THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: Van Cruncheon on August 07, 2008, 11:32:50 PM

Title: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Van Cruncheon on August 07, 2008, 11:32:50 PM
so my wife was exercising downstairs, and i am upstairs. i had just spilled a bit of canned soup on the tray table i was using for my laptop, and nabbed some toilet paper to wipe it up. having done that, i flop back down on the couch to browse this shitty forum.

then BING im from a "friend". "lol cigarillo you check this out it's hilarious" and i click the tinyurl. i know better than to click his links, but i do anyways becase morbid curiosity and a love of the absurd define me. it is a fat chick getting fucked by a greyhound, and kinda tame for him. normally i get footage of folks being tied to jeeps and torn apart, or japanese women discharging maggots from their asses.

right when it starts my wife busts in. on the tray table is toilet paper, and like a stupid fucking ass, i am trying to close the window like a fucking teen because WHAT ELSE DO YOU DO. years of college roommates have trained me thusly!

FUCK. "uhhhhhhh" she says "uhhhhhhhhh"

thankfully, my pants are on, and i can demonstrate that the toilet paper has beef stew stains, not semen, so i am off the hook. but JESUS CHRIST COULD I LOOK ANY GUILTIER.

right now i could use a percocet! LET THE JOKES START. i cleared my history so NO PEEDEE I DO NOT HAVE THE LINK, search for bbw + greyhound yourself!
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Van Cruncheon on August 07, 2008, 11:33:48 PM
oh fuck, move this shitty thread
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: MCD on August 07, 2008, 11:34:15 PM
just be honest with her.
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Crushed on August 07, 2008, 11:34:37 PM
would your wife walking in on you posting to evilbore (and failing) count as a heart attack moment
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Van Cruncheon on August 07, 2008, 11:34:52 PM
that i am into fat chicks getting railed by track dogs? who can be honest about that?
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: duckman2000 on August 07, 2008, 11:35:02 PM
Ah, the desperate window closing routine.  :lol

Isn't it amazing how difficult it can be to close a window under extremely high stress conditions? I accidentally opened up a window with a link to something even worse last time I tried that.
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Van Cruncheon on August 07, 2008, 11:35:09 PM
she actually reads evilbore from time to time, although i hope not tonight
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: MCD on August 07, 2008, 11:36:48 PM
that i am into fat chicks getting railed by track dogs? who can be honest about that?
she will understand.
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: duckman2000 on August 07, 2008, 11:37:18 PM
At least it wasn't the PS3 browser. "Do you want to exit browser?" with hot stuff faded but certainly visible in the background.
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Van Cruncheon on August 07, 2008, 11:38:45 PM
that i am into fat chicks getting railed by track dogs? who can be honest about that?
she will understand.

i'm not even sure the folks who FILMED that clip understand
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Tabasco on August 07, 2008, 11:40:25 PM
I think you do hope she is reading tonight.  She caught you masturbating to bestiality.  You stammered and couldn't come up with a good explanation.  Now that you've had time, you posted this.  Hoping she will see it and buy this shitty story you've concocted.  
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Van Cruncheon on August 07, 2008, 11:41:18 PM
you sound like tvc!

she has already bought my story, thankfully, and my love for hot doggy-on-chubby action will be forever disavowed
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Crushed on August 07, 2008, 11:41:39 PM
beef stew and disgusting stuff leading to a deceptive situation

That reminds me of a story. Something my uncle did years and years ago.


He was on a plane with a friend, and they had a can of beef stew for whatever reason. At some point, the friend decided to take a sick bag and pour the stew into it. He then called the stewardess to take it away. The stewardess grabbed this bag of what appeared to be partially digested meat and vegetables floating in brown vomit, a common situation.

Suddenly my uncle leaned over and said "Wait, lemme get the big pieces first!", grabbed a piece of floating beef, and popped it into his mouth. The stewardess quickly ran away with the bag and never appeared again for the rest of the flight.
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: duckman2000 on August 07, 2008, 11:42:27 PM
I think you do hope she is reading tonight.  She caught you masturbating to bestiality.  You stammered and couldn't come up with a good explanation.  Now that you've had time, you posted this.  Hoping she will see it and buy this shitty story you've concocted. 

That's what I was thinking. All us married sods have done it, so hey. It's OK, Prole.
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Van Cruncheon on August 07, 2008, 11:43:03 PM
I think you do hope she is reading tonight.  She caught you masturbating to bestiality.  You stammered and couldn't come up with a good explanation.  Now that you've had time, you posted this.  Hoping she will see it and buy this shitty story you've concocted. 

That's what I was thinking. All us married sods have done it, so hey. It's OK, Prole.

oh my :-[
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: MCD on August 07, 2008, 11:43:49 PM
:lol

nah, i am just playing with you.

just tell her you were buying a surprise gift for her on the internet...yeah, that sounds good, i hope.
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Crushed on August 07, 2008, 11:44:41 PM
:lol

nah, i am just playing with you.

just tell her you were buying a surprise gift for her on the internet...yeah, that sounds good, i hope.

"Surprise honey, I was buying a gift and checking out different models! Different models of dog to fuck your fat ass, from DogsForFuckingYourFatWife.com!"
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: cool breeze on August 07, 2008, 11:44:45 PM
The only time someone caught something nasty on my screen was when I was reading a french blog trying to find scans of a game, then I scroll down and see a massive cock (the dick itself wasn't big, but the image was blown up) while my dad was there talking to me.  Luckily he wasn't looking in that direction, and luckily a button on my mouse closes all the windows, so there was no real trouble.

I also have a bad habit of finding bad things or walking in at bad times on people.  I saw my roommate looking at diseased vagina one time.  I also found homosexual porn on my friend's brother's computer, and another case of homo porn on another friends computer.  I found a bunch of hentai on another friends computer.  The only friend this didn't happen with is someone who hid his videos well, and wasn't embarrassed about that stuff at all.  I remember I went on a trip with him once, and in the back seat of the car he was just casually watching a porn with me next to him and his mom in the front seat.
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Van Cruncheon on August 07, 2008, 11:45:17 PM
hey, i had to explain to her why i was watching a beheading clip once -- that one took some real creativity. again, THANKS FORMER COLLEGE BUDDY

forunately, he has sent her shit, too, so he will forever be the perfect excuseexplanation!
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: MCD on August 07, 2008, 11:45:36 PM
:lol

nah, i am just playing with you.

just tell her you were buying a surprise gift for her on the internet...yeah, that sounds good, i hope.

"Surprise honey, I was buying a dog to fuck you, from DogsForFuckingYourFatWife.com!"
:lol
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Madrun Badrun on August 07, 2008, 11:54:45 PM
If you're lucky she'll pick up on the hint.  I expect a WDYB thread next week from drinky with the post being "my wife picked up a few bags of cookie mix and a greyhound"

spoiler (click to show/hide)
I hear if you make the dog wear socks her back won't get so scratched up.  just saying.
[close]
spoiler (click to show/hide)
i'm posting from the bath tube.  just saying.
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Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Van Cruncheon on August 07, 2008, 11:55:59 PM
i wish to hear more about your second anus, arvie. is it tight?
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Madrun Badrun on August 07, 2008, 11:59:21 PM


Let me know the next time your wife is in the room and I'll send you a picture.
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: BobbyRobby on August 08, 2008, 12:03:34 AM
i was once sitting on my living room couch strung out at 4AM.  the remote was missing, and i was too tired to get up and change the channel.  my roommate came downstairs and caught me jerking off to an episode of sabrina the teenage witch.
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: duckman2000 on August 08, 2008, 12:06:53 AM
I think the most suspicious picture I've had up when my wife walked by was this picture my dad sent of some dude dressed like Santa Claus, a big smile on his big bearded face and an even bigger cock in his hands, and fishnet stockings down to his knees. She didn't know my family at that point.
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: T234 on August 08, 2008, 12:07:19 AM
i was once sitting on my living room couch strung out at 4AM.  the remote was missing, and i was too tired to get up and change the channel.  my roommate came downstairs and caught me jerking off to an episode of sabrina the teenage witch.
no shame in that brother
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: MrAngryFace on August 08, 2008, 12:09:02 AM
Depends, there were two Sabrina shows. One is MUCH shame
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Madrun Badrun on August 08, 2008, 12:10:46 AM
It could have been Hannah Montana. 


HMJODF!!!
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Phoenix Dark on August 08, 2008, 12:12:19 AM
you wife must trust you. if i found my husband quickly exiting websites while in the vicinity of toilet paper covered with brown stains i'd be concerned
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Van Cruncheon on August 08, 2008, 12:13:26 AM
i think it was more that my pants were on and i didn't look aroused
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: demi on August 08, 2008, 12:14:45 AM
sheesh what'll happen next - phonecalls from hannah montana?
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Van Cruncheon on August 08, 2008, 12:15:56 AM
tvc has already revealed his plans for hannah
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Phoenix Dark on August 08, 2008, 12:17:53 AM
I've only been almost caught once. It seems like you only almost get caught when you're looking at something absolutely ridiculous - in my case, Beetlejuice's porn video with a fat black prostitute
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: BobbyRobby on August 08, 2008, 12:25:31 AM
Depends, there were two Sabrina shows. One is MUCH shame

it was the episode where sabrina wanted to go to a violent femmes concert and her aunts transformed into teenagers so they could chaperone her.  the teenage aunt zelda was hot
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: MrAngryFace on August 08, 2008, 12:27:09 AM
oh ok, so it wasnt the cartoon. Youre safe. Aunt Zelda was pretty hot
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Madrun Badrun on August 08, 2008, 12:27:44 AM
drinky open this next time she is around

spoiler (click to show/hide)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hirsuties_papillaris_genitalis
[close]
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Joe Molotov on August 08, 2008, 01:13:54 AM
Tell her you're looking for new things to try. Who hasn't thought about spicing up their marriage a bit by having a threesome with a dog?
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Mandark on August 08, 2008, 02:31:09 AM
You could get in the habit of blurting out "You wouldn't divorce me over this!  We've got a kid!" then letting her conclude what she will.

Empty bluster can feel more reassuring than panicked shame.





Or so I'm told.
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Powerslave on August 08, 2008, 04:58:19 AM
Did you show her the IM window?
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: chronovore on August 08, 2008, 10:05:30 AM
Just tell her that a BBW getting railed by a large dog is SO exciting that you managed to jizz beef stew.
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: lordmaji on August 08, 2008, 10:10:02 AM
:lol :lol :lol that is an odd moment man.

Has your wife caught you wanking off before? :lol That shit is awkward. :P I think my old lady has only caught me once or twice that I know of. :lol But hey... I thought she was sleeping!  :lol
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: AdmiralViscen on August 08, 2008, 10:39:01 AM
beef stew and disgusting stuff leading to a deceptive situation

That reminds me of a story. Something my uncle did years and years ago.


He was on a plane with a friend, and they had a can of beef stew for whatever reason. At some point, the friend decided to take a sick bag and pour the stew into it. He then called the stewardess to take it away. The stewardess grabbed this bag of what appeared to be partially digested meat and vegetables floating in brown vomit, a common situation.

Suddenly my uncle leaned over and said "Wait, lemme get the big pieces first!", grabbed a piece of floating beef, and popped it into his mouth. The stewardess quickly ran away with the bag and never appeared again for the rest of the flight.
:lol
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Reb on August 08, 2008, 10:44:52 AM
Carelessly leave pictures of Greyhounds around the house.
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Mupepe on August 08, 2008, 11:19:30 AM
You could get in the habit of blurting out "You wouldn't divorce me over this!  We've got a kid!" then letting her conclude what she will.

Empty bluster can feel more reassuring than panicked shame.





Or so I'm told.
:lol :lol :lol
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Tauntaun on August 08, 2008, 11:46:48 AM
Carelessly leave pictures of Greyhounds around the house.

:lol   Yeah now may not be the best time to talk about getting a dog.
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: bagofeyes on August 08, 2008, 11:48:26 AM
I'm glad I don't have a second mother
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Kestastrophe on August 08, 2008, 12:23:34 PM
Wife lets me porn it up, although I never do it when she's around. If she saw me watching some weird shit like dog-on-woman then she would probably shake her head and make fun of me
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Powerslave on August 08, 2008, 12:24:40 PM
So you do watch dog porn
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: ananus on August 08, 2008, 01:06:55 PM
http://www.evilbore.com/forum/index.php?topic=23195.msg587344#msg587344
http://www.evilbore.com/forum/index.php?topic=23195.msg587383#msg587383
aha!
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Van Cruncheon on August 08, 2008, 01:36:50 PM
i am pretty sure i do not have a bbw fetish!
Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: Tauntaun on August 08, 2008, 01:45:52 PM
My wife has never caught me looking at anything untoward, but it will happen i'm sure.

<_<

>_>


Are you married to an asian?  Are those her wary asian eyes?  :ninja


spoiler (click to show/hide)
SHE'S WATCHING YOU!
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Title: Re: marriage heart attack moments
Post by: The Fake Shemp on August 08, 2008, 06:31:37 PM
I don't buy that this is a separate incident after the whole Dog Island fiasco.  You're a sick puppy.