I'm going to regret posting this because it'll blow my cover of still having my shit together for the last 3 years or so and not needing to post here, but eh...fuck it.
So when I stopped playing FFXIV this week (because I was addicted so I went cold turkey) I quickly realized that my MMO addiction over the last 6 months had been a way to fill a hole in my heart/life that had opened being alone for the last year of my life since I split with my ex. Now that I've stopped playing FFXIV, and I have time to think and ponder and feel, I'm really fucking lonely and depressed and I'm sleeping a lot. I know I need to exercise to break the cycle but it's hard when I just want to sleep. It's also not as if I just stopped dating for the last 15 months I've been single (which is the longest I've been single since I worked through my social anxiety issues 4-5 years ago), I've been on a handful of dates and sent tons of messages on online dating sites since January when I decided to start dating again, but everything's been a reject. Only had one 2nd date this year and haven't even kissed anyone or held anyone in 15 months.
To be honest I was better off last year after I split with my ex and took a break from dating. Was nice being single, had a lot going on and had fun, didn't even think about it for long while. But eventually started thinking about dating more and more and so I got back on the ride in January and 7 months later, having zero luck is pretty bad feels. I miss having someone to go and do weekend trips with, to go wine tasting with, or food touring with. I miss someone to go try new restaurants with, or go to concerts with instead of going alone (especially since so many couples at concerts). At my age in mid-30s all my friends are married or in long-term relationships and I have zero luck with social meetups lately as everyone is way too young and we don't have much in common.
All the dates the matchmaker I was working with has introduced me to have been kinda disasters which is what happens when someone who doesn't know you really well tries to find people that "match" with you. The last person I got matched with never owned a tv. While I'm a fan of opposites attract, I don't think that's a good match with someone like me who spends probably 50% of their day at a computer or tv.
Not really sure where I'm going with this, other than unfortunately I'm in a depression and feeling really lonely. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to exercise tomorrow and doing that daily will lift the mood. I have been going out, in fact the day I stopped playing FFXIV I texted about 15 people to see if anyone was free and I was out all night at a social hangout and am sailing tomorrow. So I'm still being social, but idk everything related to dating/love/lonely just sucks right now fuck fuck fuck boo
