THE TRANSCRIPTDec 31st
"Mr. Pompeo, I'm done with the PowerPoint. Sanctions, Negotiations and Troop Deployments right?"
"Yes! Good job Lisa, but remember the President always wants more than 3 options and add lots of pictures of the American flag too"
"Ok... Ok... what's the 4th option sir?"
"To be fair, he usually stops reading at number 2 and never picked 3 or 4. I'm heading out to the dinner party. So I'll trust you to come up with something, be creative Lisa!"
"Ok, Mr. Pompeo see you on Monday, I'll email you the final version so you can discuss it with the President"
spoiler (click to show/hide)
January 1st
"Fantastic Presentation Mike! Fantastic! Can you send me that picture of the flag? It looks.. somehow better than the one we're using now"
"Certainly, Mr. President, I'll pass on the compliments to our intern Lisa. now for Iran... as you can see we've prepared 4 options in response to the embassy raid"
"Is Lisa hot?"
"Well Mr. President... I..."
"HI DAD"
"Eric! How wonderful you could make it for the party. Pick a seat we're picking options for Iran and Mike has a hot new intern. I'm just teasing you Mike, you have to be all professional, I get it believe me I get it"
"Cool dad!"
"Mike, I'm thinking number 1... sanctions, big sanctions, the biggest sanctions, how would that work"
"That would be a great choice Mr. President I'll draft some legislation it shouldn't be too hard to get the votes"
"Dad... what about option 4?"
"What... what is option 4 Eric?"
"It says: "Drone strike on Iranian General Giuliani" I didn't know uncle Rudy had infiltrated that far into their leadership"
"That's Soleimani Eric... Soleimani... he's the most powerful general of Iran. His nickname is the 'Lion' . He's responsible for perhaps reshaping the entire Middle East post our invasion of Iraq"
"Ok Mike, sounds good. That's why I keep you around, you know these things better than anyone except for me maybe"
"...Sir?"
"I'm with Eric, drone strike this Solindra guy. Wasn't he the one who swindled Obama with those solar panels? Can you believe it, such a thing won't happen with me here"
January 2nd
"Rudy... RUDY put your phone down, we're eating"
"Mr President... we've located the target. We're ready to take him down on your orders but this is a very high risk operation"
"Oh hey Mike, what's up, how's Lisa doing. We're just about to serve ice cream"
"Do you think I should do it? Melania what do you..."
"YEAH DAD OPEN UP A WHOLE LOT OF WHOOP ASS ON THIS GUY"
"Ok Eric we'll do it already jesus christ settle down"
"Go ahead Mike, kill this motherfucker"
"Mr. President, we found them on satellite but they're in friendly territory at Baghdad International Airport it might upset Iraq too, maybe we can make it look like an accident by..."
"Just do it already [inaudible] fuck this guy"
"We have a confirmation that the missile struck its target sir, what message should we send to our allies and the Iranians?"
"Don Trumpeone sends his regards"
"Dad, I thought 'Yippiekayee motherfucker' was your better line"
"It's no longer Christmas Eric, you still have a lot to learn if you want to be President"