Pallando will return in "Never Say Never Again"

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Been talking to two girls: one is a 26 year old dietitian and another one is a 33 year old office manager.  In an example of how age ≠ maturity, the dietitian is quiet and low key and the office manager constantly uses thot filters on her Snapchat (not to mention a 33 year old having a Snapchat in the first place although she has already sent me near nudes on it; for perverts like me, Snapchat is an amazing app), among other things.  Things are also firmed up with my eros adventure where I'm meeting two girls at the same time.

All of this is dependent on the STD test results, which I'm supposed to get back early next week.  I'm fortunate to say in my 12 years of whoring around, I haven't had a single STD.

[Mupepe]

Go with the dietitian.  That body will be firm for years to come if things get serious.  The office manager will at best get promoted and the lack of physical activity in her job will compound its toll year after year.

[tiesto]

Well, I ended my relationship of 3 years yesterday. Spoiler in case she is lurking.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Still extremely shook up, still have a lot of feelings for her. But I am slowly coming to terms with the fact I made the right decision (though it took a lot of prodding from various family members before I 'saw the light'). Lots of confidence issues and emotional issues that all reared their head at my brother's wedding last weekend.

[close]

It's sad and I know I'll be in a funk for a few weeks - not to mention I'm getting old and watching as my last few friends get married off this summer - but I'll take a break from dating for now, and eventually get out back there.

[brawndolicious]

Sorry man. 

[Mupepe]

swinging?  PM me if you want non pushy, dorky couple to get you into the swing of things.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

For real, sorry dude

[close]

[tiesto]

Mupepe 

Yeah I'm gonna just go on a bit of a social media blackout, maybe see a few friends (they will probably be crushed since they all seemed to like her), bury myself in a few games - then stop over her apartment probably in a week or two (when she isn't there, I'll go to the landlord) to drop her stuff off and maybe send her a final message like 'I thought about it and have made my decision. Wishing you the best in life.'

One thing though, I think the last few years of my life have drastically improved my self-esteem (buying and maintaining a townhouse, dating more, and losing my job and subsequently getting a new one really helped), I don't have all these thoughts "nobody will love me and put up with my eccentricities and geekiness and OCD and social awkwardness" like I usually do after a breakup. So that's good, took me a long while to overcome that.

[Kara]

Sorry T, but it sounds like you'll get through this.

[Phoenix Dark]

sorry to hear that Tiesto.

and never let the pressure of others making popular mistakes (ie getting married) cause you to feel bad. Take your time, it's not a race.

[CatsCatsCats]

I give PD 2 years before he wifeys up

[Atramental]

Another advantage of not having Facebook: not having to see a bajillion cliché wedding photos.

[toku]

I give PD 2 years before he wifeys up

Yeah I've been saying this to him for at least 6 months now.

[Bebpo]

Sorry to hear Tiesto.  Welcome to the old single guys club.  It's not so bad, but I feel you on all friends getting married.  You'll be happier now though for a while being single again, at least from my experience.

[tiesto]

One thing that was so different between this relationship and my last relationship was just how prominent social media was for us and how technologically intermingled we were - with my last gf it was a matter of blocking her on Facebook, removing her number from my phone, untagging a few pics (she wasn't a big picture taker), and being done with it. This one has a ton of her stuff at my house (a friend will drop it off next week), and we have a lot of mutual friends, along with a shitton of tagged photos of the 2 of us. She was trying to get in touch with me a couple of times so I temporarily deactivated my FB and blocked her #. She lives pretty close so I'm hoping I don't run into her in person any time soon (i.e. at the mall, or out to dinner, or at the supermarket).

Also, the day I broke up with her, my best friend got engaged to his girlfriend since 2010. She is ~11 years older than him and has 4 kids from divorce. He has a bit of MRA tendencies (probably because he's seen how his gf gets alimony and part of her ex husband's pension) and was one of those "I'll never get married" types, so this shocked a LOT of people. Not to mention he doesn't work and still lives at home (at 35). They haven't figured ANYTHING out yet, like where to live, where will they start working, when will they have the official wedding (since she loses all the alimony once that happens), etc. So that officially makes me the last one that I know to be single. I'm a tad of a loner so it won't be too big a deal, and I have enough friends in different groups that I can probably catch up with, so I won't be lonely on the weekends. (not to mention I'm not afraid to grab dinner, go to the movies, go to a pub, etc by myself if need be).

Anyways, in a piece of good news I got a cute blonde girl giving me a smile while I was at B&N drinking coffee today. Baby steps, baby steps.

[chronovore]

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[Kara]

I only have 2 pieces of useful relationship advice,  one of which I don't follow myself and thus only proffer in emergencies, but the other one is don't enmesh yourself with your partner on social media for any reason whatsoever.

[Phoenix Dark]

Washington wasn't just talking about global alliances when he warned against foreign entanglements, brehs. 

crazy how much personal/relationship shit people flood their social media with. ugh

[Kara]

It's not even that per se, social media (I'll include forums, Reddit, et cetera under that heading too) is a place where you can build personal space in a way you can't quite make it in your analog life and dragging that into your relationship(s) means you have to either be untrue to yourself (thus defeating the purpose of using it) or risk losing something intensely personal if (when) it all goes to shit.

To put it a different way, if you kept a diary would you want your partner(s) to read it? Would you consider it reasonable if your partner(s) insisted on being able to read it?

[Cerveza mas fina]

trust other people brehs

[tiesto]

It's not even that per se, social media (I'll include forums, Reddit, et cetera under that heading too) is a place where you can build personal space in a way you can't quite make it in your analog life and dragging that into your relationship(s) means you have to either be untrue to yourself (thus defeating the purpose of using it) or risk losing something intensely personal if (when) it all goes to shit.

To put it a different way, if you kept a diary would you want your partner(s) to read it? Would you consider it reasonable if your partner(s) insisted on being able to read it?

The funny thing about it is about a year or so ago we had a fight because she said I didn't post enough about her on social media, or pose for lots of pics with her... instead I would post music I was listening to, video game news, etc. Should have seen the signs back then that she was emotionally needy and lacking in confidence.

Anyways, she tried getting in touch with me a few times, I blocked her # but it didn't block her texts... then she was talking about how much of a coward I was for 'ghosting' her. I told her "I'm sorry but it's over. Please leave me alone. I will drop off your stuff some time in the next week or two."

[Samson Manhug]

It's not even that per se, social media (I'll include forums, Reddit, et cetera under that heading too) is a place where you can build personal space in a way you can't quite make it in your analog life and dragging that into your relationship(s) means you have to either be untrue to yourself (thus defeating the purpose of using it) or risk losing something intensely personal if (when) it all goes to shit.

To put it a different way, if you kept a diary would you want your partner(s) to read it? Would you consider it reasonable if your partner(s) insisted on being able to read it?

I’m having this problem now. Eventually I will need to delete all the pictures of my ex-wife and me together on social media and unfortunately those pictures are of some of my best memories. So many pictures of us in really incredible places. Once they’re all gone, the ones that are left are really unsatisfying. Everyone knows that you shouldn’t get a tattoo of your partner (although we almost did that too), but the social media thing is something I never really considered. Sure, it is reversible, but I don’t really want all those pictures of me in magical places gone. It’s sad.

[Mupepe]

I'm honestly a little confused by all this. I'll admit I've never had a long term breakup in the social media age (I also don't have any social media accounts), but can't you just untag them from the photos and leave them there? What is gained by deleting the pictures completely? I understand removing pictures just of them but why remove memories you'd like to keep?

Edit: I do understand it can be painful to see them in the short term, but past pictures aren't ones you have to see every day. It just seems like something you will regret one day.

[Samson Manhug]

Well in the short term it helps to move on, but in the long term when you are in another relationship it could make things difficult on that relationship. It seems to me like it would be like moving in with a woman who has photos of her former marriage still hung in the house, but I could be wrong.

[CatsCatsCats]

I don't think you need to cull the pictures, personally. It's not like you would pretend never to have been married before. It's an honest part of your life.

Sorry to hear you guys are goin through some shit, Biz, tiesto.

[Samson Manhug]

I’ve got a funny story to lighten up the relationship thread:

I downloaded Tinder for the first time over the weekend. The entire idea of Tinder scared me and I was glad I started dating my ex-wife before it got big so I never had to use it. But, things change, and there’s a gigantic whole in my life I’m trying to fill so I figured Tinder would help a little bit.

I read some guides online (mostly written by women because the ones written by men were disgusting) on how to get a date through Tinder so I created my profile accordingly and started messaging my matches. Being a tall white guy apparently makes things very easy and within a couple days I had three dates lined up.

I was texting a buddy about my successes and he asked me to send pictures. So I took a screenshot of my messages screen and sent a message that said “Deidra, Anna, and Lindsay” indicating the three that had generously agreed to go on a date with me:






Then I sent that screenshot and message to Deidra, not my friend.











To her credit, she was really, really cool about it:



Still, so embarrassing. Dating is the worst.

[CatsCatsCats]

Lmfao, my man, you need to work on your proof reading before hitting send. First the compromising pic to your friends, now this? Proof read, proof read, proof read.

[Phoenix Dark]

I didn't know you were divorced Samson. Sorry to hear that

[VomKriege]

Couldn't you just save those pictures from Facebook to your hard drive ?

[Samson Manhug]

Not yet PD, but on my way. Here are some lessons I learned when my seemingly perfect marriage disappeared over a matter of a couple weeks:

• Not fighting doesn’t necessarily mean you have a good relationship
• Don’t move your wife to the middle of nowhere while you work 100 hour weeks and take out your professional frustrations on her
• Don’t leave your wife in a camper trailer with no job and nothing to do in the middle of nowhere while you go play mercenary in Afghanistan

I’ll update this more as I learn more things from my therapists. Some of these may be more applicable generally than others.

[Purrp Skirrp]

Everyone my age got their FBs in HS so you can imagine how many past relationships got documented along the way. Wouldn't worry about it.

If anything it'll probably help you going forward keeping those pics, for all the same reasons some women tend to view taken men more favorably.

[Kara]

The funny thing about it is about a year or so ago we had a fight because she said I didn't post enough about her on social media, or pose for lots of pics with her... instead I would post music I was listening to, video game news, etc. Should have seen the signs back then that she was emotionally needy and lacking in confidence.

You might not have seen it then, but you see it now and (hopefully) you won't let it happen again. All we can do is do better next time.

But yeah, situations like this are why I use the diary metaphor when making my case. It's easy to fall into thinking of your social media accounts as not being terribly important (not to overstate their worth to humanity in general) and then you become susceptible to being badgered into things no one with an ounce of reason would accept if it was a pen and paper journal. They're not strictly fungible with one another, but it wasn't pure happenstance that lead to LiveJournal being one of the original social media titans.

[Atramental]

"The funny thing about it is about a year or so ago we had a fight because she said I didn't post enough about her on social media, or pose for lots of pics with her..."

Gross.

[tiesto]

Really sorry to hear about what you are going through, Samson. It seems you're doing a good job of bouncing back and you definitely realized what went wrong so you'll be better equipped to deal with them next time. (Even though my own posts are pretty one-sided, there are definitely things I did wrong... being a bit more reserved about my and geekiness, not being so OCD about my lifestyle and house - embarrassingly I flipped out on her for using multiple towels when she showered and another time for her giving me all this stuff for my house I didn't feel I needed, being more on time for things).

Speaking of Tinder, though... that wasn't really a thing back when I started my last relationship but it's since grown into one of the primary ways of meeting people online. I'm a bit worried about going that route - I don't really think I'm super good looking, and I chalk up a lot of my success on dating sites to being able to write a legible message to them that actually shows I read their profile and engages them somewhat.

Also, thanks to everybody for their sympathies. It's cool to have such awesome people all over the world providing support!

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

tiesto, you're not fat, you have a good job, and you're in a major metro area, you shouldn't have much issues with Tinder.

[VomKriege]

That Deidra seems to be good natured. 
Don't send her the link to this thread by mistake !

[Phoenix Dark]

tiesto, you're not fat, you have a good job, and you're in a major metro area, you shouldn't have much issues with Tinder.

he's also white 

[Bebpo]

What do people use for dating these days?  I'm guessing Okcupid is out of style by now?

[tiesto]

What do people use for dating these days?  I'm guessing Okcupid is out of style by now?

That's a good question, for when I feel up for getting back into the game. I briefly looked into Tinder but you have to connect it to FB which I'm taking a break from at the moment. I might go the Match route next time, it occasionally worked for me before but I figure the pay gate might weed out some of the less serious types.

I was looking on Craigslist out of boredom and I found a post in the W4M personals looking for a 'new friend' that I'm almost convinced might be my ex - same build, similar age range, very familiar writing style, and looking for the thing I know she's attracted to (lanky white guys). It's a confusing feeling for me seeing this - but if that's her, it's good that she's able to move on right away (especially since I was her first long-term relationship).

Boss is leaving at work, he's been an excellent and visionary leader, so that too has me extremely nervous about the future.

[Human Snorenado]

Sorry things didn't work out, Samson and Tiesto.

[Samson Manhug]

This is one of those instances where the platitude “it is better to have loved and lost. . .” really is applicable. My soon to be ex-wife is an incredible person and I learned a lot from her and had some of the best times with my life with her. My life was enriched by her and I only hope that she finds what she is looking for.

[Phoenix Dark]

Have you discussed divorce or do you just sense it's about to end?

[Kara]

This is one of those instances where the platitude “it is better to have loved and lost. . .” really is applicable. My soon to be ex-wife is an incredible person and I learned a lot from her and had some of the best times with my life with her. My life was enriched by her and I only hope that she finds what she is looking for.

As TA once said, (paraphrasing) the measure of a relationship isn't its duration, or level of achieved formal recognition, or any of the other metrics we commonly use, but simply if it made us better people.

[agrajag]

All the hot girls on Tinder in my area are bots 

[Phoenix Dark]

All the hot girls on Tinder in my area are bots 

don't make the same mistakes as me

[agrajag]

Too late breh 

[I'm a Puppy!]

This is one of those instances where the platitude “it is better to have loved and lost. . .” really is applicable. My soon to be ex-wife is an incredible person and I learned a lot from her and had some of the best times with my life with her. My life was enriched by her and I only hope that she finds what she is looking for.

As TA once said, (paraphrasing) the measure of a relationship isn't its duration, or level of achieved formal recognition, or any of the other metrics we commonly use, but simply if it made us better people.

Yeah, the important thing with relationships is that if you do them right you can learn how to love and to be loved and what you're willing to accept, to give and what you're not willing to accept and what you wont give up. Take the chance to learn from it. too many people just think "Oh my ex was insane" which might be true, but it shouldn't keep you from learning from it.

[agrajag]

my ex was a psychopathic whore

[I'm a Puppy!]

I think I've told this story before but one my exes was bipolar and just a mess. And I was commenting to a coworker that I was happy she was getting on meds because she was acting more in control. And my coworker asked if I thought that if she had been on meds back when we were together if we'd still be together. i was like "There's no pill for 'bitch' "

[chronovore]

I think I've told this story before but one my exes was bipolar and just a mess. And I was commenting to a coworker that I was happy she was getting on meds because she was acting more in control. And my coworker asked if I thought that if she had been on meds back when we were together if we'd still be together. i was like "There's no pill for 'bitch' "

Was she super attractive? I stayed in one relationship half a year longer than I should have because she was too good looking.

She had been a model, and was smart and creative, but had self esteem issues and pessimism that I couldn't get past. She was working on them until we got serious, and then she pulled a Groucho Marx: "I wouldn't belong to any club that would have me as a member." She's been married twice, has some lovely kids, but is always on FB talking about how bad everything is going, even though she's traveling the country, doing what she wants for a living, and even having vacations and cruises with her family. Jesus, take a moment to appreciate what's going RIGHT in your life.

[Mupepe]

I think I've told this story before but one my exes was bipolar and just a mess. And I was commenting to a coworker that I was happy she was getting on meds because she was acting more in control. And my coworker asked if I thought that if she had been on meds back when we were together if we'd still be together. i was like "There's no pill for 'bitch' "

Was she super attractive? I stayed in one relationship half a year longer than I should have because she was too good looking.

She had been a model, and was smart and creative, but had self esteem issues and pessimism that I couldn't get past. She was working on them until we got serious, and then she pulled a Groucho Marx: "I wouldn't belong to any club that would have me as a member." She's been married twice, has some lovely kids, but is always on FB talking about how bad everything is going, even though she's traveling the country, doing what she wants for a living, and even having vacations and cruises with her family. Jesus, take a moment to appreciate what's going RIGHT in your life.

You should have tried to fix her. 

[Rahxephon91]

All the hot girls on Tinder in my area are bots 

don't make the same mistakes as me
(Image removed from quote.)

At this point I don't trust any attractive chick on Tinder.

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Pretty bad when you 65 year old mother is telling you to use tinder. I think my mother is afraid I have the gays.

[close]

[tiesto]

You always stick to a relationship too long if the girl is super attractive to you, I think that's happened to every dude at this point.

That's probably why I was in a relationship with this last one. Probably the prettiest girl I've ever been in a relationship with, face-wise. Was easy to overlook the whining and her disappearing for large portions at a time whenever there was a big social gathering.

[TVC15]

Last relationship I was in(The girl I'm now cutting all ties with) was with the most attractive girl I've ever been with, hook up or otherwise. Not just in looks(I've been with some beauties but she takes the cake IMO) but personality and interest wise, too. I know it's a big part of the reason why I was fighting to keep a relationship going for so long, even though it wasn't very good for me in the end.

Was this the girl that you believed to have gotten a "Illin like Salmonella" tattoo?

[Phoenix Dark]

Last relationship I was in(The girl I'm now cutting all ties with) was with the most attractive girl I've ever been with, hook up or otherwise. Not just in looks(I've been with some beauties but she takes the cake IMO) but personality and interest wise, too. I know it's a big part of the reason why I was fighting to keep a relationship going for so long, even though it wasn't very good for me in the end.

Was this the girl that you believed to have gotten a "Illin like Salmonella" tattoo?

the answer will make or break my perception of you, Kaffir.

[Mupepe]

Every girl Wrath has shown me has been smokin' hot.  I like the one that looks like Selena Gomez

[Samson Manhug]

Water seeks its own level.

[chronovore]

I think I've told this story before but one my exes was bipolar and just a mess. And I was commenting to a coworker that I was happy she was getting on meds because she was acting more in control. And my coworker asked if I thought that if she had been on meds back when we were together if we'd still be together. i was like "There's no pill for 'bitch' "

Was she super attractive? I stayed in one relationship half a year longer than I should have because she was too good looking.

She had been a model, and was smart and creative, but had self esteem issues and pessimism that I couldn't get past. She was working on them until we got serious, and then she pulled a Groucho Marx: "I wouldn't belong to any club that would have me as a member." She's been married twice, has some lovely kids, but is always on FB talking about how bad everything is going, even though she's traveling the country, doing what she wants for a living, and even having vacations and cruises with her family. Jesus, take a moment to appreciate what's going RIGHT in your life.

You should have tried to fix her.

If it were almost any other Borito, I wouldn't have seen the sarcasm as clearly.

Well played, sir.

[chronovore]

Water seeks its own level.

Is this a Bruce Lee-style "be like water" comment, or a statement that we all find our lowest common denominator?

[brawndolicious]

Water seeks its own level.

Is this a Bruce Lee-style "be like water" comment, or a statement that we all find our lowest common denominator?

Water's flat. I think he's saying Wrath had some sort of wrong expectations or something that drew him to that girl(s).

[Samson Manhug]

Chronovore is on the right track with the lowest common denominator.

I read it recently in a relationship book. Basically, we seek partners that have a similar degree of brokenness as us. Healthy people do not seek broken partners. If one repeatedly finds themself with broken partners, it is probably time to look inward.

[Kara]

I can't believe that wasn't axiomatic enough for y'all.