Pallando will return in "Never Say Never Again"

[Rahxephon91]

Sounds like you still have a chance to talk to her. Here's the thing: she prob won't be your gf, you won't have sex with her, etc. But just having some conversations with her will do wonders for your confidence and help prepare you for the next girl that catches your fancy. You like anime right...consider this your anti-gravity chamber training. Don't worry about embarrassing yourself, you have nothing to lose because you know she's not going to be your girlfriend dude. It's real talk.

Yeah I don't think I'm mentally prepared for anything. My confidence issues are insanely low.

And today someone who I thought was my friend called me a piece of shit and garbage.

It hasn't been a winning day. I feel like I really need to do some personal help this summer.

[chronovore]

Nothing I'm just a vagiana.

I was at the train station heading home and was in the bathroom. I come out and bam there she is, eyes meet and quickly dash away(at least mine) and then I do nothing but sit somewhere else. I'm pretty sure it was her but I told myself maybe it wasn't. So I just didn't approach her and she didn't look back or anything. I was too nervous and I can't be myself when I am like that. Can't act. Can't really do anything.

If you just came out of a train station bathroom, it's perfectly acceptable to want to avoid the "hey, I just evacuated myself -- some weather we're having today" awkwardness.

But as PD recommends, be yourself when talking to her. Don't assume intent or invest emotion in something which doesn't yet exist. Just be yourself, because that's the only way to get to know someone else. Put yourself out there, you're not a bad guy.

[Rahxephon91]

So yeah that didn't go so hot. Of course maybe I'm a little creepy who knows.

Well at first break I decided to attempt and talk to her but too many people around so I wasn't going to ask there I think that's understandable.

Well as we're leaving she jumps into the bathroom. Maybe to avoid talking in the elevator which is were I've been able to talk to her the two times.

Even though it's creepy, I decide to wait by the elevators just so maybe I can ask and no ones around. I'm sure she saw me and decides to go down the stairs. We are on the 13th floor.

GFE time boys.

So I think she was trying to avoid. Which ok. Cool I guess. Never had a girl avoid me before lol. Maybe I'll try this again in a year or two.

It's just bad because I internalize my failures too much and pretty much everything involving women has been a failure. This one stings differently because the others were from my perspective were one sided. Now I thought this girl was pretty before and seems nervously flirty but it was only when sh instigated conversation that I thought about having a go because well that's a thing I want a girl to do. Either way I'm confused and just going to label this one a wash. Adding to my further confusion with women. I believe I have a 0 in 10 batting average . You're confidenc can only be ravaged.

[chronovore]

Yeah, it sounds like it's done.

Here's the thing, if you weren't sure if she was avoiding you or not, don't exacerbate it by waiting for her. That would be a nail-in-the-coffin scenario.

I had the same thing happen in my twenties: Woman chats me up, we go out for a day. We talk, things seemed great and she even leaned in for the big kiss at the end. I called her the next day. The day after that. And again the day after that. Probably five days in a row. Finally her roomie had to explain that she wasn't going to take my calls.

Women smell desperation as the same reek you and I can detect cat poo on the lawn.

From what you've described, she was interested but then she decided otherwise, and that's it. There's no turnaround. It's great that she instigated it. But something didn't click between you, or you did something that freaked her out, and now you can try again with someone else.

:on_to_the_next_one.gif

[Rahxephon91]

You know, I feel you're right. I feel like I learned a lesson and should be happy that she was at least slightly interested. A small victory. Next time (whenever that could be) I get that feeling form someone I should just go for the kill as quickly as possible. I probably do come off as desperate and unconfident which is unattractive. So I get why someone would retreat once they got a wiff of that.

I just hope the next one comes sooner then later. It's been like what? 25 years since a girl seemed slightly interested in me.

[Kara]

It happens, yo. Keep your wits and don't despair. I have to ride the interested-pursued-not interested roller coaster far too much for my liking.

[chronovore]

You know, I feel you're right. I feel like I learned a lesson and should be happy that she was at least slightly interested. A small victory. Next time (whenever that could be) I get that feeling form someone I should just go for the kill as quickly as possible. I probably do come off as desperate and unconfident which is unattractive. So I get why someone would retreat once they got a wiff of that.

I just hope the next one comes sooner then later. It's been like what? 25 years since a girl seemed slightly interested in me.

Glad to hear you're up for more!

However, unless you mean "kill" in the FatherMike-disposing-of-evidence definition, you really just want to take it easy. When people say, "Just be yourself," they mean "Be yourself but not desperate. Even if you're desperate."

Actually, especially if you're desperate.

If you can approach another person with genuine interest AND without heavy, weighted expectations about how it will turn out, you'll be in the best possible approach.

[Rahxephon91]

Well how does someone seem desperate? I'm sure I was and I'm sure I put much more weight into this then I should. But I don't know how to exactly not act like I'm desperate. Being myself is hard, it takes me a little bit to find myself comfortable with someone new. Which is my problem. I really am only ok with someone after they've responded well to me. Which is after a few interactions usually. So I'm never going to simply pick up women right then and there, I just can't operate like that.

I mean go for the kill in the sense that maybe not play around, act so aloof, and act actually interested. It's clear she wasn't going to wait for me to get my act together.

There was another girl who I meet through my one(lol) female friend. We were at the bar and I was tipsy so of course I found it easy to be fun and whatnot. I was drunk! But the next time I met her I didn't act at all interested. Which is a problem for me. I don't know how to respond so I don't. Of course in the end I really wasn't interested in this girl for many reasons but the point stands.

While at first the school girl did catch me off guard, I'm sure if I had actually appeared more interested in her there this probably would have played out better. Oh well.

It just would have actually been nice to be talking to a girl heading into summer, espically since I'm going to be alone at home for a huge part of it.

[Atramental]

@ the post talking about interest.

"To be interesting you must be interested" is a common tactic my creative director and I use to convince clients that we're full of great ideas/smarter than we look even though we're just asking the client specific questions and writing down/acknowledging their answers.

Seems like this tactic could be transferred over to courting a girl but I'm too much of spaz to effectively execute it in the wild. 

[I'm a Puppy!]

When I was young I had a speech impediment that made my Spanish difficult to understand. Then we moved the the states and my English wasn't very good. So for a good chunk of time I had a difficult time communicating with anyone about anything. I set out to change that.  I made it a point to be able to discuss anything with anyone. And it all comes down to stories.
Go out and experience things just to know what they're like. I'm not a cowboy, but I've gone several rodeos. Now I can talk to any cowgirl that knows the rodeo. Know art. I hate running, but I tried it for 6 weeks so I can use that as an inroads with runners. I hate golf. But I've made friends that are great golfers and know the places they play. It's all about getting someone to tell them something about themselves being like "Oh! I know that!" and then they feel like you're a kindred spirit. After that you can pivot to something else you know better. And if you get good enough at it, if you find someone that is into something you've never heard of, you can be like "Wow, I never heard of that. Tell me more." People love to talk about what they do. Then while they're telling you make a note of it. So if you ever meet someone else like them you can do the whole "Oh I know that!"

I've heard the whole "To be interesting, be interested." I don't necessarily agree. I'm interesting to most of my clients and I couldn't give a fuck about being interested in a vast majority of them. I'm more of a fan of the whole "to be interesting, you must be interesting." Accumulate stories. Work at it. My boss likes to say I was born with a talent for conversation. That's bullshit. I just work at it.

[Phoenix Dark]

Yea dude I think expanding your interests or horizons will work wonders for you. Not only as a means of adopting more things to talk about besides RPGs, but also as a means of getting you out the house/out your social circle/etc and into new experiences.

I recommended you start working out awhile ago and still think it's a good idea. Even if you're just running at a local track for 30 minutes, 2-3 times a week. The point is to get active, get out, do something etc. You might even meet somebody.

You're clearly passionate about videogames, and I'd imagine if your crush came up to you and said "hey, what do you think about Persona?" you'd have all types of shit to say right? As Puppy said, expanding the things you can discuss with other people will help you.

[chronovore]

I think both Pallando and Puppy! are right. Doing stuff and building your own reservoir of interesting things is important. Take those chances, and do it for yourself. But when it's time to listen, be responsive and show that you're paying attention.

As to how to not appear desperate: Don't *be* desperate. Be interested in someone for who they are, not because you need to get your dick wet. No-one wants to feel like you're only talking to them because you need something to do. Save that shit for your neighboring passenger on an airplane.

I remember another time just out of high school where I thought I needed to go out with someone, so I asked out this woman in my Biology class. She wasn't particularly attractive or interesting. She agreed to meet me at this restaurant, but stood me up. I was really torn: I didn't even really want to go out with her, but being stood up by someone I wasn't even really interested in made the burn that much more icy.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

For me, the key to not be desperate is to have many options.  Talk to as many girls as you can.  If something falls through, you didn't put all your eggs in one basket so you're able to move on.

Putting yourself out there is important.  I met my girlfriend at a social event that I was invited to by an acquaintance who I met a while ago when I was at some alumni event.  If I sat home and jerked off during that alumni event, I would have never been invited to the party where I met a girl who let me come in her ass earlier this week.  You got to put yourself out there.

I agree with ronito that to be interesting you have to do interesting things.  As dumb and cliche as it sounds, putting yourself out of your comfort zone is key.  Your evenings should not be spent browsing NeoGAF and binging on Netflix; I mean that's okay every now and then but every night?  Fuck that.  Unsurprisingly the moments when I spent the most time on the internet is the time I did the worst with women.  Not a coincidence by any means.  Hit up as many events as you can.

[seagrams hotsauce]

am i super close minded for being creeped out by an open relationship

[Phoenix Dark]

am i super close minded for being creeped out by an open relationship

No, you're normal.

This is a problematic view. Why are you shamijg alternate relationship proponents?




Agreed, shit is weird and never really seems to work unless one person is a desperate simp/cuck.

[CatsCatsCats]

Or just really doesn't care about the people involved

[I'm a Puppy!]

I've never really seen an open relationship work. I say that, but in actuality I do know one couple that has an open relationship (he's a musician in the public eye so they've discussed it publically) that have been in an open relationship for several years. But the actuality of it is that they're so separate in everything I don't think you can actually call it a relationship. I mean they come home, say "Oh I'm going out with x tonight" and then leave. Doesn't seem like much of a relationship. Still wonder why they're even together.

[brawndolicious]

I've only really known one couple (also creative types) that did that have been together for several years. The thing is the girl was 17 when they met and he was like early 20s which is kinda sketch but whatever. They're both queer and committed to each other but apparently sometimes have threesomes so I guess that's the way it would work where you only have to communicate and have deep emotional attachment with one person but other people come and go physically.

[Mandark]

I know a black guy in his mid-70's with a wife and a girlfriend.  The women know about each other but live apart from each other.  He stays with each a few days a week, and he's been with both for over at least three decades now.

I think you guys just lack imagination.

[I'm a Puppy!]

eh, I don't know. I've known many people that have tried to make an open relationship work and only one sorta does while the rest ended in horrific disaster. Don't think it's a stretch to say that in general they don't work

[Kara]

"The Bore lacks imagination I think."

"No, you don't understand, this thing is a priori impossible!"

[chronovore]

eh, I don't know. I've known many people that have tried to make an open relationship work and only one sorta does while the rest ended in horrific disaster. Don't think it's a stretch to say that in general they don't work

Yeah, I think most people know how their OS are written. I'm barely post-Victorian in my social mores, so I know that I wouldn't be able to manage polyamory. I think it is possible to love more than one person at a time, but my societal wiring tells me it's wrong. I think it will become more common as time goes on, just as other nontraditional marriages have recently become acceptable.

[recursivelyenumerable]

bleh.

[ToxicAdam]

A non-traditional marriage? Is that one that lasts more than 10 years?

ba-dum-dump

[Mupepe]

I'm going to say the fundamentals of a successful marriage stay the same regardless of whether other partners are involved.

[I'm a Puppy!]

Certainly not disagreeing with that. It's just that most people can't make a marriage work even with one person, let alone more.

[Kara]

I'm not sure I'd argumentum ad populum when it comes to mores and institutions that bind women.

[ToxicAdam]

Ever reflect on your past relationships and realize that no woman ever really loved you? She just loved the representation (either the one you put forward or the one she created in her head) of what you were at the time she met you.

Am I (and many others) just chasing that unconditional love that only a mother can provide? Only to lead to inevitable disappointment.

Srry fer emo post.

[Reb]

Wait, mothers provide unconditional love?

It's funny you bring this up, because I found out not too long ago the my ex, THE ex(we all have that one), could be working where I work now. When I first saw her name in the directory I was like "nah, that name combination is probably common".

Well, it's her. Ran into her after some meeting and we both got the "oh shit the fuck?" looks in the hallway. Aside from that we talked and it was cool. She's married now, has kids and is pretty happy about it. She asked me about how these last 6 years been for me, told her about graduating and going back to the US. We got along very well and best of all there wasn't really any torches still lit or any hard feelings. Felt like catching up with an old friend where we're both happy to see each other and genuinely glad that the other person is fine.

She probably never really loved me, to be honest I never really lvoed her either. We were teenage and hormonal in a sexually repressed country, we may have actually liked each other but it was more lust than anything. It was just nice seeing her again.

This literally has nothing to do with his post, you shoehorning fuck.

[Brehvolution]

Unconditional love is difficult to obtain without blood involved. Like your mother to you or your kids to you.

Vows and rings are symbols of unconditional love in theory but we all know there is no guarantees it will last forever.

[Fifstar]

Ever reflect on your past relationships and realize that no woman ever really loved you? She just loved the representation (either the one you put forward or the one she created in her head) of what you were at the time she met you.

My fear is the opposite, that I actually never loved another woman and am uncapable of doing so.

[Mupepe]

I don't know if they ever really loved me or just an image, but it was only years later when I realized I didn't love any of them.  I told myself I did at the time and I supposed that was true.  But as corny as it sounds when I met my wife I figured out what love really was.  I knew "THIS is a real connection."  The others, I was usually attracted to certain aspects of them that filled some sort of need, but I could easily live without them and always knew it on some level.

[ToxicAdam]

Wait, mothers provide unconditional love?.

heh, I knew I shouldn't have added that. I had friends that had some real shitty moms.

[TakingBackSunday]

I don't know if they ever really loved me or just an image, but it was only years later when I realized I didn't love any of them.  I told myself I did at the time and I supposed that was true.  But as corny as it sounds when I met my wife I figured out what love really was.  I knew "THIS is a real connection."  The others, I was usually attracted to certain aspects of them that filled some sort of need, but I could easily live without them and always knew it on some level.

I had been kind of a serial dater from 2011-2014 and while I would get really sad if things didn't work out with a girl, I realize now that I was just getting attached to the idea of having a girlfriend, not the actual girl herself.

Laying in bed with my girlfriend in August of last year, I couldn't stop looking at her.  That's when I knew that I truly, for the first time in my life, loved someone.

[Atramental]

I just need a moist hole to fill.

 

[Kara]

Wait, mothers provide unconditional love?.

heh, I knew I shouldn't have added that. I had friends that had some real shitty moms.

It's the most relatable example of it for the most number of people. I just substituted Lenin and the proletariat in my head to make it more logical for my own life experience.

[Kara]

And to answer your queries, yes and no.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

I'm pretty sure no woman has ever loved me, even if they said it.  Similarly I don't think I've ever fallen in love either. Even now my girlfriend says and does some things that make me realize it's not going to work out in the long term so I'm just enjoying the ride for now.

[Phoenix Dark]

some #HarshRealities in this thread

[brawndolicious]

I'm pretty sure I've called everyone I've loved an asshole at some point so it's possible that everyone loves me.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

But really the only time I felt loved was if I wasn't lying about the type of person I am.

[close]

[I'm a Puppy!]

Nah man, I saw a friend go through her husband's slow death from brain cancer and several other couples in similar situations.  If they don't have love then no one does.

Of course I've seen couples that went through it and hated each other through all of it.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

I'm pretty sure no woman has ever loved me, even if they said it.  Similarly I don't think I've ever fallen in love either. Even now my girlfriend says and does some things that make me realize it's not going to work out in the long term so I'm just enjoying the ride for now.

Wow how relevant.

I booked a ticket for my probably now ex girlfriend.  We landed in Spain on Sunday and she's been bitching and whining nonstop:

- Her debit card didn't work.  Turns out she forgot to contact the bank (even though I said it was necessary) but it was a fix that got resolved in minutes.  Yet here it is Wednesday and you think it just happened.

- Bitching about the heat.

- Bitching about how nobody speaks English fluently but refuses to learn any Spanish.  Even basic phrases like "como estas" she refuses to learn.

- Rude to hotel staff, which is a big no no in my book.

- Didn't feel like sightseeing.  She spent most of today wandering around the hotel amenity locations (gym, pool, etc.)

It was obvious she didn't want to go but weeks ago I told her that she didn't have to go and that couples can spend time apart but she insisted on going.  So we had a big argument and she said that she hates the place and wants to leave.  Okay.  I tell her that I will book her a ticket and she can probably leave tomorrow morning.  The catch apparently was that I was supposed to go with her.  I told her no, that I was going to stay here and continue my vacation.  She got furious.  She said that if I didn't go with her the relationship was over.  I told her that I didn't want to break up with her, we can discuss this when I get back to the US, but I'm not leaving.  She left a little bit ago to go stay overnight at another hotel.  She has a flight that will leave tomorrow morning that I paid for.  She also got pissed that I refused to get a first class ticket (we came here and were going to return on first class) for her flight.  I told her she could pay for it but she didn't like that answer.

[Atramental]

*Oof* Ay dios mio...

Is she a millennial?

[brawndolicious]

First off try to enjoy your trip and don't think too much about what went wrong. She's probably going to call you right after landing and apologize for the fussing and then when you get back you can figure out if it makes sense to continue the relationship.

[Tasty]

Doesn't she realize she's a walking joke?

At least she's not seeing ghosts.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

I think that she was just mad and wanted to make me suffer a bit as well.  Not gonna work, I booked this vacation last October, fuck if I'm going to give it all up due to a tantrum.  She should have been honest at the beginning and said she didn't want to go.  That or say that she wanted to leave without any drama, I'd be fine with that.

She probably didn't mean it but the question is if I feel like trying to fix it.

[Mupepe]

Jesus Christ.  Yeah, none of that save for the debit card shit is acceptable or understandable.  Who the fuck wants to be that miserable on a vacation that's paid for by someone else and who you're fucking?  I go out of my way to be happy on a vacation despite troubles, not the other way around.

[Kara]

I bet she only tips 15%.

[Phoenix Dark]

Throw her in the bushes dude. As far as I'm concerned she violated multiple "no nos" on my list, and I'm pretty sure we have similar lists.

-Don't be a dick, ESPECIALLY to those less fortunate than you
-Don't be ungrateful about major shit
-Don't constantly complain about shit that was resolved long ago

You spent a lot of money on a long planned vacation and were decent enough to take her with you, all expenses paid. Not saying she has no right to complain about legitimate stuff, but hand wringing over petty shit after someone splurged on you? Nope.

Might as well cut your losses now because this should tell you it's not going to last.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

She sent a text a few minutes ago that said "fuck u" without any conversation before it today.  I sent one back saying, "We're done.  Don't call back."  Sure enough my phone is blowing up, I'm not answering.

Life is too short for this bullshit.  Now I'm a free man yet again bryhs 

[Kara]

May Eros guide you to Aphrodite, wayward one. 

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Hmm...apparently Spain has decriminalized prostitution but it's neither illegal or legal.  I will take that as a green light.  Wish me luck, bryhs.

[Phoenix Dark]

Sh expected a "LOL what's wrong" and you hit her with the no bullshit stunner


Does she have stuff at your apartment/house?

[I'm a Puppy!]

"Why can't these people learn my language so that I can talk to them?"
Seems you dodged a bullet.

[Mupepe]

Maybe she just wanted you to punish her BDSM style.  She was being a bad girl on purpose.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Sh expected a "LOL what's wrong" and you hit her with the no bullshit stunner


Does she have stuff at your apartment/house?

Yes unfortunately.  She will just have to get them when I get back.

Also I'm in the final stages of booking a porn star who is in the area.  Here's a picture of her:

 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

[close]

I'm moving too fast but I feel I need to get it out of my system.

[Tasty]

She sent a text a few minutes ago that said "fuck u" without any conversation before it today.  I sent one back saying, "We're done.  Don't call back."  Sure enough my phone is blowing up, I'm not answering.

Life is too short for this bullshit.  Now I'm a free man yet again bryhs 

[ToxicAdam]

It's humorous to me to see a thread talking about paying for a 'girlfriend experience' next to a thread chock full of complaining about the girlfriend experience.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Update: confirmed three hours with this lady:

 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

[close]

Never watched any of her porn and probably won't.  I will give you all the breakdown once it's done.

[Brehvolution]