Pallando will return in "Never Say Never Again"

[Flannel Boy]

She jut wants to bang. What is there to understand?

I'm not a piece of meat!

A smoking hot 25-year-old from the Czech Republic (why is she living in Winnipeg) seems attracted to me.

[Flannel Boy]

Sounds about right. I'll try to set that up. I'll just need to find out if she's vegetarian/vegan or whatever.

You need to find that out before you ever ask her out in the first place.

Vegans. 

[Rufus]

She jut wants to bang. What is there to understand?

I'm not a piece of meat!

She wants the D. Oblige the lady.

[Flannel Boy]

The Czech* agreed to a date. Now let's see whether I can deposit that Czech (I don't know what that means[answer is no anyway]).

*she looks like a computer-generated composite made from a database of Czech porn stars.

[Shadow Mod]

I bet the Czech ends up in the male.

So she pegs and he receives?

[FatalT]

The ex bragged to me about how she's hanging out with a friend who is more than a friend now today and won't be able to talk to me much. "But Fatal.." you say, "...she's only 17 so you really shouldn't give a shit about her anymore!" I know, I know. In all honesty I should just sever communication and delete her from Facebook but eh. I'll just start looking at her like my little sister.

[Mupepe]

Little sister's gotta learn the ropes somehow.  Might as well be from her big brother with his big...

spoiler (click to show/hide)

shoes

[close]

[FatalT]

Little sister's gotta learn the ropes somehow.  Might as well be from her big brother with his big...

spoiler (click to show/hide)

shoes

[close]

I hate you.

[Cerveza mas fina]

Whats the point of catching feels if youre a decade away from settling down?

[Rufus]

If he had thought his way into feeling this way he'd be able to think himself out. But that's unfortunately not how it works.

[demi]

The ex bragged to me about how she's hanging out with a friend who is more than a friend now today and won't be able to talk to me much. "But Fatal.." you say, "...she's only 17 so you really shouldn't give a shit about her anymore!" I know, I know. In all honesty I should just sever communication and delete her from Facebook but eh. I'll just start looking at her like my little sister.

It's so awkward buying large condoms for my little sister

[FatalT]

Whats the point of catching feels if youre a decade away from settling down?

Because I'm 24 (25 next month) and somewhat ready to find a stable relationship GO AWAY CHRIS HANSEN

If he had thought his way into feeling this way he'd be able to think himself out. But that's unfortunately not how it works.

Sounds about right. Last time I got all mopey and depressed after a serious relationship, it lasted like a month and then I moved on to different people. Since this didn't last the 2 and a half years that one did, this should be over by 5:00 PM.

[FatalT]

Whats the point of catching feels if youre a decade away from settling down?

Because I'm 24 (25 next month) and somewhat ready to find a stable relationship GO AWAY CHRIS HANSEN

I thought you were 19 for some reason. This just got a bit creepier.

[Brehvolution]

 

[Cerveza mas fina]

Yeah i thought you were 19 too.

Console yourself with the fact that someone that is 17 is not ready for anything serious.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone with no life experience??

[Van Cruncheon]

this thread's gettin' sexy again! tell us more about what you'd like to do with little sis...

[Flannel Boy]

Well, she hasn't dumped me yet. She has said she has to "think about it," which I guess just means she's putting it off.

And . . . she finally stopped putting it off, but only after teasing me 500 times. Great. And she claims she can't see me only because she "doesn't have time" to date. Right--that's why you joined a dating site a little over a week ago and, since then, sent me over 300 messages. No time.

Brad Pitt: Wanna go out.
21-yr-old: I have no time!

[brawndolicious]

Next time you're on a date, you could humbly brag about how often you get asked out on that site by random women who you would never normally go out with (read: they're very different). Then maybe next time a girl will be a bit more upfront and you won't shower us with so many horror stories. Cause man, it's just depressing.

[Flannel Boy]

My middle name is Depressing. Actually, I don't have a middle name--that's even more depressing.

[Atramental]

My middle name is so boss.

  Roman 

[tiesto]

Well, she hasn't dumped me yet. She has said she has to "think about it," which I guess just means she's putting it off.

And . . . she finally stopped putting it off, but only after teasing me 500 times. Great. And she claims she can't see me only because she "doesn't have time" to date. Right--that's why you joined a dating site a little over a week ago and, since then, sent me over 300 messages. No time.

Brad Pitt: Wanna go out.
21-yr-old: I have no time!

"I'm busy" is what a lot of girls will say in lieu of "not interested, sorry". Girls who liked me and truly were busy (i.e. a med school student, a lawyer who frequently traveled), still made every effort to keep in contact and wanted to go out when they truly were free.

FatalT's Little Sister Can't Be This Cute.

[Flannel Boy]

I just got asked out by a Russian. I agreed despite my concerns regarding my organs.

Really, if I can't make it with Slavic women, I shouldn't even try anymore.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Single again.  My now ex wants to travel the world with a friend of hers.  Which I assume will mean impaling herself on the dicks of the locals.

No big deal, onwards and upwards.

[Phoenix Dark]

Single again.  My now ex wants to travel the world with a friend of hers.  Which I assume will mean impaling herself on the dicks of the locals.

No big deal, onwards and upwards.

fucking Diunx...   

[Flannel Boy]

Little chance the Czech felt a spark. I might as well be Marian Hossa.

Have a date with a photographer tomorrow.

The 21-year-old seems to want to see me again. . . .

I am very drunk so you're lucky that I can write in complete sentence--don't expect paragraphs.

[Flannel Boy]

OK, so the 21-year-old now wants to see me one or two times a week.

[Phoenix Dark]

It's like you guys are playing Dark Souls or something
 

[Flannel Boy]

dating sites are annoying

your smile is super cute.

You won't feel the spark in real life. Leave me alone.

God, she has perfect curves. 

[Rufus]

Believe.

[ToxicAdam]

Women need to learn how to objectify men. I don't want to hear that my smile is cute or my hair looks nice, I want to hear that my hips look powerful and dangerous.

[Mupepe]

"Damn!  Check out that shoulder to waist ratio!"

[brawndolicious]

Isn't that what she means when she say she has a cute smile? I assume it's the same as telling a girl she has nice eyes when you're really thinking of her ass or boobs, it's just a bit subtle. Some girls will outright tell men that they look pretty masculine or intimidating and that always comes off as weird. And let's not forget that a lot of modern girls love femme guys and calling a guy pretty can have very mixed reactions.

[Mupepe]

Isn't that what she means when she say she has a cute smile? I assume it's the same as telling a girl she has nice eyes when you're really thinking of her ass or boobs, it's just a bit subtle. Some girls will outright tell men that they look pretty masculine or intimidating and that always comes off as weird. And let's not forget that a lot of modern girls love femme guys and calling a guy pretty can have very mixed reactions.

Does it?  I've always found it flattering.  Kinda how in my ideal world a woman would be flattered when I told her that her ass is beautiful.

[Rufus]

Hedging your compliments against embarrashment is a pretty sound and wide-spread strategy though. Varying levels of experience and 'special fellow obliviousness complicate the matter, but ideally, either party knows that "beatiful eyes" and "have coffee" has more than one meaning. If they don't react to the sub-text you can at least claim that it was never about that anyway, saving face in the process.

You know, I think we deserve a robot apocalypse.

[tiesto]

So I introduced my g/f to vocaloids and she wasn't running for the hills... yeah this one is definitely a keeper.

[Shadow Mod]

Women need to learn how to objectify men. I don't want to hear that my smile is cute or my hair looks nice, I want to hear that my hips look powerful and dangerous.

I objectify asses all of the time. Stop dating prudes.

[tiesto]

Women need to learn how to objectify men. I don't want to hear that my smile is cute or my hair looks nice, I want to hear that my hips look powerful and dangerous.

I objectify asses all of the time. Stop dating prudes.

I have a big plump ass and I've gotten complimented on it all the time (between the big ass and my inexplicable love for 80's freestyle I swear I was a Puerto Rican chick in a former life)

[Flannel Boy]

The photographer is gf material (not going to list her positives). The date went well, but she likely didn't feel "the spark." She did tell me to contact her if I wanted to "hang-out," whatever that means.

[Human Snorenado]

It's girl speak for, "I like you well enough to keep around, but not well enough to get freaky with."

[Flannel Boy]

It's girl speak for, "I like you well enough to keep around, but not well enough to get freaky with."

I thought it might mean something like this. I'd say I'm disappointed--especially since she's a big Jenny Lewis fan--but this was the first date I came to with no expectations.

[Flannel Boy]

Hang-means means sex in every instance except for this one.

[Phoenix Dark]

Welp, I went to the mall after work to pick up some new shoes. I then sat down to get a quick bite to eat when I ran into a girl who's a friend of the family. Hadn't seen her in awhile, we ate together and had a good time. She then asked for my number and I declined because...well...she's 17. She looks almost exactly like Nicki Minaj (body wise...) just with a naturally beautiful face, no uber makeup. She laughed and was like "well I turn 18 in three months, I know we'll run into each other during the holidays lol"
 

Fatal, help

[Van Cruncheon]

destroy her cornflower, pd.

[Shadow Mod]

You went to the mall.

That's like teenager central.

[Phoenix Dark]

You went to the mall.

That's like teenager central.

I went to go to Foot Locker and get some food! It's not my fault

[Shadow Mod]

You went to the mall.

That's like teenager central.

I went to go to Foot Locker and get some food! It's not my fault

I know. I go there too. I have to remind myself while I'm there it's a teenage wasteland though. Last time I totally saw two 15 yr olds making out right by the playpen.

[Rufus]

Fatal succumbed to temptation, dude. He's not going to discourage you. Not as far as casual sex goes, anyway.

Actually, nobody here is.

[brawndolicious]

Well it was a family friend you perverted Persian.

[FatalT]

Welp, I went to the mall after work to pick up some new shoes. I then sat down to get a quick bite to eat when I ran into a girl who's a friend of the family. Hadn't seen her in awhile, we ate together and had a good time. She then asked for my number and I declined because...well...she's 17. She looks almost exactly like Nicki Minaj (body wise...) just with a naturally beautiful face, no uber makeup. She laughed and was like "well I turn 18 in three months, I know we'll run into each other during the holidays lol"
 

Fatal, help

Go for it. Three months until 18? Family friend? Honestly if you pursue an actual relationship with her and anything happens your family will take your side. Enjoy yourself!

[Flannel Boy]

The date with the Russian went OK considering I was completely asexual. 

Anyway the Photographer messaged me back:

Hey,

Thanks, I had a good time also. Thanks for the glasses of wine!

Have a good weekend.

[deleted]

Does this message, in conjunction with her comment about hanging out again, open up the possibility for a second date? I have no clue.

[Human Snorenado]

Yes, I'd say so.  This is going to sound incredibly cliche, but WAIT A FEW DAYS BEFORE MESSAGING HER BACK.  Keep your message brief, and make a suggestion about what you could do on your second time out.  Be cool and have a plan*

*plan should not involve incapacitating her with chloroform and then slowly dismembering her in your basement.  Let's keep things on the level in here and out of Arvie-land.

[Flannel Boy]

Well, she is going up to a cabin for the weekend, so I might as well wait a few days.

Any date ideas for an artsy intellectual?

That shouldn't be a problem--I don't have a basement.

[tiesto]

Well, she is going up to a cabin for the weekend, so I might as well wait a few days.

Any date ideas for an artsy intellectual?

That shouldn't be a problem--I don't have a basement.

Museum? Gallery? Walk around the trendy "artsy" part of the city? (not sure if this is even present in Winnipeg, but hell even Buffalo had an area kinda like this...)

[Van Cruncheon]

Well, she is going up to a cabin for the weekend, so I might as well wait a few days.

Any date ideas for an artsy intellectual?

That shouldn't be a problem--I don't have a basement.

stick it up her pooper, jesus people i shouldn't hafta repeat myself

[Polari]

Make stencils of Foucault quotes.

[Human Snorenado]

Just respond to everything with "I would prefer not to" for the entire date.  Very meta.

[Phoenix Dark]

Well, she is going up to a cabin for the weekend, so I might as well wait a few days.

Any date ideas for an artsy intellectual?

That shouldn't be a problem--I don't have a basement.

Go to a play. Seriously.

[Flannel Boy]

I don't even know how the date with the Ukrainian Civil Servant went tonight. I have no fucking clue. I give up!

[Phoenix Dark]

I thought all you had to do with Ukrainian girls is feed them and you're good to go.

[Flannel Boy]

It's more complicated when they're born and raised in Canada.  :'(