Author Topic: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off (Read 13753 times)

TakingBackSunday · « **on:** October 16, 2008, 08:42:49 PM »

Jesus Chiiiiiiist man

He has his own space in the corner of our room, sorta closed off by the bed furniture. I'm under his lofted bed (we have a weird setup that HE chose casue he was the first one here) and he's like near the window, so I don't ever need to look at him.

BUT FUCK ALMIGHTY I JUST HEAR A WOMEN (AND HIM) MOAN AND I HEARD THE DISTINCT SOUND OF A BELT BUCKLE

FUCKING FUCK

DO IT WHEN I'M NOT IN THE ROOM FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUU

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #1 on:** October 16, 2008, 08:44:07 PM »

why don't you be a pal and help him out

or does he not look enough like a close relative for you

Brehvolution · « **Reply #2 on:** October 16, 2008, 08:44:53 PM »

Tell them to be louder so they don't hear you jerking off.

TakingBackSunday · « **Reply #3 on:** October 16, 2008, 08:46:14 PM »

Quote from: Professor Prole on October 16, 2008, 08:44:07 PM

why don't you be a pal and help him out

or does he not look enough like a close relative for you

enooooooughhhhhhhhhh

Powerslave · « **Reply #4 on:** October 16, 2008, 08:46:24 PM »

Jerk off louder than him. Make it a contest!

TakingBackSunday · « **Reply #5 on:** October 16, 2008, 08:48:47 PM »

Now that you mention it, ishootporn was my last google entry

fuck

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #6 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:00:59 PM »

Is he jerking off or fucking a girl?

There is a difference you know. Or maybe you don't. With you and your sister being so much a like, fucking each other might be a form of jerking off.

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #7 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:07:33 PM »

Quote from: Father_Mike on October 16, 2008, 09:00:59 PM

Is he jerking off or fucking a girl?

There is a difference you know. Or maybe you don't. With you and your sister being so much a like, fucking each other might be a form of jerking off.

This thread just took a turn for the hawt.

TakingBackSunday · « **Reply #8 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:09:02 PM »

Quote from: Father_Mike on October 16, 2008, 09:00:59 PM

Is he jerking off or fucking a girl?

There is a difference you know. Or maybe you don't. With you and your sister being so much a like, fucking each other might be a form of jerking off.

sigh

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #9 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:12:41 PM »

tell us a sexy story of filthy dirty teencest and we will drop the whole thing

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #10 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:18:27 PM »

Evilbore should collectively write a story about Brandnew's teencest.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #11 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:21:08 PM »

tube8

Ask him which free porn streaming site is he rooting for

demi · « **Reply #12 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:21:26 PM »

Pic of roommate? I might feel like jerking off too

demi · « **Reply #13 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:21:46 PM »

Quote from: Thanks But No Thanks on October 16, 2008, 09:21:08 PM

tube8

Ask him which free porn streaming site is he rooting for

yuvutu.com

Arbys Roast Beef Sandwich · « **Reply #14 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:23:15 PM »

Quote from: Senator Government on October 16, 2008, 08:42:49 PM

Jesus Chiiiiiiist man

He has his own space in the corner of our room, sorta closed off by the bed furniture. I'm under his lofted bed (we have a weird setup that HE chose casue he was the first one here) and he's like near the window, so I don't ever need to look at him.

BUT FUCK ALMIGHTY I JUST HEAR A WOMEN (AND HIM) MOAN AND I HEARD THE DISTINCT SOUND OF A BELT BUCKLE

FUCKING FUCK

DO IT WHEN I'M NOT IN THE ROOM FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUU

who the fuck moans when jacking off?

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #15 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:23:19 PM »

Quote from: Night Man on October 16, 2008, 09:18:27 PM

Evilbore should collectively write a story about Brandnew's teencest.

a sentence each! unless you are drinky or whiteman.

Dear EB

I will never forget the first time she took me in her mouth...

demi · « **Reply #16 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:23:55 PM »

Quote from: Father_Mike on October 16, 2008, 09:23:19 PM

I will never forget the first time she took me in her mouth...

I had just taken her for a walk in the backyard...

Bildi · « **Reply #17 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:25:49 PM »

and because the grass was all muddy and slippery...

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #18 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:26:21 PM »

and the dumpster next door yawned wide. i tugged my sister's leash, hefted her up, and tossed her amid the coffee grounds, grapefruit rinds, and copies of too human...

demi · « **Reply #19 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:28:19 PM »

It was the best 5 minutes of my life. The end.

Vizzys · « **Reply #20 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:28:30 PM »

then I ate my delicious sundae in front of her

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #21 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:30:03 PM »

After eating the last spoonful, I jumped inside the dumpster, landing on top of my sister's hot, sweaty, teenage body.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #22 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:30:44 PM »

only to realize half of the sundae's banana was between her legs

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #23 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:32:22 PM »

Then I posted about it on Evilbore while she was still orgasming in the corner.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #24 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:32:47 PM »

That was the first time the extent of our similarities dawned on me; that banana between her legs was just to much like mine.

Arbys Roast Beef Sandwich · « **Reply #25 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:32:52 PM »

her post-pubescent vulva strenuously caressing the plantain

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #26 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:33:30 PM »

"halo deuce, bitches!" i howled, savage with lust, right before i put my penis in her doodoo place and honked her on the back of her head with a well-placed donkey punch...

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #27 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:34:55 PM »

She let out a loud squeal, and collapsed, her facing landing on top of an open bag of discarded tampons.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #28 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:35:36 PM »

I slowly took the banana out of her vagina, making a popping noise

Arbys Roast Beef Sandwich · « **Reply #29 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:36:16 PM »

as I used a discarded copy of too human to set her anus agape

demi · « **Reply #30 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:37:59 PM »

and i turned on my xbox and played saints row 2 CAUSE ITS THE FUCKIN SHIT

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #31 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:38:44 PM »

and the goty

Don Flamenco · « **Reply #32 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:39:42 PM »

but I played with the banana in my mouth, thinking of how cool it would be if my sister had denis dyack's head

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #33 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:41:56 PM »

Soon my Xbox died; as I stared at the red ring of death, I was reminded of the unfinished business I had with my sister's virgin backdoor.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #34 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:42:36 PM »

once the banana slid out i noticed a string was attached to the end; i pulled it for minutes before a small penis emerged from the depths of her vagina. my penis

Arbys Roast Beef Sandwich · « **Reply #35 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:43:53 PM »

it was then I noticed that my pee pee was severed into a stump much resembling the proverbial red ring of death

CurseoftheGods · « **Reply #36 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:44:35 PM »

Then I started singing Like a Rolling Stone.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #37 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:46:44 PM »

my sister began to speak with my voice, saying "we must form like Voltron"

Don Flamenco · « **Reply #38 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:49:55 PM »

I smirked at this suggestion while eating a handful of jalapeno flavored potato chips, of the ridged variety

Bildi · « **Reply #39 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:49:56 PM »

and we realised our connectors were no longer compatible because a penis had emerged from between my sister's legs

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #40 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:52:07 PM »

so she mounted me, inserting my penis into my ass while i crawled out of the dumpster

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #41 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:56:01 PM »

I tried desperately to wiggle free, but she grabbed my long, soft light brown hair and wouldn't let go.

TakingBackSunday · « **Reply #42 on:** October 16, 2008, 09:58:12 PM »

*facepalm*

I mean I know this is all good fun, but this is uncomfortable. $:-\$

My sister and I are friends. Big deal?

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #43 on:** October 16, 2008, 10:00:25 PM »

She laughed, "I don't care if you're uncomfortable; you're going to take all 12 inches and like it."

TakingBackSunday · « **Reply #44 on:** October 16, 2008, 10:01:48 PM »

Please stop

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #45 on:** October 16, 2008, 10:02:59 PM »

"Please stop?" she said laughing menacingly, "I'll stop when I feel like stopping."

Bildi · « **Reply #46 on:** October 16, 2008, 10:05:03 PM »

Just then, Night Man entered the room, his magnificent beard preceded his actual entry by several minutes.

CurseoftheGods · « **Reply #47 on:** October 16, 2008, 10:07:18 PM »

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #48 on:** October 16, 2008, 10:07:26 PM »

Malek entered his lonely apartment only to realize Father Mike and TVC were in his bed, the former laying on his back eating a seafood subway sub, the latter with his fist all the way up the other's behind while he puffed a cigar with his other hand

TakingBackSunday · « **Reply #49 on:** October 16, 2008, 10:09:10 PM »

I hate you all

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #50 on:** October 16, 2008, 10:09:18 PM »

Malek then shot himself, and his body magically disappeared, so that White Man could not defile it.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #51 on:** October 16, 2008, 10:09:40 PM »

Quote from: Senator Government on October 16, 2008, 09:58:12 PM

*facepalm*

I mean I know this is all good fun, but this is uncomfortable. $:-\$

My sister and I are friends. Big deal?

it's a fine line between uncomfortable and sexy

just ask distantmantra!

Bildi · « **Reply #52 on:** October 16, 2008, 10:11:20 PM »

Greeted by this all-to-familiar sight, he angrily smacked the cigar out of TVC's hand and informed them this living arrangement was originally supposed to be temporary

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #53 on:** October 16, 2008, 10:11:22 PM »

He walked a meter into the room before he realized that what looked like a sticky situation for Father_Mike was an illusion of the angle he was viewing the two in. The fist of whiteman was actually nested in a bag of cheeses laying on the bed. It was very British humor. Brandnew visualized this in all it's glory as his sister pounded his backhole.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #54 on:** October 16, 2008, 10:11:46 PM »

Yet, as with even the most basic tasks, Malek failed - he didn't die, but found himself paralyzed as Father Mike descended on his body while being controlled from the rear by TVC's hand

Don Flamenco · « **Reply #55 on:** October 16, 2008, 10:12:27 PM »

AND THEN HE WALKED ON DOWN THE HALL

and he said "father"

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #56 on:** October 16, 2008, 10:12:50 PM »

White Man kicked malek in the head, killing him instantly--his body then magically disappeared

THE END

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #57 on:** October 16, 2008, 10:15:42 PM »

As Malek descended to heaven he realized all had been for not, then he realized he was actually going to heaven, afraid for his soul, which he now knew he had, he developed a cunning plan. He knew from recent news that God might need a lawyer. So he made God a promise that if he was to become his lawyer, God would spare his soul.
After months of wasted prep time Malek failed the heavenly LSAT and went to hell.

Don Flamenco · « **Reply #58 on:** October 16, 2008, 10:16:26 PM »

hell was actually the dimension of scatological sodomy and orange juice after brushing your teeth

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #59 on:** October 16, 2008, 10:17:30 PM »

Malek then realized there was no life after death and returned to nothingness. THE END

News:

Author Topic: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off (Read 13753 times)