I broke up with my boyfriend today. I'm surprisingly calm about it. I'm utterly heartbroken, but I feel like it needed to be done before anyone got truly hurt. It helps that I'm grunt to be more positive, even if it's forced positivity.
The other day, We were talking about moving together to California. I said that after I get settled, I fully plan on saving for sexual reassignment surgery. This is the first time I've mentioned srs to him, and he recoiled. Like he was disgusted at the thought, and then he asked,"why would you want to do that? That's unnatural and you are attractive the way you are." Which is code word for "I like your cock". Gross. I haven't been able to see him differently since that conversation and I'm angry at myself for falling for a guy who would eventually be unsupportive because he likes dick.
A few days after the convo, he actually asked if he could go down on me. No. Never. I said at the beginning of the relationship that no one touches it, I'm not going to fuck anyone - especially a guy. He was supportive then, so why not now? I feel lied to and used. It's like he faked being okay with it the whole time so he could build himself to that one moment and see how much he likes cock versus a woman's body. All while under the guise of being straight I don't like dick no homo.
How utterly ficking contemptible. I spent the better part of this week crying my eyes out and eating ice cream out of the bucket, but it needed to be done and I don't regret it. I'm all for the modern sex revolution and dudes getting pegged by their GF's/wives or whatever, but don't expect me to do it. Fuck that. I'm not your experiment, asshole. God, I wish I liked chicks nearly as much as dudes.
Re: dating white people. I have dated only one white person it just felt so alienating. More than that, I really do not find white men attractive. It takes a certain something that makes me attracted to them. There's always exceptions, but most of the guys society tells me are hot, generally aren't.
![yeshrug :yeshrug](http://www.thebore.com/forum/Smileys/default/yeshrug.png)
Looks like I'm racist! Honestly, the "most minorities desire white people" thing is odd to me.