THE BORE
General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: Reb on January 21, 2009, 10:27:44 AM
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It is with great sadness that I have to report that Ainsley Jarvis, the butler at the Huntingdon office, passed away last night. We first realised something was amiss when Gary and I visited the upstairs kitchen this morning and found the sink full of dirty crockery and cutlery. As some of you may know, if you had a meeting in the board room or a bit of lunch, all you needed to do was leave your dirty cups, plates and kfs in the sink and Ainsley would carefully wash them and put them away during the night. He was not a paid employee - he simply performed this necessary task as a way of paying us back for allowing him to sleep under the bushes outside reception.
The weather was particulary cold last night here in the Fens, but it still came as a great shock to us to find his frozen body outside the front door. He was still wearing his pinny and, poignantly, he still clutched his trusty bottle of Fairy Liquid in his grey, arthritic hand.
I am sure you will join with me in passing on our deepest condolences to his family. They have asked that no flowers be sent - just make a donation to the Currys & Comet Dishwashers for The Needy campaign.
On a more mundane note, this tragedy means that if you use the kitchen you will need to do your own washing up until a suitable unpaid replacement can be sourced.
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Sounds like a shitty place to work.
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EDIT: Wrong thread.
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That's awesome satire.
Corporate America :american
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hahahaha, nice. DO YOUR WASHING, fruits!
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"suitable unpaid replacement"
Damn it must have been ass for that previous guy
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Sounds like a great place to work, hobos washing your dishes is a great idea in this hard economic climate.
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That's a pretty cold last line, but having said that, I'm not so sure having a dirty hobo wash your dishes is the height of sanitation to begin with.
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it's a joke, nerds
they're tired of washing up for folks and want people to care enough to do it themselves
nerds! this is why america can't have nice things
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Was that typed by your appointed office hobo, Prole?
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normally, yes, but after tvc had his hands cut off at the last (dumpster-based) "morale event", the office hobo has really only been good for the occasional syphilitic blow job. :(
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Ainsley Jarvis is a terrific butler name.
"Ainsley! Fetch me my smoking jacket."
It just sounds so right.
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This is why Britain has nice things.