THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: TVC15 on February 05, 2008, 02:38:16 PM

Title: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: TVC15 on February 05, 2008, 02:38:16 PM: It's effectively impossible to cancel, impossible to use for the purpose I need it, and if I don't use it, at the end of the year the IRS gets to keep it (it is not returned to me even though I paid for it--yay Shitmerica). What I need now are ideas of elective medical care, sub-2000 dollars ish a kick that I can waste this on so the fucking government doesn't steam my money, the fucking scam artists.

Keep in mind that I have like full medical coverage (except dental), so get creative. I have 5k to blow here.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Mr. Gundam on February 05, 2008, 02:39:23 PM: We could take you out back and break a leg or something... that should cover it.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Madrun Badrun on February 05, 2008, 02:39:59 PM: Canada is awesome.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: TVC15 on February 05, 2008, 02:41:31 PM: Quote from: distantmantra on February 05, 2008, 02:39:23 PM
We could take you out back and break a leg or something... that should cover it.

I have full coverage on that stuff. I need elective, non-covered options, like maybe getting a set of tits or two.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Mr. Gundam on February 05, 2008, 02:42:53 PM: Colored contacts?

Nose job?

I don't know...
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Barry Egan on February 05, 2008, 02:43:40 PM: Get a cooter...the kind with the built in mucusy secretions for insta-lube.

EDIT: GET A CHIA-HAIR TRANSPLANT OMG.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: TVC15 on February 05, 2008, 02:43:52 PM: I will probably buy a high end set of glasses or two. People, bring me expensive glasses.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Human Snorenado on February 05, 2008, 02:46:31 PM: You should do what Dave Chappelle wanted to do and get botox injected into your scrotum so it's nice and smooth, like an egg.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Tauntaun on February 05, 2008, 02:46:45 PM: How about a super sized penis? :-*
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Tauntaun on February 05, 2008, 02:46:59 PM: Quote from: Raoul Duke on February 05, 2008, 02:46:31 PM
You should do what Dave Chappelle wanted to do and get botox injected into your scrotum so it's nice and smooth, like an egg.

This is good too.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: TVC15 on February 05, 2008, 03:06:40 PM: What sort of elective psychiatric care could I get? I want some elective ECT.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Human Snorenado on February 05, 2008, 03:16:32 PM: Quote from: TVC 15 on February 05, 2008, 03:06:40 PM
What sort of elective psychiatric care could I get? I want some elective ECT.

You should look into getting some trips to a dominatrix or dominator billed as psychiatric care.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Mandark on February 05, 2008, 03:34:39 PM: Claim back pains and get you some massages.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Tauntaun on February 05, 2008, 03:38:23 PM: Quote from: Mandark on February 05, 2008, 03:34:39 PM
Claim back pains and get you some massages.

From monkeys, watch out for teh aids. :shh

[youtube=425,350]X9zLK70K-_w[/youtube]
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Smooth Groove on February 05, 2008, 03:41:08 PM: Buy a pair of Cartier glasses and get surgery to cut the suspensory ligament of the penis.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Tauntaun on February 05, 2008, 03:43:47 PM: Quote from: Smooth Groove on February 05, 2008, 03:41:08 PM
Buy a pair of Cartier glasses and get surgery to cut the suspensory ligament of the penis.

Ooo ooo ooo, what if he made his penis SUPER vainey and stuff, like if his penis was on roids! :o
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: The Fake Shemp on February 05, 2008, 03:49:59 PM: Get butt impants.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Tauntaun on February 05, 2008, 03:53:55 PM: Quote from: Willco on February 05, 2008, 03:49:59 PM
Get butt impants.

That would only work if he got his skin color to be brown but kept the white man penis, then go around and show people that not all black men are packing. White men everywhere would pay for this service, you'd go down in the history books....

spoiler (click to show/hide)
once all the darkies get shipped back to Africa in the Great Exodus of 2020 :shh
[close]
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: The Fake Shemp on February 05, 2008, 04:03:00 PM: Quote from: Genghis Cohen on February 05, 2008, 03:51:38 PM
Get big floppy titties attached to the palm of your hands and attack an Applebees waitress with them. Get them removed shortly thereafter.

wtf :lol
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: The Fake Shemp on February 05, 2008, 04:04:27 PM: I just want to know what made you think of Applebees.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Mandark on February 05, 2008, 04:09:20 PM: See if someone can hook you up with underwater vision. (http://www.sciencenews.org/articles/20030517/fob4.asp)
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Barry Egan on February 05, 2008, 04:13:40 PM: Have someone alter your fingerprints in to the shape of an Abradar avatar. Then steal the Mona Lisa from the Louvre.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Mandark on February 05, 2008, 04:20:55 PM: Quote from: Genghis Cohen on February 05, 2008, 04:18:42 PM
Quote from: Mandark on February 05, 2008, 04:09:20 PM
See if someone can hook you up with underwater vision. (http://www.sciencenews.org/articles/20030517/fob4.asp)
Why doesn't he just go all the way. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waterworld)

Cause you don't need a doctor's note to drink your own pee!
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: TVC15 on February 05, 2008, 04:38:13 PM: Quote from: Genghis Cohen on February 05, 2008, 04:18:42 PM
Quote from: Mandark on February 05, 2008, 04:09:20 PM
See if someone can hook you up with underwater vision. (http://www.sciencenews.org/articles/20030517/fob4.asp)
Why doesn't he just go all the way. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waterworld)

I could get Synbiosian flipper implants!
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: ToxicAdam on February 05, 2008, 04:39:00 PM: Can you get Medical Marijuana in Washington? Because you should just get an entire vending machine worth in your home.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Tauntaun on February 05, 2008, 04:43:15 PM: OH, get bald eagle eyes transplanted into your head! Eagle vision FTW!
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Smooth Groove on February 05, 2008, 04:46:28 PM: Quote from: TVC 15 on February 05, 2008, 04:38:13 PM
Quote from: Genghis Cohen on February 05, 2008, 04:18:42 PM
Quote from: Mandark on February 05, 2008, 04:09:20 PM
See if someone can hook you up with underwater vision. (http://www.sciencenews.org/articles/20030517/fob4.asp)
Why doesn't he just go all the way. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waterworld)

I could get Synbiosian flipper implants!

Then you would need the additional expense of hiring someone to jack you off/wipe your ass.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: TVC15 on February 05, 2008, 04:47:06 PM: Quote from: ToxicAdam on February 05, 2008, 04:39:00 PM
Can you get Medical Marijuana in Washington? Because you should just get an entire vending machine worth in your home.

Can any WA residents get me up to speed here? What illness do I have to fake?
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Mr. Gundam on February 05, 2008, 04:49:44 PM: Quote from: TVC 15 on February 05, 2008, 04:47:06 PM
Quote from: ToxicAdam on February 05, 2008, 04:39:00 PM
Can you get Medical Marijuana in Washington? Because you should just get an entire vending machine worth in your home.

Can any WA residents get me up to speed here? What illness do I have to fake?

I have no idea about medical marijuana here, and frankly, I'm not going to Google it at work.

But, if we do, I'd guess that anxiety and/or chronic pain would work.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: TVC15 on February 05, 2008, 04:51:12 PM: I could do anxiety. I don't even really have to fake it.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: border on February 05, 2008, 07:28:15 PM: Is dental included?

Get veneers on your top-front teeth. That should blow through five grand pretty quick.

If not....can you deduct travel expenses? Find some hoity-toity specialist in a city you've always wanted to visit, and stay in a 5-star hotel.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: Madrun Badrun on February 05, 2008, 09:59:58 PM: Go to a sex therapist and give her the task of trying to make you straight

Then use this experience to write a book.
Title: Re: Okay, looks like I am screwed as far as my health account goes
Post by: drew on February 05, 2008, 10:05:42 PM: Quote from: TVC 15 on February 05, 2008, 04:51:12 PM
I could do anxiety. I don't even really have to fake it.

Yes, do this and spend your 2 large on bottles of xanax.