RELATIONSHIPS: helping wizards deplete their mana since 2011

[Rahxephon91]

This is what I'm talking about. This is whats frustrating.

I was perfectly fine just contintung talking to this girl while casually trying to escalate.

But if you ask some people. Oh you need to make a move. Oh you need to make your intentions clear.

I do that and then come here.

Oh that was wrong. Oh that's a bitch move. Oh don't do that.

Oh you should just let things involve organically. Have them take their time.

Oh no actually you should ask someone out and see if they like you.

Which one is it? Let things just fall in place or take action?

[shosta]

Make a move means ask them to see a movie sometime or go to dinner or go on a hike by yourselves or send a lot of winky faces. It doesn't mean autistically back them in a corner and demand to know if they'll be letting you shove your penis inside of them anytime soon.

When you just treat them like a friend then you're treading water. You want to be swimming to the goal. And you don't want to take too long because they're going to get bored or tired or, worst case scenario, irritated at you for really wasting their time. In my experience (and experiences vary) most people are going to know fairly quickly if you're an option for them which means you should be fairly quick about signalling your intentions. Flirtation. It's important. And when you get their flirtation back, that's when you know you have something going on there. It's not going to be a mystery if someone thinks you're cute. You're literally genetically designed to pick up on these signals.

[Rahxephon91]

Thank you. I could have done without that bent, but at least that makes sense.

Oh well I guess that ones ruined.

[shosta]

I edited it to add more detail. You did a good job by using work as a vector to get to know someone. Just be more chill about this stuff. If you've only known someone for a few weeks and you two have been talking a lot and you do the correct, minor escalation and they rebuff, it's really easy to just revert back to a normal work relationship. If you do a crazy "do you even like me tho" move it becomes a lot more awkward.

[MMaRsu]

And you don't want to take too long because they're going to get bored or tired or, worst case scenario, irritated at you for really wasting their time.

What if a chick is wasting your time? Just using you for validation and attention though?

Not specifically this case but in general.

[shosta]

If someone wants to feel validated and have attention (as everyone on Earth wants) but the other person refuses to give it unless they can be stringed along with hints of romance, then both people are at fault. Because not wanting to be friends with someone unless they gratify you sexually is probably misogynistic on some level.

[MMaRsu]

The problem is more that if one person is very much sexually attracted to one person, than they are more inclined to do things for them in the name of 'friendship'.. while hoping to friendship their way into some sex. Imo a friendship where one is very much attracted to the other person doesn't work as a straight friendship.

If a woman wants to be my friend, she better be as good as a friend as my boys who I wanna hang out with on a daily basis . Or at least someone who shows interest in the friendship in a mutual way, not onesided because they know you have a thing for them.

[I'm a Puppy!]

Someone once asked me about relationship advice and what books they should read and such and I said that I sorta viewed relationships like Debussy viewed music theory, he said, "There is no theory. Music cannot be 'learned'."

In some ways I look back at that and think "Damn, that was good." In other ways I look back and think "Damn, that was dumb."

[I'm a Puppy!]

I think it's somewhat like my experience with the guitar. I always used to be like "There's no such thing as 'talent' I just know how to practice and do it well." And I believed that for years. Then I started teaching and I was like "Ok, that's not 100% right. Some people will have to practice for months to do something others can just sight read."

It's somewhere in the middle I think. But like with art, the more you talk to others about it, the better you are at it.

[MMaRsu]

Had a date last night.. that went fucking well .

Aww yea

also todays my birthday

[Valkyrie]

Happy birthday!

[HardcoreRetro]

One year closer to death.

Congrats!

[desert punk]

Had a date last night.. that went fucking well .

Birthday sex included ?

In any case, congrats!

[MMaRsu]

Had a date last night.. that went fucking well .

Birthday sex included ?

In any case, congrats!

Thanks everyone

No birthday sex for the first date obviously, but some heavy make out sesh instead. This is a good down to earth girl so Im down to put in work.

[shosta]

Good thing you "know she's interested" this time!

[Bebpo]

Happy Birthday!

Sounds like a memorable & enjoyable one

[tiesto]

Happy birthday, MMarsu! :O

Anyways, things have been going so fantastic with my girlfriend. It's like the more time I spend with her, the more I find something I like. If things keep going as well as they have...

spoiler (click to show/hide)

she even bought a schoolgirl outfit and pink wig that she wore for me the other night 

[close]

[Bebpo]

Really happy for you man! Sounds like a good connection

[Bebpo]

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[shosta]

PS. I know this story sounds stupid and overplayed to a normal person who has conversations with strangers daily. But it's near impossible for me to have a conversation with a random stranger, and so to be in a position where I get seated next to someone of the opposite sex within my age range, whose there solo, and after mutual awkward silence, we stumble into a conversation and click and get along...that's really rare! It's not a big deal (my drunk friend was like "dude, she was way too attractive for you" -_-) but just kinda happy sad moment in time.[/hide]

No way man, missed connections can feel like the end of the world, so you've got every right to post this. Sorry that happened to you. Let this experience give you the motivation to talk to more people! And big ups for what you accomplished. Also your friend is the WORST wingman!

[MMaRsu]

Thanks yall ^_^

I got another date tonight, movie times at this girls crib

Good times ahead awww yeaaaaaa achtung bitches

[Bebpo]

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Also your friend is the WORST wingman!

 

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[brawndolicious]

View it like an RPG. Go up to a girl and press A.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Playstation is for virgins.

[close]

[Van Cruncheon]

Someone once asked me about relationship advice and what books they should read and such and I said that I sorta viewed relationships like Debussy viewed music theory, he said, "There is no theory. Music cannot be 'learned'."

In some ways I look back at that and think "Damn, that was good." In other ways I look back and think "Damn, that was dumb."

ah, you can be right and pretentious af at the same time. ASK ME HOW I KNOW

[SantaC]

I am currently in a relationship that is stable but incredibly boring sex-vise. It's just been too many years. Another girl is flirting with me, what should I do?

[Bebpo]

Talk to your gf about improving your sex life?

[SantaC]

Talk to your gf about improving your sex life?

I dunno, the attraction after 10 years is kinda dead. I am weighing my options.

The one flirting is Japanese-swedish, me like

well not really flirting, more like come and fuck me and do whatever you want. Funny how other girls start finding me attractive when I lost 20kg.

[Mupepe]

Talk to your gf about opening up your relationship to other people.

[SantaC]

Talk to your gf about opening up your relationship to other people.

Good call. Probably get slap in my face though.

[shosta]

gimme your girl's number and I'll show her things she's only dreamed about 

[Mupepe]

Talk to your gf about opening up your relationship to other people.

Good call. Probably get slap in my face though.

Start with just some dirty talk in bed. Srs

[SantaC]

gimme your girl's number and I'll show her things she's only dreamed about 

That might do it. Then i can move on to greener grass.

[Bebpo]

Talk to your gf about improving your sex life?

I dunno, the attraction after 10 years is kinda dead. I am weighing my options.

The one flirting is Japanese-swedish, me like

well not really flirting, more like come and fuck me and do whatever you want. Funny how other girls start finding me attractive when I lost 20kg.

Idk, man. Your post is basically “After a 10 year relationship I’ve found someone hotter, tell me why I shouldn’t fuck her?” And to me that sorta says that your relationship has problems in the first place if you’re willing to just dump it once someone hotter comes along. If it’s over, it’s over. But I wouldn’t let “some hot gal wants to sleep with me” be the decision maker. For all you know after you sleep with this new gal she’ll leave and then you’ve just tossed your relationship and are alone. Which may be what you want right now, but it’s pretty big decision if you’ve been together 10 years so just saying take time to think about it and don’t do anything rash imo.

[CatsCatsCats]

Communicate, cheat, leave, or wallow in inaction, these are your options

[shosta]

I can fix your relationship, just give me 8 tubs of coconut oil and 10 feet of rope

[I'm a Puppy!]

I am currently in a relationship that is stable but incredibly boring sex-vise. It's just been too many years. Another girl is flirting with me, what should I do?

There are lulls in every relationship. If it's worth keeping communicate with her. If it's just convenient, move on.

[Bebpo]

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[shosta]

The dating scene varies so wildly from city to city. I moved from Northern California to Las Vegas and had the opposite experience you had. Constant matches on Tinder in NorCal, starting to get a little lonely down here in the desert. If you're in SoCal and not getting hits on the meat market you should try OKC instead.

Good call with keeping it short and funny. Also set up a date as soon as possible. Nobody wants to meander on and on via messages. It only takes a few for them to know if you're interesting or have a commonality or not.

[SantaC]

I am currently in a relationship that is stable but incredibly boring sex-vise. It's just been too many years. Another girl is flirting with me, what should I do?

There are lulls in every relationship. If it's worth keeping communicate with her. If it's just convenient, move on.

Hmmm i think it might be time to try some japanese ass. Never been with an asian girl.

[SantaC]

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Yes you write too much. The girl will lose interest if you write walls of text. Also replying once a day is no good. She sits there writing with tons of guys probably. Be confident and funny.

Tell them you found all 900 korok seeds in zelda. That will surely get you irl dates, haha

[MMaRsu]

Ok so... I could use a bit of help.

Regarding this one girl who I was digging but she said it wasn't mutual, now she's fucking seeking my attention again. WTF is up with this woman???

She sent me a txt saying "It's a shame we can't hang out anymore as friends after I told you it wasn't mutual. I really think you are a cool and relaxing guy and from my point of view a good friendship was def in the cards"

I'm like wtf.. ok so I replied

"Yeah it is a shame, but a friendship is difficult thing when one person likes the person on another lvl and it's not mutual. Because the more I talk with you, the more I wanna hang out and do stuff with you. I don't really feel like dealing with all that to be honest".

so I got a txt back saying "Okay, fine"

So today at work she's giving me the stink eye.. so I send her a msg saying yo we should at least be able to just say hi to eachother at work and stuff like that, just as colleague's.

Then she asks me "Are we not doing that now?" I asked her what do you think? Then she said

:"Well you didn't wanna talk to me is what you said. I'm just respecting what you said. "

I told her I never said that I didn't want to talk to her.

"Oh right, but the more you talk to me the trickier it is for you right?" "I don't really care one way or another, I was just saying that it's really a shame we can't just hang out as friends because like I said earlier I think you are a nice guy soo... "

Seriously, I have not responded to this yet. I mean so she really wants to be friends, but gives me the stink eye when I told her listen that shit aint easy when I like you on a different lvl.

On another note I already have a third date set up with someone else I'm seeing so.. maybe I could just try to be friends with this woman too. But she is a DRAMA FUCKING QUEEN.

[SantaC]

Ok so... I could use a bit of help.

Regarding this one girl who I was digging but she said it wasn't mutual, now she's fucking seeking my attention again. WTF is up with this woman???

She sent me a txt saying "It's a shame we can't hang out anymore as friends after I told you it wasn't mutual. I really think you are a cool and relaxing guy and from my point of view a good friendship was def in the cards"

I'm like wtf.. ok so I replied

"Yeah it is a shame, but a friendship is difficult thing when one person likes the person on another lvl and it's not mutual. Because the more I talk with you, the more I wanna hang out and do stuff with you. I don't really feel like dealing with all that to be honest".

so I got a txt back saying "Okay, fine"

So today at work she's giving me the stink eye.. so I send her a msg saying yo we should at least be able to just say hi to eachother at work and stuff like that, just as colleague's.

Then she asks me "Are we not doing that now?" I asked her what do you think? Then she said

:"Well you didn't wanna talk to me is what you said. I'm just respecting what you said. "

I told her I never said that I didn't want to talk to her.

"Oh right, but the more you talk to me the trickier it is for you right?" "I don't really care one way or another, I was just saying that it's really a shame we can't just hang out as friends because like I said earlier I think you are a nice guy soo... "

Seriously, I have not responded to this yet. I mean so she really wants to be friends, but gives me the stink eye when I told her listen that shit aint easy when I like you on a different lvl.

On another note I already have a third date set up with someone else I'm seeing so.. maybe I could just try to be friends with this woman too. But she is a DRAMA FUCKING QUEEN.

Sounds like pass to me

[I'm a Puppy!]

Ok so... I could use a bit of help.

Regarding this one girl who I was digging but she said it wasn't mutual, now she's fucking seeking my attention again. WTF is up with this woman???

She sent me a txt saying "It's a shame we can't hang out anymore as friends after I told you it wasn't mutual. I really think you are a cool and relaxing guy and from my point of view a good friendship was def in the cards"

I'm like wtf.. ok so I replied

"Yeah it is a shame, but a friendship is difficult thing when one person likes the person on another lvl and it's not mutual. Because the more I talk with you, the more I wanna hang out and do stuff with you. I don't really feel like dealing with all that to be honest".

so I got a txt back saying "Okay, fine"

So today at work she's giving me the stink eye.. so I send her a msg saying yo we should at least be able to just say hi to eachother at work and stuff like that, just as colleague's.

Then she asks me "Are we not doing that now?" I asked her what do you think? Then she said

:"Well you didn't wanna talk to me is what you said. I'm just respecting what you said. "

I told her I never said that I didn't want to talk to her.

"Oh right, but the more you talk to me the trickier it is for you right?" "I don't really care one way or another, I was just saying that it's really a shame we can't just hang out as friends because like I said earlier I think you are a nice guy soo... "

Seriously, I have not responded to this yet. I mean so she really wants to be friends, but gives me the stink eye when I told her listen that shit aint easy when I like you on a different lvl.

On another note I already have a third date set up with someone else I'm seeing so.. maybe I could just try to be friends with this woman too. But she is a DRAMA FUCKING QUEEN.

#1) don't dip the pen in company ink. PD will learn this soon enough
#2) It sounds like you set yourself to be friendzoned
#3) It sounds like she just wants to be wanted.

Do both you a favor and take a hard pass.

[MMaRsu]

On another note I already have a third date set up with someone else I'm seeing so.. maybe I could just try to be friends with this woman too. But she is a DRAMA FUCKING QUEEN.

#1) don't dip the pen in company ink. PD will learn this soon enough
#2) It sounds like you set yourself to be friendzoned
#3) It sounds like she just wants to be wanted.

Do both you a favor and take a hard pass.

1. Very much agreed but damn I really liked this woman ( at first ).
2. Well in the end yea..
3. That is 100% fucking true, she wants attention.

Hard pass I'll take it. Maybe I'll just send her 'I get what you are saying.. but that's just not gonna happen. You can't always get what you want.'

Some shit like that

[recursivelyenumerable]

She sent me a txt saying "It's a shame we can't hang out anymore as friends after I told you it wasn't mutual. I really think you are a cool and relaxing guy and from my point of view a good friendship was def in the cards"

I'm like wtf.. ok so I replied

"Yeah it is a shame, but a friendship is difficult thing when one person likes the person on another lvl and it's not mutual. Because the more I talk with you, the more I wanna hang out and do stuff with you. I don't really feel like dealing with all that to be honest".

so I got a txt back saying "Okay, fine"

So today at work she's giving me the stink eye.. so I send her a msg saying yo we should at least be able to just say hi to eachother at work and stuff like that, just as colleague's.

friendthirsty girls don't wanna be colleaguezone'd

[recursivelyenumerable]

we've been together for six months now, also I moved into her house last week

[toku]

we've been together for six months now, also I moved into her house last week

[thisismyusername]

No lie, I'd do SantaC probably.

In other news: Swiped right or whatever the like side is on Tindr after getting a notification that someone liked me on a whim to see if the the top one/first one I saw was the one that liked me. They were. And... they have this kinda-girlish face that is  Not sure. We've gotten to talking and they want to meet up but at the same time I'm so " " toward their looks that I'm not sure I want to. But I haven't said that as I'm not a complete asshole.

Totally superficial, but I mean...

[brawndolicious]

No lie, I'd do SantaC probably.

In other news: Swiped right or whatever the like side is on Tindr after getting a notification that someone liked me on a whim to see if the the top one/first one I saw was the one that liked me. They were. And... they have this kinda-girlish face that is  Not sure. We've gotten to talking and they want to meet up but at the same time I'm so " " toward their looks that I'm not sure I want to. But I haven't said that as I'm not a complete asshole.

Totally superficial, but I mean...

I have to see what this person looks like. People thought I was a short-haired girl pre-puberty but I won't judge you.

You can just PM if you want to keep their privacy.

[thisismyusername]

I have to see what this person looks like. People thought I was a short-haired girl pre-puberty but I won't judge you.

You can just PM if you want to keep their privacy.

They're in their late twenties. So it's not really "late-puberty" at this point.

I haven't sent a message to them in a few days, and I feel bad about that because I don't want to be an asshole. But at the same time, I'm not really sure I want to meet up with them as it's such a " " reaction in terms of their looks.

[CatsCatsCats]

If you are meh about them don’t waste either of y’all’s time

[thisismyusername]

I mean we haven't talked too deeply enough to know if I want to meet-up, they just popped it out of the blue.

To be honest, I haven't even mentioned the biggest hurdle that they'd face to them. And besides which, I'm still hung up on the face.

In any case, to not be a total asshole, I sent a message despite a 2-3 day gap. We'll see if they ever reply back, but I doubt it. *shrug*

[CatsCatsCats]

It’s not being mean/rude to not be attracted to someone, just sayin

[Rahxephon91]

It’s not being mean/rude to not be attracted to someone, just sayin

[I'm a Puppy!]

It’s not being mean/rude to not be attracted to someone, just sayin

Sounds like something one of those "beautiful people" would say

[CatsCatsCats]

🤷‍♀️

[TakingBackSunday]

It’s not being mean/rude to not be attracted to someone, just sayin

it's not, though

[Raist]

It’s not being mean/rude to not be attracted to someone, just sayin

Well it depends, in some cases it's complete bigotry.

[CatsCatsCats]

[BlueTsunami]

Protip: sending a girl youre into roaches crawling out of a vagina body horror amd being like, lol practice good hygiene, isnt a good snap to send of youre not sure theyre cool like that