Maybe will be able to do both of those mid-november or december.
Also have surgeries and follow ups for my chronic pain which need the iron to kick in first so basically October looks like it's gonna be hopefully getting some iron and then feeling it kick in after a week or so and then maybe by the end of the month having normal non-anemic iron levels and that's about it. With all the next health steps being in November.
Whatever, at this point 2022 was a lost cause. Worst year of my life easily. I can get just get my health back on track by the end of the year and have some covid protection, will put a lot of effort into making it up in 2023.
Finally today Oct 13th - I call the nurse and say I'm falling apart and on the fence of going to ER which will fuck me over of the dozens of thousands of dollars I'm sure, so it'll be cheaper to just pay cash and do it at your office. While the doc is trying to get the insurance to talk to them can we at least do a backup cash payment version so I can get on schedule instead of having to go through hoops in another week if the insurance says no.I think I posted a long time ago in this thread about discovering this personally when I had insurance gaps or stuff just not covered and I think it remains good advice for mental health stuff too, talk to doctors about just paying cash. What insurance gets charged creates an illusion that lots of these services would cost you a lot but... they don't. Especially if it's routine care and not something you need that often. Although even with stuff like prescriptions some of the discount cards (which are free) can make those super cheap too. When you can get a months supply of something for like $3, sometimes a co-pay can be more than this and your insurance might pay like $15 or more for it, it's nuts. :lol
And they get the cash discount payment amount and it's...not that much. Like I was expecting thousands of dollars, but it's like $1k and I'm like dude if I knew it was going to cost 1k I would have done this weeks ago. So we go ahead and set it up for mid next week.
...
Out of all my doctors, the only doctor I have that is actually responsive and awesome at getting things done, where I call and actually get a real person who can do things and I can squeeze in and see my doc on pretty short notice, is my one doctor who is out of networks and doesn't take insurance and costs me like $300 out of pocket every time I see him for a 10 min follow up. Which sucks, but it's also ironic in that when you're not jumping through all the insurance hoops and just paying real money, you actually get good service and people treat you well and things move quick.
Bebpo, even a diet of salmon and spinach doesn't help with your iron levels? It doesn't absorb at all?
Today's therapy sesh was :delicious
Therapist told me,"you've made so much progress in such a short time span. I'm proud of you!"
Really good session. :)
Bebpo, any updates?
I can't offer much besides prayer and hope. I pray everything is alright and it's not cancer.
Keep us updated on your appointment today buddy.
Any updates on your living situation? Did you move to the 'rents or check into a hotel?
What the fuck is the point of livingGetting likes on The Bire for your good posts.
That's rough Tasty, I hope someday you're able to move out and you find a guy that actually wants a relationship and that your mom dies and you have enough money to pay for YouTube premium.
?? You're one of the only people here I like Tasty, I was just trying to make you laugh
You don't have to go. If you tell me you want me to leave the site and never come back, I will
That's rough Tasty, I hope someday you're able to move out and you find a guy that actually wants a relationship and that your mom dies and you have enough money to pay for YouTube premium.
My YouTube Premium expired 5 minutes ago. I have the family plan so now my entire family knows I'm goddamn broke and they have to watch ads now. I FUCKING HATE ADS
Why is it the big shitty things sink in slowly and don't really bother you, but the little shitty things just send you over the edge?Tackle one problem at a time and in this case I would start with the 7 days of working and not making ends meet.
Fucking broke but I have lots of room on two credit cards. Oh wait, they expired and got sent to my sister's address in MA since I've been waiting to get out of my parents' in CT before I update my address. Oh, guess she didn't even receive them in the mail anyways.
Maybe I'll play same Monster Hunter, I haven't really gamed in months, maybe that'll cheer me up. Oh wait, my Pro Controller is fucking dead.
Mom's dementia and memory loss has gotten sharply worse since I've come back.
I haven't dated in 4 years and honestly at this point I've idealized my next romantic partner so much literally no one can ever clear that bar. I have access to 5% of the population and gays don't give a shit about monogamy so no hope there.
The only reason I've been working so hard for so long is to get my own place. Found out today I probably can't even do that.
My YouTube Premium expired 5 minutes ago. I have the family plan so now my entire family knows I'm goddamn broke and they have to watch ads now. I FUCKING HATE ADS
7 days a week and I can't even pay myself. What the fuck is the point of living
Bebpo how are you recuperating after your surg?
nobody leaves without sucking my fat hog :wag
Having a really hard time today. This is the first time in a while I just feel against the wall mentally. I wish I could get a hug and be told things will be better but I've learned no one's coming, and it's best to just express this to my therapist. I have a lot of regret in how I've treated people in theast few years. I've kind of given up on making friends and stuff because I know I'll eventually do something to make them hate me. I've tried to people please my whole life; doesn't work. Living for yourself gets people mad at you so that doesn't work. It feels that no matter what you do you're alone in this. I know I have my quirks and I'm really hard to like. I've kind of lost my fear of death. Even being in my 30's it feels like I've lived a long time. I'm not suicidal or anything but I think I'm ready for life to end and I'm fine when it happens.Apart from me and filler there's about 8 billion people in the world left to eventually piss off.
man :gloomyas the great american philosopher patrice o'neal always said, "Funny and unfunny come from the same exact place" and to paraphrase "... I don't defend the unfunny joke itself, I defend the attempt"
I don't usually click onto this thread, I will be sad if Tasty doesn't come back...seeing what he was saying, I wish I could talk to him via PM :(
as much as Transhuman made a mistake, I also feel really bad for him, because I completely identify with having that sense of humor that sometimes says the exact wrong horrible thing, when you wanted to relieve tension but didn't quite do it correctly, and that feeling that wells up inside you when you realize how thoroughly you fucked up, and you wish you could take it back and fix it
maybe I shouldn't put words in his mouth that he didn't express but I just mean that's how I would be feeling
and I hope Himu starts feeling better too and finds someone to hang out with
I never left. I've been posting with my alt the entire time 8)nobody leaves without sucking my fat hog :wag
Did you suck your own fat hog before your last hiatus? :ufup
I never left. I've been posting with my alt the entire time 8)nobody leaves without sucking my fat hog :wag
Did you suck your own fat hog before your last hiatus? :ufup
Is anyone here close to Tasty and has checked up on him?
How does one go about contacting Tastys sister
I doubt I'm depressed, but I just have no passion or excitement for anything anymore.Anhedonia, bruv. Common symptom of depression, but can be caused by other things.
Things, media, whatever that use to excitement me do nothing and I think most new things are boring and lame. I really don't want to become some nostlgia ridden boomer, but just nothing does anything for me.
Things aren't good now but God will stand by me and I'll pull through.
I think for the first time in my life I am ready to die and it's really peaceful feeling. I don't suspect I will live long. As long as I can work on my arts legacy and be as good as I can to people I think I'll be fine. Allah is the only friend I need. :bow
Things aren't good now but God will stand by me and I'll pull through.Nah dude, there's always something to look forward to. Get through this and out the other side and I promise you there will be better times ahead. If this is as bad as it gets, then that means it will only get better.
I think for the first time in my life I am ready to die and it's really peaceful feeling. I don't suspect I will live long. As long as I can work on my arts legacy and be as good as I can to people I think I'll be fine. Allah is the only friend I need. :bow
Things aren't good now but God will stand by me and I'll pull through.Nah dude, there's always something to look forward to. Get through this and out the other side and I promise you there will be better times ahead. If this is as bad as it gets, then that means it will only get better.
I think for the first time in my life I am ready to die and it's really peaceful feeling. I don't suspect I will live long. As long as I can work on my arts legacy and be as good as I can to people I think I'll be fine. Allah is the only friend I need. :bow
Call the school and advise them of your situation. See if there is anything they can do to help you.Things aren't good now but God will stand by me and I'll pull through.Nah dude, there's always something to look forward to. Get through this and out the other side and I promise you there will be better times ahead. If this is as bad as it gets, then that means it will only get better.
I think for the first time in my life I am ready to die and it's really peaceful feeling. I don't suspect I will live long. As long as I can work on my arts legacy and be as good as I can to people I think I'll be fine. Allah is the only friend I need. :bow
I was in the ER and now have a $2000 bill. The school I got into needs $500 deposit to secure my place by May 1 and I don't have the money because of the ER situation. I don't know what to do.
School increased my scholarship amount and let me extend the deadline yay
Sorry about your loss, Filler. :(
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