THE BORE
General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: TVC15 on November 19, 2007, 01:25:35 AM
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Why didn't they ever teach me about these in my 12ish years of Catholic education? You know, basically the real reason there were like 8 schisms during the Renaissance?
Pope Alexander VI (aka Rodrigo Borgia) - Well, let it be said that he's apparently not even the worst member of the Borgia clan. They're apparently cited as one of the first sort of examples of organized crime. He was, however, allegedly sleeping with what was probably the worst member of the clan. . .his daughter. Anyway, to the good stuff. From a notorious party this Pope held, this is an official account from the Vatican history:
Fifty prostitutes or courtesans were in attendance for the entertainment of the banquet guests. After the food was eaten, lampstands holding lighted candles were placed on the floor and chestnuts strewn about. The courtesans' clothes were auctioned; then they and the prostitutes crawled naked between the candelabras to pick up the chestnuts. Immediately following the spectacle, members of the clergy and other party guests together engaged the prostitutes in sexual activity. According to Burchard, "prizes were offered - silken doublets, pairs of shoes, hats and other garments - for those men who were most successful with the prostitutes"
According to William Manchester, "Servants kept score of each man's orgasms, for the pope greatly admired virility and measured a man's machismo by his ejaculative capacity."
There are also some AWESOME papal stories from a period that is officially known as THE PORNOCRACY. A lot of those stories might not be true, though, because it was from like the 10th century, when there was a new pope basically every other month. The best story involves one Pope having the previous pope exhumed, putting the corpse on trial, and throwing the corpse in the river. People then started reporting that the corpse came to life and began performing miracles; yes, that gives us a ZOMBIE POPE OF THE PORNOCRACY. And then later they put the same corpse on trial again and decapitated it.
And then there were two popes (IN A ROW) that got caught fucking some other dude's wife, and murdered for it.
Basically, Catholicism used to be a religion that had values I could really get behind, but sometime over the past 1000 years it has really lost its way. We need more papal fucking, and sex, and putting corpses on trial:
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/53/Jean_Paul_Laurens_Le_Pape_Formose_et_Etienne_VII_1870.jpg)
WWJD, Evilbore? WWJD?
Also, from accounts of Borgia's death:
Alexander VI's stomach became swollen and turned to liquid, while his face became wine-coloured and his skin began to peel off. Finally his stomach and bowels bled profusely. After more than a week of intestinal bleeding and convulsive fevers, and after accepting last rites and making a confession, the despairing Alexander VI expired on 18 August 1503 at the age of 72.
"The face was very dark, the colour of a dirty rag or a mulberry, and was covered all over with bruise-coloured marks. The nose was swollen; the tongue had bent over in the mouth, completely double, and was pushing out the lips which were, themselves, swollen. The mouth was open and so ghastly that people who saw it said they had never seen anything like it before."
Burchard described how the Pope's mouth foamed like a kettle over a fire and how the body began to swell so much that it became as wide as it was long. The Venetian ambassador reported that Alexander VI's body was "the ugliest, most monstrous and horrible dead body that was ever seen, without any form or likeness of humanity".[5] Finally the body began to release sulphurous gasses from every orifice. Burchard records that he had to jump on the body to jam it into the undersized coffin and covered it with an old carpet, the only surviving furnishing in the room.
CATHOLICISM! FUCK YEAH!
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out of interest - do any Catholics post here?
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Me
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I haven't been to church for anything aside from weddings, funerals, and school functions since I was 12 or so. But yeah, I was born a catholic so I think I am stuck being one, technically.
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demi's a smelly wop, of course he reveres the boy buggering madmen of christendom's history
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I know a lot of Catholics lol
But today I had to sit through about an hour of HOLY WARZ, against a Calvinist no less :-\
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Lutheran kinda...sorta...
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I knew this was going to be about the Banquet of Chestnuts. You can blame Martin Luther for stopping all of that. I'm a former Catholic.
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Being catholic sounds like a lot of work
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Being catholic sounds like a lot of work
There's lots of exhuming required.
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I'm Catholic.
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Nah it's only Christmas and Easter really if you're a lapsed Catholic . You have the Sacrements but really it's an excuse to get money (or religious stuff you never use) and for adults to get drunk.
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Catholics are supposed to attend Mass once a week, but I haven't gone in years. :/
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I went to Catholic schools until college. When I was a kid, I was shocked to find out that Popes could get away with such debauchery. At the same time, I also found the political plotting very intriguing so I read up on those tales as if they were fiction.
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Catholics are supposed to attend Mass once a week, but I haven't gone in years. :/
Same here, but I think I have made up for it with my frequent child molestations and corpse defilements + trials.
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Catholics are supposed to attend Mass once a week, but I haven't gone in years. :/
Same here, but I think I have made up for it with my frequent child molestations and corpse defilements + trials.
As long as you confess, it's OK.
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I think part of it was confession. I hated having to go to confession and talk about my dirty deeds with a complete stranger. :(
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I think part of it was confession. I hated having to go to confession and talk about my dirty deeds with a complete stranger. :(
Part of this interest in papal debauchery came from a lengthy discussion with my brother earlier today. Neither of us live in the area we grew up in, and we like trading all the gossip we have collected from home, and today we got to talking about the priests in the area that apparently got busted in the recent scandal.
It ended up being kinda like that It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia epidsode where the one dude gets jealous that the coach never tried to molest him :(
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Actually, I feel more comfortable confessing with a priest that I don't know well. It seems really weird to tell all your dark secrets to someone's really familiar with you.
Maybe they should do confessions through Xbox live so you can disguise your voice.
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I heard of that papal orgy before. I think it was when I was a teen reading the Book of Lists (the dirty section was the most interesting, of course).
I'll give Catholicism this: it's a real religion with a real history, and none of this big tent revival stuff. So even if you don't practice, you still get to be a Fallen Catholic, rather than just agnostic. You don't get that with protestants. No Lutherans or Episcopalians poetically bemoaning their lost faith.
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Catholics have done more good deeds than any of the other Christian groups. It's too bad people only talk about the bad stuff.
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[youtube=425,350]cZ1zZuBtwL8[/youtube]
A guide to Catholicism.
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Catholics have done more good deeds than any of the other Christian groups. It's too bad people only talk about the bad stuff.
I'm sorry, but the bad stuff is so much more interesting. Just like how in GI Joe, Cobra was always so much cooler even though they were evil.
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Cobra Commander was so fucking awesome. I hated when he got replaced by that pussy Serpentor. Sort of like John Paul II getting replaced by that Benedict XVII dude.
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TVC, wouldn't crusading have been awesome? I would have signed up.
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Oh man, you had to bring Serpentor into this. Why don't you just try to put the sheeny curse on the thread, Ichirou?
Smooth: Crusading could have been cool, but I would rather have been an assassin. or some dude in the near future sitting in a computer pretending to be an assassin. Or hanging around Italy waiting for a pope to die. It looks like the way things went back then, EVERYONE got to be Pope if they hung around long enough.
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[youtube=425,350]rmnYCSwt2Js&NR[/youtube]
"The only fucking religion with TV Guide as a prayer book!"
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Holy shit. I have never seen that!
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We would all have been tortued for this thread 500 years ago. The Catholic Church was pretty awesome at torture.
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Eh, 500 years ago, I was probably approaching the tail end of my life anyway.
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I wonder what the punishment of being a homo entailed.
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He probably would have been made somebody's sex butler.
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I wonder what the punishment of being a homo entailed.
Depends where and when, really. Homosexual lifestyles didn't really exist pre-18th century or so, but before that, in certain parts of europe, same sex sexual relationships of one sort or another were apparently not taboo everywhere. Before the whole world was connected, it appears different places had largely different social mores concerning it.
I'm assuming it would be burning at the stake in most areas. Well, at least most areas that didn't have hot dudes, ie, anywhere not bordering the mediterranean.
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I haven't been to church for anything aside from weddings, funerals, and school functions since I was 12 or so. But yeah, I was born a catholic so I think I am stuck being one, technically.
me too
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I heard that the 15-16th century, the catholic church started cracking down less on prostitution to dissuade priests from going gay. I heard it on the history channel but I don't remember what program it was.
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It seems like 16th-17th century was when the Popes generally stopped fucking. Borgia's reign appears to have been the apex of the prostitution problems.
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I heard that the 15-16th century, the catholic church started cracking down less on prostitution to dissuade priests from going gay. I heard it on the history channel but I don't remember what program it was.
It was more or less a response to the reformation.
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I was born and raised Catholic, but I haven't really identified myself as one since I was 12 or so--right after Confirmation, funnily enough.
I totally lol'd at the ugly corpse!
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blah blah jargon jargon.
I go to church every few weeks, was an alter boy for years, and went to Catholic school throughout my adolescence.
I like the church, but the upper echelons seems so shady at times. You just know there are a few bad seeds up there.
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I haven't been to church for anything aside from weddings, funerals, and school functions since I was 12 or so. But yeah, I was born a catholic so I think I am stuck being one, technically.
same here
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I've rarely met an active catholic, mostly ex-catholics.
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annnyways, at least we got Father Ted out of it.
<3 dcharlie
To echo Mandark's statement, I do enjoy the access I've had to the catholic/christian tradition, especially in my education. Even though I am not a religious man, growing up attached to it has allowed me easier access to an interesting view of history. In many ways, the history of christianity is the history of the western world, and understanding its views and tentets can sometimes help understand the perspective of those that were motivated by belief or faith, to an extent. Plus, the church's influence on art history is undeniable. The roots of drama and the written story are part of church history, and the first pressed book was the bible.
And I couldn't really have enjoyed the stories of those fucked up popes without my "heritage."
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TVC, you should ordain yourself pope Caligula and become the antipope of the pacific northwest.
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[youtube=425,350]rmnYCSwt2Js&NR[/youtube]
"The only fucking religion with TV Guide as a prayer book!"
Just watched that clip...
Obviously, Protestants make up most of the US population--and all things being equal--most wealthy people will be Protestant too. However, Catholics and Jews have higher per capita incomes than Protestants. Hindus too, for that matter.
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I was raised as a roman catholic, and yeah I suppose I will always be one, officially. However, I had an Evangelist period around 16. I met a girl that was REALLY hardcore on christianity and she invited to her cult. I quickly bailed out, because they said you have the devil if you play videogames.
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Catholocism's like Judaism. There's a cultural history and identity along with the actual religious beliefs, so it can definitely be considered part of your heritage even if you don't believe.
If people can use the phrase "ethnically Jewish", which I think is great, I see no problem with "culturally Catholic".
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Catholocism's like Judaism. There's a cultural history and identity along with the actual religious beliefs, so it can definitely be considered part of your heritage even if you don't believe.
If people can use the phrase "ethnically Jewish", which I think is great, I see no problem with "culturally Catholic".
I would have made a good jew. I guess I will have to settle for being a good saracen, since I have to have fancy ass blood to be a real jew.
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Catholocism's like Judaism. There's a cultural history and identity along with the actual religious beliefs, so it can definitely be considered part of your heritage even if you don't believe.
If people can use the phrase "ethnically Jewish", which I think is great, I see no problem with "culturally Catholic".
I would have made a good jew. I guess I will have to settle for being a good saracen, since I have to have fancy ass blood to be a real jew.
Well, you've got the pretentious fuck part down pat.
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Catholocism's like Judaism. There's a cultural history and identity along with the actual religious beliefs, so it can definitely be considered part of your heritage even if you don't believe.
If people can use the phrase "ethnically Jewish", which I think is great, I see no problem with "culturally Catholic".
I would have made a good jew. I guess I will have to settle for being a good saracen, since I have to have fancy ass blood to be a real jew.
Well, you've got the pretentious fuck part down pat.
*gets popcorn*
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Not Catholic I don't think, but another church scandal is here:
DECATUR, Ga. (Nov. 19) - The 80-year-old leader of a suburban Atlanta megachurch is at the center of a sex scandal of biblical dimensions: He slept with his brother's wife and fathered a child by her.
http://news.aol.com/story/_a/sex-scandal-rocks-famed-megachurch/20071119180409990001?ncid=NWS00010000000001
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Man, what's with all the anti-semitism round here all of a sudden?
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Catholocism's like Judaism. There's a cultural history and identity along with the actual religious beliefs, so it can definitely be considered part of your heritage even if you don't believe.
If people can use the phrase "ethnically Jewish", which I think is great, I see no problem with "culturally Catholic".
I would have made a good jew. I guess I will have to settle for being a good saracen, since I have to have fancy ass blood to be a real jew.
Well, you've got the pretentious fuck part down pat.
Nothing wrong with being pretentious if you can back it up. I try not to say anything if I can't back it up, no matter how much I would like to.
Man, what's with all the anti-semitism round here all of a sudden?
I was being serious about my jewish comment in my last post. I like the whole historical perspective part of growing up catholic, and jews are really the only people out there that have an even longer perspective on history, so I'm kind of jealous of them as a people. But I couldn't be a part of that if I wanted to.
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Catholocism's like Judaism. There's a cultural history and identity along with the actual religious beliefs, so it can definitely be considered part of your heritage even if you don't believe.
If people can use the phrase "ethnically Jewish", which I think is great, I see no problem with "culturally Catholic".
I would have made a good jew. I guess I will have to settle for being a good saracen, since I have to have fancy ass blood to be a real jew.
Well, you've got the pretentious fuck part down pat.
Nothing wrong with being pretentious if you can back it up. I try not to say anything if I can't back it up, no matter how much I would like to.
You can't back up your comments about man ass being better than vagina.
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Man, what's with all the anti-semitism round here all of a sudden?
Sweating bullets, are we?
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Catholocism's like Judaism. There's a cultural history and identity along with the actual religious beliefs, so it can definitely be considered part of your heritage even if you don't believe.
If people can use the phrase "ethnically Jewish", which I think is great, I see no problem with "culturally Catholic".
I would have made a good jew. I guess I will have to settle for being a good saracen, since I have to have fancy ass blood to be a real jew.
Well, you've got the pretentious fuck part down pat.
Nothing wrong with being pretentious if you can back it up. I try not to say anything if I can't back it up, no matter how much I would like to.
You can't back up your comments about man ass being better than vagina.
More than 200 years of study has been unable to explain pure sexuality as anything but instinctual. One internet wiseass like me isn't going to be the one that explains instinct. It's something I don't control, it's irrational even to me.
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TVC: I was talking about Smooth Groove's comment. Apart from it being a shot at you, it implies that being a "pretentious fuck" is an essential part of the Jewish identity.
All we need is for L/m/rs to come back and do her Israeli Soldier Jew vs. Nebbish American Jew routine, and we'll have a trifecta.
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You assholes killed Jesus! And most of you didn't even repent!
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You assholes killed Jesus! And most of you didn't even repent!
1. If you're going to word it like that, the Romans killed Jesus
2. The world rejected him
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You assholes killed Jesus! And most of you didn't even repent!
1. If you're going to word it like that, the Romans killed Jesus
2. The world rejected him
I am not educated on the subject, but it appears that there are historical views that are just as valid as the bible that indicate that it was like, basically all the romans, and not the jews at all, that killed Jesus. I think it is one of those historical things that is so muddled that you can pick whatever viewpoint you'd like, and pick a valid sounding source to support yourself.
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You assholes killed Jesus! And most of you didn't even repent!
Jesus was supposed to die
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You assholes killed Jesus! And most of you didn't even repent!
1. If you're going to word it like that, the Romans killed Jesus
2. The world rejected him
I am not educated on the subject, but it appears that there are historical views that are just as valid as the bible that indicate that it was like, basically all the romans, and not the jews at all, that killed Jesus. I think it is one of those historical things that is so muddled that you can pick whatever viewpoint you'd like, and pick a valid sounding source to support yourself.
It just comes down to who was in charge. At the time the jews were in no place to put anyone on trial. In the bible Jesus is brought to Pilate in part for causing so much trouble among the people - he was a problem, and was killed in order to maintain peace, depending on how you view it. Did the jews reject Jesus as the messiah from prophesy? Yes, and they still do. But how this has been spun to suggest they "killed" him is beyond me.
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Pontius Pilate have effectively been absolved from any blame (atleast in the Catholic Church). For the most part he portrayed to try and save Jesus (allowing him to go free but the Jews decided they wanted Barabus) and was delt a hand he could not control. Also the symbolic 'washing of hands' is further proof that the early Church say that he had no part in the decision to put Christ to death.
Religious Education fuck yeah.