THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: The Fake Shemp on June 16, 2008, 09:26:16 PM

Title: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: The Fake Shemp on June 16, 2008, 09:26:16 PM: Wow, has there ever been a movie about nothing like JUMPER? Not a single character is likeable too.
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: Great Rumbler on June 16, 2008, 09:28:14 PM: Someone described the movie to me the other day and even that was so boring that I almost fell asleep.
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: The Fake Shemp on June 16, 2008, 09:33:38 PM: Quote from: Great Rumbler on June 16, 2008, 09:28:14 PM
Someone described the movie to me the other day and even that was so boring that I almost fell asleep.

:lol

I'm pretty sure the entire movie was about Hayden Christensen teleporting from product placement to product placement.
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: The Fake Shemp on June 16, 2008, 09:35:33 PM: Quote from: Genghis Cohen on June 16, 2008, 09:33:17 PM
I looked at this saturday. From I gathered it was about guys that "jumped" and other guys who may or may not have been able to "jump" trying to stop them. I really don't know what any of that means, so I rented Idiocracy.

Not only that, but they don't explain the following:

a) Why "jumpers" can teleport (if it was some kind of genetic mutation, the fact that its been around since The Middle Ages makes no sense)
b) How many "jumpers" there are
c) Why "paladins" want to kill them, other than Sam Jackson thinks they're an abomination
d) Why "jumpers" are so fond of product placement
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: Oblivion on June 16, 2008, 09:37:51 PM: Willco, that's pretty much what every review said. Jumper had a lot of potential but botched everything up by having you not give a shit about any of the characters.

I did like that fight scene with the 2 jumpers, tho.

Quote from: Genghis Cohen on June 16, 2008, 09:33:17 PM
I looked at this saturday. From I gathered it was about guys that "jumped" and other guys who may or may not have been able to "jump" trying to stop them. I really don't know what any of that means, so I rented Idiocracy.

Idiocracy is one of the best comedy movies ever, and better than Jumper by quite a bit so you did the right thing. Also shits on anything made by Judd Apatow. Yes, I said it.
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: The Fake Shemp on June 16, 2008, 09:40:11 PM: No, they don't. They do have a machine that's capable of opening wormholes from some kind of jump residue that "jumpers" leave behind that they can jump through.

Hayden Christensen is the most unlikeable character, as well. He has a mediocre home life - oh noes! So what does he do? Rob a bank and spend the rest of his life living in high rises, having one night stands and desecrating world wonders and national treasures. What an asshole. I was hoping Sam Jackson would anally rape him.
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: demi on June 16, 2008, 09:41:58 PM: [youtube=425,350]mZpxsXHrFUY[/youtube]

.
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: Joe Molotov on June 16, 2008, 09:44:11 PM: Quote from: Willco on June 16, 2008, 09:35:33 PM
Quote from: Genghis Cohen on June 16, 2008, 09:33:17 PM
I looked at this saturday. From I gathered it was about guys that "jumped" and other guys who may or may not have been able to "jump" trying to stop them. I really don't know what any of that means, so I rented Idiocracy.

Not only that, but they don't explain the following:

a) Why "jumpers" can teleport (if it was some kind of genetic mutation, the fact that its been around since The Middle Ages makes no sense)
b) How many "jumpers" there are
c) Why "paladins" want to kill them, other than Sam Jackson thinks they're an abomination
d) Why "jumpers" are so fond of product placement

I like how Hayden's like "Bubububu...why are you doing this to me!!! I didn't do anything! :'( :'(" Yeah, nothing except rob a few dozen banks, you douche. :lol I also like how his mom shows up in the last few seconds, and is like "SUPRISE, I'm a Paladin!" Wow, that just added a whole other unnecessary layer to an already unnecessary movie. Most worthless movie I've seen this year (haven't seen Love Guru or Zohan yet).

Edit: I also like how this war between Jumpers and Paladins has been going on for centuries secretly, but yet they (A) make no attempt to be secret about it, leaving a wake of destruction everywhere they go and (B) the entire war apparently consists of one jumper and about four Paladins.
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: The Fake Shemp on June 16, 2008, 09:46:05 PM: What the fuck, demi? That is the most ridiculous promotional tie-in ever. It's almost as irrelevant as the movie!

How did a respectable director like Doug Liman get caught up in a crap movie like this?
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: cool breeze on June 16, 2008, 09:48:31 PM: I wish I had the power of Nightcrawler. I also wish I had a jetpack after watching The Rocketeer yesterday. A teleporting jetpack would be badass. Why hasn't this been a movie yet?
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: Solo on June 16, 2008, 09:48:53 PM: This is the worst movie Ive seen in a really long time. I caught a double bill of Atonement and then Jumper on the flight back to Edmonton several weeks ago. What a contradictory flight that was.
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: Great Rumbler on June 16, 2008, 09:51:18 PM: Quote from: demi on June 16, 2008, 09:41:58 PM
[youtube=425,350]mZpxsXHrFUY[/youtube]

.

:lol
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: Grecco on June 16, 2008, 09:52:07 PM: He jumped into a commercial? Wtf

(I do think Rachel Bilson is hot tho)
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: Joe Molotov on June 16, 2008, 09:53:20 PM: Quote from: Genghis Cohen on June 16, 2008, 09:51:35 PM
This looks worse than Cloverfield.

If you took the moster out of Cloverfield and made the whole movie about the yuppie party at the first, it would still be better than Jumpers.
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: Oblivion on June 16, 2008, 10:01:32 PM: Quote from: Joe Molotov on June 16, 2008, 09:53:20 PM
Quote from: Genghis Cohen on June 16, 2008, 09:51:35 PM
This looks worse than Cloverfield.

If you took the moster out of Cloverfield and made the whole movie about the yuppie party at the first, it would still be better than Jumpers.

That would also make it better than the original Cloverfield.
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: Phoenix Dark on June 16, 2008, 10:02:56 PM: Quote from: Genghis Cohen on June 16, 2008, 09:51:35 PM
This looks worse than Cloverfield.

lets not jump to conclusions here
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: Solo on June 16, 2008, 10:08:47 PM: Comparing which is better, Cloverfield or Jumper, is like comparing what is better between picking up a cheeseburger or passing kidney stones.
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: The Fake Shemp on June 16, 2008, 10:12:52 PM: Cloverfield actually had a character you could root for.

spoiler (click to show/hide)
The monster!
[close]
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: Solo on June 16, 2008, 10:15:55 PM: At this point Im just doing it because I know it will get you going :lol :P
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: chronovore on June 16, 2008, 10:28:19 PM: Apparently the books don't have paladins or any of that crap, and are all the more interesting for it. So it's another case of Hollywood buying the rights to something that works as a book, then figuring out how to "put the H-wood magic on it" until it's dead.

http://www.avclub.com/content/feature/book_vs_film_jumper
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: EvilBoris on June 16, 2008, 10:37:53 PM: what were they thinking with samuel l jackson's wig?
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: WrikaWrek on June 16, 2008, 10:55:22 PM: The movie begun, some kid gained powers, the movie ended.

True piece of shit.
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: Raban on June 16, 2008, 11:21:29 PM: Yeah it was pretty bad. Everything, I mean.
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: Scurvy Stan on June 17, 2008, 01:48:17 AM: Quote from: Solo on June 16, 2008, 09:48:53 PM
This is the worst movie Ive seen in a really long time. I caught a double bill of Atonement and then Jumper on the flight back to Edmonton several weeks ago. What a contradictory flight that was.

I would have jumped off the plane.
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: xnikki118x on June 17, 2008, 01:48:29 AM: I've never seen or hward of it, lol.

But why were you in the hospital, Willco?
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: The Fake Shemp on June 17, 2008, 01:50:37 AM: I had a severe asthma attack. It's been really bothering me recently.
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: xnikki118x on June 17, 2008, 02:48:14 AM: Oh wow, that really sucks! I'm glad you're better now, though!
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: The Fake Shemp on June 17, 2008, 02:53:10 AM: Not entirely, but I'm not in an emergency room, at least! Take that, air quality.

It was probably my scariest attack and I had a pretty server precursor this morning. If it wasn't for the fact that my neighbor is home since his kids are visiting, I would've had to call the paramedics.
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: xnikki118x on June 17, 2008, 03:05:11 AM: Yeah I figured you were posting from home, which is always a good thing.

Thank god for small miracles about your neighbor, huh? Wow.
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: Tauntaun on June 17, 2008, 10:31:55 AM: Saw this movie in theaters, man what a piece of crap. :-\

Breathe Willco......BRRRREEEEEEAAAAAATTTTTTTHHHHHHEEEEE!

spoiler (click to show/hide)
Tauntaun revitalizing sexy time! :hump
[close]
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: Eric P on June 17, 2008, 10:34:08 AM: adds a whole new terror to asthma, doesn't it?
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: The Fake Shemp on June 17, 2008, 11:24:34 AM: JUMPER convinced me NOT to move towards the light.
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: Eric P on June 17, 2008, 12:32:42 PM: Quote from: Willco on June 17, 2008, 11:24:34 AM
JUMPER convinced me NOT to move towards the light.

how else could you come back and post about it?
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: muckhole on June 17, 2008, 12:52:23 PM: Quote from: mojovonio on June 17, 2008, 12:48:46 PM
Demi, did you play the game?

There was a game?!
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: E-DuB on June 17, 2008, 10:56:37 PM: Quote from: demi on June 16, 2008, 09:41:58 PM
[youtube=425,350]mZpxsXHrFUY[/youtube]

.
So an Hp advert within a Windows Everywhere advert within a Jumper advert. That's three degrees of SMH
Title: Re: I watched JUMPER while I was in the hospital today
Post by: Trent Dole on June 18, 2008, 12:15:37 AM: I can't believe my store nearly sold out of this movie, but it did. ???