THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: The Fake Shemp on April 02, 2008, 10:27:17 PM

Title: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: The Fake Shemp on April 02, 2008, 10:27:17 PM: I have an employee who told the store a week ago that doctors had likely found cancer in his throat, and were working on confirming it with tests. He had all this legit medication and doctor appointments. The response from my staff was very sympathetic and concerned. Everyone was really worried. One of my employees has a crush on him, and tried to joke it off, but it was plain as sight that she was concerned.

He'd come in every day, talking about waiting for the results. How he was tired because he had to go in for a second set of tests and stuff.

He told everyone individually yesterday that he did indeed have cancer. Two employees broke down and cried. The one employee who has a crush on him broke down and told him that she loved him. Then he said, "Hah! April Fool's!" The whole thing was an elaborate hoax. He never had cancer. Something was wrong with his throat, but never cancer and he was able to turn that into a joke. I was always cautiously worried, but felt it wasn't cancer (although I wondered why a doctor would throw the c-word around without a full diagnosis). But the folks who broke down. Whoa. Now that female employee won't even speak to him.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Mr. Gundam on April 02, 2008, 10:29:50 PM: Wow, what an elaborately evil April Fool's Joke.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: TakingBackSunday on April 02, 2008, 10:33:23 PM: That's awesome
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Mupepe on April 02, 2008, 10:34:01 PM: hook me up with that cute employee that had the crush
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: The Fake Shemp on April 02, 2008, 10:37:51 PM: She's a horribly innocent looking little Asian girl.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Mupepe on April 02, 2008, 10:41:51 PM: perfect for bukkake
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Vizzys on April 02, 2008, 10:45:15 PM: Quote from: Mupepe on April 02, 2008, 10:41:51 PM
perfect for bukkake

iawtp
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Phoenix Dark on April 02, 2008, 10:45:24 PM: Quote from: Willco on April 02, 2008, 10:27:17 PM
I have an employee who told the store a week ago that doctors had likely found cancer in his throat, and were working on confirming it with tests. He had all this legit medication and doctor appointments. The response from my staff was very sympathetic and concerned. Everyone was really worried. One of my employees has a crush on him, and tried to joke it off, but it was plain as sight that she was concerned.

He'd come in every day, talking about waiting for the results. How he was tired because he had to go in for a second set of tests and stuff.

He told everyone individually yesterday that he did indeed have cancer. Two employees broke down and cried. The one employee who has a crush on him broke down and told him that she loved him. Then he said, "Hah! April Fool's!" The whole thing was an elaborate hoax. He never had cancer. Something was wrong with his throat, but never cancer and he was able to turn that into a joke. I was always cautiously worried, but felt it wasn't cancer (although I wondered why a doctor would throw the c-word around without a full diagnosis). But the folks who broke down. Whoa. Now that female employee won't even speak to him.

I don't know whether to bust out laughing or shake my head; I wound up doing both. Good lord, how old is this man and (oh god) is he an Ntard?
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Crushed on April 02, 2008, 10:46:19 PM: On the bright side, at least now the girl knows that he's an insensitive dickhead. Could have been worse if she had been in a relationship when she found out.

"Hey sweety, I should tell you that I'm going insane from advanced syphilis, which I contracted from a hooker! By the way, it turns out she got pregnant and I have to pay for the kid. HA HA, FOOOOOOLED YOOOOOU"
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Candyflip on April 02, 2008, 10:53:44 PM: Quote from: Willco on April 02, 2008, 10:37:51 PM
She's a horribly innocent looking little Asian girl.
Aww :( That's like kicking a puppy.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: demi on April 03, 2008, 12:00:05 AM: haha he made an asian cry without shoving the tip of his dick in her
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Phoenix Dark on April 03, 2008, 12:03:08 AM: Quote from: demi on April 03, 2008, 12:00:05 AM
haha he made an asian cry without shoving the tip of his dick in her

omg :lol
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Madrun Badrun on April 03, 2008, 12:04:58 AM: :lol Jesus Demi.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: MCD on April 03, 2008, 12:05:50 AM: Quote from: demi on April 03, 2008, 12:00:05 AM
haha he made an asian cry without shoving the tip of his dick in her
wow
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: pilonv1 on April 03, 2008, 12:07:43 AM: :rofl this thread delivers in multiple ways
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on April 03, 2008, 12:41:53 AM: I was out with some people once at karaoke and this guy got a phone call and left to talk to whomever was on the other line. He then came back in about ten minutes later and asked his wife to come out and talk to him. After they were gone about 5 minutes, they came back in and she was totally crying, telling us between sobs that his unit had just come up for deployment in Iraq, and he was leaving in 72 hours. On top of that, she had just gotten pregnant, and she couldn't believe it, etc... Everyone was SUPER sympathetic to this couple, telling them we really felt for them, we were sure he would be okay etc. etc.

And then after like 15-20 minutes of milking it they were like, haha, we were just kidding! And everyone was completely shellshocked, and then and only then did they realize that they had totally misjudged what an appropriate "punked!" was.

It wasn't even April Fools!
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Van Cruncheon on April 03, 2008, 12:43:29 AM: i broke into a local family's house and played some "funny games" with them

they really didn't get the humor :'(
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on April 03, 2008, 12:46:41 AM: btw, if the worst that female employee does is not talk to him, he's extraordinarily lucky
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Joe Molotov on April 03, 2008, 01:03:59 AM: Quote from: Genghis Cohen on April 03, 2008, 12:42:52 AM
Me and my dad pretended that my mom accidentally killed me. It was...uh...not funny at all.

That has too much of a potential backfire. What if your mom got really happy for a second?
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: CurseoftheGods on April 03, 2008, 01:14:28 AM: Quote from: demi on April 03, 2008, 12:00:05 AM
haha he made an asian cry without shoving the tip of his dick in her

I find this offensive towards people who have dicks.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Mupepe on April 03, 2008, 01:19:59 AM: It wasn't really a prank, but when I was little I was having fun floating in the water face down holding my breath for as long as I could. My mom happened to walk by and started screaming hysterically and then I popped up and was like "what's wrong mom??" and she beat the bejeezus out of me.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Smooth Groove on April 03, 2008, 01:20:47 AM: Why's the chick mad? She finally got the chance to say how she really felt.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: xnikki118x on April 03, 2008, 01:52:50 AM: Quote from: Mupepe on April 03, 2008, 01:19:59 AM
It wasn't really a prank, but when I was little I was having fun floating in the water face down holding my breath for as long as I could. My mom happened to walk by and started screaming hysterically and then I popped up and was like "what's wrong mom??" and she beat the bejeezus out of me.

This made me lol so hard.

Those people who actually fake cancer and stuff are awful! I hope that dude does get cancer in his throat. Karma ROX.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: The Fake Shemp on April 03, 2008, 02:00:14 AM: Quote from: Phoenix Dark
Good lord, how old is this man and (oh god) is he an Ntard?

He's over 21-years-old and what I would call a Sony diehard (typical Asian!). He's got an open relationship going on right now and has no problems getting the ladies. So it wasn't a stunt for a girl. He laughed when one of our employees (a male), broke down in tears. My ASM really thought he had cancer and quit last night (apparently, he did not tell her it was a joke) - I had to convince her it was a joke.

Quote from: Synthesizer Patel
btw, if the worst that female employee does is not talk to him, he's extraordinarily lucky

I am actually worried that she'll quit now. It'll hurt on the store level and my pocketbook (our bonus is primarily retention).

Quote from: Smooth Groove on April 03, 2008, 01:20:47 AM
Why's the chick mad? She finally got the chance to say how she really felt.

I am pretty sure when you've fallen for someone and it won't ever be reciprocated, to be outed is probably one of the most humiliating things ever. And since several people know this, the entire store knows it.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on April 03, 2008, 02:01:48 AM: are you gonna write him up? I would, quite honestly -- this is a disciplinary action if ever there was one. and maybe if you let the girl know you're writing up Stupid McDickhead, she'll be more likely to retain.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: The Fake Shemp on April 03, 2008, 02:03:37 AM: Since it all happened off the clock and really out of the store, it's kind of a tight rope act from a human relations standpoint. It's not like he came into the store, on company time, and did this. He did it on his own time and with folks he has an out-of-the-store relationship with, save for my ASM, who he texted.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Smooth Groove on April 03, 2008, 02:04:03 AM: Quote from: Willco on April 03, 2008, 02:00:14 AM
I am pretty sure when you've fallen for someone and it won't ever be reciprocated, to be outed is probably one of the most humiliating things ever. And since several people know this, the entire store knows it.

Why not? Is she ugly? If a decent looking chick spilled her feelings to me like that, I'd be moved enough to at least give her a pity fuck.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on April 03, 2008, 02:04:46 AM: out-of-store or no, I think it's serious enough that you can write it up. I mean, this isn't fucking around. This is Bad Boys II style just got real
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: MrAngryFace on April 03, 2008, 02:10:49 AM: lol kids, jesus christ tell yer employees to grow up
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: The Fake Shemp on April 03, 2008, 02:18:09 AM: Quote from: Synthesizer Patel on April 03, 2008, 02:04:46 AM
out-of-store or no, I think it's serious enough that you can write it up. I mean, this isn't fucking around. This is Bad Boys II style just got real

I've partnered up with another regional DM, as our DM was just promoted to Regional Director today. I will see what he says on this - usually it's just, "Take care of it and don't make it a HR debacle!" The company no longer has punitive write-ups; they've created these coaching plans which actually create a schedule and plan for modifying unsatisfactory or innappropiate behaviors.

I basically did what MAF said and told him that this was a pretty immature stunt, and while most would be indifferent to it, we work in a store with some sensitive employees and sensitive female employes - neither demographic really is going to take to something like this real well. I think he believes since the majority of it occured away from the premises, he's in the clear.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Vizzys on April 03, 2008, 02:22:21 AM: Quote from: ParticleReality on April 03, 2008, 02:20:03 AM
Quote
sensitive female employes

I'm 17 with my fake id, can I work at your store?

someone ripped you off
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: T234 on April 03, 2008, 02:27:45 AM: I'd have whipped his ass on the spot.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on April 03, 2008, 02:29:54 AM: PM me his info and I'll call the cops and tell him that he talking about death a lot and how it was all going to be over soon, and I think the police need to talk to him
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Smooth Groove on April 03, 2008, 02:31:34 AM: Patel's just angry because the asshole broke an Asian girl's heart.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: The Fake Shemp on April 03, 2008, 02:32:54 AM: And then you can swoop in as a comforting, intellectual shoulder to cry on for an emotionally distraught, adorable Asian college coed? I see through your ruse, mister! :wag
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: huckleberry on April 03, 2008, 02:35:16 AM: You gotta get rid of that guy Willco. I have had to deal with disruptive employees like that in the past....it is disrespectful to them, and to a larger extent, you. His actions, even if they weren't in the workplace, are causing you problems. Total bullshit on his part....even if it wasn't meant that way by him.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: MrAngryFace on April 03, 2008, 02:45:02 AM: I woulda fucking fired him
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on April 03, 2008, 02:50:42 AM: yeah, I don't think "outside of work" counts in this case

also, the correct title of the game I'm working on is "Two Worlds 2: Three Worlds"
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: pilonv1 on April 03, 2008, 02:55:15 AM: doesn't matter if its outside work, if it's affecting his or anyone elses performance you should have a right to can his ass
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: T234 on April 03, 2008, 02:55:28 AM: Sacred 2 is probably still gonna be the better Eastern European hack-n'-slash.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: bagofeyes on April 03, 2008, 02:57:10 AM: hehe good gag. I tell my friends I suffer from chronic migraines to account for all the medication I use just for fun.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: MrAngryFace on April 03, 2008, 02:57:17 AM: I woulda fired him and if my DM asked me why id say he lied about having cancer and manipulated the whole staff which will probably affect the stores productivity as a whole. The DM would then agree with me and we'd hire someone else who doesnt lie about having stuff thats potentially terminal.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: The Fake Shemp on April 03, 2008, 03:09:25 AM: SMs aren't even allowed to fire any employee, unless you have a clear cut case of loss prevention or sexual harassment. Even then, you have to pair up with your DM.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on April 03, 2008, 03:11:01 AM: come up with a plan where he apologizes to everyone every day for three months, and they get to tell him what an insensitive dick he is
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: The Fake Shemp on April 03, 2008, 03:12:25 AM: I should give everyone Nerf crotch bats and let them hit him once a day!

But the HR ridiculousness is pretty crazy. I just had a whole HR nightmare because I demoted someone that should've likely been fired, and without correctly partnering up with my DM, it blew up into an incident.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: MrAngryFace on April 03, 2008, 03:13:02 AM: Whats the point of being an SM if you have to bring in a DM to clear out trash. Gamestop affords the distinguished mentally-challenged people it hires way too much protection from easy firing
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on April 03, 2008, 03:15:44 AM: you... you don't mean...

spoiler (click to show/hide)
a DONG MASTER?!?!
[close]
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: The Fake Shemp on April 03, 2008, 03:17:41 AM: Quote from: Gamestop Employee #18384 on April 03, 2008, 03:13:02 AM
Whats the point of being an SM if you have to bring in a DM to clear out trash. Gamestop affords the distinguished mentally-challenged people it hires way too much protection from easy firing

Because it is my job to properly coach and train them into effective employees and correct negative behaviors. We'll all about promoting positive reinforcement - yadda, yadda, yadda.

Real talk: California state allow employees to get away with a lot because employers have to worry about paying them unemployment out of their pockets if everything isn't completely kosher. Involuntary termination is such a sticky subject on a state level, that it can really handcuff big employers like GameStop. The other part is that the company has overhauled the bonus scorecard for all managers to make retention more weighted than performance, so all managers avoid firing anybody.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on April 03, 2008, 03:18:40 AM: at the very least, come up with a plan where he has to apologize. seriously. SERIOUSLY. letting him get away with that shit, I don't care what your corporate policy is. hell, take him aside and tell him he's a piece of shit, off the record.

also, give me the e-mail of the cute Asian coed so I can reassure her there are still some nice white guys in the world
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: The Fake Shemp on April 03, 2008, 03:20:43 AM: I did talk to him and told him it was an immature stunt!

Also, the female employee only plays for national pride. Sorry.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Joe Molotov on April 03, 2008, 03:42:20 AM: MAF :lol
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Mandark on April 03, 2008, 04:26:28 AM: I'm getting a kick out of MAF's rendition of "If I Were King Of The Jungle".

Quote from: Willco on April 03, 2008, 03:20:43 AM
I did talk to him and told him it was an immature stunt!

Also, the female employee only plays for national pride. Sorry.

National or continental? If it's the first, you should give her a country, if only for Patel's burgeoning fantasy life.

This whole thing reminds me of the UK Office, when David pretends to fire Dawn as a heeeeelarious prank.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: The Fake Shemp on April 03, 2008, 04:31:00 AM: The country that has given us nothing but the runs: China.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on April 03, 2008, 04:32:43 AM: my current feeling is:

Korea > Japan > Vietnam > Taiwan > China
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: MCD on April 03, 2008, 04:33:46 AM: :bow Land of Samsung :bow2
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: The Fake Shemp on April 03, 2008, 04:34:14 AM: Dude, that's your problem. From someone who has dated Korean women - that country excels in breeding crazy women. Really. Korean women are insane. Japanese women are underhanded, but relatively sane. Chinese women are ignorant and stubborn. I have no experience with Vietnamese and/or Taiwanese women.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on April 03, 2008, 04:37:22 AM: I am going out a lot recently with a Korean woman who is TOTALLY crazy! It's true. But I want the crazy!! Japanese women are so, so scheming. They are always trying to figure out how to trick you into getting pregnant. At least with Koreans, the crazy is all on the surface.

Advanced Korean joke: she gives great han jobs
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Mandark on April 03, 2008, 04:38:59 AM: Quote from: Synthesizer Patel on April 03, 2008, 04:37:22 AM
I am going out a lot recently with a Korean woman who is TOTALLY crazy! It's true. But I want the crazy!! Japanese women are so, so scheming. They are always trying to figure out how to trick you into getting pregnant. At least with Koreans, the crazy is all on the surface.

Advanced Korean joke: she gives great han jobs

By dosing you with an experimental fertility drug? (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110216/)
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on April 03, 2008, 04:43:32 AM: yes, I can't tell you the number of times I had to take a pill out of my onigiri and go, "AND WHAT IS THIS DEAR"
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: CrystalGemini on April 03, 2008, 05:40:03 AM: Quote from: Willco on April 03, 2008, 04:34:14 AM
Dude, that's your problem. From someone who has dated Korean women - that country excels in breeding crazy women. Really. Korean women are insane. Japanese women are underhanded, but relatively sane. Chinese women are ignorant and stubborn. I have no experience with Vietnamese and/or Taiwanese women.

Jeannette's Taiwanese.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Tauntaun on April 03, 2008, 02:59:42 PM: Is he part time, cause if he is you can simply allocate his hours to someone else.
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Mupepe on April 03, 2008, 03:00:08 PM: :lol Yeah! Give away his hours and make him quit!

:-\
Title: Re: My employee created the worst, tasteless April Fool's Joke of all-time!
Post by: Tauntaun on April 03, 2008, 03:02:20 PM: Quote from: Synthesizer Patel on April 03, 2008, 04:37:22 AM
I am going out a lot recently with a Korean woman who is TOTALLY crazy! It's true. But I want the crazy!! Japanese women are so, so scheming. They are always trying to figure out how to trick you into getting pregnant. At least with Koreans, the crazy is all on the surface.

Advanced Korean joke: she gives great han jobs

I admit I lulled. :lol