THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: TakingBackSunday on October 16, 2008, 08:42:49 PM

Title: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TakingBackSunday on October 16, 2008, 08:42:49 PM
Jesus Chiiiiiiist man

He has his own space in the corner of our room, sorta closed off by the bed furniture.  I'm under his lofted bed (we have a weird setup that HE chose casue he was the first one here) and he's like near the window, so I don't ever need to look at him.

BUT FUCK ALMIGHTY I JUST HEAR A WOMEN (AND HIM) MOAN AND I HEARD THE DISTINCT SOUND OF A BELT BUCKLE

FUCKING FUCK

DO IT WHEN I'M NOT IN THE ROOM FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUU
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Van Cruncheon on October 16, 2008, 08:44:07 PM
why don't you be a pal and help him out :-*

or does he not look enough like a close relative for you :(
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Brehvolution on October 16, 2008, 08:44:53 PM
Tell them to be louder so they don't hear you jerking off.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TakingBackSunday on October 16, 2008, 08:46:14 PM
Quote from: Professor Prole on October 16, 2008, 08:44:07 PM
why don't you be a pal and help him out :-*

or does he not look enough like a close relative for you :(

enooooooughhhhhhhhhh
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Powerslave on October 16, 2008, 08:46:24 PM
Jerk off louder than him. Make it a contest!
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TakingBackSunday on October 16, 2008, 08:48:47 PM
Now that you mention it, ishootporn was my last google entry

fuck
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Madrun Badrun on October 16, 2008, 09:00:59 PM
Is he jerking off or fucking a girl?

There is a difference you know.  Or maybe you don't.  With you and your sister being so much a like, fucking each other might be a form of jerking off. 
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Joe Molotov on October 16, 2008, 09:07:33 PM
Quote from: Father_Mike on October 16, 2008, 09:00:59 PM
Is he jerking off or fucking a girl?

There is a difference you know.  Or maybe you don't.  With you and your sister being so much a like, fucking each other might be a form of jerking off. 

This thread just took a turn for the hawt.  :drool
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TakingBackSunday on October 16, 2008, 09:09:02 PM
Quote from: Father_Mike on October 16, 2008, 09:00:59 PM
Is he jerking off or fucking a girl?

There is a difference you know.  Or maybe you don't.  With you and your sister being so much a like, fucking each other might be a form of jerking off. 

sigh
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Van Cruncheon on October 16, 2008, 09:12:41 PM
:tauntaun

tell us a sexy story of filthy dirty teencest and we will drop the whole thing
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 09:18:27 PM
Evilbore should collectively write a story about Brandnew's teencest.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Phoenix Dark on October 16, 2008, 09:21:08 PM
tube8 :bow :bow :bow

Ask him which free porn streaming site is he rooting for
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: demi on October 16, 2008, 09:21:26 PM
Pic of roommate? I might feel like jerking off too
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: demi on October 16, 2008, 09:21:46 PM
Quote from: Thanks But No Thanks on October 16, 2008, 09:21:08 PM
tube8 :bow :bow :bow

Ask him which free porn streaming site is he rooting for

yuvutu.com
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Arbys Roast Beef Sandwich on October 16, 2008, 09:23:15 PM
Quote from: Senator Government on October 16, 2008, 08:42:49 PM
Jesus Chiiiiiiist man

He has his own space in the corner of our room, sorta closed off by the bed furniture.  I'm under his lofted bed (we have a weird setup that HE chose casue he was the first one here) and he's like near the window, so I don't ever need to look at him.

BUT FUCK ALMIGHTY I JUST HEAR A WOMEN (AND HIM) MOAN AND I HEARD THE DISTINCT SOUND OF A BELT BUCKLE

FUCKING FUCK

DO IT WHEN I'M NOT IN THE ROOM FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUU

who the fuck moans when jacking off? :lol
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Madrun Badrun on October 16, 2008, 09:23:19 PM
Quote from: Night Man on October 16, 2008, 09:18:27 PM
Evilbore should collectively write a story about Brandnew's teencest.

a sentence each!  unless you are drinky or whiteman.

Dear EB

I will never forget the first time she took me in her mouth...
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: demi on October 16, 2008, 09:23:55 PM
Quote from: Father_Mike on October 16, 2008, 09:23:19 PM

I will never forget the first time she took me in her mouth...

I had just taken her for a walk in the backyard...
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Bildi on October 16, 2008, 09:25:49 PM
and because the grass was all muddy and slippery...
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Van Cruncheon on October 16, 2008, 09:26:21 PM
and the dumpster next door yawned wide. i tugged my sister's leash, hefted her up, and tossed her amid the coffee grounds, grapefruit rinds, and copies of too human...
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: demi on October 16, 2008, 09:28:19 PM
It was the best 5 minutes of my life. The end.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Vizzys on October 16, 2008, 09:28:30 PM
then I ate my delicious sundae in front of her
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 09:30:03 PM

After eating the last spoonful, I jumped inside the dumpster, landing on top of my sister's hot, sweaty, teenage body.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Phoenix Dark on October 16, 2008, 09:30:44 PM
only to realize half of the sundae's banana was between her legs
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Joe Molotov on October 16, 2008, 09:32:22 PM
Then I posted about it on Evilbore while she was still orgasming in the corner.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Madrun Badrun on October 16, 2008, 09:32:47 PM
That was the first time the extent of our similarities dawned on me; that banana between her legs was just to much like mine. 
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Arbys Roast Beef Sandwich on October 16, 2008, 09:32:52 PM
her post-pubescent vulva strenuously caressing the plantain
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Van Cruncheon on October 16, 2008, 09:33:30 PM
"halo deuce, bitches!" i howled, savage with lust, right before i put my penis in her doodoo place and honked her on the back of her head with a well-placed donkey punch...
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 09:34:55 PM
She let out a loud squeal, and collapsed, her facing landing on top of an open bag of discarded tampons. 
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Phoenix Dark on October 16, 2008, 09:35:36 PM
I slowly took the banana out of her vagina, making a popping noise
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Arbys Roast Beef Sandwich on October 16, 2008, 09:36:16 PM
as I used a discarded copy of too human to set her anus agape
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: demi on October 16, 2008, 09:37:59 PM
and i turned on my xbox and played saints row 2 CAUSE ITS THE FUCKIN SHIT
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Van Cruncheon on October 16, 2008, 09:38:44 PM
and the goty
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Don Flamenco on October 16, 2008, 09:39:42 PM
but I played with the banana in my mouth, thinking of how cool it would be if my sister had denis dyack's head
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 09:41:56 PM
Soon my Xbox died; as I stared at the red ring of death, I was reminded of the unfinished business I had with my sister's virgin backdoor.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Phoenix Dark on October 16, 2008, 09:42:36 PM
once the banana slid out i noticed a string was attached to the end; i pulled it for minutes before a small penis emerged from the depths of her vagina. my penis
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Arbys Roast Beef Sandwich on October 16, 2008, 09:43:53 PM
it was then I noticed that my pee pee was severed into a stump much resembling the proverbial red ring of death
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: CurseoftheGods on October 16, 2008, 09:44:35 PM
Then I started singing Like a Rolling Stone.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Phoenix Dark on October 16, 2008, 09:46:44 PM
my sister began to speak with my voice, saying "we must form like Voltron"
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Don Flamenco on October 16, 2008, 09:49:55 PM
I smirked at this suggestion while eating a handful of jalapeno flavored potato chips, of the ridged variety
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Bildi on October 16, 2008, 09:49:56 PM
and we realised our connectors were no longer compatible because a penis had emerged from between my sister's legs
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Phoenix Dark on October 16, 2008, 09:52:07 PM
so she mounted me, inserting my penis into my ass while i crawled out of the dumpster
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 09:56:01 PM

I tried desperately to wiggle free, but she grabbed my long, soft light brown hair and wouldn't let go.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TakingBackSunday on October 16, 2008, 09:58:12 PM
*facepalm*

I mean I know this is all good fun, but this is uncomfortable.  :-\

My sister and I are friends.  Big deal?
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 10:00:25 PM
She laughed, "I don't care if you're uncomfortable; you're going to take all 12 inches and like it."
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TakingBackSunday on October 16, 2008, 10:01:48 PM
Please stop
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 10:02:59 PM
"Please stop?" she said laughing menacingly, "I'll stop when I feel like stopping."
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Bildi on October 16, 2008, 10:05:03 PM
Just then, Night Man entered the room, his magnificent beard preceded his actual entry by several minutes.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: CurseoftheGods on October 16, 2008, 10:07:18 PM
:rofl
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Phoenix Dark on October 16, 2008, 10:07:26 PM
Malek entered his lonely apartment only to realize Father Mike and TVC were in his bed, the former laying on his back eating a seafood subway sub, the latter with his fist all the way up the other's behind while he puffed a cigar with his other hand
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TakingBackSunday on October 16, 2008, 10:09:10 PM
I hate you all
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 10:09:18 PM
Malek then shot himself, and his body magically disappeared, so that White Man could not defile it.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Van Cruncheon on October 16, 2008, 10:09:40 PM
Quote from: Senator Government on October 16, 2008, 09:58:12 PM
*facepalm*

I mean I know this is all good fun, but this is uncomfortable.  :-\

My sister and I are friends.  Big deal?

it's a fine line between uncomfortable and sexy

just ask distantmantra!
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Bildi on October 16, 2008, 10:11:20 PM
Greeted by this all-to-familiar sight, he angrily smacked the cigar out of TVC's hand and informed them this living arrangement was originally supposed to be temporary
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Madrun Badrun on October 16, 2008, 10:11:22 PM
He walked a meter into the room before he realized that what looked like a sticky situation for Father_Mike was an illusion of the  angle he was viewing the two in.  The fist of whiteman was actually nested in a bag of cheeses laying on the bed.  It was very British humor.  Brandnew visualized this in all it's glory as his sister pounded his backhole.    
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Phoenix Dark on October 16, 2008, 10:11:46 PM
Yet, as with even the most basic tasks, Malek failed - he didn't die, but found himself paralyzed as Father Mike descended on his body while being controlled from the rear by TVC's hand
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Don Flamenco on October 16, 2008, 10:12:27 PM
AND THEN HE WALKED ON DOWN THE HALL

and he said "father"  
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 10:12:50 PM
White Man kicked malek in the head, killing him instantly--his body then magically disappeared

THE END
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Madrun Badrun on October 16, 2008, 10:15:42 PM
As Malek descended to heaven he realized all had been for not, then he realized he was actually going to heaven, afraid for his soul, which he now knew he had, he developed a cunning plan.  He knew from recent news that God might need a lawyer.  So he made God a promise that if he was to become his lawyer, God would spare his soul.
After months of wasted prep time Malek failed the heavenly LSAT and went to hell.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Don Flamenco on October 16, 2008, 10:16:26 PM
hell was actually the dimension of scatological sodomy and orange juice after brushing your teeth
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 10:17:30 PM
Malek then realized there was no life after death and returned to nothingness. THE END
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Madrun Badrun on October 16, 2008, 10:17:33 PM
Hell also had the chick from Bible Black in it, the witch with the dick-vag, who also looks like brandnews sister.  In her hell form I mean.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Phoenix Dark on October 16, 2008, 10:18:39 PM
and so Malek was sodomized for 1,000 years, until as the prophesy says Satan was released from hell to terrorize the earth for a season
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: CurseoftheGods on October 16, 2008, 10:19:38 PM
Meanwhile, BrandNew's sister asked him about his new love interest.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Bildi on October 16, 2008, 10:20:51 PM
as Father Mike's penis glistened invitingly in the morning sun.  He gently swung it back and forth, inviting attention
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 10:21:57 PM
Quote from: Bildi on October 16, 2008, 10:20:51 PM
as Father Mike's penis glistened invitingly in the morning sun.  He gently swung it back and forth, inviting attention

Satan roughly grabbed Father Mike's 3" long penis and reminded him that 162 is not a fail; in fact, the LSAT is not a pass/fail test.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Madrun Badrun on October 16, 2008, 10:22:01 PM
Quote from: Bildi on October 16, 2008, 10:20:51 PM
as Father Mike's penis glistened invitingly in the morning sun.  He gently swung it back and forth, inviting attention

Like a bird of paradise, with ruffed cravats, the man-dandy of Newfoundland, danced the night away with satan.  Satan made a funny about the lsat being a pass/fail test and they both laughed. 
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 10:25:04 PM
Satan grabbed a large tree trunk and shoved it violently into Father Mike's second asshole.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Phoenix Dark on October 16, 2008, 10:26:16 PM
He then told Father Mike he would live if he could pass the GED; Father Mike died
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TVC15 on October 16, 2008, 10:26:44 PM
of syphilis.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Madrun Badrun on October 16, 2008, 10:27:57 PM
gotten from whiteman.  Who then died of AIDS.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 10:28:57 PM
Quote from: Father_Mike on October 16, 2008, 10:27:57 PM
gotten from whiteman.  Who then died of AIDS.
but not before using Father Mike's corpse as a hand puppet.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Grecco on October 16, 2008, 10:38:32 PM
This thread is awesome
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TVC15 on October 16, 2008, 10:44:07 PM
Meanwhile, back in Ohio, the cat wasn't going for the bait of Fancy Feast smeared all over demi's prone butthole.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 10:48:08 PM
Undaunted, Demi ran to the fridge, passing his reluctant cat, and grabbed some old cheddar cheese.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Madrun Badrun on October 16, 2008, 10:49:27 PM
Cheese he had made one fine summer day with his sodomite uncle in France. 
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Don Flamenco on October 16, 2008, 10:50:27 PM
The uncle was a well known osteopath
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 10:52:20 PM
Smelling the cheese, Demi was reminded of that warm, French summer day when his uncle pushed him off his wheelchair and dragged him to the farmhouse, where a large group of naked villagers were waiting.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TVC15 on October 16, 2008, 10:53:47 PM
Decadence commenced as the villagers shoved dozens upon dozens of ortolans into demi's dumper.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 10:56:44 PM
As the birds struggled--flapping their wings, pecking away at Demi's insides--he was overcome with a feeling he had never known.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TVC15 on October 16, 2008, 10:57:41 PM
Rabies.  An anomalous case of rabies contracted via bird.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: demi on October 16, 2008, 10:58:18 PM
My story doesnt even have a bear in it, you guys are horrible literotica writers
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 11:00:26 PM
The disease made him highly sensitive to touch, a fact his uncle soon learned as he grabbed Demi's hairy balls.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TVC15 on October 16, 2008, 11:01:01 PM
Up until this day, demi had always hated France due to the lack of obese hairy men,  but rapidly-induced mania from the rabies was changing that.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 11:04:40 PM


"What are you surrender monkeys doing just standing there," he screamed, foam dripping from his face, "come closer and pee in my mouth!"
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Madrun Badrun on October 16, 2008, 11:05:54 PM
* girgle girgle girlge gulp.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: demi on October 16, 2008, 11:07:05 PM
Quote from: Night Man on October 16, 2008, 11:04:40 PM


"What are you surrender monkeys doing just standing there," he screamed, foam dripping from his face, "come closer and pee in my mouth!"

Peeing in mouth? That is all you came up with? smh atheists
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on October 16, 2008, 11:09:09 PM
Off topic:
spoiler (click to show/hide)
(There's a really good Urusula K. Le Guin novella called "Nine Lives" about a person cloned into male and female clones to crew a starship for a long interstellar voyage. They fuck each other all the time and it's unclear if it's incest, masturbation, or something else entirely. Anyways, Brandnew's story reminds me of that.)
[close]
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on October 16, 2008, 11:10:22 PM
"NO!" he shouted. "I need you to pee the WHITE pee!"

"In my mouth," he added sheepishly.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 16, 2008, 11:14:09 PM
The uncle, tired of Demi's constant demands, grabbed his underwear and shoved it deep inside Demi's urine soaked mouth.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: tiesto on October 16, 2008, 11:34:16 PM
then demi farted. Tommy Tallarico's soundtrack to Advent Rising was faintly playing in the background.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Brehvolution on October 17, 2008, 12:02:26 AM
:bow Malek the story teller :bow

Haven't laughed like that in a while. :-*
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Bildi on October 17, 2008, 12:49:34 AM
As they listened intently, an relentless bleating slowly drowned out the music.  "Sounds like the goats are ready for a milking" snorted the uncle, as he wiped some drool from the corners of demi's mouth.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: cool breeze on October 17, 2008, 12:52:43 AM
I caught my old roommate jerking it before.  Just don't make a big deal about it or else next time he does it, you won't be a wake.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Don Flamenco on October 17, 2008, 12:56:05 AM
Quote from: swaggaz on October 17, 2008, 12:52:43 AM
I caught my old roommate jerking it before.  Just don't make a big deal about it or else next time he does it, you won't be a wake.

isn't the idea to make him be more discrete about it...unless...
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Crushed on October 17, 2008, 12:56:26 AM
suddenly, witches. the sorceresses waved their dildo wands at demi's weakened form, and instantly he began to grow hair and a snout

"ARAAHHH" he cried as he turned into a brown bear "this isn't what i meant"

but the witches paid no mind, as they were occupied with demi's uncle and the villagers. this enchantment caused the peasants' bellies to inflate until the men resembled fatted cows, and they shirts were bulging where large shitting dick-nipple breasts had grown

the goats suddenly became satyrs, and they began to roll the now-spherical peasants over to demi-bear
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 17, 2008, 01:02:58 AM
Before the angry Demi-bear could exact his revenge on the plump cows, two young, horny, American siblings--hand in hand--burst into the farmhouse.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Great Rumbler on October 17, 2008, 01:10:35 AM
The two Americans claimed, rather boldly, to be agents of a secret paramilitary organization working under the auspices of the newly formed Allied Security Initiative.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 17, 2008, 01:15:46 AM
Although he was incredibly stupid, Demi disbelieved this tall tale; he knew that they had come to the farmhouse to make passionate, incestuous love.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: demi on October 17, 2008, 01:17:15 AM
Magic and mystery,
Is part of his history,
Along with the secret,
Of demiberry juice.
His legend is growing,
He takes pride in knowing,
He'll fight for what's right,
In whatever he'll do.

Demibearrrrrr
Bouncing here and there and everywhere.
High adventure that's beyond compare,
He is the demibear
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Bildi on October 17, 2008, 01:19:26 AM
Once he had completed singing his official themesong, Demibear proclaimed that while such a coupling would be perhaps be arousing under the right circumstances, such an action was morally ambiguous at best.  He furrowed his brow in a disapproving manner.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 17, 2008, 01:21:31 AM
"Don't judge us," the boy said, looking down at his Bob Dylan t-shirt. "We love each other and that's all that matters!"
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Bildi on October 17, 2008, 01:24:22 AM
Tears welled up in the boys eyes.  He reached into his pants and cupped his balls in his hand, desperately hoping it would comfort him as it did when he was a young child.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 17, 2008, 01:29:25 AM

As the boy played with himself joylessly, Demi walked over to his startled sister and started to paw--literally--at her undeveloped chest.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TakingBackSunday on October 17, 2008, 01:30:20 AM
 :'(
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Greatness Gone on October 17, 2008, 01:30:27 AM
And at that moment, Demi was raped by a masked man who was obviously Jake Gyllenhaal
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 17, 2008, 01:34:48 AM

Realizing that he was now a powerful bear who no longer had to put up with daily ass-rapings, Demi violently threw his attacker to the ground.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Bildi on October 17, 2008, 01:44:18 AM
Spurred on by the throbbing pain in his rectum from the daily ass-rapings, Demi thoroughly gored his attacker, and then turned towards the siblings with fresh blood still dripping from his paws.

A thin stream of urine began to run down the boy's leg.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 17, 2008, 01:48:44 AM
His sister, used to watersports, quickly knelt down before the boy and began to lick his urine soaked legs.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: demi on October 17, 2008, 01:52:22 AM
THEN MUCKHOLE CAME IN AND BEAT EVERYONE UP
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on October 17, 2008, 01:52:37 AM
"Have either of you seen my copy of Advent Rising?" asked Demibear. Or rather, tried to ask - for he was a bear, incapable of human speech. The siblings heard naught but a series of guttural roars emerge from his powerful lungs.

"Please don't eat me, Mr. Bear!" shouted the girl. "For I am young and scrawny, and would not satisfy you."

Understanding, Demibear nodded slowly towards the shivering boy.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Bildi on October 17, 2008, 01:57:52 AM
With fear in his heart, the boy unleashed a torrent of golden pee, the sight of which caused the girl to do likewise.  The barn doors soon burst open and the three of them were swept away in a river of urine.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 17, 2008, 02:06:47 AM
Drowning in a river of their own piss, believing this was the end, the siblings held each others hands. Just as they started saying their good-byes, the Kool-Aid-Man, riding on his surfboard, appeared out of nowhere.

"Oh Yeah," he said as he grabbed the horny siblings, "I'm going to rape some American children tonight."
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: laesperanzapaz on October 17, 2008, 02:32:14 AM
Quote from: Bildi on October 16, 2008, 10:05:03 PM
Just then, Night Man entered the room, his magnificent beard preceded his actual entry by several minutes.
:lol :rofl :lol
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 17, 2008, 02:51:32 AM
Quote from: laesperanzapaz on October 17, 2008, 02:32:14 AM
Quote from: Bildi on October 16, 2008, 10:05:03 PM
Just then, Night Man entered the room, his magnificent penis preceded his actual entry by several minutes.
:hyper :omg :hyper

fixed
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: drohne on October 17, 2008, 02:54:33 AM
licking his bearchops in anticipation demibear shambled over to the smaller of the androgynous american teens and began to shred herhis unisex jeans with his clawed bearpaws when he noticed something that gave him bearpause: an extraordinary birthmark on the boygirl's buttocks

edit: oh wait i mistook the koolaid man for demibear. how many times have i told myself not to write collaborative erotic fanfiction when i'm half asleep
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Bildi on October 17, 2008, 03:01:55 AM
As the birthmark glowed eerily, thunder rolled through the heavens, accompanied by the appearance of Malek's penis, arching heavenward like an upside-down rainbow. 

"Hold on tight" said Kool-Aid-Man as grabbed the siblings from under Demi's nose and directed his surfboard up the gigantic phallus with great velocity.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TVC15 on October 17, 2008, 03:28:33 AM
Then Kosma came in and gave everyone AIDS.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Bildi on October 17, 2008, 03:40:16 AM
Except Malek's penis which had had the AIDS before so was now immune to it.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: drohne on October 17, 2008, 03:55:36 AM
but this was a new strain of SUPER AIDS bred in the bumholes of thailand's cheapest transsexual prostitutes for which malek's penis's immunities proved to be no match. malek's gigantic penis ejaculated its dying last just as koolaid man crested its meatus causing him to lose grip of either brandnew or brandnew's sister nobody was really sure but in any case he or she was shot skyhigh in a monstrous gob of ejaculate and the teen who remained in koolaid man's grasp said 'no'

Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TVC15 on October 17, 2008, 04:01:48 AM
Upon exposure to this vastly more bizarre strain of super AIDS, BrandNew and his Sister/Lover, both habitual crystal meth users, came down with one of the most most severe cases of the rarely seen and highly degenerative Shitting Dick Nipples Syndrome.  Between the two sets of shitting dick nipples and malek's chronically-ejaculating member, it was like there were several ice cream machines spraying all over the room.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: demi on October 17, 2008, 04:05:03 AM
Then Himuro appeared and acted like a distinguished mentally-challenged fellow

And talked about RPGs

Cause he's stupid
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: drohne on October 17, 2008, 04:08:27 AM
'jesus himuro can't you see i'm shitting superaids out of my dicknipples' said brand new

'oh yeah!' said kool aid man

'i'm going to the park' said himuro
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TVC15 on October 17, 2008, 04:18:36 AM
Down in the park (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1EUxGZQoDU),  Himumu was a little less careful than usual, and he fell prey to one of the machmen's roving rape machines.  Every membrane was perforated before he could even make it into viewing distance of Zom Zoms.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: drohne on October 17, 2008, 04:31:45 AM
attracted by the unmistakable compound odor of feces and semen tauntaun galloped across the atlantic on his fuckhippo leaving a trail of raped fish and marine mammals and zooplankton from the eastern seaboard to the riviera coast
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TVC15 on October 17, 2008, 04:40:36 AM
Upon arriving on the scene, Tauntaun ordered his mighty fuckhippo to lick Himuro's asshole.  Tauntaun, however, was too much in love with his hippo to remember that hippos are one of the most dangerous animals on earth.  In the process of rimming Himuro, the hungry hungry hippo bit Himu in half, from just below the stomach down.  Tauntaun vocally gasped as the hippo lifted his head, and a stream of bloody intestines and assorted viscera lead from its mouth to the remainder of Himuro's body.  The hippo roared with great might, drowning out the sounds of Himu praying to his false god Allah.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: drohne on October 17, 2008, 04:55:58 AM
the smoke of himumu's (pbuh) smoking entrails rose even to allah's seat in heaven and allah found its scent most pleasing and himumu (pbuh) was promptly canonized as a prophet and martyr of the islamic faith and that boys and girls is why we still celebrate this day october 15 with ritual stonings and suicide bombings and child rapes and suchlike meet devotions to the almighty

and then the camera pans back from the madrassah and the twist is that it's in THE UNITED STATES OF THE FUTURE under the presidency of BARACK BIN OSAMA and it's built RIGHT ON TOP OF MOUNT RUSHMORE
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TVC15 on October 17, 2008, 05:03:59 AM
Barack bin Osama kisses his atheist wife, and she exits the  madrassah to go to the prison where the non-secret muslim, non-atheist female children are being held, trapped in a 15-foot deep pit.  She starts spraying a potent mix of gasoline and ether on the children, who at the time are discussing a current urban myth about saying "Himumu X" into a mirror 5 times, which supposedly summons a horny horny hippo to come and rape you to death.  This sounds acceptable in comparison to what Ms. Osama will be cooking, if she can get the match that she is now fumbling with lit.  One of the girls taking part in the discussion says, "I think I can help" as she pulls out a mirror-like shard of a broken DVD, one of the billions upon billions of DVDs used while manufacturing the disastrous 360 MGS port that ended up bankrupting Microsoft due to the cost of spending trillions of dollars to press the discs. 
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 17, 2008, 05:13:02 AM
Meanwhile, inside Abraham Lincoln's eye, there lies a secret sex dungeon, where pasty white women with large flabby asses are kept chained. There Obama picks up a horse whip and starts turning the womens' asses black and blue as he happily thinks about his long hard day of killing Christians and transforming South Dakota's Hutterite communities into Stalinist gulags.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: TVC15 on October 17, 2008, 05:16:29 AM
"Finally, Mother Islam has the prize it  has always been after," Barack  bin Osama says.  "The fly-over states are now yours, my master."  He bows before a giant, Soviet realism-influenced picture of Karl Marx wearing a magic turban.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: drozmight on October 17, 2008, 05:25:11 AM
Meanwhile back in the prison... upon seeing the shard, Ms. Osama's face turns pale.  She stumbles for a moment and finally manages to recover the nearly whole disc she's kept near her heart all these years.  She confirms her worst fear.  The child's shard makes the disc whole again.  This child is her own.  Ms. Osama thinks back on the passionate night when this girl was conceived and screams out, "Not without my daughter!"  Sally Field suddenly appears...
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 17, 2008, 05:37:48 AM
Back in the sex dungeon. . . .

Helplessly bent over, Obama watches tauntaun enter the room with his hungry, horny hippo.

"It's over Obama" tauntaun says, "America is going to find out who the real BarIRAQ Mohamed Obama Hussein Osama is."

"The liberal media will never let that happen," Obama counters.

"You're right," Tauntaun concedes, " I guess I have no choice. Hippo, go get 'em!"

The hippo--hypnotized partly by "hope and change" and partly by the sight of Obama's firm, black buttocks--does not move an inch.

"I said go get 'em," Tauntaun yells, kicking the helpless hippo.

Reacting to the kick, the hippo runs forward. . . .
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: drohne on October 17, 2008, 05:43:52 AM
(this one was lame nevermind)
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Bildi on October 17, 2008, 07:51:46 AM
Obama Sidious Palin Benedict XVII raised his head in staunch defiance to this new threat.  But unexpectedly, the hippo slipped on some of Malek's left-over ejaculate.  Sailing through the air with grace befitting a hippo, the massive beast came to an abrupt stop as Obama's head lodged firmly inside his sizeable rectum.

Taking his more-than-adequate member in hand, Tauntaun sighed deeply. "If you want a job done right, you have to do it yourself".
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Powerslave on October 17, 2008, 02:38:41 PM
oh my god this thread is pure poetry :bow2
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Tauntaun on October 17, 2008, 02:56:12 PM
UrbanDictionary

BrandNew: A lesson learned in divulging family secrets on the net.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 17, 2008, 03:06:43 PM
Tauntaun--gently stroking his long, thick, glistening Viking cock--stepped behind the president and, after a slight moment of hesitation to take in the erotic scene, violently thrust his giant member inside the president's oval orifice.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Tauntaun on October 17, 2008, 03:39:54 PM
Quote from: Night Man on October 17, 2008, 03:06:43 PM
Tauntaun--gently stroking his long, thick, glistening Viking cock--stepped behind the president and, after a slight moment of hesitation to take in the erotic scene, violently thrust his giant member inside the president's oval orifice.

It's like black rage, except I'm white.  :-*
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Bildi on October 17, 2008, 08:45:34 PM
Obama's eyes bulged uncontrolably as Tauntaun reached the point of orgasm quickly and deliberately, thinking to himself "this feels like black rage, except I'm white"

"HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT MR PRESIDENT?!"
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Don Flamenco on October 18, 2008, 04:43:24 PM
After cumming together for several minutes, Tauntaun handed Obama a napkin.  Obama awkwardly stumbled back and wiped his butt with napkin, then said "Thanks for the hospitality"
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Joe Molotov on October 18, 2008, 08:28:46 PM
And then Brandnew woke up, and his sister told him to go back to bed because it was all just a bad dream. THE END.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: BamYouHaveAids on October 18, 2008, 09:54:37 PM
brandnew, relieved, changed his urine soaked sheets. no longer marred by bad dreams he slept peacefuly in their bed for many years, until his sister popped out his deficient sister-daughter; this combination intrigued and excitied him.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 19, 2008, 01:00:51 AM
Brandnew's child shared 75% of his genetic material; his grandchild, 87.5%; and his three-eyed, distinguished mentally-challenged great grandchild, 93.75%.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Crushed on October 19, 2008, 01:06:01 AM
BrandNew's 3rd wife/great-granddaughter/great niece/niece/daughter called to him from the other room.

"Sumfin' wrong wiff Billy," she said, adjusting the patch over her third eye.

"Oh God, does he have the distinguished mentally-challenged fellow too?" BrandNew replied from his easy chair, stained with the fluids of family orgies.

"No. He wear Mama's dress and say he girl!"

"..."


BrandNew put down his newspaper and stared ahead. A strange stirring in his loins confused him.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: demi on October 19, 2008, 01:09:08 AM
on topic, i just jerked off like 15 minutes ago
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Madrun Badrun on October 19, 2008, 01:10:53 AM
Quote from: demi on October 19, 2008, 01:09:08 AM
on topic, i just jerked off like 15 minutes ago

Five for me.  I win.
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 19, 2008, 01:11:13 AM
Quote from: Father_Mike on October 19, 2008, 01:10:53 AM
Quote from: demi on October 19, 2008, 01:09:08 AM
on topic, i just jerked off like 15 minutes ago

Five for me.  I win.
To this story?
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Madrun Badrun on October 19, 2008, 01:13:36 AM
Quote from: Night Man on October 19, 2008, 01:11:13 AM
Quote from: Father_Mike on October 19, 2008, 01:10:53 AM
Quote from: demi on October 19, 2008, 01:09:08 AM
on topic, i just jerked off like 15 minutes ago

Five for me.  I win.
To this story?

No. 
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: fistfulofmetal on October 19, 2008, 01:15:12 AM
Quote from: Father_Mike on October 19, 2008, 01:10:53 AM
Quote from: demi on October 19, 2008, 01:09:08 AM
on topic, i just jerked off like 15 minutes ago

Five for me.  I win.

I'm currently jerking off. Video playing off just over there ------------------>
Title: Re: god I think I just heard my roommate jerking off
Post by: Flannel Boy on October 19, 2008, 01:21:42 AM
As Demi lay on the floor face down in cat-litter dreaming away about Brandnew's multi-generational incest, his cat had finally found the stick of cheddar cheese lodged in between his pale, acne-scarred buttocks.