THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: Flannel Boy on January 12, 2008, 03:22:25 PM

Title: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 12, 2008, 03:22:25 PM
In the beginning Malek created the bible study thread. And the bible study thread was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the Canadian creep. And the Spirit of Malek moved upon the face of the monitors. And Malek said, Let there be MyQuil: and there was NyQuil. And on the first day Malek ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the first day from all his work which he had made.


(http://skeptically.org/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/god-adam-fart.jpg)

disclaimer:
I shall read the bible literally unless there is textual evidence to do otherwise. Does this make me no better than the fundamentalist? No. There is a difference; I will read it literally, but I won't believe that the Bible is literally true.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 12, 2008, 03:42:41 PM
And The Thread was good.


Damn, I just opened eb to start the thread too. 

I was going to name it

We Will Try and Save as many Souls as We Can, Though Himu Might be Last:   The EB Bible thread



Anyways just finishing up the intro for the NRVS.


The uses of the proper name and the etymology of Jehovah from Yahweh is rather interesting.   
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Van Cruncheon on January 12, 2008, 05:25:41 PM
found my oold oxford in the closet. i am good to go! praise the lord and pass the little flirts!
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: CajoleJuice on January 12, 2008, 05:30:57 PM
I was gonna give a New Testament book I had lying around to Genghis Cohen for Secret Santa since he said he wanted something wacky! I settled on Battlefield Earth though. At least the former is a foundation of Western civilization, while the other is the "masterpiece" of a man whose insane ramblings are the foundation of a celebrity-supported cult.

I'd join in this Bible reading but I have too much other entertainment to catch up on. Although, not having read the Bible could be construed as being 2000 years behind.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Himu on January 12, 2008, 05:33:38 PM
I need my Quran
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: TVC15 on January 12, 2008, 05:34:57 PM
Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study?  As a lapsed Catholic, that thread title raises a lot of red flags.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: CajoleJuice on January 12, 2008, 05:36:08 PM
:lol
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 12, 2008, 05:39:59 PM
Professor, what is our reading assignment for Monday?
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: TVC15 on January 12, 2008, 05:46:39 PM
WATCH OUT ARBY, PROLE'S DEFINITION OF BIBLE STUDY ISN'T WHAT YOU THINK!  DON'T FALL FOR THE "LET'S SEE IF MY CAMEL FITS THROUGH YOUR NEEDLE'S EYE" TRICK!  SAVE YOUR BUTTCHERRY FOR ME!
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 12, 2008, 05:49:30 PM
The first 25 chapters of Gen.  Thats about 40 pages. 

Lets try to get to the historical books in two weeks. 
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 12, 2008, 05:51:13 PM
WATCH OUT ARBY, PROLE'S DEFINITION OF BIBLE STUDY ISN'T WHAT YOU THINK!  DON'T FALL FOR THE "LET'S SEE IF MY CAMEL FITS THROUGH YOUR NEEDLE'S EYE" TRICK!  SAVE YOUR BUTTCHERRY FOR ME!

 :lol


This threads already pretty homosexual.  Malek has declared himself a God and put light all over my face.  Total Homo.

There is also penis in his first post. 
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 12, 2008, 05:52:25 PM
That's not light on your face.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 12, 2008, 05:54:39 PM
I got that.  At least you didn't get it in my nose or you could have given me Life
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Van Cruncheon on January 12, 2008, 06:12:47 PM
let us try to get through genesis/exodus over the next two weeks. if you have insulting thoughts or hilarious observations, post 'em as you see 'em!
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Van Cruncheon on January 12, 2008, 06:14:08 PM
i shall put the jism in catechism
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: TVC15 on January 12, 2008, 06:15:11 PM
Just listen to Genesis instead.  It is more fun.

[youtube=425,350]xVZBio8NJNs[/youtube]

Also, Exodus is fuck boring past the begi. . .wat am i saying, the whole fucking thing is fuck boring.  All that shit people say about it being well written or a beautiful story is just bullshit being pissed out by people pretending that they've read something in order to make themselves look worldly or some shit.  The book is basically incomprehensible.  Hope you like teh gay subtext and incest.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Mupepe on January 12, 2008, 06:22:41 PM
the bible is redeeming in only reading some awesome fucked up shit
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Van Cruncheon on January 12, 2008, 06:23:28 PM
genesis has EMBUGGERING to put the good marquis to shame

but yes, exodus is fuckall boring
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: TVC15 on January 12, 2008, 06:25:00 PM
Let us remember the religiously relevant Genesis, with Peter Gabriel dressed as Rael, or as Slipperman.  Not this bible shit.

[youtube=425,350]3MBNTbZpMNc[/youtube]
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Fragamemnon on January 12, 2008, 07:20:52 PM
the olny parts of the old testament I really enjoy are the stories of angry prophets killing and exterminating the idolators and their sacred poles in high places. That being said, it's still more entertaining than the new testament after the four books of the gospels.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: TVC15 on January 12, 2008, 07:50:55 PM
I like the part in the old testament with the golden hemorrhoids of GOD.  And no, I am not joking.  It really is that absurd.  I'll find the info later and post it.

It's kind of ridiculous that this garbage was ever taken seriously.  The world used to really blow.  Fuck, what am I saying?  There are more followers of this garbage than ever.  The world is dumber than ever!
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 12, 2008, 08:18:34 PM
All this negativity!  Out of our thread the lot of you!  For The Thread LORD has disposed upon me revelations of what will come to those who are set in their cynicist ways.

Edit:  cubicle your in to correct? 
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: TVC15 on January 12, 2008, 10:03:54 PM
All this negativity!  Out of our thread the lot of you!  For The Thread LORD has disposed upon me revelations of what will come to those who are set in their cynicist ways.

Edit:  cubicle your in to correct? 

http://englishatheist.org/ggh.shtml

Basically, God gives a bunch of assholes HOLY HEMORRHOIDS, and then later on, I believe the cure to the curse of the ASS is to make GOLDEN HEMORRHOIDS and offer them to god or some shit.  Bad Eddie Murphy movies would be a better foundation for a religion than this shit.

Certain english translations try to put some dirt over the ridiculousness by translating emerod as tumor, but that's not what it means!  Just a nice little example of how the bible has been altered by third parties over the centuries.  Not only is it a shitty holy book to begin with, but it's not even honestly shitty.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Ichirou on January 12, 2008, 10:04:33 PM
I read the Bible back in my high school ethics class.  TVC is right, it's fuck boring.  Good luck with this.  I give you dodes a week before you give up.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Mupepe on January 12, 2008, 10:36:24 PM
luckily i haven't read it since i actually believed in it
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Tauntaun on January 13, 2008, 01:58:58 AM
Oh hey a Bible study on EB, thought this was kinda strange but .....wait.....oh you guys aren't serious.....

(http://i84.photobucket.com/albums/k36/SlinkyT82/inoutugh_smiley.gif)

spoiler (click to show/hide)
I'll say one thing: faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God.  Hope this time around something clicks.  :)
[close]
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: TVC15 on January 13, 2008, 02:00:39 AM
Wrong, Tauntaun, faith comes by FEELING THE WRATH OF JESUS'S HEMORRHOIDS!
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: bluemax on January 13, 2008, 03:02:23 AM
I've actually read the majority of the Old Testament and large portions of the New Testament.

The Old Testament is okay until you get to Isiah. Easily the toughest book to slog through :/
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Van Cruncheon on January 13, 2008, 02:27:04 PM
i thought the qu'ran was the word of god? ??? ???
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Bloodwake on January 13, 2008, 04:28:17 PM
TVC, what are you saying?

This thread could provide epic LOLs like we've never seen before.

Title: bible
Post by: recursivelyenumerable on January 13, 2008, 04:46:00 PM
This is a wonderful idea.  Any chance we'll go on to the Quran or the Book of Mormon or even Dianetics?
Title: Re: bible
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 13, 2008, 04:48:02 PM
This is a wonderful idea.  Any chance we'll go on to the Quran or the Book of Mormon or even Dianetics?
(http://i84.photobucket.com/albums/k36/SlinkyT82/inoutugh_smiley.gif)
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: recursivelyenumerable on January 13, 2008, 05:04:14 PM
That emoticon is too complicated for me to understand; I do approve of your avatar though.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: CurseoftheGods on January 13, 2008, 05:14:24 PM
I've actually read the majority of the Old Testament and large portions of the New Testament.

The Old Testament is okay until you get to Isiah. Easily the toughest book to slog through :/

I couldn't complete it either because of Isaiah. I really want to finish reading the book some time this year though. Religious scriptures really do fascinate me, even if I don't believe in a lot of it.

Which translation of the Bible are you folks reading?   
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 13, 2008, 05:47:58 PM
N.R.S.V

New Oxford Annotated.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: bluemax on January 13, 2008, 06:33:38 PM
King James version is what I have.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 14, 2008, 06:45:06 PM
Genesis 1.1-2.3: Who Needs EVILution

The Genesis creation story is but one of many creation myths that existed at the time of its conception. Authors of such myths attempted to describe how the universe began while placing contemporary peoples within a historical context. While other creation myths have died out the Genesis creation myth oddly continues to be propagated. What is really odd is that some even believe it to be true.

In the opening passage of Genesis, God creates everything in six days and nights by order of decree – not unlike a heavenly king. A real king's words are addressed to his subjects who then follow his commands and make sure he gets what he wants. He says, "Let there be dinner" and his subjects scurry to make him supper. He does not say "Let there be dinner" only to go to the royal kitchen himself to warm up a pizza pocket. A command without someone to actually command is utterly pointless. 

Nevertheless through this process God manages to get things done. Read temporally, the Earth existed before the creation of light, and consequently the sun. Even harder to believe, vegetation existed before God created the sun as well. Somehow plants and trees existed without requiring photosynthesis.

God saves his best creation for the last. On the sixth day he created "living creatures of every kind." One wonders if this includes bacteria and parasites. He then created humankind – in his own image of course – and gave us dominion over all the other living creatures. Here one wonders if he forgot to include dominion over bacteria and parasites, that may rightly be thought to have dominion over us.

Reading the passage, one cannot help but be struck by the creation myth's anthropocentrism. Humankind has been created in God's image; the sun, moon, and the heavenly stars have been created to be our cosmic clocks and calendars; Plants were created for our consumption; and animals created for our dominion. Living in a universe that is actually indifferent to our needs we created a god who is not.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 14, 2008, 07:22:26 PM
Genesis 2.4-3.24: ToxicAdam and Eve:

This passage of the Bible contradicts the previous passage. Instead of being created after the animals, man is created before them. And instead of being created at the same time as man, woman is created some time afterwards.

God creates woman as an afterthought, as a mere 'helper' for his earlier creation - man. This is just the begging of the misogyny. God only resorts to such a lowly creation after failing to find a helper in the animals. Woman is derivate - she is made from one of man's ribs. Woman turns out to be an evil temptress - a theme continued to this very day - who ruin's man innocence. Man, of course, cannot control himself. For her crime God punishes woman by making childbirth painful and placing her under the thumb of her husband.

What did Eve do to warrant such punishment? She dared to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. This tree symbolizes knowledge, and once she ate from it her blissfully ignorant life came to an end. By gaining knowledge Adam and Eve's existence became worse off.  Animal House was wrong; knowledge is not good.

The passage is thus morally abhorrent because of its misogyny and its misology (hatred of reason). And who is the lowliest creature in the passage? The serpent. This crafty creature dared to express doubt; doubt in God. Of course he was right. God did not kill Adam and Eve like he said he would if they ate from the tree. The moral of the story is that you should trust a snake before you trust a god.

I was struck by the anthropocentricism in the previous passage and by the anthropomorphism in this passage. God walks around Eden, he cannot see Adam and Eve when they hide behind a tree (what happened to his omniscience?), and he feels threatened by Adam and Eve's newfound knowledge. "If God has made us in his image, we have returned him the favor."
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 14, 2008, 08:32:23 PM
This Bible Study group is a lot like sex for me. Alone, starring at a computer monitor, and filled with Catholic guilt.

Where are you assholes?  :maf
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 14, 2008, 08:41:33 PM
I"M EATING!

O and  lol.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: TVC15 on January 14, 2008, 08:59:54 PM
This Bible Study group is a lot like sex for me. Alone, starting at a computer monitor, and filled with Catholic guilt.

Where are you assholes?  :maf

You should be glad that nobody else is poisoning their brain with that garbage.  I would rather listen to a violent rap album than that shit.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Phoenix Dark on January 14, 2008, 09:13:36 PM
Genesis 2.4-3.24: ToxicAdam and Eve:

This passage of the Bible contradicts the previous passage. Instead of being created after the animals, man is created before them. And instead of being created at the same time as man, woman is created some time afterwards.

God creates woman as an afterthought, as a mere 'helper' for his earlier creation - man. This is just the begging of the misogyny. God only resorts to such a lowly creation after failing to find a helper in the animals. Woman is derivate - she is made from one of man's ribs. Woman turns out to be an evil temptress - a theme continued to this very day - who ruin's man innocence. Man, of course, cannot control himself. For her crime God punishes woman by making childbirth painful and placing her under the thumb of her husband.

What did Eve do to warrant such punishment? She dared to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. This tree symbolizes knowledge, and once she ate from it her blissfully ignorant life came to an end. By gaining knowledge Adam and Eve's existence became worse off.  Animal House was wrong; knowledge is not good.

The passage is thus morally abhorrent because of its misogyny and its misology (hatred of reason). And who is the lowliest creature in the passage? The serpent. This crafty creature dared to express doubt; doubt in God. Of course he was right. God did not kill Adam and Eve like he said he would if they ate from the tree. The moral of the story is that you should trust a snake before you trust a god.


I was struck by the anthropocentricism in the previous passage and by the anthropomorphism in this passage. God walks around Eden, he cannot see Adam and Eve when they hide behind a tree (what happened to his omniscience?), and he feels threatened by Adam and Eve's newfound knowledge. "If God has made us in his image, we have returned him the favor."

I planned on ignoring this thread but I couldn't ignore this, which like the previous post is filled more with your opinion that the actual text of the story. The serpent was not "right", nor is your interpretation that God threatened to "kill" whoever disobeyed his law; murder is not even introduced until years later through Cain. Before sin there was only life, and man was in direct communication with God. After sin was introduced to the world death was as well. If Adam and Eve had followed God's command they would not have died. So yes, the "serpent" was wrong.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 14, 2008, 09:26:54 PM
God told Adam "But of the tree of knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall die" (GEN 2.17). This sounds like a prohibition, one that if not adhered to is punished by death. Later on in Genesis 3.4 the Serpent says in response to Eve "You will not die".

So did they die on the day they ate from the tree? Well Adam made it to 930 years of age (GEN 5.5). So no. But yes they did of old age, really old age. And no that doesn't count since God never gave them immortality in the first place.

And please, not original sin. That's as bad, if not worse, than anything else in that passage.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Phoenix Dark on January 14, 2008, 09:28:00 PM
What bible is this? Oxford? Fucking Brits ruining the bible  >:(


spoiler (click to show/hide)
wait..
[close]
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 14, 2008, 09:29:52 PM
King James: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Phoenix Dark on January 14, 2008, 09:41:54 PM
Quote
It is just as naïve to insist that the phrase “in the day” means that on that very day death would occur. A little knowledge of the Hebrew idiom will relieve the tension here as well. For example, in 1 Kings 2:37 King Solomon warned a seditious Shimei, “The day you leave [Jerusalem] and cross the Kidron Valley [which is immediately outside the city walls on the east side of the city], you can be sure you will die.” Neither the 1 Kings nor the Genesis text implies immediacy of action on that very same day; instead they point to the certainty of the predicated consequence that would be set in motion by the act initiated on that day. Alternate wordings include at the time when, at that time, now when and the day [when] (see Gen. 5:1; Ex. 6:28; 10:28; 32:34) [Kaiser, et al., 1996, p. 92, emp. in orig.].
http://www.apologeticspress.org/articles/43

A bit too much spin for me, although I have always understood it to be a spiritual death. But the verse does say yer gonna die right now basically...but their argument is one of translation and language. The link is still interesting...

:/
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 14, 2008, 09:50:13 PM
Adam lived to be 930. And he was never given immortality. After gaining knowledge god feared that Adam would gain immortality as well, "See, the man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil; and now, he might reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life, and eat and live forever" (GEN 3.22). But the ever crafty God guarded Eden with a cherubim and guarded the tree itself with a spinning flame sword.  :spin :spin :spin :spin
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Van Cruncheon on January 14, 2008, 10:36:11 PM
now that pd is here, i have extra incentive to read


tonight, i will page through genesis, preferably while shitting up taco bell
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 14, 2008, 10:38:03 PM
The soft pages make for great TP.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: TVC15 on January 14, 2008, 10:39:42 PM
mmmm taco bell
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Phoenix Dark on January 14, 2008, 10:40:59 PM
now that pd is here, i have extra incentive to read


tonight, i will page through genesis, preferably while shitting up taco bell


Too late, I'm done. Wake me when you get to Acts, then we can talk :bow
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Van Cruncheon on January 14, 2008, 10:43:58 PM
you can't resist, chubikins
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Phoenix Dark on January 14, 2008, 10:45:29 PM
I don't remember the last time I read an OT book outside of Daniel
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Van Cruncheon on January 14, 2008, 10:55:27 PM
which testament makes you cry more
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Phoenix Dark on January 14, 2008, 11:02:24 PM
 :'(

I'm gonna find your sappy weakness one way or another.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 14, 2008, 11:08:15 PM
:'(

I'm gonna find your sappy weakness one way or another.
ZOoT
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Phoenix Dark on January 14, 2008, 11:16:18 PM
Doesn't count considering it's still my favorite game of all time
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 14, 2008, 11:23:54 PM
Gen 1.22

God talks to fish and birds.  If God was the creator of said fish and birds why would he talk to them know the limits of speech and understanding he has bestow on them?  The only answer could be that he was talking to him self.  Does God get lonely? 

Does God have self doubt?    All this and he saw that it was good stuff, did he have reason to doubt that it would be good.  Is God Pragmatic?   
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 14, 2008, 11:24:57 PM
Also if I wear to guard a tree a spinning flaming sword sounds like a hell of a way to do it. 
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 14, 2008, 11:50:48 PM
"It is not good that man should be alone"  - GOD

 :'( :'( :'(
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 14, 2008, 11:52:23 PM
"It is not good that man should be alone"  - GOD

 :'( :'( :'(
White Man will take you in. You don't even have to spare a rib, your anus will do.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 14, 2008, 11:54:02 PM
I WAS CRYING FOR YOU ASSHOLE!
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 14, 2008, 11:58:24 PM
because of PhoenixDark's porn links, I should be fine for a few weeks.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Phoenix Dark on January 15, 2008, 12:44:39 AM
spoiler (click to show/hide)
Which is your favorite?  :lol

god won't see it if it's in spoiler caps
[close]
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 15, 2008, 12:49:58 AM
God can see everything. Unless you hide behind a tree.
/me pats himself on the back for the biblical reference

spoiler (click to show/hide)
pornohub
tnaflix
freeporn4all
[close]
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 15, 2008, 12:57:43 AM
GOD be damned, spankwire is where it's at.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Phoenix Dark on January 15, 2008, 01:10:37 AM
This has the best porn music I've ever heard  :lol


spoiler (click to show/hide)
http://www.tnaflix.com/view_video.php?viewkey=99cb2f42f3569760b8e7
[close]
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 15, 2008, 02:14:02 AM
Why does God say he's going to limit the life span of humans to 120 years after the flood but then all of Noah's descendants live like 500 years?

Up to chapt 12.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Van Cruncheon on January 15, 2008, 02:15:12 AM
trust a jew god to fudge the numbers
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 15, 2008, 02:16:52 AM
 :rofl :rofl :rofl
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 15, 2008, 02:18:57 AM
O shit Drinky

 :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl

But serious PD explain it to me?

Genesis 2.4-3.24: ToxicAdam and Eve:

This passage of the Bible contradicts the previous passage. Instead of being created after the animals, man is created before them. And instead of being created at the same time as man, woman is created some time afterwards.

God creates woman as an afterthought, as a mere 'helper' for his earlier creation - man. This is just the begging of the misogyny. God only resorts to such a lowly creation after failing to find a helper in the animals. Woman is derivate - she is made from one of man's ribs. Woman turns out to be an evil temptress - a theme continued to this very day - who ruin's man innocence. Man, of course, cannot control himself. For her crime God punishes woman by making childbirth painful and placing her under the thumb of her husband.

What did Eve do to warrant such punishment? She dared to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. This tree symbolizes knowledge, and once she ate from it her blissfully ignorant life came to an end. By gaining knowledge Adam and Eve's existence became worse off.  Animal House was wrong; knowledge is not good.

The passage is thus morally abhorrent because of its misogyny and its misology (hatred of reason). And who is the lowliest creature in the passage? The serpent. This crafty creature dared to express doubt; doubt in God. Of course he was right. God did not kill Adam and Eve like he said he would if they ate from the tree. The moral of the story is that you should trust a snake before you trust a god.

I was struck by the anthropocentricism in the previous passage and by the anthropomorphism in this passage. God walks around Eden, he cannot see Adam and Eve when they hide behind a tree (what happened to his omniscience?), and he feels threatened by Adam and Eve's newfound knowledge. "If God has made us in his image, we have returned him the favor."

You are reading the notes right?  The discrepancies are explained in the multiple sources edited together theory.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 15, 2008, 02:19:40 AM
Where are you guys at?  whats tomorrows reading too? 
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 15, 2008, 02:21:23 AM
I am aware that the passages were likely written by different authors. Or God has multiple personalities. The monotheistic god with polytheistic personalities.

Tomorrow I'm reading something that doesn't give me a headache.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: CajoleJuice on January 15, 2008, 02:23:12 AM
Holy shit @ Drinky :lol
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 15, 2008, 02:23:28 AM
Maybe the OT god was a trinity too.

I had to pour some SCOTCH to adviod a headache. 
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Van Cruncheon on January 15, 2008, 02:23:32 AM
you haven't even got to the juicy parts yet, like the SODOMY, the PAEDOPHILIA, the RAPE, and the EMBUGGERING OF NOAH
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 15, 2008, 02:25:08 AM
You mean Noah and his son, naked and drunk. 
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 15, 2008, 02:26:10 AM
you haven't even got to the juicy parts yet, like the SODOMY, the PAEDOPHILIA, the RAPE, and the EMBUGGERING OF NOAH

trust a catholic god to include sodomy, pedophilia, and rape.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: TVC15 on January 15, 2008, 03:44:05 AM
Arvie come to seattle and let me depucelate your dugs
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 15, 2008, 06:33:05 PM
Genesis 4.1-4.16: Cain and Lynch (TOO MUCH SWEARING  :gerstmann )

Cain: Lord I brought you some fruit.

God: I have no fucking regard for your shit offering.

Abel: Would you like some of my thick juicy meat?

God:
Fuck YES! gag... gaaag... mmmm... gag


LATER
Cain: He was mine!

Abel: I had what he wanted assface.

Cain: Die bitch!


LATER
God: Hey Cain, do you know where I can find Abel?

Cain: I'm not mother fuckin' married to him.

God: What… what is this red stuff?

Cain: Beats the fuck out of me.

God: That's it I'm turning you into a damn distinguished black fellow. Mormon style!

edit: 6666  :bowser
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 15, 2008, 06:44:19 PM
lol
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 15, 2008, 07:22:48 PM
Genesis 6.5-8.22: God throws a Fit

God messed up as his creation turned out to have a flawed nature. Instead of blaming himself for creating the flaw, he blamed his creation instead.* Angered by human violence, the fair and benevolent being decided to kill every last living creature on Earth. After realizing he wouldn't have anyone to push around anymore, he spared Noah and his family, along with two animals of every species (clean animals get seven pairs).

Of course this supernatural deity needed to use a natural disaster to kill all those not spared. Noah managed to build a giant Ark and bring every species of animal into it—apparently including marsupials, indigenous to Australia. God opened the dome's windows and it rained for forty days and forty nights. After months and months the flood waters began to recede. Somehow during the intervening period the herbivores survived without plants to eat and the carnivores survived without other animals to eat. Afterwards God spoke and said, "we cool. we cool bro."


*Free will does not absolve god. Free will is as big of an article of faith as god himself. 

Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 15, 2008, 07:26:58 PM
Whats better is that Noah bribes God and God then promises never to destroy mankind again in a flood, even though we still have the same defect - evil - which was the sole reason he killed everyone in the first place.

I beat God decided to kill mankind on a Monday.  Seems like a Monday thing to do. 
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 15, 2008, 07:29:03 PM
Yeah, God was swayed by the pointless killing of innocent animals. bubububsophisticatedtheology
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 15, 2008, 07:51:35 PM
Do you think Abraham sat in a dark corner, shadowed eyes from the lip of their hats, smoking, while Sarai and the Pharaoh got it on?
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 15, 2008, 10:16:41 PM
The most erotic thing a woman can ever say to a man

spoiler (click to show/hide)
"Go in to my slave-girl"
[close]
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 15, 2008, 10:25:46 PM
What.  why is god making Ishmeal an ass of a man?  because Sarai beat her slave girl?  I thought god was on abrahams side.

This young god sure is fickle.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 15, 2008, 11:50:15 PM
Up to chap 26.

Lot and his daughters YUM!

 :hyper :hyper :hyper
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Oblivion on January 16, 2008, 08:14:40 PM
Wait, guys I want in on the fun. I'll go get this 'bible' thing today. :hyper
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Oblivion on January 16, 2008, 08:16:11 PM
Wait, which version are you guys reading?
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Rman on January 16, 2008, 08:25:23 PM
That's cool you guys are reading the Bible.  Are you guys going to read it from cover to cover?  I've been a committed Christian for about 7 years.  I'm not overly sensitive about it or think I have all the answers.  Enjoy.  The OT has some crazy stuff. 

In Genesis, God strikes down one of the descendants of the Abraham because he pulled out before ejaculating.  Can't remember the chapter, though.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: bluemax on January 16, 2008, 08:26:26 PM
I can also add in the Joseph Smith translations for the Old and New Testament if anyone is interested. I'm pretty sure I didn't put my Bible in storage.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 16, 2008, 08:27:40 PM
Oblivion:

N.R.S.V

New oxford annotated. 
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Rman on January 16, 2008, 08:27:45 PM
I read from the New International Version mostly.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Ichirou on January 16, 2008, 09:27:24 PM
That's cool you guys are reading the Bible.  Are you guys going to read it from cover to cover?  I've been a committed Christian for about 7 years.  I'm not overly sensitive about it or think I have all the answers.  Enjoy.  The OT has some crazy stuff. 

In Genesis, God strikes down one of the descendants of the Abraham because he pulled out before ejaculating.  Can't remember the chapter, though.

Onan, right?  The source for the word "onanism" (since it was originally mistranslated and thought to be masturbation instead of pulling out)?
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Rman on January 16, 2008, 09:37:14 PM
That's cool you guys are reading the Bible.  Are you guys going to read it from cover to cover?  I've been a committed Christian for about 7 years.  I'm not overly sensitive about it or think I have all the answers.  Enjoy.  The OT has some crazy stuff. 

In Genesis, God strikes down one of the descendants of the Abraham because he pulled out before ejaculating.  Can't remember the chapter, though.

Onan, right?  The source for the word "onanism" (since it was originally mistranslated and thought to be masturbation instead of pulling out)?

Yep.

The Bible never mentions masturbation.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Rman on January 16, 2008, 09:39:22 PM
Many scholars believe that God smote Onan because he was, in a sense, refusing to pass his seed.  The Hebrew God wanted his people to multiply.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Ichirou on January 17, 2008, 01:54:36 AM
Many scholars believe that God smote Onan because he was, in a sense, refusing to pass his seed.  The Hebrew God wanted his people to multiply.

And yet the Catholic Church advocates the Billings method of birth control, which is basically what Onan did.  Weird.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 24, 2008, 12:17:07 AM
Jacob has got to be the luckiest guy in the Old Testament. Sisters!...and Sex-Maids! 

Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Bloodwake on January 24, 2008, 12:42:28 AM
See, I'm going to ruin some of it for you guys.

Around the time the books were written, the Jewish religious leaders changed the stories in order to calm the people a little bit and to tell them basically whatever they wanted to do, which is why a lot of the stories don't fit. They were written by several different authors, even in the context of the same book.

Then, after that, the Romans did the same thing to the New Testament around the time of Constantine. It makes perfect sense. No sex before marriage? That just curves the birth rate of oppressed people groups so that they don't outnumber the tyrants.

Perfect sense. The Bible, which has a verse in it about not changing it under the penalty of death, has been changed millions of times in order to oppress people or to enforce a moral code decided by humanity.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: INTUNEevolution on January 24, 2008, 12:46:55 AM
I understand that the primary source for today's Christian homophobia was the misinterpretation of a quotation by Jesus that read, "Burn the feggits"  which we know to mean as burn bundles of sticks.  Well, now look.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Bloodwake on January 24, 2008, 12:50:28 AM
Honestly, in my experience with Christianity, that might just be true.

Never was there a body of "loving" people that hated so much.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: INTUNEevolution on January 24, 2008, 12:53:52 AM
Also, description in the bible does point to Jesus being black.  I know, but what does "olive skin" and "hair of wool" say to you?
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 24, 2008, 12:56:36 AM
Malek help.  We need some intelligence back in here!  Don't break your new years resolution!


Bloodwake:  there are plenty of reasons why societies create the no sex before marriage, such as STD's, babies, doweries ect.
INTUNEevolution:  I highly doubt that.  Anti-homosexuality is all over the bible even starting in Genesis with the burning of Sodom and Ghamhora 

   
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: INTUNEevolution on January 24, 2008, 01:00:54 AM
But that is not what I am saying.  First, modern homophobia developed from the misinterpretation.  Previous homophobia was really just sort of a "Hey, guys, cut it out"   It has since been turned into a violent and reprehensible prejudice.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 24, 2008, 09:48:19 AM
O sorry, that makes total sense.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: INTUNEevolution on January 24, 2008, 03:09:09 PM
I hate arguing Bible.


Way too much sarcasm all around.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on February 03, 2008, 12:21:39 AM
 Genesis is done.  Where are you heathens at? 

Can anyone tell me why God came down to fight Jacob when Jacob was heading into the land of his brother?   
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on February 25, 2008, 06:15:33 PM
"I will utterly blot out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven" - GOD Exo 17.14
"The Lord will have war with Amalek from generation to generation" - Exo 17.16


See Malek the way your life is going isn't your fault, it's just God hates you.  Sorry.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: TVC15 on February 25, 2008, 06:26:18 PM
This reading has been going on for a month and a half, and you're only on the second fucking book of the bible?  WTF Arvie?  You read like old people fuck.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on February 25, 2008, 06:28:29 PM
Lost Odyssey > The Bible
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on February 25, 2008, 06:31:15 PM
This reading has been going on for a month and a half, and you're only on the second fucking book of the bible?  WTF Arvie?  You read like old people fuck.

And I'm leading the pack too!  Shameful.  No wonder God makes war on Malek.


To be fair, I've been reading other things.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: TVC15 on February 25, 2008, 06:35:08 PM
Have you made it to page 10 of any of those other things?
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on February 25, 2008, 06:50:00 PM
No I make it to page 9 then the bifocals cause my eyes to give, and I fall asleep in my rocking chair under the warmth of the shroud over my shoulders. 
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Van Cruncheon on February 25, 2008, 07:49:57 PM
ESAU I HAVE HATED
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: Madrun Badrun on February 25, 2008, 07:59:59 PM
ESAU I HAVE HATED

so you only made it half way though genesis then?  Thats forgivable as you have already read it, but I'm still disappointed in Malek. 
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: TVC15 on February 25, 2008, 09:00:37 PM
http://www.exitmundi.nl/bible/

CHeck this out.  The Exit Mundi dude is doing it, so it will be entertaining and well researched.  Forgive the odd typo here and there as English is not his first language.

So much of both the old and new testament is ripped off wholesale from Zoroastrism.
Title: Re: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread
Post by: bagofeyes on February 25, 2008, 09:08:47 PM
When I was a little kid my mother used to get up at 5am every morning and go and sit in the lounge and read the bible until everyone else woke up. It was kind of creepy.