THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: bork on September 18, 2008, 01:11:28 PM

Title: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on September 18, 2008, 01:11:28 PM: DISCLAIMER: My in-laws are two of the nicest people I have ever met. They let my wife and I stay with them rent-free, and even pay for our groceries. I am very, very grateful to them. I LOVE THEM! BUT IMMA STILL VENT THE ANNOYING STUFF

So things have gotten, much, much MUCH better around here, but I have been living with my in-laws. It's been about a month and a half now.

Let me get in-depth about my situation. I used to be an assistant English teacher on the JET program, helping to teach English to junior high school kids in Japan. Did it for three years, it ended, and my wife and I decided to stay in the area, move in with her folks, and continue with my job hunt for something pretty much anywhere in the entire country. We didn't think we'd be here this long, but I have been unable to find work; don't want to work Eikaiwa schools, so that cuts down jobs for me by like 95%. Long story short, I have one potential job that I have applied for and am awaiting a response to (they contacted me on a recommendation from the coolest guy ever!), but meanwhile I have started the process of getting my wife a visa; the plan is to apply and if I can't find anything good before it's ready, we are going to go to the States and I am going to go back to school. But that's me. Let me get to the in-laws.

My in-laws live in a small town in "north Bumblefuck, Japan." It's total (Japanese) hick-country out here. There is nothing to do in the immediate area, but it IS nice and quiet out here, and more open-spaced. Their house is pretty big, so big in fact that I was able to claim a room just for all my gaming crap. My wife and I sleep in the room adjacent to it, and those two rooms alone are about the size of our previous apartment! So what's the problem? Here we go:

-They don't talk about anything but food. Why is this annoying? Let me give you an example of a typical dinner "conversation." The food is on the table, everything is ready. Everyone sits down. First thing that happens is that my father-in-law gets three-four large bottles of beer, minimum (every single day) and gets plastered depending on how many bottles he finishes. He will explain everything that he is eating or drinking to you, and/or ask you to eat/drink it. So it goes something like this:

"OTOUSAN GA BIRU NOMU. BIRU DA. OISHII YO. OISHII. OISHII. NONDE? NONDE? (Food name here)- UMAI YO. OISHII. TABETE TABETE TABETE TABETE TABETE TABETE TABETE TABETE TABETE TABETE TABETE UMAI TABETE HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA."

In English, that's:

"I'M GONNA DRINK BEER. BEER! IT'S GOOD! GOOD! GOOD! YA WANT SOME? DRINK SOME? (Food name here)- THIS IS TASTY! GOOD! EAT IT EAT EAT IT EAT EAT IT EAT IT EAT IT WHY DON'T YOU EAT SOME EAT IT EAT IT EAT IT EAT EAT IT EAT EAT EAT HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!"

FOR. EVERYTHING. EVERY. DAY. EVERY. MEAL.

And if he goes for seconds (or thirds, or fourths)- "OKAWARI OTOUSAN OKAWARI UMAI UMAI TABETE TABETE TABETE TABETE TABETE OISHII YO TABETE OISHI" or "(Food name)! OTOUSAN (food name) (food name) DA YO! OTOUSAN SUKI YO HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

This has unfortunately not gotten better. My mother-in-law is not as bad, but she will often join in and say the same kind of thing if I don't feel like eating something or if I'm full. I'd also like to mention that I hate mayo. Can't stand it; the smell and taste make me sick. Everyone knows this. So what happens one night when everyone is eating salad? My father-in-law gets a big bottle of mayo and slathers his greens with it. Okay, sure...I'm not going to let my dislike of it stop someone else from eating it. It's when he shoves the bowl in my face and says "MAYO DA MAYO UMAI YO OTOUSAN MAYO SUKI MAYO DA OISHII YO TABETE TABETE HAHAHAHAH (repeat)" that I am unable to stand it, stop eating, and leave the room. Everyone is somehow clueless as to why. There is some hope to this, though-- yesterday my father-in-law proclaimed his love for the ginger rose dish we eating and rice -20 times- and my mother-in-law finally snapped and told him to shut the hell up. Progress?

-They have FIVE DOGS. Five noisy little dachshunds. They'd be pretty cute if they didn't stink like shit. The main problem is that they were never properly trained, so they will just shit and piss everywhere without giving you any kind of sign that they need to go. Two of them (the father and the oldest puppy) will also fight; it's VICIOUS and blood is always drawn. One of them always ends up going to the vet when it happens. Previously, four of the dogs stayed in the kitchen (with "bad son" on a leash), while the father was put into the outside hall area by himself. My in-laws would leave them in the kitchen ALL DAY LONG, so of course when they came home, the kitchen floor would always be covered in a flood of doggy urine and poop. Hey, dogs do this, sure. The thing that got to me was that the in-laws would clean it all up with the same nasty, unwashed old rag and just water. No chemicals. And keep in mind that this is Japan-- they sit on the same floor when they eat and watch TV. They even sleep there sometimes. YUCK YUCK YUCK.

So my mother-in-law got tired of cleaning up after them. The solution? Lock them in cages all day. Now they have NO free space to roam around in. When we first moved in, they would shit and piss in their cages all the time, and the kitchen STUNK. On top of that, since my in-laws never bother walking them, they would get rowdy at night and WHINE AND HOWL FOR HOURS ON END. There was no way to shut them up. None. My wife and I started walking them every day, and that has done the trick; now they are quiet at night and they get to get out and shit and piss all over the neighborhood, so there's much less of it at home. They still stink and need to be bathed more, though. I am afraid to think about how nasty it's going to get again when my wife and I move out.

-My mother-in-law is a packrat. I didn't know this before we moved in, because I never really went around the house before, but mom-in-law has taken over the entire upstairs area with tons and tons and tons and tons AND TONS AND TONS of old clothes. They are all over the upstairs hallway, all over her bedroom, all over the attic, and her closet is so full that you can't even go inside it. The bedroom pretty much just looks like a bed floating amidst a sea of cloth. You can't see the floor. I am told this is due to my sister-in-law. (she can be a real bitch; I mean downright Yakuza movie-style scary gangster bitch but that's a whole 'nother story) In her fits of rage, she would go upstairs looking for clothes to steal, and just throw everything all over the place. My mother-in-law got tired of cleaning it up. Thing is, I think the last time this happened was at least two years ago. Downstairs isn't so bad, -but- there are some old chairs, a sofa, and a nasty broken-down old bed frame that need to go. I was told these were present from my mother-in-laws parents -35 years ago- that she won't part with. Despite how run-down they have become. I offered to see about getting them repaired (they really just need new cushions) but she wasn't having any of it. I can understand the sentimental value, but they are just wasting space.

-They have little-to-no furniture. I'm sorry; I just don't find sitting and sleeping on the floor every day to be very comfortable. In the kitchen there is a dinner table and chairs, but no one eats on it. No, instead it has been pushed to a corner and tons of junk sits on top of it. They eat at a sitting-level table on the floor. I pull up an old, uncomfortable chair and tower over them as they eat (because of the doggy situation and my legs tend to fall asleep if I sit on the floor too long) There are no beds to use and the futons are not very comfortable. They are all too old and worn out. I feel lucky I brought my nice thick futon with me from my old place. I feel even better that I brought my awesome office chair with me; if I didn't have that I'd be going insane from lack of comfort.

-They don't clean anything but the floors. Look up in the main hall ad you will see masses of cobwebs. They are even in the toilet room, ick. I mention floors" because that's all they ever clean, and that's only if company comes over on the rare occasion. They know how nasty shit is here and will just shuffle people into their living room, which is essentially a bare room with a table and small family shrine. My father-in-law also sleeps in this room, but let me get to that. It's the kitchen that's the worst. Unwashed vegetables are all around the sink area (and tons of small insects), and they often leave food out, uncovered all day long instead of putting it in the fridge, so it's no wonder that they have an insect problem. Roaches in particular. One of the first nights here, I killed FIVE HUGE ROACHES IN A ROW. I didn't stand for this and went and got trap that I put everywhere, did my part to cover the food, and thankfully this issue has gone away. I did see one roach the other night, but one in a period of several weeks is better than 3-5 a day.

When I was setting up my "game room," I asked about using some of the stuff around the house. There was a huge bookcase and wooden A/V rack not being used, so I took them and brought them in here. My father-in-law said "Oh, you don't need to clean that rack; just put your TV on there and go!" The rack actually did look clean, but I knew better. The instant I put a cloth to it with some cleaning solution, the cloth turned BLACK. Some sort of ancient insect....parts were also caked up inside. It took about an hour to clean it out. The bookcase was the same. I removed the doors and all the books inside. Most of the books had tons of dead insects on them. It took two hours of hard cleaning to get it back into usable condition.

-The toilet room. This relates to the dogs. In Japan, many houses have separate bath/shower and toilet rooms. The toilet room here is pretty big; it's like a public toilet, with tiled floors /walls, a squat toilet, a western-style toilet (in separate stalls) and a urinal. There's also half the side of a dog cage blanketed with white paper, or should I say, "blanketed with white paper caked with old, dry urine stains" Instead of taking the dogs outside to do their business at night every day, they bring them into the toilet and let them piss and shit on the paper. They don't clean this up immediately either, so it's not uncommon to walk into the toilet and be met with the siight -and smell- of doggy doo all over the floor. It makes me happy that the toilet is in a stall and the door is always closed-- it's at least very clean in there.

-My in-laws don't sleep together. My mother-in-law sleeps upstairs in the ocean of clothing, and my father-in-law sleeps in the living room -right next to our room- every night. I used to think maybe they didn't get along so well, but that's not it. My father-in-law is one of those sleepers who thrashes around and makes unpleasant noises (there's been 5 fart sessions in the course of time it took me to write this far). I think he gets up to go to the toilet at least three times a night. He also leaves the windows open in that room, and all kinds of bugs come in. I even caught a lizard scurrying up the door a few days ago. There are two huge beehives right outside the windows, so during the summer it wasn't uncommon to go into that room and find tons of bees swarming around. And of course this also meant nightly sessions of my father-in-law looking confused as to why he just got stung several times.

Fun times, these are.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Powerslave on September 18, 2008, 01:13:34 PM: oh my god
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on September 18, 2008, 01:15:08 PM: If anything, just read the food part. It would make for a great sitcom situation.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Powerslave on September 18, 2008, 01:16:13 PM: I did man, I got till the five dogs part and then realized I wasn't even at the half. Props for such a long post.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on September 18, 2008, 01:18:02 PM: Quote from: Powerslave on September 18, 2008, 01:16:13 PM
I did man, I got till the five dogs part and then realized I wasn't even at the half. Props for such a long post.

When you're ranting, it's easy to write something so long! It's from a NeoGAF thread and I didn't even realize I wrote so much until I posted it! :lol
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Joe Molotov on September 18, 2008, 01:19:02 PM: Sounds like good times.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: cool breeze on September 18, 2008, 01:21:55 PM: Luckily I have a lot of free time without anything enjoyable to do so I was able toe devote my time to reading this, but fuck, that shit would be hilarious if it wasn't a real life situation. This should be a sitcom.

Also, the dinner dance would be right at home with the food part.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Crushed on September 18, 2008, 01:24:09 PM: deface the shrine and make it look like a ghost or demon did it, and that the spirit is unhappy with the city-slicker gaijin's presence. if the foreigner does not leave, it will curse the house with spoiled food and cloth-eating moths

in their senile addled minds, they will easily believe this, and rush to get you out of the house

warning: a traveling gang of teens and their talking dog may unmask you in the process
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on September 18, 2008, 01:25:25 PM: Quote from: swaggaz on September 18, 2008, 01:21:55 PM
Luckily I have a lot of free time without anything enjoyable to do so I was able toe devote my time to reading this, but fuck, that shit would be hilarious if it wasn't a real life situation. This should be a sitcom.

Also, the dinner dance would be right at home with the food part.

I'm telling you, the man is like a sitcom character at times! I forgot to mention that he talks really fast and with a bit of a slur, so often I can't understand what the hell he is saying and I have to have my wife "translate" for me. :lol

So it's actually more like "tabetetabetetabeteumaiyoumaiyootousansukidayoumaiyoumaihahahahahahahahahaha" :spin
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on September 18, 2008, 01:28:05 PM: Quote from: Crushed on September 18, 2008, 01:24:09 PM
deface the shrine and make it look like a ghost or demon did it, and that the spirit is unhappy with the city-slicker gaijin's presence. if the foreigner does not leave, it will curse the house with spoiled food and cloth-eating moths

in their senile addled minds, they will easily believe this, and rush to get you out of the house

warning: a traveling gang of teens and their talking dog may unmask you in the process

Oh man, that reminds me of the monks out here. The monks want some of pop-in-law's land (they have like four large rice fields and a garden), so they will often come and give them lots of food to help convince them to sell it so they can build a parking lot. I want to stress that this is a *TINY* little town and it is never busy out here. Weirdness.

One of the monks came here and blessed the shrine, and it was cool talking to him. He spoke English and studied Sanskrit in India.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Crushed on September 18, 2008, 01:40:14 PM: Quote from: lyte edge on September 18, 2008, 01:28:05 PM
One of the monks came here and blessed the shrine, and it was cool talking to him. He spoke English and studied Sanskrit in India.

Good, he and the other monks can be your accomplices. Together, you can convince the in-laws that their house and the surrounding property is haunted, and that not even those little pieces of paper can stop it.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Mr. Gundam on September 18, 2008, 01:47:10 PM: I've been reading your rants over at GR, and now this one. I can't imagine living like that. Best of luck in your job hunt!
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Smooth Groove on September 18, 2008, 01:52:05 PM: Whip out your big Gaijin dick so they can talk about something else.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Tauntaun on September 18, 2008, 02:40:17 PM: Quote from: Smooth Groove on September 18, 2008, 01:52:05 PM
Whip out your big Gaijin dick so they can talk about something else.

My daughter's getting that?!?!? BIG-OH BIG-OH BIG-OH!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Van Cruncheon on September 18, 2008, 02:56:49 PM: give the old man a hand job, and fuck his wife with your huge gaijin cock while he watches. after that, you'll rule the roost. worked for me!
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Bloodwake on September 18, 2008, 03:04:44 PM: Wow.

That's insane.

If someone continually told me to eat something over and over and over and over and over again I would probably punch them in the fucking face. Congrats on your endless patience.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: originalz on September 21, 2008, 09:17:37 PM: I hate those dogs.

Take care! Take care! Take care! Take care! Take care! Take care! Take care!
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Fresh Prince on September 21, 2008, 09:33:19 PM: Your father in-law sounds cool though I'd just take a day out to clean all the shit that annoys you.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: The Sceneman on September 21, 2008, 09:46:59 PM: I loled at 'fart sessions'
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: xnikki118x on September 22, 2008, 02:47:59 AM: Quote from: Scenester on September 21, 2008, 09:46:59 PM
I loled at 'fart sessions'

Me too. :) I read the whole original post. I'd go crazy with inlaws like that. In fact, I'd probably never be home in a house like that.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on October 08, 2008, 02:46:37 PM: My father-in-law has developed a new habit- For no reason whatsoever, he will wake up, turn the lights on and off a few times, then go back to sleep. This is usually followed by a loud "YOSSHO! UUSSHH!!!" EVERY NIGHT.

And the fart sessions are now accompanied by heavy snoring, so you hear **ZZZZZZZZzzz PFFFFFT ZZZZZZzzzzzzzFAAAAAAAAAARRRRT ZZZZZzzzzPPPPFFFFT FART FART FART ZZZZZZZZZZfartZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzFART PFFFT USSSHO UUSSHH!*

The bees are no longer a problem. Only saw one cockroach a couple of weeks ago (and it scurried into the drawer where they keep the silverware-- I used plastic for a week after that). No, now the problem is LIZARDS. There's one little fucker upstairs somewhere right now, but I don't ever go up there except to change clothes so fuck it.

If all goes well we are outta here by the end of next month...
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Brehvolution on October 08, 2008, 03:05:43 PM: Slip some beano in his food.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Tauntaun on October 08, 2008, 03:17:24 PM: Quote from: the lyte edge on October 08, 2008, 02:46:37 PM
My father-in-law has developed a new habit- For no reason whatsoever, he will wake up, turn the lights on and off a few times, then go back to sleep. This is usually followed by a loud "YOSSHO! UUSSHH!!!" EVERY NIGHT.

And the fart sessions are now accompanied by heavy snoring, so you hear **ZZZZZZZZzzz PFFFFFT ZZZZZZzzzzzzzFAAAAAAAAAARRRRT ZZZZZzzzzPPPPFFFFT FART FART FART ZZZZZZZZZZfartZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzFART PFFFT USSSHO UUSSHH!*

The bees are no longer a problem. Only saw one cockroach a couple of weeks ago (and it scurried into the drawer where they keep the silverware-- I used plastic for a week after that). No, now the problem is LIZARDS. There's one little fucker upstairs somewhere right now, but I don't ever go up there except to change clothes so fuck it.

If all goes well we are outta here by the end of next month...

:rofl I wish I could watch and listen to those fart sessions. I'd take you out and buy you a beer if I was in Japan. I salute you sir. :-*
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: muckson on October 08, 2008, 03:58:00 PM: lyte, you are so lucky i'm not there in ishikawa anymore because i'd beat the fuck out of those two.

and then fuck wifey's sister. mmm-hmmm she's a nummy-num.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on October 09, 2008, 12:06:35 AM: TAUNTAUN- ICON THIS MAN IMMEDIATELY.

Quote from: muckson on October 08, 2008, 03:58:00 PM
lyte, you are so lucky i'm not there in ishikawa anymore because i'd beat the fuck out of those two.

and then fuck wifey's sister. mmm-hmmm she's a nummy-num.

Haha man, we found a video of her at her job trying to act all cute. Fucking hilarious.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: muckson on October 09, 2008, 03:52:55 AM: put it on youtube and send me the link. i wanna see it.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Tieno on October 09, 2008, 05:05:10 AM: Sounds like a script for a Ben Stiller movie.

What kind of work do your in-laws do?

Has your wife got the same habits? What does she think of this?

When I was in japan in august I found everything to be really clean.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Tieno on October 09, 2008, 07:38:06 AM: Quote from: Kosma on October 09, 2008, 06:22:06 AM
Maybe the Lizards can fight the Roaches.

It's a self-sustaining ecosystem
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Tauntaun on October 09, 2008, 10:46:19 AM: Quote from: Kosma on October 09, 2008, 06:22:06 AM
Maybe the Lizards can fight the Roaches.

That would be awesome, you could stream live fights in teh webz and make $$$. :hyper
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: chronovore on October 09, 2008, 11:36:26 AM: It sounds pretty rough; you make me feel like I won the Japanese in-laws lottery -- thanks!

Good luck with the job possibility. I hope you two don't have to leave Japan before you want to do so.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on October 09, 2008, 11:58:28 AM: Quote from: chronovore on October 09, 2008, 11:36:26 AM
It sounds pretty rough; you make me feel like I won the Japanese in-laws lottery -- thanks!

Good luck with the job possibility. I hope you two don't have to leave Japan before you want to do so.

Job isn't happening; we are heading to the States. Can't find anything here...
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Tauntaun on October 09, 2008, 12:01:46 PM: Quote from: the lyte edge on October 09, 2008, 11:58:28 AM
Quote from: chronovore on October 09, 2008, 11:36:26 AM
It sounds pretty rough; you make me feel like I won the Japanese in-laws lottery -- thanks!

Good luck with the job possibility. I hope you two don't have to leave Japan before you want to do so.

Job isn't happening; we are heading to the States. Can't find anything here...

East Coast? :hyper SWELL OUR RANKS WITH THINE MEMBER!

:tauntaun
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on October 09, 2008, 01:15:07 PM: Yeah man, back to Atlanta. JO-JAH
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Tauntaun on October 09, 2008, 01:40:24 PM: Quote from: the lyte edge on October 09, 2008, 01:15:07 PM
Yeah man, back to Atlanta. JO-JAH

Uh oh nokka, you from the dutty south. When you get back to the states you gotta show your ho HOW WE DO!

spoiler (click to show/hide)
(http://i84.photobucket.com/albums/k36/SlinkyT82/leprechaun.jpg)
[close]
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: chronovore on October 09, 2008, 07:53:23 PM: Quote from: the lyte edge on October 09, 2008, 11:58:28 AM
Quote from: chronovore on October 09, 2008, 11:36:26 AM
It sounds pretty rough; you make me feel like I won the Japanese in-laws lottery -- thanks!

Good luck with the job possibility. I hope you two don't have to leave Japan before you want to do so.

Job isn't happening; we are heading to the States. Can't find anything here...

Crap, dude. That sucks. Can't find anything, or can't find anything locally? What line of work are you looking for? PM me if you like.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: demi on October 09, 2008, 07:57:05 PM: I'll pay you for private webcam shows
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on October 10, 2008, 02:35:20 AM: GOD FUCKING DAMN IT. I don't know how much more I can take of this mother fucker's shit. At 4:30am, he wakes up, turns on all the lights, and I hear the sound of papers ruffling around for 30 minutes. There's two trips to the toilet (with the door open, so you hear everything) during this time. Then around 5:15 or so he shuffles into the main hall and makes a telephone call in the LOUDEST VOICE you can imagine. It wasn't an emergency; he was CALLING A MAIL ORDER CATALOGUE TO FIND OUT ABOUT A COMPUTER. While everyone is fucking sleeping. I was enraged at this point and my wife was doing her best to keep me calm. Then after 15 minutes of this, he hangs up, I hear "YOSH! TOILET IKOU!" more disgusting noises, and he returns to his room. The lights finally go off at 5:40 or so. I cannot get back to sleep. I think about twenty minutes later he "wakes up" for the day, too.

I eventually passed out and woke up today at 1:30pm. :-\ My wife says she told her mom what happened and she screamed at him for it. I do vaguely remember hearing some arguing this morning. I don't know what the hell I am going to do when he gets home today. I feel like I need to start treating him like a child instead of a parent. I want to tell him to cut his shit out so bad (especially the food thing), but if I hear if I do, it will crush the guy emotionally. Maybe this is the real reason why my mother-in-law sleeps by herself on the second floor.

Quote from: chronovore on October 09, 2008, 07:53:23 PM

Crap, dude. That sucks. Can't find anything, or can't find anything locally? What line of work are you looking for? PM me if you like.

Can't find anything. Looking for entry-level work, but it's tough when I am not fluent.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Tieno on October 10, 2008, 07:45:42 AM: Quote from: Kosma on October 10, 2008, 06:19:29 AM
Man that sucks, just remember you'll be out of there soon. Try to keep your cool until then, wouldn't it be considered bad manner anyway to argue with the head of the family?
Especially when he lets you stay in his house rent free and pays for your groceries.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on October 10, 2008, 08:03:47 AM: Quote from: Tieno on October 10, 2008, 07:45:42 AM
Quote from: Kosma on October 10, 2008, 06:19:29 AM
Man that sucks, just remember you'll be out of there soon. Try to keep your cool until then, wouldn't it be considered bad manner anyway to argue with the head of the family?
Especially when he lets you stay in his house rent free and pays for your groceries.

You miss the beginning of the first post?

Quote
DISCLAIMER: My in-laws are two of the nicest people I have ever met. They let my wife and I stay with them rent-free, and even pay for our groceries. I am very, very grateful to them. I LOVE THEM! BUT IMMA STILL VENT THE ANNOYING STUFF

This type of shit is affecting my health. So naturally I'm going to be pissed off about it. My wife and mother-in-law were pissed off at him too. His reason for the phone call? He was watching QVC or something and it said call now, supplies are going fast. I shit you not.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on October 10, 2008, 08:07:55 AM: Quote from: Kosma on October 10, 2008, 06:19:29 AM
Man that sucks, just remember you'll be out of there soon. Try to keep your cool until then, wouldn't it be considered bad manner anyway to argue with the head of the family?

Oh, I wouldn't argue with the man. There's no fighting going on. Just calmly remind him that there are two other people sleeping in the room next to him. I think he needs to see a doctor, and he needs to stop drinking so heavily.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: chronovore on October 10, 2008, 09:12:28 AM: Quote from: the lyte edge on October 10, 2008, 08:03:47 AM
His reason for the phone call? He was watching QVC or something and it said call now, supplies are going fast. I shit you not.

:lol
Not the smartest, um, cracker in the barrel, then...? Or just gullible? Ackshully, I'd guess that's probably how they get most of their sales.

I can see where others (myself included) assumed you might be going off the deep end soon. Maybe it's just projection, but anything which repeatedly wakes me up in the middle of the night is fair game for a rather robust verbal encounter at considerable volume.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on October 12, 2008, 12:25:13 PM: So tonight's fun times involved the dogs. The in-laws got home late and my father in-law decides he's going to take all five dogs out. BY HIMSELF. Keep in mind that there's two of them that try to kill each other when they are in close proximity.

So guess what happened.

I just hear "GRRRRR GRRRRR GRRRR RURURRRRRRRURURURURURURURURURURRRR" and lots of running around. The two of them started fighting and the other three got loose and ran around the house pissing everywhere. I open the door to the room I was in and see my mother-in-law and wife arguing with my father-in-law TO FUCKING STOP WHAT HE IS DOING and give one of them the dogs. For some reason he doesn't do this and just hauls them outside, with them inches away from attacking each other and still growing. I look at my mother-in-law and ask her why he didn't just let one of us handle one of those two instead of doing it alone. "I don't know, he's stupid" she said.

This is so typical now that I'm not even phazed.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Crushed on October 12, 2008, 12:34:33 PM: I'm sure the final day of your being there will be a whirwhind of dogs, farts, blood, and pissing.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on October 12, 2008, 12:43:13 PM: :lol

Oh, and I found what appeared to be weeks-old dog crap in a corner of the bathroom. Sick.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on October 13, 2008, 03:11:34 PM: I am about to go bed. No farts, just snoring tonight! :o What's going on?!

But this morning was typical:

At 6am, he gets up with a loud "***FAAAAAAARRT*** UUUUSH!" opens all the windows in the living room where he sleeps (it was fucking COLD this morning), opens all the curtains (which sends blinding sunlight into my room through the Japanese paper-thin doors and windows), then gets up and STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMPS ALL OVER THE PLACE. Part of me is beginning to wonder if he just does this on purpose.

(While he was in the toilet I quickly got up, closed all the windows and curtains, turned off the lights in the living room, and went back to sleep before he finished peeing, ninja-style. He never even noticed.)

Then he goes into the kitchen where the dogs are and for 10 minutes non-stop I hear "OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU!OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU! OHAYOU GOZAIMASU!" over and over. LOUDLY.

This continues as he leashes them up and makes more stomping noises while opening and shutting the front door multiple times (WHY? FUCKING WHY!?!)

At this point I can no longer take it and in a loud voice of my own, said "WE ARE STILL SLEEPING IN HERE. BE QUIET PLEASE." This seems to surprise the hell out of him. There is silence for a minute, followed by a mumbled, yet still overly-excited "okay" and then amazingly, IT'S FUCKING QUIET! O_o For the rest of the day, in fact. I still cannot believe it.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on October 13, 2008, 03:52:40 PM: Well, scratch what I said about the farts. Just had a nuclear meltdown a second ago. It was so bad that it woke him up and he went to toilet. And right as he passed by here, he ripped one.

...

FUCK IT STINKS AND THE DOOR IS CLOSED.

EDIT- Oh my god, I could hear him mumbling something that almost sounded like ritualistic chanting or demonic possession. It went like "oyaaa yaa oohh oohh aaaahhh yaaa ooaaa" while in the toilet.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Mr. Gundam on October 13, 2008, 04:00:08 PM: Does your father-in-law have a job or is he retired?
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on October 13, 2008, 04:06:37 PM: Quote from: distantmantra on October 13, 2008, 04:00:08 PM
Does your father-in-law have a job or is he retired?

Oh yeah, I never did answer that question.

So my mother-in-law was/is an insurance saleswoman. And my father-in-law was/is a social worker of some kind. I say "was/is" because both of them retired last year, BUT they keep on working anyway. I don't quite get this; I happened to be over last year when my mother-in-law came home from her retirement party, and the next day she went back to work.

???

When I asked about this, all I got was "they are going to keep on working until they can't anymore." That is some serious dedication, although it also makes me wonder if they have worked for so long that they do not know HOW to relax. On weekends they either work more or go out to their rice fields/garden and work there. They barely ever go anywhere. When we lived in Kanazawa an hour away from here, they came to visit three times total in the course of one year.

So they work outside the house like crazy. You know what would be AWESOME? If they worked inside the house so it didn't look like a shit hole!
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Mr. Gundam on October 13, 2008, 04:09:42 PM: Your father-in-law is a SOCIAL WORKER?

:o

I feel bad for his clients.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Phoenix Dark on October 13, 2008, 04:09:48 PM: MAYO DA MAYO UMAI YO OTOUSAN MAYO SUKI MAYO DA OISHII YO TABETE TABETE HAHAHAHAH
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Mr. Gundam on October 13, 2008, 04:10:41 PM: Your father-in-law's Japanese is so basic, I can understand him perfectly!
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on October 13, 2008, 04:14:42 PM: Quote from: distantmantra on October 13, 2008, 04:10:41 PM
Your father-in-law's Japanese is so basic, I can understand him perfectly!

Remember to say what Thanks But No Thanks wrote above within two seconds though. Gotta account for speed, that is why what he says is generally unintelligible. He's like the Japanese equivalent of the Scat-Man or something.

Quote from: Thanks But No Thanks on October 13, 2008, 04:09:48 PM
MAYO DA MAYO UMAI YO OTOUSAN MAYO SUKI MAYO DA OISHII YO TABETE TABETE HAHAHAHAH

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Quote from: distantmantra on October 13, 2008, 04:09:42 PM
Your father-in-law is a SOCIAL WORKER?

:o

I feel bad for his clients.

That was the translation my wife gave me but it might be wrong. I dunno, really.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: demi on October 13, 2008, 04:19:24 PM: hahaha he was jackin it in the bathroom
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on October 13, 2008, 04:21:45 PM: Quote from: demi on October 13, 2008, 04:19:24 PM
hahaha he was jackin it in the bathroom

But he was only in there for a few seco-- no wait, you might be right.

Saturday he was gone the entire day. No one knew where he went (or seemed to care, kinda feel bad for him there), and he came back late and quite HAPPY. Makes me wonder.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: chronovore on October 13, 2008, 07:42:19 PM: Quote from: Thanks But No Thanks on October 13, 2008, 04:09:48 PM
MAYO DA MAYO UMAI YO
spoiler (click to show/hide)
OTOUSAN MAYO SUKI MAYO DA OISHII YO TABETE TABETE HAHAHAHAH
[close]

This looks like something the bear-hat kid from Tekkon Kinkuriito would sing.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Beezy on October 13, 2008, 07:53:33 PM: :lol
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Tauntaun on October 13, 2008, 08:43:47 PM: Quote from: the lyte edge on October 13, 2008, 03:52:40 PM
Well, scratch what I said about the farts. Just had a nuclear meltdown a second ago. It was so bad that it woke him up and he went to toilet. And right as he passed by here, he ripped one.

...

FUCK IT STINKS AND THE DOOR IS CLOSED.

EDIT- Oh my god, I could hear him mumbling something that almost sounded like ritualistic chanting or demonic possession. It went like "oyaaa yaa oohh oohh aaaahhh yaaa ooaaa" while in the toilet.

:rofl Dude, I'm dyin.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Mr. Gundam on October 13, 2008, 08:44:26 PM: Quote from: the lyte edge on October 13, 2008, 04:21:45 PM
Quote from: demi on October 13, 2008, 04:19:24 PM
hahaha he was jackin it in the bathroom

But he was only in there for a few seco-- no wait, you might be right.

Saturday he was gone the entire day. No one knew where he went (or seemed to care, kinda feel bad for him there), and he came back late and quite HAPPY. Makes me wonder.

Soapland?
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on October 14, 2008, 07:46:45 AM: I don't think they have those out here, but yeah maybe some Russian or Filipino sluts or something. Alternatively he was playing Pachinko the entire day.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: Powerslave on October 14, 2008, 07:47:32 AM: Divorce your wife.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on October 14, 2008, 07:50:31 AM: ::) I already told you, I can't marry you Powerslave.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on November 09, 2008, 01:23:55 AM: So my time here is coming to an end. We finished up the visa process last week and should have the visa coming sometime this week. The flight has already been booked for December 1st, can't wait!

My mother in law is still delirious and thinks we can live here for the rest of our lives. She is under the impression we are going to move back here ("here" being this tiny little town, not Japan in general) after a year or two. This is never going to happen and I said this before, but my wife was just like "just agree with her and go with it, we know it's not happening." I get the feeling this may lead to some problems down the road. I don't like "lying."

I have no idea what the hell my father in law thinks about this; he's too busy getting drunk and telling me how tasty everything is to notice what is going on, and he seems equally-delirious to everything but in another way. I was talking about how I am gonna sell some crap off (TV, PC monitor, that kind of thing), and he's just like "No, no...bring the TV with you! Why does my daughter need to sell her car? You can ship that over to America!" Then I had to explain to him for 10 minutes how TVs are different in different countries and that it's not only fucking expensive to ship A CAR overseas, but that the company doesn't make cars in America and never mind that, I don't even know if it's street-legal in the States.

I have been asked if they have rice and tea in America. RICE. AND. TEA. Jesus. These are questions from two university-educated people, by the way. Can this be topped?

My sister-in-law's reaction to this has been great. I need to give some background info on her out first. She is a psycho and needs to go talk to a psychologist and get some head pills or something. She has a history of violent outbursts and snapping at her family. I have seen her fight with my wife before and it is not pretty. She will come back to the in-laws' house (this is over an hour drive for her each way), demand money like a yakuza, and go as far as to hit her parents and/or throw shit on the floor until she gets it. Then she leaves immediately.

I have seen this once although nothing physical happened. She blew all her money on clothes or whatever, then called late one night DEMANDING money. Everyone here turned off their cell phones. So she calls the landline nonstop, but no one picks up. I finally unplugged it, locked the front door, and went back about my business. About two hours later there is this huge pounding on the door and they let her in. She then proceeds to scream at my father-in-law while he just sits there and takes it, and then goes upstairs and gets money from her mother. Meanwhile my wife has brought her purse into my room and hid it, and is cowering behind me like a five year old. I told her if her sister barges in here, I would not be doing nothing and you better believe I'd punch a girl out. I don't know why the hell they don't stand up for themselves, but I guess the constant spoiling they did to her as a kid has resulted in this monster.

We actually haven't seen her since this incident with one exception, where she came home, grabbed a blanket, and drove away. Haven't heard much from her except for this little interesting nugget-- she wants to let her new boyfriend move in with her. This guy is a currently-unemployed ex-Japan Self Defense Force member who has some kind of sickness. They have been "going out" (used loosely since he lives hours away and has no car or money for the train) for only a few weeks.

But getting back to the visa stuff: So after five days of not telling her sister, my wife finally sends her a message that we are heading to the States in a few weeks. The reaction was priceless:

"I AM DISOWNING THE FAMILY! YES I AM GOING TO LEGALLY DIVORCE MYSELF FROM ALL OF YOU!!! DO NOT CALL ME ANYMORE. I AM REMOVING MYSELF FROM OUR CELL PHONE FAMILY PLAN. I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE CARE OF OUR PARENTS, YOU ARE ALL DEAD TO ME. I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!" Mind you after this mail, shitloads more followed. But the best part is that my in-laws seemed kind of happy about this. They know she is full of shit, and on top of that, they pay for her cell phone and gas bills. I think they'd be happy as shit to not have their brat of a daughter barging in on them anymore, I really do. But this isn't going to happen anyway.

Today's hate-mail was my sister-in-law gleefully informing everyone that she wants to get married to Mr. Discharged and that she is really going to cut off herself from the family. My mother-in-law just laughed and called her an idiot. If she really gets hitched to this poor guy, I am going to be very, very glad I will be living in another country. The shit that is going to happen...
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: lennedsay on November 09, 2008, 02:31:17 AM: FUCK! This makes my in-laws look like complete saints! Times like these, I'm glad my husband was the only child.

God, glad you're going to GTFO soon! Congrats!
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on November 09, 2008, 02:33:21 AM: Can't wait! :hyper

My sister-in-law just blocked my wife's phone. The LOLz continues. From everything I know about her, I believe she is doing all this out of sheer jealousy and wishes she was going to the States too.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: lennedsay on November 09, 2008, 02:44:15 AM: Quote from: the lyte edge on November 09, 2008, 02:33:21 AM
Can't wait! :hyper

My sister-in-law just blocked my wife's phone. The LOLz continues. From everything I know about her, I believe she is doing all this out of sheer jealousy and wishes she was going to the States too.

Sounds about right. Sometimes when your family goes crazy and cuts ties, it's the biggest blessing in disguise. Except the disguise isn't really that good, so you can still tell it'll be a blessing. It's the one of the perks to having a psychotic family (that & for the lulz). All around win! :lol
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: chronovore on November 09, 2008, 03:27:14 AM: Yoinks. How much longer until you can bolt?
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on November 09, 2008, 04:24:37 AM: Quote from: chronovore on November 09, 2008, 03:27:14 AM
Yoinks. How much longer until you can bolt?

December 1st is the date! :hyper So just a few more weeks, and in the mean time we gotta get packed up and ready to blow this joint. Going to spend the next couple of days finding suitable-sized cardboard boxes (why the hell is it so difficult to find LARGE sizes?), ship them out sea-mail, and then live a little bare bones for the next couple of weeks until we are outta here.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: chronovore on November 09, 2008, 04:43:25 AM: Depending on who you deal with for sea cargo, they should just drop off a bunch of boxes. True fact.
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: bork on November 09, 2008, 05:29:31 AM: Quote from: chronovore on November 09, 2008, 04:43:25 AM
Depending on who you deal with for sea cargo, they should just drop off a bunch of boxes. True fact.

:o

Any recommendations? We were just going to go through the post office...
Title: Re: The tale of lyte's in-laws.
Post by: chronovore on November 09, 2008, 08:37:13 AM: Sorry! I can't remember who we used, but they specialized in international moves, and had rates based on how many boxes. I think we moved like 30 boxes, most of which were a standardized (for them) 20x50x70 cm. I'm under the impression that it's a fairly standard service, and the companies just rent out portions of shipping containers. Our boxes probably took up 1/16th of one of those.

Your wife can look into companies that move the salarymen over to the USA, and back.