General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: MrAngryFace on October 27, 2006, 11:31:43 AM
Title: Apple Jacks, an in depth Friday Morning Look
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 27, 2006, 11:31:43 AM
The cafeteria at work opened up about thirty minutes ago and I made a stop in for some CEREAL because I FUCKIN LIKE CEREAL. Anyway it was either Special K (which isnt bad) or Apple Jacks.
Now, I dont eat Apple Jacks often. They arent known for their truth in advertising and as I get older and my body begins to fall apart like a cheap import past 100,000 miles, I get REALLY picky about what I eat. Most importantly, I need to know exactly what the shit is. Apple Jacks is a cereal built upon an EMPIRE OF LIES.
(http://www.gogalt.com/ssheaven/k0046.jpg)
Point 1: As covered in the commercials, it does NOT in fact taste like apples. Do yourself a favor, take a bite, and as you chew, breathe out through your nose with your mouth closed, this will circulate the 'true taste' of the cereal. If you are doing this now you will already know where I am going with this.
Point 2: It doesnt even really look like apples. You have green which represents..I dunno tree, the life earth god Mana, whatever. Then you have ORANGE/BROWN which is only a color you see on an apple if youre I dunno, homeless. So then any sane person is already thinking wait, this isnt apple, green and ORANGE do not make apple, so to TRICK YOU they sprinkle the loops with flecks of RED and green and RED mean christmas but more importantly to APPLE JACKS they represent Apples.
Point 3: Kids like it. They 'Just Do'. Its a known FACT that what kids like the most about thanksgiving is the DESSERT and what is for DESSERT on THANKSGIVING? PUMPKIN FUCKING PIE. BACK TO POINT 1, if you participated in the exercise I described to you, you will notice that Apple Jacks in FACT TASTE LIKE PUMPKIN PIE.
Point 4: Once again we look at the color, GREEN leaves of the Pumpkin plant, ORANGE! The color of the Pumpkin itself. RED FLECKS! Meant to represent HALLOWEEN AND possibly its sequels, even the one without Michael Meyers. SO..
Point 5: Apple JACKS - Jack o Lantern, Jack representing PUMPKIN. The apple is there to just show how dumb and knee jerk american kids are to believe that the first word represents the product. You could call something APPLE PESTICIDES and kids would be lining up to eat it cause MAN DO THEY LOVE APPLES!
Point 6: And my final point, you bring all of this together and think, well gee that is pretty obvious, especially if you eat a bowl of this near thanksgiving or halloween. So why not just CALL IT PUMPKIN JACKS? Well ill ask you this, who the FUCK wants to eat pumpkin pie every goddamned morning?
Title: Re: Apple Jacks, an in depth Friday Morning Look
Post by: Van Cruncheon on October 27, 2006, 11:35:54 AM
:lol
i don't wanna see what happens when you eat the fruity pebbles
Title: Re: Apple Jacks, an in depth Friday Morning Look
Post by: G The Resurrected on October 27, 2006, 11:40:03 AM
what about fruit loops? I cant stand that fucking horrible cereals anything with lots of sugar is a no go for me. But damnit if i dont like nuts in my cereal with a little honey.
Title: Re: Apple Jacks, an in depth Friday Morning Look
Post by: Van Cruncheon on October 27, 2006, 11:56:29 AM
My friend always called cocoa puffs "distinguished black fellow Puffs" i keep calling it that after all these years.
Title: Re: Apple Jacks, an in depth Friday Morning Look
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 27, 2006, 12:09:26 PM
You should probably stop
Title: Re: Apple Jacks, an in depth Friday Morning Look
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 27, 2006, 12:11:01 PM
Spencer: It hit me like fucking LIGHTNING when I was in the cafeteria. So as I ate them I started telling myself I AM EATING PUMPKIN PIE and with the cold milk it started tasting like PUMPKIN PIE WITH ICE CREAM!
Title: Re: Apple Jacks, an in depth Friday Morning Look
Post by: The Fake Shemp on October 27, 2006, 01:17:54 PM
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE
Title: Re: Apple Jacks, an in depth Friday Morning Look
Post by: whiteACID on October 27, 2006, 01:33:44 PM
I had apple jacks for dinner last night.
Title: Re: Apple Jacks, an in depth Friday Morning Look
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 27, 2006, 01:35:29 PM
DONT YOU MEAN PUMPKIN JACKS
Title: Re: Apple Jacks, an in depth Friday Morning Look
Post by: The Fake Shemp on October 27, 2006, 01:45:40 PM
MY GAWD.
I feel like Tom Atkins in Halloween III when he discovered that the Silver Shamrock company was actually an occult using robots to sell demonic masks that melt kid's faces off and unleash bugs (and shit) to achieve global domination in the name of Satan.
"SHUT OFF THE LAST COMMERCIAL YOU'VE GOT TO SHUT IT OFF SHUT IT OFF SHUT IT OFF!"
Title: Re: Apple Jacks, an in depth Friday Morning Look
Post by: The Fake Shemp on October 27, 2006, 02:50:41 PM
This is almost Hall-worthy.
Title: Re: Apple Jacks, an in depth Friday Morning Look
Post by: MrAngryFace on October 27, 2006, 03:55:35 PM
I could say the ingredients to dog shit are SUGAR AND YUMMY BITS and you'd believe it huh?!?!
Title: Re: Apple Jacks, an in depth Friday Morning Look
Post by: Van Cruncheon on October 27, 2006, 04:02:19 PM
i just ate a bowl of CHUCK CHICKEN WITH GRAVY and I'd say "yummy bits" is about as accurate and safe an ingredient as any. I really don't wanna know what was in the gravy proper, or what parts of the chicken I just ate.
Title: Re: Apple Jacks, an in depth Friday Morning Look
Post by: Bacchus7 on April 29, 2009, 04:03:35 PM
Who wouldn't want to eat pumpkin pie every morning?
Title: Re: Apple Jacks, an in depth Friday Morning Look
Post by: Vyer on April 29, 2009, 04:09:51 PM
So I just had a bowl.
I don't get the Pumpkin pie thing at all.
You know what tastes like pumpkin pie though? Chai tea.
That shit is like Christmas exploded in my mouth.
Title: Re: Apple Jacks, an in depth Friday Morning Look
Post by: Diunx on April 29, 2009, 04:16:42 PM
I like Apple Jacks because they don't taste like apples.
Title: Re: Apple Jacks, an in depth Friday Morning Look
Post by: Eric P on April 29, 2009, 04:17:07 PM
hey the first five ingredients contain 3 flours. so it has to be healthy
Title: Re: Apple Jacks, an in depth Friday Morning Look
Post by: Tauntaun on April 29, 2009, 05:41:56 PM