RELATIONSHIPS: helping wizards deplete their mana since 2011

[I'm a Puppy!]

Yeah. Real talk I almost got a piece from this fine ass African woman from Detroit a couple of years ago. Ghetto ass, big ol titties on a small frame, tatted up, hot as fuck. We were sending lewd pics back and forth. She was at her most interested when I was all coy. The moment I tried to get my rocks off first via text before the main event she shut down. Never again. Well. Maybe not never again, I get too saucy sometimes and trip over my shoelaces. But you get the picture.

Apparently, we don't.
 

[thisismyusername]

https://imgur.com/a/AgfLLgh

I think I’m in with the chubby girl. 

edit: or she’s fucking with me

I highly doubt she's fucking with you, dude. She's (seemingly) being upfront about looking for NSA sex.

That said:

When people are actually interested in hanging out, even if they're busy on the suggested day, they'll offer a different day. Or they'll just make time. People aren't actually all that busy!

This is also something to consider. If she doesn't get back with you by Friday, just cut your losses. But I'm not thinking she's fucking with you if she actually gets back to you about another day. That said, I don't think suggesting Friday after she said Saturday didn't work was the way to go. You could've said "what is the best day without any problem(s)/work works for you?" If she's serious, she'd actually give something like that (though this is gay life talking, take with hetero salt on that) a response.

Who knows, though.

[mormapope]

OKcupid is getting a more odd crowd nowadays I feel. Juggalo girl with a daddy/brat kink looking for her redneck Romeo.

[thisismyusername]

OKcupid is getting a more odd crowd nowadays I feel. Juggalo girl with a daddy/brat kink looking for her redneck Romeo.

Now?

[shosta]

That said, I don't think suggesting Friday after she said Saturday didn't work was the way to go. You could've said "what is the best day without any problem(s)/work works for you?"

Hellllll no. This really puts the other person on the spot and doesn't let them save face. If you ask someone this, they either have to give you a real time, be forced to awkwardly turn you down, or just ghost you entirely.

[shosta]

It's not sociopathy. It's the same level of awkward as asking someone why they're not interested in you. Just read the damn signal!

[BlueTsunami]

Asking what date works for them is a very hot potato move, in that the hot potato is now in their hands. If theyre incapable of making a choice after that its time to walk away. They were never serious about taking things offline, at least with you.

[BlueTsunami]

I love how between our responses it runs the gambit between cynical and understanding (mine being cynical)

[shosta]

It's not going to go like that. If she's actually interested, last message will be "Can't do Saturday, how about _". They're not going to leave you hanging, especially when they're the ones with the scheduling conflicts. Here's a way more common example I see:

*Decent conversation, then out of nowhere*
"You free Friday to get coffee or something?"
"I'm busy Friday, sorry."
"How about Saturday?"
*girl ghosts forever*

[brawndolicious]

Why don't you just say that you're interested in meeting them and if you seem to be the coolest dude they've found, to give you a call so you can do something this weekend?

It's being honest, direct, and there's no pressure if they don't get back to ya. You're both probably gonna be swiping and fapping on Sunday night but this way, no one comes off as a sensitive bitch.

[team filler]

I actually agree with shartsta. Should have told that fat bitch "Enjoy your weekend!" like she didn't just tell you she was working. Then don't reply to anything else she has to say unless it was about meeting up on another day. And even then make her dumbass wait for an answer.

[FreeNudeLyleLanley]

That said, I don't think suggesting Friday after she said Saturday didn't work was the way to go. You could've said "what is the best day without any problem(s)/work works for you?"

Hellllll no. This really puts the other person on the spot and doesn't let them save face. If you ask someone this, they either have to give you a real time, be forced to awkwardly turn you down, or just ghost you entirely.

That's the whole point! You need to find out if they want to actually go on a date or if they're wasting your time.

[BlueTsunami]

Naming a specific date and being shot down isn't the end of things. Some people are bad at following up. Thats when you open up the calendar book and say, if you're interested let me know what works. If nothing works in the foreseeable future take the hint.

[Atramental]

Well, I'm already exhausted from this week anyways.

Guess I'll just sit at home and try motivating myself to draw for the umpteenth time.

[Atramental]

https://imgur.com/a/AgfLLgh

I think I’m in with the chubby girl. 

edit: or she’s fucking with me

I highly doubt she's fucking with you, dude. She's (seemingly) being upfront about looking for NSA sex.

That said:

When people are actually interested in hanging out, even if they're busy on the suggested day, they'll offer a different day. Or they'll just make time. People aren't actually all that busy!

This is also something to consider. If she doesn't get back with you by Friday, just cut your losses. But I'm not thinking she's fucking with you if she actually gets back to you about another day. That said, I don't think suggesting Friday after she said Saturday didn't work was the way to go. You could've said "what is the best day without any problem(s)/work works for you?" If she's serious, she'd actually give something like that (though this is gay life talking, take with hetero salt on that) a response.

Who knows, though.

I don't know if gay men do this but hetero women do things called "shit tests" where they'll say something and then gage your reaction. And if they don't like how you react they'll drop you like a bag of shit.

So that "I'm looking for a low key FWBs" was most likely a shit test to see if I'm just a fuccboi and boy did I come across as a fuccboi. 


edit: Also, I remember when I was on a 2nd date with this one girl and she asked if I could see myself being a stay at home dad and I said "yeah, maybe" and then she said "UH! Wrong answer." she was wanting me to say no. 

Fuck women. Seriously. There's always some ploy or unwritten rules that you're dealing with and you have to be psychic (or lucky) to read into their shit or you're fucked.

[thisismyusername]

That said, I don't think suggesting Friday after she said Saturday didn't work was the way to go. You could've said "what is the best day without any problem(s)/work works for you?"

Hellllll no. This really puts the other person on the spot and doesn't let them save face. If you ask someone this, they either have to give you a real time, be forced to awkwardly turn you down, or just ghost you entirely.

Fuck "saving face." If they are DTF, they are DTF and either want to make plans or don't. "What days work for you" is a neutral question and if they can't answer it, you're better off jumping to the next one. Asking "Friday?" "No, I got work then." "Saturday? Sunday?" is desperate and doesn't put them on the spot of giving an actual fucking answer.

https://imgur.com/a/AgfLLgh

I think I’m in with the chubby girl. 

edit: or she’s fucking with me

I highly doubt she's fucking with you, dude. She's (seemingly) being upfront about looking for NSA sex.

That said:

When people are actually interested in hanging out, even if they're busy on the suggested day, they'll offer a different day. Or they'll just make time. People aren't actually all that busy!

This is also something to consider. If she doesn't get back with you by Friday, just cut your losses. But I'm not thinking she's fucking with you if she actually gets back to you about another day. That said, I don't think suggesting Friday after she said Saturday didn't work was the way to go. You could've said "what is the best day without any problem(s)/work works for you?" If she's serious, she'd actually give something like that (though this is gay life talking, take with hetero salt on that) a response.

Who knows, though.

I don't know if gay men do this but hetero women do things called "shit tests" where they'll say something and then gage your reaction. And if they don't like how you react they'll drop you like a bag of shit.

So that "I'm looking for a low key FWBs" was most likely a shit test to see if I'm just a fuccboi and boy did I come across as a fuccboi. 

You didn't come off as a fuccboi for anything other than saying "Saturday" right after. If she's going to kick the tires and hmm and haww about your suitability of putting your dick in her, she's not worth the bother.

You heteros need to get the fuck over yourselves and be direct with each other. If you're wanting to fuck and the other person is attractive, don't fucking beat around the bush. If you're wanting to date, fucking say it.

Jesus Christ, I really worry about the future of the species if something simple as "hey, I think you're hot. Are you DTF" (not as direct though) is something that is world-shattering ending for the other person to deal with.

And pulling the "I'm looking to fuck" card and then going "well, maybe not with you lol" is a total bitch move and people should not do that to the other person. If you're wanting to fuck casually and you fucking match with that person, be committed to doing that. Don't fucking toss it out as a "purity test" on your fucking virtue. It isn't the 1700's anymore, men don't have to slap each other with a white glove and then shoot each other in a duel for the prospect of fucking breeding you, women.

[Atramental]

You can't be too direct or you'll scare them off.
You can't be too indirect or you'll bore them/make it seem like you're not interested.

You have to find that fucking thin margin between directness & indirectness.
And it's such a giant fucking chore each and every time because each girl has a different threshold.

edit: I guess the only good thing I got out of that interaction is 3 bars in Asheville that I've never been to before.
So next time I'm up there I'll be sure to get pissed drunk at each one. 

[thisismyusername]

You can't be too direct or you'll scare them off.
You can't be too indirect or you'll bore them/make it seem like you're not interested.

You have to find that fucking thin margin between directness & indirectness.
And it's such a giant fucking chore each and every time because each girl has a different threshold.

You're ignoring my point. We're in the age of smart-phones. You can swipe left/right on peoples images if you think they're attractive/okay-ish or not. If you two match, throwing out the "well, I'm looking for friends with benefits" card out promptly and then not committing to a date is a weak-ass move. Don't do that shit to each other as a "purity test." If you heteros are looking to fuck and match with the other person, be committed. Her line about looking for a FwB situation means being direct about a possible date in the future is an ok response, fuck what Shosta says about that. She is open to that possibility, she should commit to it or fucking hold her tongue on it("FwB" card).

You heteros need to get with the program in regards to Grindr-isms: If you're looking to fuck, you're using the app(s) to look for a fuck quickly. If you're not doing that, don't fucking bait the other person and get the fuck off the app in that case (though in this case, Tindr is used for more than quick fucks... so... ).

[shosta]

I don't think gay guys know anything about what straight dating is like

[Atramental]

You can't be too direct or you'll scare them off.
You can't be too indirect or you'll bore them/make it seem like you're not interested.

You have to find that fucking thin margin between directness & indirectness.
And it's such a giant fucking chore each and every time because each girl has a different threshold.

You're ignoring my point. We're in the age of smart-phones. You can swipe left/right on peoples images if you think they're attractive/okay-ish or not. If you two match, throwing out the "well, I'm looking for friends with benefits" card out promptly and then not committing to a date is a weak-ass move. Don't do that shit to each other as a "purity test." If you heteros are looking to fuck and match with the other person, be committed. Her line about looking for a FwB situation means being direct about a possible date in the future is an ok response, fuck what Shosta says about that. She is open to that possibility, she should commit to it or fucking hold her tongue on it("FwB" card).

You heteros need to get with the program in regards to Grindr-isms: If you're looking to fuck, you're using the app(s) to look for a fuck quickly. If you're not doing that, don't fucking bait the other person and get the fuck off the app in that case (though in this case, Tindr is used for more than quick fucks... so... ).

You're preaching to the choir here.

You're not going to change millions of years of evolution when it comes to hetero women's behavior by telling them "Just be promiscuous like gay men".

They are the main selectors in the natural selection equation.
 
If they (excluding sex workers & pornstars because they have their own issues) can't see themselves (consciously or unconsciously) having your kids they're not gonna fuck you.
And it doesn't matter if they're on the pill or not. It's sooo fucking engrained in their psyche that if there's a .0001% chance that they could get pregnant off your seed they're not gonna even bother with your shit.

I don't think gay guys know anything about what straight dating is like

They have no fucking idea.

Hetero and homo dating are fucking night and day.

[shosta]

I think what timu is saying is that someone on Tinder is already looking to get it so pressing really hard is the natural thing to so. But women's entire lives, if they're actually any attractive, is getting hit on by every man they encounter, all the time, from puberty until they're old and dusty, so even something like getting a fwb is like a delicate peacock dance. One wrong move socially can shut an entire situation down. It's that fragile. Gay people aren't like this!

But anyway all I was saying was that I think in general if someone says they're busy without telling you when they're not, you're done and they already decided. You can take a shot but expect to be ghosted or disappointed.

also we should move on from this dumb subject

[mormapope]

Biology, culture, social status, status of wealth, these are things that don't necessarily influence why we wanna date or fuck someone. But those all influence attraction. Life experiences, pain, joy, everything influences how attractive people are to you.

[I'm a Puppy!]

Honestly, in reading these things it seems like online/app dating is impossible for a guy. I'd not even try. You're dealing with people wanting perfection because they can toss out candidates until they get someone that matches that perception. When you're in front of someone you cut them some slack because you're also putting yourself on the line. Whereas it seems like with online dating you're going into someone's royal court.

Also, I saw this, and while I'm not a fan of "conversation tips" (you're either good at it or not) there are some good tricks I use in this

[toku]

[Atramental]

So true, toku. So true. 

[Atramental]

Jesus fucking christ. Finally. 

edit: Her threshold for directness is high due to her being obviously attracted to me. /autism

[Rahxephon91]

Well at least you keep at it.

You're the best around.

No ones going to keep you down.

[Atramental]

Now time to take her out for Indian.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Just kidding. 

[close]

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Hetero and homo dating are fucking night and day.

I'm telling you, just let some guy go to town on your ass.  What's the harm?

[Atramental]

Alecia has gone silent (4 hours ago) as soon as I brought up dinner plans. 

Hetero and homo dating are fucking night and day.

I'm telling you, just let some guy go to town on your ass.  What's the harm?

AIDs, ostracization from family, "wizard sleeve-ing" of the rectum, etc. 

[brawndolicious]

Alecia seems either a bit tipsy or a huge dork who just tried out dating for the first time. Either way, that shows two things:

1) There is a bias in your sample set as there is a large number of people who will try it out but have no idea what the accepted social behavior in online dating is.

2) You'd actually get laid regularly in real life.

Honestly, I think outside of shy dudes that were late bloomers and fat chicks, very few people are "veteran" at online dating.

[Atramental]

Well, I guess I'm binge drinking this Friday.

[shosta]

Bar food
 

[Atramental]

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/learner-english/out-on-the-town

enjoying yourself in bars, restaurants, etc in the evening

[Atramental]

She messaged me back and says Sunday will work. 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

I don't want to think about what she's doing Friday and Saturday tho. 

[close]

edit: Also, the Italian restaurant will be closed then but the Indian restaurant will be open... so curry it is. 

edit2: So now I have to wait for Sunday to arrive and hope that not getting black out drunk on Friday was a good move. 

[tiesto]

What kind of Italian restaurant is closed Sunday?

[Atramental]

One that's in the south. 

[mormapope]

On the 7th day, there will be no spaghetti and meataballza, there will be a hefty plate of Jesussssus.

[BlueTsunami]

Just dont balk when she invites you up for coffee on a Sunday night cause you have work in the am. You fawkin take the hit, get your dick wet and run on an hour of sleep.

[Atramental]

Just dont balk when she invites you up for coffee on a Sunday night cause you have work in the am. You fawkin take the hit, get your dick wet and run on an hour of sleep.

It looks like she lives near downtown (which is where I work) so if push came to shove I could sleep at her place and then easily get to work on time in the morning. 

[Assimilate]

Just dont balk when she invites you up for coffee on a Sunday night cause you have work in the am. You fawkin take the hit, get your dick wet and run on an hour of sleep.

Pussy over sleep on a sunday night before work 

Ah, what it is to be of that age.  There was a time i used to take an hour bus ride through some dangerous parts just to get the beak polished. No more, no sir. Fuck that.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Man, you are fucking annoying.  Go away

[Assimilate]

Man, you are fucking annoying.  Go away

It's funny, all the gays in here stick together. 

[team filler]

birds of a feather beak together 

[I'm a Puppy!]

Man, you are fucking annoying.  Go away

It's funny, all the gays in here stick together. 

This is surprising? What site do you think you're on?

[CatsCatsCats]

Assimilate sure is a misnomer

[Assimilate]

Assimilate sure is a misnomer

My bad. Put it in my butt.

[CatsCatsCats]

Jack’s right tho, suggesting dinner after saying out on the town wasn’t the best play. Out on the town sounds like informal party time, dinner sounds stuffy then in that context 🤷‍♀️

[Huff]

Always do drinks before hand everyone gets drunker on an empty stomach

Duh

[Assimilate]

Always do drinks before hand everyone gets drunker on an empty stomach

Duh

Drinks on a first date at a calm bar or lounge is always the best course of action i'd say.

The worst is movies. Why the fuck would you go to a movie on your first date? I never understood that.

[Rahxephon91]

The real advice is to shut up and stop worrying. You got a yes. That's great.

[shosta]

he can still stop at a bar after

[Atramental]

he can still stop at a bar after

That's what I usually do if dinner goes well.

There's plenty of bars that are walking distance from that restaurant.

I just gotta make sure not to get too sauced or I become a cartoon character version of myself.

[Mupepe]

Make sure to nut inside her so she won’t leave you.

[FreeNudeLyleLanley]

Go to the bar first then if it's going well go get some food.

[VomKriege]

Heh tried OKCupid and I like it. People seems more normal (by my standard) probably because the profile is more complete. All the other ones I tried beforehand seemed overly tilted to higher middle class types who did horse riding on the regular and back from their some dime out of a dozen exotic trip. Also being able to message someone at least once even in the free version. I guess the pool is smaller over here (it's less popular than in the US) but certainly more than enough for me.

Also I discover the word sapiosexual and it sounds like a wee bit pretentious.

[VomKriege]

sapiosexual is a word that only exists in women's dating profiles.

"I like intelligent people", who doesn't ? Reads more like flaunting your own ego.
Other words I  at : epicurism, zebra, Myers-Briggs denominations, yoga.

[nudemacusers]

1. always bar instead of dinner for a 1st run duh

2. "sapiosexual" is the new "if you can't love me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best" for low-key sloots to drop in profiles

Make sure to nut inside her so she won’t leave you.

worked for me

[VomKriege]

1. always bar instead of dinner for a 1st run duh

2. "sapiosexual" is the new "if you can't love me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best" for low-key sloots to drop in profiles

Make sure to nut inside her so she won’t leave you.

worked for me

That's what she wants you to think.

[Atramental]

You said “out on the town”, then suggested dinner. Should have suggested a bar.

Go to the bar first then if it's going well go get some food.

Every time I brought up getting drinks instead of food I would get deafening silence in return.

I’ve had more luck with suggesting dinner dates.