THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: Cormacaroni on October 17, 2008, 03:31:13 AM

Title: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: Cormacaroni on October 17, 2008, 03:31:13 AM: Normally, I NEVER get sick. But once the filthy little brat contracts something from playing in the dirt with her pox-ridden virus-bait friends, I am instantly doomed to get the same fucking thing. Cleaning her nappies, feeding her, and getting drooled on by her are just some of the highly unsanitary practices I am forced into on a daily basis as part of my parental duties :-X (My matrimonial duties are even MORE disgusting but let's leave that for now). There is seemingly no way to avoid this.

What do I do, EB parents? Even if I could make a poll, I wouldn't know what to put in as options other than 'Mupepe'.
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: Bildi on October 17, 2008, 03:41:24 AM: The only thing that sucks about being a dad is the children.
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: Tieno on October 17, 2008, 03:46:18 AM: Put her up for adoption. You shouldn't have to take this kind of shit from a female baby.
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: Cormacaroni on October 17, 2008, 03:51:41 AM: Quote from: Tieno on October 17, 2008, 03:46:18 AM
Put her up for adoption. You shouldn't have to take this kind of shit from a female baby.

You're right, dammit. My wife is just going to have to learn to live without her little Barbie doll!
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: Tieno on October 17, 2008, 03:52:28 AM: Quote from: Cormacaroni on October 17, 2008, 03:51:41 AM
Quote from: Tieno on October 17, 2008, 03:46:18 AM
Put her up for adoption. You shouldn't have to take this kind of shit from a female baby.

You're right, dammit. My wife is just going to have to learn to live without her little Barbie doll!
Tell her to get a male baby next time or otherwise you'll have to discipline her.
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: drozmight on October 17, 2008, 05:30:59 AM: Demand an heir, and if she fails... off with her head.
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: Kestastrophe on October 17, 2008, 05:45:50 AM: Uggh, you're so right about children and health issues. My mom used to run a day care and a few days after visiting my folks I would wind up coming down with cold/flu. People don't quarantine their kids either, as some would come to day care throwing up/dysentary, etc.
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: Bildi on October 17, 2008, 09:24:06 AM: :bow filthy Arabs :bow2

Keepin' it real.
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: Brehvolution on October 17, 2008, 09:30:26 AM: You need to get sick to keep that immune system strong. Today's pussies and there anti-bacterial hand shit along with those fegs who can only touch a door handle with a kleenex are setting themselves up for death from a common cold.
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: Tauntaun on October 17, 2008, 09:32:48 AM: Quote from: Jinfash on October 17, 2008, 09:14:16 AM
get a maid.
spoiler (click to show/hide)
or two
[close]
that's we, filthy Arabs, do.

We don't have that kind of oil money though.
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: Human Snorenado on October 17, 2008, 09:35:22 AM: See, if it were my kid I'd just keep it in a box so things like this wouldn't happen.
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: Van Cruncheon on October 17, 2008, 11:06:12 AM: it's even worse when you're raising a psychopath.

me: "what're you doing with those wooden fish sweetie"

her: "i'm gonna clean 'em like grandpa does"

me: "oh, heh. with what?"

her: "this" *shows me a wooden spoon* "start at the gills and go to the tail!" *draws spoon from neck to belly*

me: "oh jesus"
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: Reb on October 17, 2008, 11:09:35 AM: I liked her best when she threatened to poke your skin of with a DS stylus.
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: Tauntaun on October 17, 2008, 11:31:33 AM: Quote from: Professor Prole on October 17, 2008, 11:06:12 AM
it's even worse when you're raising a psychopath.

me: "what're you doing with those wooden fish sweetie"

her: "i'm gonna clean 'em like grandpa does"

me: "oh, heh. with what?"

her: "this" *shows me a wooden spoon* "start at the gills and go to the tail!" *draws spoon from neck to belly*

me: "oh jesus"

You're daughter is gonna be AWESOME! She's gonna kick ass and chew bubble gum, cept she's all out of gum. :gun
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: muckhole on October 17, 2008, 11:51:56 AM: Quote from: Professor Prole on October 17, 2008, 11:06:12 AM
it's even worse when you're raising a psychopath.

me: "what're you doing with those wooden fish sweetie"

her: "i'm gonna clean 'em like grandpa does"

me: "oh, heh. with what?"

her: "this" *shows me a wooden spoon* "start at the gills and go to the tail!" *draws spoon from neck to belly*

me: "oh jesus"

:rofl That may be the best kid story I've ever heard.
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: hyp on October 17, 2008, 04:32:54 PM: keep her hooked on television.
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: Cormacaroni on October 18, 2008, 04:34:12 AM: one more reason: she just destroyed her first game disk. Lost Odyssey, disk 1...tilted the 360 on its side while it was reading from the disk. aaargh.
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: brawndolicious on October 18, 2008, 05:18:46 AM: Is she still a baby? You have to put all your electronics up high. Especially with the 360 since the power button has a shiny light that they like to push.. Also a good idea to fasten shelves shut using locks, tape, etc.
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: Cormacaroni on October 18, 2008, 05:39:03 AM: The 360 was actually barricaded behind some other stuff...but she just figured out how to crawl through there. The devious little minx!
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: Brehvolution on October 18, 2008, 02:48:49 PM: My son once took my GH3 out of my PS3 and somehow the dog got it and chewed it up. Then my son shoved the damaged disk back in the PS3 and it got stuck. I had to send it in for repair. :-\
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: Himu on October 18, 2008, 03:47:01 PM: Quote from: Professor Prole on October 17, 2008, 11:06:12 AM
it's even worse when you're raising a psychopath.

me: "what're you doing with those wooden fish sweetie"

her: "i'm gonna clean 'em like grandpa does"

me: "oh, heh. with what?"

her: "this" *shows me a wooden spoon* "start at the gills and go to the tail!" *draws spoon from neck to belly*

me: "oh jesus"

:lol
Title: Re: One more reason why being a Dad sucks
Post by: chronovore on October 19, 2008, 10:09:12 AM: Lost Odyssey damage, or as the French say, "dam-ahhhhhjjjjj" - take it to one of the lovely Japanese used games shops, and they'll use their professional refinishing tool to make it look like new for ¥500 or so.

Then hide your 360 a little better. Mine is behind the TV, fully benefiting from its wirelessness.

Sickness: you're fucked. Wash your hands and her hands too as frequently as you can, especially when you come back from a public place where lots of kids play, but you're basically screwed. After a couple years, you've caught most of the strains and your immune system is all hulked out. I've seen what you eat, it's pretty healthy, so you're not lacking in vitamins or antioxidants or suchlike.

Or you can ply your daughter with single malts so she has no urge to play with other kids anymore.