RELATIONSHIPS: helping wizards deplete their mana since 2011

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

For the hell of it, I started texting random exes to see if any of them would come over.  Most of them seemed to have moved away, got married, etc. but two of them were down for it and one of them stopped by last night.  I don't remember much about her since it's been a while but fuck it, why not.  The other girl is going to stop by tomorrow.

[chronovore]

I'm sure it has been written at hundreds of Starbucks across LA already.

Today I saw a cute girl who mentioned she was into the "Soulsborne" games, not something I'd expect to see on a dating profile. Alas she's like a decade younger.

I was briefly excited about the possibility of a series of games I'd never even heard of.

Imagine my disappointment that my self-confidence had already encountered them, and been defeated by them.

[mormapope]

What is the trajectory of becoming best friends with a woman, who you legitimately love, haves tons of fun with, talk to everyday, but she doesnt want a romantic relationship with you?

Like, im not hoping or expecting intimacy at this point. Just curious.

[Valkyrie]

Did you already tell your best friend you are in love with her, and she said she's not interested in you that way?

[mormapope]

Yeah, but we decided to stay close anyway.

[Valkyrie]

If it's fine for her, and you're aware you've been forever friendzoned and is good at pretending that doesn't bother you, I don't see why not. Just don't expect anything from her. Ever. As in, don't stay friends only because you're hopeful.

[chronovore]

Yeah, it's never going to change to something romantic; if you can legitimately be a friend and are not waiting for her to come around, it's all good. If you think you're going to get some when she eventually realizes how awesome you are, you aren't actually awesome.

[Mupepe]

Don't listen to these people.  She's only one bad relationship away from realizing that it's really you she wants and she'll fall into your arms and on your penis.  Wait it out.

[Rufus]

Don't listen to these people.  She's only one bad relationship away from realizing that it's really you she wants and she'll fall into your arms and on your penis.  Wait it out.

That's a risky game to play. Once she's over the ex, she may come to think of you as a safe interim partner to move on from.

[Mupepe]

Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Between this and the driving stats yesterday with Lager I feel like my sarcasm is not obvious enough

[close]

[Rufus]

No, I'm just a bore whose first reflex is to go "well, actually".

[ToxicAdam]

I think it's a mistake to shun girls that put you in the friend zone. Having a few female friends is pretty important, as they can help you expand your social circle and help you meet other girls. They all have friends and coworkers that are single.

It's like a preapproved stamp that lets other girls know you're not a creep or immature.

[mormapope]

The main thing im worried about is us becoming more distant when either of us enter a relationship with another person.

Like, i love her and i love the friendship we have a lot. I want what we have now to last forever. I guess i gotta appreciate the time i get with her now.

[Mupepe]

The main thing im worried about is us becoming more distant when either of us enter a relationship with another person.

Like, i love her and i love the friendship we have a lot. I want what we have now to last forever. I guess i gotta appreciate the time i get with her now.

Your friendship will likely evolve as you get into relationships with other people and as you get older.  Measuring these things in loss is a poor way to look at it.  People move in and out of your life in varying degrees through the normal course of life.  Just enjoy it for what it is at every moment.

You should think of it the way Steve Perry worded it in the masterful hit Separate Ways - "How we touched and went our separate ways." 

[Kara]

I think it's a mistake to shun girls that put you in the friend zone. Having a few female friends is pretty important, as they can help you expand your social circle and help you meet other girls. They all have friends and coworkers that are single.

It's like a preapproved stamp that lets other girls know you're not a creep or immature.

Having female friends who wouldn't introduce you to one of their single friends in a million years.

[Rahxephon91]

I think it's a mistake to shun girls that put you in the friend zone. Having a few female friends is pretty important, as they can help you expand your social circle and help you meet other girls. They all have friends and coworkers that are single.

"oh they were'nt good enough for me, but maybe you'll like them"

Yeah so good.

[Mupepe]

Or maybe some people just aren't compatible? Drop that attitude. It's as attractive as genital herpes. You can think someone is a great person but still not want to have an intimate relationship with them. It's not a reflection on you.

[Rahxephon91]

It's absolutely a reflection on you as there is a reason why they did'nt see you that way.

[Mupepe]

I really feel sorry for you if that's the way you think.

[TakingBackSunday]

Getting rimmed is a better fantasy than reality.

this is false btw

[Kara]

It's absolutely a reflection on you as there is a reason why they did'nt see you that way.

Setting you up with a friend is also a huge risk to their other friendship.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Unless they're one of those people who assumes everyone shares their commitment to living and letting live.

[close]

That signals a fair amount of trust in you and that you're more than just table scraps.

I am the interpersonal equivalent of a junk bond so people don't take that risk on me.

[Rahxephon91]

I really feel sorry for you if that's the way you think.

I don't see how you can see it any other way other then someone throwing you at someone else because you were'nt good enough for them.

If you were so great, why would'nt they want to date you? Either they don't find you physically attractive enough or somethings wrong with your personality. You can clean it up with "being compatible", but thats just a nice way to put it.

[I'm a Puppy!]

I think I've told my story here before. My wife friendzoned me pretty hard when our relationship started. I still wanted her as a friend and was OK to stay just that but after a while I backed off for the sake of my heart. We grew apart for a while. But after 7 years we reconnected. I really wasn't expecting anything. But she fell for me first the second time around and I found I still had feelings for her too. Married now almost 13 years and it's been wondrous.

[I'm a Puppy!]

I think it's a mistake to shun girls that put you in the friend zone. Having a few female friends is pretty important, as they can help you expand your social circle and help you meet other girls. They all have friends and coworkers that are single.

"oh they were'nt good enough for me, but maybe you'll like them"

Yeah so good.

You know, no one really thinks this way right? It's just in your head.

[Mupepe]

I really feel sorry for you if that's the way you think.

I don't see how you can see it any other way other then someone throwing you at someone else because you were'nt good enough for them.

If you were so great, why would'nt they want to date you? Either they don't find you physically attractive enough or somethings wrong with your personality. You can clean it up with "being compatible", but thats just a nice way to put it.

The problem is that it bothers you on a personal level. Not wanting to have a relationship with someone means absolutely shit. You're making it sound like everyone owes you a chance which is some self centered shit.

[ToxicAdam]

I think it's a mistake to shun girls that put you in the friend zone. Having a few female friends is pretty important, as they can help you expand your social circle and help you meet other girls. They all have friends and coworkers that are single.

"oh they were'nt good enough for me, but maybe you'll like them"

Yeah so good.

this is the loser mindset that keeps you forever alone.

I'm not calling you a loser, just your pattern of thinking that seeks to validate your low self-esteem at every turn.

You CAN turn it around if you recognize it and nip it in the bud.

[chronovore]

It's absolutely a reflection on you as there is a reason why they did'nt see you that way.

It's less about you, and more about the personal dynamic that exists between you and the other person. Romantic rejection says nothing more than "we're not compatible that way." It doesn't mean either person is bad, or even judging the other qualitatively. It's just that the chemistry isn't there.

Some people don't like fish, others do. Some people can't live without chocolate, others hate it. Some people wear size 9 shoes, others don't. It's a matter of compatibility, nothing more.

[Rahxephon91]

I think it's a mistake to shun girls that put you in the friend zone. Having a few female friends is pretty important, as they can help you expand your social circle and help you meet other girls. They all have friends and coworkers that are single.

"oh they were'nt good enough for me, but maybe you'll like them"

Yeah so good.

this is the loser mindset that keeps you forever alone.

I'm not calling you a loser, just your pattern of thinking that seeks to validate your low self-esteem at every turn.

Well I'm still waiting for the world to prove my mindset wrong. Oh wait it hasn't...

Oh let me try these online dating things that are just based in looks.

"Millions of swipes with no results later"


oh............

The problem is that it bothers you on a personal level. Not wanting to have a relationship with someone means absolutely shit. You're making it sound like everyone owes you a chance which is some self centered shit.

Yeah I really shouldn't take rejection personal. Even though the person is personally rejecting you.

[tiesto]

Been talking to this BBW Jewish redhead who is really fucking hot, lately. Also have a date tomorrow with a short, curvy brunette with huge boobs who likes Kingdom Hearts and Mario Kart. She's a graphic designer, like my ex. We're going to this great gastropub in Massapequa.

[Mupepe]

Rejection is not the same as disinterest you fucking weirdo

[Rahxephon91]

Not really seeing a difference. They clearly weren't interested in you enough for whatever reason(personality, physical,class) so you're being rejected. How you somehow take this to mean "oh they still think you're good, just not good enough for them" as a positive and then think it's cool when they bum you off to a friend I'm not sure.

[Mupepe]

Because I have enough self esteem to see how some other people are good or even great and clearly better than me in some aspects but I know I would not pursue a relationship with them. Not everything that logical or black and white

[TakingBackSunday]

I think it's a mistake to shun girls that put you in the friend zone. Having a few female friends is pretty important, as they can help you expand your social circle and help you meet other girls. They all have friends and coworkers that are single.

"oh they were'nt good enough for me, but maybe you'll like them"

Yeah so good.

this is the loser mindset that keeps you forever alone.

I'm not calling you a loser, just your pattern of thinking that seeks to validate your low self-esteem at every turn.

Well I'm still waiting for the world to prove my mindset wrong. Oh wait it hasn't...

Oh let me try these online dating things that are just based in looks.

"Millions of swipes with no results later"


oh............

The problem is that it bothers you on a personal level. Not wanting to have a relationship with someone means absolutely shit. You're making it sound like everyone owes you a chance which is some self centered shit.

Yeah I really shouldn't take rejection personal. Even though the person is personally rejecting you.

Jesus christ, get over it.  The sooner you realize not everyone is going to like you at every facet of social interaction (romantically, socially, professionally), the sooner you can grow as an individual.

A girl rejects you?  Boo fucking hoo, it's her choice and if you feel confident about yourself, ultimately it's her loss.  You can feel disappointed and a bummed out, sure, but you should never ever take it personally because there are so. many. fucking. people out in the world.

Go out.  Take up some hobbies.  Talk about hobbies with like minded people.  Stick up for yourself.  Show some backbone.  Don't betray or fake your personality to try and attract girls or friends.  If you're natural, it'll be easy.

If you're selfish and focused on yourself at all times, you will socially portray yourself as inaccessible, rude, and a dick.  It's not attractive.  Man up and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

[king of the internet]

Because I have enough self esteem to see how some other people are good or even great and clearly better than me in some aspects but I know I would not pursue a relationship with them. Not everything that logical or black and white

With most of my girl comma friends I value our friendship too much to ever catch the wrong type of feelings. There's no friend zone. No one is being rejected. We're just two people who enjoy each other's company without needing to add any unnecessary complications.

[Rahxephon91]

Jesus christ, get over it.  The sooner you realize not everyone is going to like you at every facet of social interaction (romantically, socially, professionally), the sooner you can grow as an individual.

Hmm, I don't actually give a shit if people I don't care about like me or not. That's not really what I'm talking about. Hell as a kid I realized not everyone is going to like you and you're not going to like everyone. This is hardly my problem.

I also don't expect women espically to have any interests me because of my looks, personality, interests, and whatnot. I just use these things to confirm that. So much for being yourself right?

A girl rejects you?  Boo fucking hoo, it's her choice and if you feel confident about yourself, ultimately it's her loss.  You can feel disappointed and a bummed out, sure, but you should never ever take it personally because there are so. many. fucking. people out in the world.

So many people out there. Wow I'm so happy to hear the most obvious statement ever uttered. How is anyone supposed to feel confident in this area when pretty much every female interaction ends in rejection. I guess the answer is simply keep lowering your standards and just settle for the bottom of the barrel right?  Man confidence sure should be growing! Kind of hard to gain confidence when you keep getting rejected and being put in the supposed "friendzone" something I think is stupid. Man who are you supposed to be compatible with? I guess no one? This multiplies by the 100s when you add the shallow area of online dating where it's just your looks being judged. I guess I should just fine confidence when it seems like you can't get any matches with any person you'd like to.

Go out.  Take up some hobbies.  Talk about hobbies with like minded people.  Stick up for yourself.  Show some backbone.  Don't betray or fake your personality to try and attract girls or friends.  If you're natural, it'll be easy.

So be yourself? Wow it's almost like I've been doing that for decades. Guess what? it hasn't worked, but I love the advice of just be yourself and something will happen. I guess I gotta keep being myself for another decade to see if something will happen. And then another and another and another and then I guess just die because being yourself sure wasn't enough. I'm really tired of the advice of "oh it will happen when you least expect it". I guess I just wasn't lucky enough like almost every other human being for it to happen in my 20s. Maybe my 30s will be so much better as I play catch up to every single other person. Sounds really confidence building.

If you're selfish and focused on yourself at all times, you will socially portray yourself as inaccessible, rude, and a dick.  It's not attractive.  Man up and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

This is probably it right now to be honest.

Because I have enough self esteem to see how some other people are good or even great and clearly better than me in some aspects but I know I would not pursue a relationship with them. Not everything that logical or black and white

Well I wish I had enough self-esteem to not take rejections as slights against me and just an understanding that there or other better people out there for me. Unfourtantly I don't and those people have never appeared in my life.

[I'm a Puppy!]

Your problem is that you think that if you met the right person things would change when really it has nothing to do with it. You gotta face your problems where you are and on your own. It's like several of my female friends have this thought when they get in a rough patch of life that their problems are because they're with the wrong person. So they leave said person thinking it will solve their problems. When  they don't realize that you take your problems with you.  (Of course, for some of my friends they really needed to get away from toxic people.)

But it still stands. You can't just wait for someone to fall on your lap and then you'll be happy. It doesn't work like that

[Rahxephon91]

Well I guess, though it seems everyone else I know just happen to naturally attract and find someone. I guess i have to many problems compared to them? That I need to fix them before I can even be out there and gain any experince? Well that sucks and I'm not sure I'm interested in fixing that anymore.

I don't know how you fix these self esteem and confidence issues when the source of them is validation from the opposite sex. I guess, just don't care?

[seagrams hotsauce]

http://www.thebore.com/forum/index.php?topic=36858.msg2204786#msg2204786

Addedum to this post as of this week; my apprehensions were correct, going out on a limb did not pay off, and I sincerely wish I never met this person. Don't bother, folks.

[Rahxephon91]

Well I guess, though it seems everyone else I know just happen to naturally attract and find someone.

If all it took was tripping and falling into some pussy this thread wouldn't even exist.

Seems much easier for most people including most of you.  Probably because most got postive feedback early(high school,college) and/or where able to find intersted parties at school, work, or through friends without going extremely beyond your surroundings.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

For the hell of it, I started texting random exes to see if any of them would come over.  Most of them seemed to have moved away, got married, etc. but two of them were down for it and one of them stopped by last night.  I don't remember much about her since it's been a while but fuck it, why not.  The other girl is going to stop by tomorrow.

I really didn't remember much about the other girl but omg she had almost cartoonishly wide hips.  Seeing her doing reverse cowgirl last night was so beautiful it almost made me cry.

[Rahxephon91]

Well I guess, though it seems everyone else I know just happen to naturally attract and find someone.

If all it took was tripping and falling into some pussy this thread wouldn't even exist.

Seems much easier for most people including most of you.  Probably because most got postive feedback early(high school,college) and/or where able to find intersted parties at school, work, or through friends without going extremely beyond your surroundings.

I saw that you started trying. Good, keep doing it. Bitching, as always, will get you nowhere.

Supposdly "trying"(whatever that means, I'm so tired of hearing this word because idk what it means and trust me I've done nothing diffrent) hasn't gotten me anywhere either. Oh it's gotten me rejected just like when I supposedly didn't try. So what's the point other then to keep failing and hurting yourself? I would feel much better not trying.

[Rahxephon91]

Actually, I was happier before I met a recent girl who I knew from the beginning would reject me. She did, but not before giving me some hope which I would have been happier if she had just shut me down right at the beginning. I guess we just weren't compatible in personality and looks(because if tinder is to go buy, attractive women are well out of my league). It would have been much better to simply not have met this girl. But yeah I can't wait to go through this again only to end with the same result. Trying is so much fun.

And I'm almost 30. It was really nice to waste my 20s and I'm sure the oh so desirable 30 year olds who aren't taken will want to deal with a dude who has no experience what so ever. I'm really looking forward to that.

[mormapope]

Rejection is actually the easiest and most pain free thing relationship wise, when there's no love attached. Like, being told no by someone you think is neat but dont really know is a little awkward and nothing else.

When you fall in love with someone, rejection then usually means its something to learn from. Cant be bitter or resentful.

I dont know if you're ready to fall in love with someone Rahx, honestly. If getting rejected when infatuated fucks with you, falling in love and that not being mutual will be next level agony.

[king of the internet]

http://www.thebore.com/forum/index.php?topic=36858.msg2204786#msg2204786

Addedum to this post as of this week; my apprehensions were correct, going out on a limb did not pay off, and I sincerely wish I never met this person. Don't bother, folks.

Just a reminder to always trust your instincts. There's a reason why we put these walls up.

[I'm a Puppy!]

Rahx, here's the thing. People like to say you have to be confident to attract a partner. That's only partially correct. I can see what they mean, but I'm not a confident guy per se. BUT, you do have to make peace with who you are and be a person you like. Think of a relationship like a walk through life. No one is going to want to sign up to carry someone the whole way. They want someone who can take care of themselves and walk alongside them. It sorta goes back to that discussion last year about how I said if you want to be interesting, become an interesting person. If you want to someone to be with you, you gotta be someone you'd want to be with. That doesn't mean you don't have faults or that you become self-centered or egotistical. It's just making peace with the fact that some stuff you gotta work on and some stuff you're OK at. If you can't achieve some comfort in your own skin, then it's not fair to ask someone else to be for you.

[Rahxephon91]

I dont know if you're ready to fall in love with someone Rahx, honestly. If getting rejected when infatuated fucks with you, falling in love and that not being mutual will be next level agony.

Yeah that's probably where I'm at now. I did genuinely like someone(I won't use love because that's a strong word) and she didn't return those feelings, instead being simply friends. I know it's a shitty thing to not be fine with it, but I can't help it sorry. I don't have the confidence or self esteem like you guys to just be fine with this. Where did any of you find it? I find it hard to believe none of you had no accidental success as a teen or early adult where it clicked that "oh I can do this". I can't help but take rejections as a slight against my self because I'm sure if I looked better or whatnot I'd have a much easier time and be able to get the kind of women I want instead of realizing that I'm a 4 and I guess my range is 3-4s. I'm aware that's a misogynistic thing to say but I'm already on that path anyway and I really don't know how you get over issues like that.

[Atramental]

Speaking for myself here, I find that I'm more "confident" now that I have a greater sense & appreciation about being single and how it isn't as bad as people make it out to be.

When I get rejected now it doesn't feel like too much of a blow to my ego because I am comfortable with my solitude and I feel much more whole as a single individual.

Then again, I'm not the most neurotypical person out there and could easily see myself becoming a mountain hermit when I hit the age of 50. 

[I'm a Puppy!]

If you want to someone to be with you, you gotta be someone you'd want to be with.

Karakand has had tons of relationships, so I'm not sure this is a hard and fast rule.

Touche

[Kara]

Not to play down the specificity of my own self loathing and its resulting "success," but it's reasonable to consider that I'm: white (if I want to be white), slightly above six feet in height, a member of the professional "class," in possession of manners, and am not a slave to my sex organs. That's playing on easy mode in the dating game.

[Valkyrie]

P.S. Not all of us gives a shit about the guy's height.

[Purrp Skirrp]

[Atramental]

There's nothing quite as perturbing than seeing a 4'11" to 5'5" girl wanting a 6'+ guy on tinder. 

6' girls wanting a 6'+ guy I can understand but the former... ugh... fucking size queens. 

edit: Also, I myself don't care if a girl is taller than me. I think it's kinky/sexy in a weird way. 

[Kara]

P.S. Not all of us gives a shit about the guy's height.

It's a non-trivial variable in the meat market.

[Valkyrie]

I just think it's dumb for girls to care so much, especially because of that Tinder stuff Atra wrote. Nothing wrong with being tall though, or shorter anyway. Having preferences is fine, but having height  requirements is shallow.

[Mupepe]

Short chicks are hot

[toku]

Short chicks are hot

but not as much as tall ones :tongueemoji

[nudemacusers]

Only 5'9" 

[Atramental]

https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=150723333

spoiler (click to show/hide)

 

[close]

[Trurl]

I'm 6'5" and lost my virginity at 27.   

I'm attracted to different heights in different ways. I do like people taller than me but that rarely happens.

[Kara]

I just think it's dumb for girls to care so much, especially because of that Tinder stuff Atra wrote. Nothing wrong with being tall though, or shorter anyway. Having preferences is fine, but having height  requirements is shallow.

I don't get it too, but I've replied to profiles like that and made the most of fulfilling the height requirement (ditto for race) so I'm not going to try and take the moral . . . high ground now.