THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: The Fake Shemp on July 02, 2008, 01:37:10 PM

Title: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: The Fake Shemp on July 02, 2008, 01:37:10 PM
I was dating this broad a couple of months back.  It was looking to evolve into SERIOS mode, with us talking for hours and everything.  We had a great time hanging out.  I finally got her to spend the night and after that - I realized she was CRAZY.  I quickly moved to distance myself from her and her entire life.

Today, I found out she's pregnant with some dude's baby and the guy is saying it was an entrapment pregnancy.  Talk about dodging a bullet!  It's a good feeling.
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Bacon on July 02, 2008, 01:38:33 PM
Did you wear a bag?
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: The Fake Shemp on July 02, 2008, 01:39:10 PM
I was in an armored card with a Death Star-like force shield.  That's how protected I am!
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Phoenix Dark on July 02, 2008, 01:41:48 PM
holy shit dude. put that on your resume :bow

any examples of crazy shit she said/did to you?
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Mupepe on July 02, 2008, 01:43:11 PM
i had an ex poke pin holes in my condoms :'(  crazy bitch.
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: E-DuB on July 02, 2008, 01:44:25 PM
I was in an armored card with a Death Star-like force shield.  That's how protected I am!

So double-bagged then
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: duckman2000 on July 02, 2008, 01:45:14 PM
Sounds a bit like a chick I was dating for a pretty long time many, many years ago. She was hot, a demon in bed.. and absolutely psychotic. She talked far too often about her desire to have a child, with me, and I spotted her not taking her birth control pills as directed. 5 years after I broke up with her, she still called me, and even tracked me down in another nation with little information more than that I worked for a post-production company in Chicago. She stopped calling my family after she found out I was married, and a year later she had a kid with some other poor sod. Women.
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: duckman2000 on July 02, 2008, 01:46:20 PM
i had an ex poke pin holes in my condoms :'(  crazy bitch.

At least you were smart enough to use 'em. I banged a psychotic chick who had a deep wish to become a mother and left the protection part up to her. I R, in fact, stupid.
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Mupepe on July 02, 2008, 01:46:45 PM
[12:29] Mupepe: now go hit her up for pregnant sex and sensitive titties!
[12:30] Mupepe: yeah, and you'll be on the other side of the country when she decides to get clingy and/or really crazy
[12:30] Mupepe: perfect escape
[12:30] Mupepe: don't tell her you're moving

i still think my advice rocks
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: The Fake Shemp on July 02, 2008, 01:46:53 PM
When we started to get intimate she just turned completely bipolar.  From resistant to wanting to maul me.  Then afterwards, she started to sob and said that she liked me, but that she's hurt everyone she's been with.  She said she's cheated on every boyfriend.  She was 21-years-old and had 30+ partners (she can't remember some), including one time when she cheated on her boyfriend with his best friend some married dude - at the same time (fingercuffs!).  Then she said she was raped when she was six-years-old.

This pretty much all came spewing out of her mouth in one big, semi-coherent ramble and scared the SHIT out of me.  I bolted quick.  She had a great pair of boobs and was a lot of fun to hang out with before that incident (and one of the sexiest women I had been with), but it was apparent that she had some kind of courtship facade going on as not to scare away potential suitors.
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: duckman2000 on July 02, 2008, 01:47:39 PM
When we started to get intimate she just turned completely bipolar.  From resistant to wanting to maul me.  Then she started to sob and said that she liked me, but that she's hurt everyone she's been with.  She said she's cheated on every boyfriend.  She was 21-years-old and had 30+ partners (she can't remember some), including one time when she cheated on her boyfriend with his best friend some married dude - at the same time (fingercuffs!).  Then she said she was raped when she was six-years-old.

This pretty much all came spewing out of her mouth in one big, semi-coherent ramble and scared the SHIT out of me.  I bolted quick.  She had a great pair of boobs and was a lot of fun to hang out with before that incident (and one of the sexiest women I had been with), but it was apparent that she had some kind of courtship facade going on as not to scare away potential suitors.

Alright, that's pretty psycho.  :lol
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on July 02, 2008, 02:02:57 PM
i had an ex poke pin holes in my condoms :'(  crazy bitch.

omg I thought it was just me

goddamn those all-Japanese girls
do it to me everytime
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Bacon on July 02, 2008, 02:04:53 PM
She lick your balls, mayne?
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on July 02, 2008, 02:09:45 PM
My crazy ex really, really, really wanted a kid. I nearly moved in with her, but just barely dodged that bullet. We broke up, and then 11 months later she gave birth to a son by another guy (some ex of hers she dragooned into fatherhood). Oh my God I was doing the math so hard.
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Mupepe on July 02, 2008, 02:15:22 PM
i had an ex poke pin holes in my condoms :'(  crazy bitch.

omg I thought it was just me

goddamn those all-Japanese girls
do it to me everytime

My crazy ex really, really, really wanted a kid. I nearly moved in with her, but just barely dodged that bullet. We broke up, and then 11 months later she gave birth to a son by another guy (some ex of hers she dragooned into fatherhood). Oh my God I was doing the math so hard.
:rofl :rofl

I only noticed the condoms when a friend asked if I had any he could have for a date later.  I went in and grabbed one and was like "hey, there's no air" and then I looked closer and I was like "oh my god, what the fuck!"
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Human Snorenado on July 02, 2008, 02:25:20 PM
lolz, an ex from about 5 years ago decided she wanted to be sly and stop taking her pills.  after about two months i caught her with a pregnancy test and busted her on it.  fortunately i think i shoot blanks, which is pretty awesome.
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: DJ_Tet on July 02, 2008, 02:34:02 PM
I only noticed the condoms when a friend asked if I had any he could have for a date later.  I went in and grabbed one and was like "hey, there's no air" and then I looked closer and I was like "oh my god, what the fuck!"


Holy crap, never thought about that.  A tampered condom would be in a flat package.  Brilliant deduction, I doubt I would have picked up on that.
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: CajoleJuice on July 02, 2008, 06:44:58 PM
lolz, an ex from about 5 years ago decided she wanted to be sly and stop taking her pills.  after about two months i caught her with a pregnancy test and busted her on it.  fortunately i think i shoot blanks, which is pretty awesome.

yes, yes it is

spoiler (click to show/hide)
less potential Braves fans
[close]
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Human Snorenado on July 02, 2008, 06:55:35 PM
lolz, an ex from about 5 years ago decided she wanted to be sly and stop taking her pills.  after about two months i caught her with a pregnancy test and busted her on it.  fortunately i think i shoot blanks, which is pretty awesome.

yes, yes it is

spoiler (click to show/hide)
less potential Braves fans
[close]

Hey, fuck you buddy.  At least we don't export our fans to your crappy city.
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Bildi on July 02, 2008, 07:13:52 PM
[12:29] Mupepe: now go hit her up for pregnant sex and sensitive titties!
[12:30] Mupepe: yeah, and you'll be on the other side of the country when she decides to get clingy and/or really crazy
[12:30] Mupepe: perfect escape
[12:30] Mupepe: don't tell her you're moving

i still think my advice rocks

You should start a sect.  I know I'd join
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: xnikki118x on July 03, 2008, 03:25:32 AM
When we started to get intimate she just turned completely bipolar.  From resistant to wanting to maul me.  Then afterwards, she started to sob and said that she liked me, but that she's hurt everyone she's been with.  She said she's cheated on every boyfriend.  She was 21-years-old and had 30+ partners (she can't remember some), including one time when she cheated on her boyfriend with his best friend some married dude - at the same time (fingercuffs!).  Then she said she was raped when she was six-years-old.

This pretty much all came spewing out of her mouth in one big, semi-coherent ramble and scared the SHIT out of me.  I bolted quick.  She had a great pair of boobs and was a lot of fun to hang out with before that incident (and one of the sexiest women I had been with), but it was apparent that she had some kind of courtship facade going on as not to scare away potential suitors.

Holy crap. What a crazy bitch!

You definitely dodged a bullet, sir.
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: abrader on July 03, 2008, 04:05:44 AM
IS she carrying Wilco Jr?

Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: TVC15 on July 03, 2008, 04:15:41 AM
lolz, an ex from about 5 years ago decided she wanted to be sly and stop taking her pills.  after about two months i caught her with a pregnancy test and busted her on it.  fortunately i think i shoot blanks, which is pretty awesome.

yes, yes it is

spoiler (click to show/hide)
less potential Braves fans
[close]

Hey, fuck you buddy.  At least we don't export our fans to your crappy city.

Don't be mean.  It's not Cajole's fault that New York is a disgusting shithole that only distinguished mentally-challenged and simple people like.
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: drohne on July 03, 2008, 04:25:51 AM
not as bad as your story, but a couple weeks back i was hanging out at a party with a friend of mine, sort of talking to this drunk friend of hers that she'd driven to the party. kind of weird, but cute. the cops showed up, and as the party was breaking up, my friend was like 'why don't you drive her home -- she's a sure thing.' i'm like 'ok!' then she grabs my arm and says '...but wear a condom.' i got out of there. alone. the next day i'm talking to my friend about the incident and she says that the girl she was trying to set me up with 'had herpes once' -- apparently she didn't know that herpes is AN INCURABLE VIRAL INFECTION -- and that she 'was just trying to do something nice for me.' yeah. herpes. nice. girls are fucking crazy
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: TVC15 on July 03, 2008, 04:28:30 AM
That's what you get when you associate with Sony fanboys, dude.
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: drohne on July 03, 2008, 04:30:16 AM
actually she does have this cd wallet that says 'blu ray' on it -- supposedly received in some industry party gift bag, BUT ACTUALLY A SIGN THAT SHE'S PART OF A SONY CONSPIRACY TO GIVE ME MAD STDS
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: MCD on July 03, 2008, 05:07:48 AM
actually she does have this cd wallet that says 'blu ray' on it -- supposedly received in some industry party gift bag, BUT ACTUALLY A SIGN THAT SHE'S PART OF A SONY CONSPIRACY TO GIVE ME MAD STDS
all part of the master plan.
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: tiesto on July 03, 2008, 10:45:02 AM
lolz, an ex from about 5 years ago decided she wanted to be sly and stop taking her pills.  after about two months i caught her with a pregnancy test and busted her on it.  fortunately i think i shoot blanks, which is pretty awesome.

yes, yes it is

spoiler (click to show/hide)
less potential Braves fans
[close]

Hey, fuck you buddy.  At least we don't export our fans to your crappy city.

Don't be mean.  It's not Cajole's fault that New York is a disgusting shithole that only distinguished mentally-challenged and simple people like.

Hey now, it's not our fault that we're not cool enough to live in Seattle  ::)

spoiler (click to show/hide)
I actually like Seattle a lot
[close]
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Tauntaun on July 03, 2008, 10:50:25 AM
lolz, an ex from about 5 years ago decided she wanted to be sly and stop taking her pills.  after about two months i caught her with a pregnancy test and busted her on it.  fortunately i think i shoot blanks, which is pretty awesome.

yes, yes it is

spoiler (click to show/hide)
less potential Braves fans
[close]

Hey, fuck you buddy.  At least we don't export our fans to your crappy city.

Don't be mean.  It's not Cajole's fault that New York is a disgusting shithole that only distinguished mentally-challenged and simple people like.

Hey now, it's not our fault that we're not cool enough to live in Seattle  ::)

spoiler (click to show/hide)
I actually like Seattle a lot
[close]

Don't apologize for being an NYer, they're just jealous.  :punch
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Ganhyun on July 03, 2008, 12:14:19 PM
lolz, an ex from about 5 years ago decided she wanted to be sly and stop taking her pills.  after about two months i caught her with a pregnancy test and busted her on it.  fortunately i think i shoot blanks, which is pretty awesome.

yes, yes it is

spoiler (click to show/hide)
less potential Braves fans
[close]

Hey, fuck you buddy.  At least we don't export our fans to your crappy city.

Don't be mean.  It's not Cajole's fault that New York is a disgusting shithole that only distinguished mentally-challenged and simple people like.

Hey now, it's not our fault that we're not cool enough to live in Seattle  ::)

spoiler (click to show/hide)
I actually like Seattle a lot
[close]

Don't apologize for being an NYer, they're just jealous.  :punch


don't interfere with our slow conversion of him from a New yorker to some other cityer..... :)
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on July 03, 2008, 12:23:57 PM
I think drohne's story is the new high watermark for this thread
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: The Fake Shemp on July 03, 2008, 12:25:48 PM
Wrap that shit up.
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Tauntaun on July 03, 2008, 12:29:28 PM
Wrap that shit up.

(http://images2.metacafe.com/thumb/210333/1457191/4/flash_player/0/the_wrap_it_up_box.jpg)
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Candyflip on July 03, 2008, 12:56:42 PM
The sad thing is the guy will probably still end up paying child support lol
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: The Fake Shemp on July 03, 2008, 12:57:22 PM
And drohne still has herpes. :'(
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: drohne on July 03, 2008, 01:02:24 PM
i do wrap that shit up, but i'm also a hypochondriac who sits around reading wikipedia articles about diseases i think i've got, so i'm aware of all the ways you can catch things even if you use condoms. the sane response to this would be NOT SLEEPING WITH WEIRD GIRLS, but if the alternatives are celibacy or relationships, i'll probably keep taking my chances
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: The Fake Shemp on July 03, 2008, 01:08:12 PM
And now another semi-crazy broad (damaged goods with emotional baggage!) with a good body, but a BOYFRIEND, is inquiring about us hooking up before I leave.  Like, "Well, he's leaving the state, I might as well have a go!"

Where can I meet normal women?
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Eric P on July 03, 2008, 01:15:03 PM
Where can I meet normal women?


craig's list
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Human Snorenado on July 03, 2008, 01:17:53 PM
And now another semi-crazy broad (damaged goods with emotional baggage!) with a good body, but a BOYFRIEND, is inquiring about us hooking up before I leave.  Like, "Well, he's leaving the state, I might as well have a go!"

Where can I meet normal women?

Not on earth, I'm afraid.
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: drohne on July 03, 2008, 01:19:10 PM
my field studies suggest that the 'normal women' only occur in a longstanding relationships with close friends of yours, seldom at that, and even if she wasn't with him she probably wouldn't

this is getting pretty emo
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Tauntaun on July 03, 2008, 01:21:28 PM
Where can I meet normal women?


craig's list

:rofl
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Ganhyun on July 03, 2008, 01:29:40 PM
Where can I meet normal women?


craig's list

:rofl
:lol :lol :lol  ::)
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on July 03, 2008, 02:50:05 PM
Where can I meet normal women?


craig's list

I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now, so I'm gonna start off slow in the "casual" section
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Shuri on July 03, 2008, 03:33:35 PM
I wish there a some sort of pill for guys.

On another one, this one guy i knew since highschoool casually announced the other day that he found out he had claymadia for the past 4 years, but with the help of 3 pills, it was fixed within a week.

3 YEARS OF CHLAMYDIA

Symptons:
Quote
    * Painful urination
    * Lower abdominal pain
    * Vaginal discharge in women
    * Clear Discharge from the penis in men
    * Painful sexual intercourse in women
    * Testicular pain in men

JESUS FUCK  :-\, needless to say, we kind of excluded him for our social circle after that.

edit: and he thought those symptoms were normal and didnt really bother checking up on them until some random doc appointement.


Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Phoenix Dark on July 03, 2008, 04:18:46 PM
Where can I meet normal women?


craig's list

I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now, so I'm gonna start off slow in the "casual" section

http://annarbor.craigslist.org/cas/741499820.html
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: disgruntled_jojo on July 03, 2008, 09:03:01 PM
i had an ex poke pin holes in my condoms :'(  crazy bitch.

omg I thought it was just me

goddamn those all-Japanese girls
do it to me everytime

Dude, one of the girls I dated for a bit while in Shanghai was crazy that way.  She would try to get me not to wear condoms and actually MIMED POKING PIN HOLES IN MY CONDOMS IN FRONT OF ME SEVERAL TIMES AS THOUGH IT WERE A JOKE.  Needless to say I was way more cautious after that.  For one, I had a 'stash' of real condoms and then a drawer by the bed where she always 'saw' me take them from (when I was actually doing some sleight-of-hand shit to get one from the stash).  Before you say I was crazy for not bailing all together, check the spoiler tag for a shot. She never got pregnant, at least not that she told me.

Either way, women be crazies.

spoiler (click to show/hide)
(mildly) NSFW http://www.muchlessthanthree.com/images/stg04.jpg (http://www.muchlessthanthree.com/images/stg04.jpg)  She's wearing  my pants! Damn that's hot.
[close]
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Mupepe on July 03, 2008, 09:06:46 PM
damn jojo, i'd knock that up so that i could bang her offspring
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: disgruntled_jojo on July 03, 2008, 09:26:18 PM
A friend of mine paid child support to a girl in Japan for a child that didn't exist.

Yeah see, if some old flame in a foreign country called up saying she needed money for our kid that I'd never heard of before, I'd be spending that first month's worth on a P.I. before I started forking out actual money.
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: Boogie on July 03, 2008, 09:27:22 PM
Where can I meet normal women?


craig's list

I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now, so I'm gonna start off slow in the "casual" section

So you're looking for prostitutes and gay men to suck you off?
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: chronovore on July 04, 2008, 06:33:36 AM
A friend of mine paid child support to a girl in Japan for a child that didn't exist.

Yeah see, if some old flame in a foreign country called up saying she needed money for our kid that I'd never heard of before, I'd be spending that first month's worth on a P.I. before I started forking out actual money.

Yeah, that's a good call. Or at least a picture of the kid which looks incontrovertibly like me. And her, for that matter. Don't want to double up on that palimony.
Title: Re: Talk about dodging a bullet!
Post by: bork on July 04, 2008, 06:39:05 AM

The story was wayyyy more complicated than that, but he was a bit of a dumbass.

Details, man DETAILS!