THE BORE
General => Video Game Bored => Topic started by: originalz on October 15, 2008, 09:37:19 AM
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http://www.navgtr.org/library.html
These were apparently from some old TV show. Vintage gaming reviews!
My personal favorite is the Toy Story one.
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ActRaiser 2 is the most disappointing sequel of all time.
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I love these so much. They are so terrible.
GOOD GAME, BUT NO CODES!
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I love these so much. They are so terrible.
GOOD GAME, BUT NO CODES!
I love how the guy reviews fighting games as if they are single player-only affairs and is very harsh on them if they lack FMV endings. :lol
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Ahahaha, the Toy Story review is hilarious! The guy talks about Disney's marketing strategies before the game play, which is just him bitching about not being able to make a jump in level three or something. LOLZ.
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Holy shit at the Toy Story one
"The first think you notice is the poor edging on Woody. The movie was done with Silicon Graphics computers. The instruction book says the game's graphics were created with the same 3D models that were used in the making of the blockbuster movie. We don't know, however, if the game actually used Silicon Graphics computers. If SGI computers were involved, we suspect they were only used for character animation, because the backgrounds do not have the detail or quality graphics of Donkey Kong Country. As any game player knows, the graphics of Donkey Kong Country were created with Silicon Graphics computers, and it DOESN'T have edging problems. What's even more strange is that Woody is the ONLY character with edging problems."
"One question remains. Why didn't Disney Interactive use Silicon Graphics computers for the entire game? Were they too expensive? I don't think so. Come on. Big Disney is one of the richest corporations in the country. Let's get real here. The only explanation we can think of is that Disney did not use SGI computers because graphics cannot be handled by Genesis for the Genesis version."
wwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaatttttttt
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Uniracers- "It's fast and you have to do tricks to get ahead of the competition, which is assuming you can do the tricks and OH FUCK IT CHECK OUT THE ENDING!! NO, THE REAL ENDING IF YOU BEAT THE TWO SECRET WORLDS!"
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I actually have a bunch of SGI Indigo-2's, an O2 and an Octane in my basement. I bought them a couple years ago at a garage sale for $2 apiece, seriously.
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:lol :lol :lol Watch the "Bloody Roar 2" review. He talks about it for literally two seconds.
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Wait, now he's complaining that cheats ruin the game, but he complains in other videos when the games DON'T have cheats
Did this ever air on TV!?
EDIT: OH MY GOD now he just started talking about bootleg Street Fighter toys
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I actually have a bunch of SGI Indigo-2's, an O2 and an Octane in my basement. I bought them a couple years ago at a garage sale for $2 apiece, seriously.
YOU COULD MAKE TOY STORY!!!
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Castlevania SOTN- "[The game has] no in-game cinemas or anything to set it apart from previous Dracula outings." "We also have one complaint about one aspect of the game's control: You can't jump in the middle of a swing. Think about that for a moment- If you're standing still, and you swing your whip, you can't jump until the whip has come all the way back to you. Now that's ridiculous, folks. Ridiculous AND frustrating. I mean really, that is one annoying flaw! So much for realism."
:rofl WHAT WHIP, distinguished mentally-challenged fellow?? :rofl
"Castlevania SOTN is a pretty decent game. You won't not like it, but you won't not sing out loud about it, either...Castlevania [SOTN] just creates more of the same."
:spin
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I am reading NAVIGATR's site and check this out, apparently if you win an award from them and want the trophy then you have to pay $250:
http://www.navgtr.org/id7.html (http://www.navgtr.org/id7.html)
WTF WTF WTF WTF
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I also like how every video opens with a song from Shadowgate for NES. Shadowgate was released BEFORE the Clinton years, geniuses.
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HOLY SHIT I'M ON ONE OF THEIR NOMINEE LISTS
and they spelled my name wrong rofl
WHO ARE THESE GUYS!?
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Killer Instinct and KI Gold-
"The thrill of competition. Incredible morphing characters. Panoramic backdrops. The best soundtrack *ever* in a video game. What are we talking about? There's only one answer: KILLER INSTINCT."
And then, when talking about the follow-up-
Yippee-kai-yay. Another street fighting game....it's just plain "blah" to us. The best part of the game is not even the game-- it's the handy cheat sheet that comes inside!
Comedy gold!
The CAMERA ISN'T UTILIZED VERY WELL. The game play ISN'T 3D. It's practically no fun at all!
:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol
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No words for the Marvel Super Heroes review. NO. WORDS.
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Daytona USA came out in the early Clinton years, no? :-*
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As for street fighting games though, we definitely think they lack substance. Adding cinema scenes after every battle would change that to some extent. Then the games wouldn't be 100% fighting.
:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :rofl :rofl
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA this is the best review series, EVER!
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Super Mario vs Resident Evil
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3181503251799704191 (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3181503251799704191)
What just what
edit: Check out the absolutely crack-smoking quote from Tom Kalinske in there too
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EVERY VIDEO IS :lol
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The Chrono Trigger review: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6836543842350001462
I AM IN TEARS RIGHT NOW :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :rofl :rofl
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http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2380817746576881376 (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2380817746576881376)
"Three fat black ladies fighting one skinny white turd"
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Some GAFfots are saying this was proven to be fake? ???
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There are WAY too many of these to be fake.
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[youtube=425,350]WdFecfgL46c[/youtube]
What in the hell IS this? Who ARE these people? Why has NOBODY heard of these guys before? Is this some gigantic joke that's been going on for years?
Jump to the joke at 7:30
I am now convinced that FatalFarm is behind this
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"Many kids need BOMBS to get them out of bed"
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Some GAFfots are saying this was proven to be fake? ???
Definitely not fake. If it was fake, it would be the greatest prank in history. This guy made hundred of videos throughout the 90s for an old TV show and has his own "awards show" that he hosts each year. Way too much effort involved, I think that GAF just can't accept that such a thing existed because the reviews are so absurd.
Truth be told though, this is a pretty good retrospective of what things were like back then. Back in the day, everyone really only cared about graphics and the "wow" shit like cutscenes and the game's ending. Things have definitely changed over time, so it's easy to think that these are fake if you don't remember or didn't live through that era of reviews and talking to other people about games.
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I am reading NAVIGATR's site and check this out, apparently if you win an award from them and want the trophy then you have to pay $250:
http://www.navgtr.org/id7.html (http://www.navgtr.org/id7.html)
WTF WTF WTF WTF
That ain't nothing.
http://www.navgtr.org/id50.html
For 100-500 bucks you can buy a nomination for their awards show! Regardless if you game is a total piece of shit that was panned by every review group the world over you could still pay these guys 100 bucks and they will nominate your game for what ever category I want, or 500 for that game of the year status!
There's so much wrong with this company.
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They didn't do any Cruis'n games... :'(
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The Contra III review is hilarious. They just show the ending sequence.
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I watched these on google video a few months back. They are the most bizarre game reviews I've ever seen.
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Is this some gigantic joke that's been going on for years?
yes. why is this so hard to believe?
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wow i cant believe you are just finding these out
and i cant believe i am saying this but...watch it on youtube. google video is shit.
and no, it's not fake.
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Is this some gigantic joke that's been going on for years?
yes. why is this so hard to believe?
It may seem fake, but then you have to take into account that he made over half a thousand videos and many of them are completely uneventful and dull. If he was a troll, would he really make several hundred perfectly normal videos? He's also desperately trying to make money off of this. He's a Youtube partner meaning Youtube actually pays him for these, and he charges people just to claim "awards" they won on his awards ceremony. I don't see a troll going through that much effort over 15+ years.
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I still cannot get over this. I don't really like FFVII, but even I have to laugh at the "review." Plus the spoilers for the story? WTF?
But the Goldeneye 007 review is another tear-spilling laff-fest:
...You will open up levels for the four-player mini-games. Which we can't show you, because we only have one controller. And frankly, we don't care about the multiplayer stuff. No one buys a game specifically for multi-player options.
:rofl
EDIT: The entire Gran Tursimo review is just :rofl :rofl
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Street Fighter Alpha 2 is both :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol and :maf :maf :maf :maf :maf :maf.
Dan is one of the best characters in the game because he has good legs, I didn't know this!
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wow http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2646861003300954312
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I downloaded a shitload of them off Google Video and threw them on my iPod. I learned so much:
-- Eek the Cat is a good game because of the opening sequence
-- If you do not buy Donkey Kong Country, you're STUPID
and finally
[youtube=425,350]zzj48oQoTzU[/youtube]
this is supposed to be funny.
If you look at the awards show it seems that they actually have a full staff of supporters. Completely baffling. Also, Halverston's name is attached to it.
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-- Eek the Cat is a good game because of the opening sequence
:bow :bow :bow Sharkey :bow2 :bow2 :bow2
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Kum ba yah! It never hurts to help!!!
[youtube=425,350]B3Vh--awqmQ[/youtube]
Looks to me like you need some AWESOME VIDEO GAMES
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clayfighter review, strategy tip:
"try to use this coooOOOOoOOOOool technique whenever possible"
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http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2866735942494615154
He complains about there being no Canadian snowboarder about 2 seconds after showing the Canadian snowboarder on screen.
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He also said theres no female snowboarder, yet he shows the female snowboarder next to the canuck.
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http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8949512819745519792
"The 3D format just totally blows...the whole game"
:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol
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http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8949512819745519792
"The 3D format just totally blows...the whole game"
:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol
Nintendo needs to stop calling everything an adventure mode!
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http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2537549446127444180
He thinks this is the best game ever and decides to show it for 6 minutes striaght.
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Doom 64: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1389343398034513353
He claims graphics are the reason to buy this game.
Pilot Wing 64: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7337646327354739619
He claims people don't buy games because of the graphics.
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"We had a blast making three fat black ladies fight one skinny white turd. You don't get to do that everyday"
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2380817746576881376
:lol :lol :lol :lol
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Blast Corps (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-993178955710488147)
"Waaaatch that guy stomp that skyscraper to the grouuuuuund! Woo!"
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Mario Kart 64 (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1564031169158397233)
The N64 produces graphics at 93.75mhz, while the PSX only produces them at 33.5mhz, causing pop-up on the PSX and making games like Mario Kart 64 impossible.
:bow N64 :bow2
:piss PSX :piss2
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Final Fantasy 7:
"People disagree with our review in three areas. The first is game design. First of all, since we're talking about game design, that excludes the games movie scenes, which are inherently and rightfully unplayable" ??? wtf?
The 3rd criticism was that the game was turn-based instead of an action game. :lol
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The guy must've drank all of the N64/Ultra/Project Reality kool-aid that Nintendo was passing around back then. Kinda funny comparing his Nintendo reviews to the Playstation ones. And I love how every game is "impossible" without some sort of cheating on his part. :lol
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6842961151593388375 (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6842961151593388375)
"..overly active analog control, stupid enemies that never break a sweat and just stroll leisurely toward you while you shoot at them, a primary weapon and a secondary weapon. WOOPDEE FREAKING LA DEE DA!"
u mad?
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Blast Corps (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-993178955710488147)
"Waaaatch that guy stomp that skyscraper to the grouuuuuund! Woo!"
oh man blast corps would own on xbla. does rare still own the rights to it?
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Goldeneye review:
"If you beat the game on the hardest mode you will open up hidden levels for the four player mini-games, which we can't show you because we only have one controller. And frankly, we don't care about the multiplayer stuff. Noone buys a videogame specifically for multiplayer options"
wtffffff?