THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: GilloD on August 27, 2009, 08:39:04 PM

Title: Everything in Korea is totally BOHN TO LUN
Post by: GilloD on August 27, 2009, 08:39:04 PM
My breakfast sandwich came with mustrad and pickles.

The slogan for this internet cafe is "What the heart is being? said the boy to the phlamaist"

Dunkin Donuts has like 75 kinds of donuts and DO NOT PICK THEM UP WITH YOUR HANDS that is what the tongs hidden behind the counter are for.

My bathroom and the shower are literally the same place.

In case of fire, I am supposed to strap on a harness and rapel dwon the building using the "Deselnding Life Line". I start work in 15 minutes!
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Mr. Gundam on August 27, 2009, 08:54:25 PM
We noticed that about the shower and bathroom in Japan. Crazy stuff, man.

Don't die before even getting out of your place!
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Cormacaroni on August 27, 2009, 09:06:48 PM
not a single thing on that list strikes me as even remotely strange. oh boy.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Barry Egan on August 27, 2009, 09:26:38 PM
GilloD is going to get himself killed :-|
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Mr. Gundam on August 27, 2009, 09:32:20 PM
not a single thing on that list strikes me as even remotely strange. oh boy.

The only one that I even blinked at was the evacuation harness. Everything else was like "yeah, it's Asia."
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: muckhole on August 27, 2009, 09:42:07 PM
Holy shit, I would use that harness every day. :rock
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Madrun Badrun on August 27, 2009, 09:50:24 PM
I would start fires just so I could race Muck down.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: muckhole on August 27, 2009, 09:59:52 PM
Man, Korea would burnnnnnnnn
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Mr. Gundam on August 27, 2009, 10:00:45 PM
We should petition the IOC to make Drunken Evacuation Harness Racing an official medal sport.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Cormacaroni on August 27, 2009, 10:07:33 PM
not a single thing on that list strikes me as even remotely strange. oh boy.

The only one that I even blinked at was the evacuation harness. Everything else was like "yeah, it's Asia."

We have a steel trapdoor with an extensible ladder on our 2nd floor balcony! We'd burn to death before we got it all set up of course but you have to admit they tried.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Mr. Gundam on August 27, 2009, 10:10:44 PM
not a single thing on that list strikes me as even remotely strange. oh boy.

The only one that I even blinked at was the evacuation harness. Everything else was like "yeah, it's Asia."

We have a steel trapdoor with an extensible ladder on our 2nd floor balcony! We'd burn to death before we got it all set up of course but you have to admit they tried.

They have similar setups on a lot of high rises here in Seattle. The whole harness thing just makes me laugh.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: muckhole on August 27, 2009, 10:14:00 PM
If I lived in anything higher than five stories, my place would be laden with grappling hooks.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Mr. Gundam on August 27, 2009, 10:19:40 PM
Asia :rock

Have fun in a new world!

This. AND SEND ME LOTS OF KOREAN GUNDAM STUFF!!!
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: bork on August 28, 2009, 12:24:39 AM
You got a tiny apartment, Gillo?  My place had the toilet (by itself) and the bath/shower in two separate rooms.  That struck me as strange.  Also I've been to houses that had public toilet-style urinals and stalls, with tiled floors/walls.  My in-laws' house is like this-- one urinal, one western toilet, and one squat toilet.  I never used the latter one time during my time in Japan.

not a single thing on that list strikes me as even remotely strange. oh boy.

 :lol  I felt the same way.  Business as usual!


Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Yeti on August 28, 2009, 10:00:59 AM
I'm not understanding the bathroom/shower being the same place thing. Are you saying the toilet is in the shower?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Barry Egan on August 28, 2009, 10:12:32 AM
Before I learned how to squat properly I had such a hard time using the bathroom in India.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Himu on August 28, 2009, 10:17:52 AM
What the heart is being?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Tristam on August 28, 2009, 10:59:52 AM
All I know is that Korea's driving etiquette is on its own level. Chicago, L.A., Dublin, London, whatever--I've NEVER seen any driving like this. People look before they change lanes, but it's a totally pointless glance because they change lanes whether there's a car occupying that lane or not. Cars run red lights as if they aren't there and do not enter signs are ignored entirely.

But yeah, the absence of division between toilet/sink and shower was pretty new to me. And I still can't get used to EVERYONE staring at me. Maybe it wouldn't happen in Seoul or Busan or anywhere where Westerners aren't mythical creatures, but I'm in Gwangju. Still, I can't complain. I'm finally starting to get settled in better and I actually enjoy most of the kids that I teach.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on August 28, 2009, 10:30:08 PM
I'm not understanding the bathroom/shower being the same place thing. Are you saying the toilet is in the shower?

Yes. Imagine you're in your whitebread, American devil bathroom. You have a shower stall! Or a bathtub! Now remove that space, but keep the showerhead. Okay? Attach the showerhead to the sink. WELCOME TO ASIA.

Anyway, nothing really bothers me. It's just completely fun and weird and funny. Pocari Sweat ois so fucking good.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Cormacaroni on August 28, 2009, 11:04:46 PM
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3280/2966789647_0621e30998.jpg)

This is a pretty typical japanese one. the idea is that you shower first, then get in the bath (so as not to dirty the water with your scummy soap etc). It makes perfect sense to me! (now)

The only reason the toilet is in there is to save space. Larger apartments usually have the toilet in a separate room. In studio-type apartments, toilet/sink/shower/bath is all bunged together.

Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on August 28, 2009, 11:37:04 PM
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3280/2966789647_0621e30998.jpg)

This is a pretty typical japanese one. the idea is that you shower first, then get in the bath (so as not to dirty the water with your scummy soap etc). It makes perfect sense to me! (now)

The only reason the toilet is in there is to save space. Larger apartments usually have the toilet in a separate room. In studio-type apartments, toilet/sink/shower/bath is all bunged together.



See, I don't even have the basin. It's just a bathroom, you hook a showerhead up to and turn the water on. We have to store everything inside the medicine chest so it doesn't get wet
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Cormacaroni on August 29, 2009, 12:43:03 AM
we all know all GilloD needs is a tub
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: BlackMage on August 29, 2009, 01:20:03 AM
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3280/2966789647_0621e30998.jpg)

This is a pretty typical japanese one. the idea is that you shower first, then get in the bath (so as not to dirty the water with your scummy soap etc). It makes perfect sense to me! (now)

The only reason the toilet is in there is to save space. Larger apartments usually have the toilet in a separate room. In studio-type apartments, toilet/sink/shower/bath is all bunged together.



i see no bath.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: ch1nchilla on August 29, 2009, 01:31:12 AM
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3280/2966789647_0621e30998.jpg)

This is a pretty typical japanese one. the idea is that you shower first, then get in the bath (so as not to dirty the water with your scummy soap etc). It makes perfect sense to me! (now)

The only reason the toilet is in there is to save space. Larger apartments usually have the toilet in a separate room. In studio-type apartments, toilet/sink/shower/bath is all bunged together.



:lol The bathroom we had in our hotel the first time I went to Tokyo had that exact setup, and I just used the tub as if it were a shower the whole time. Messy as fuck. I get it now. My apartment needs to not have this business.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: BlackMage on August 29, 2009, 01:40:36 AM
the only thing that tub is good for is drowning kittens. i mean wtf you can't even sit in it.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: brawndolicious on August 29, 2009, 02:43:20 AM
I've been in one where the drain for the shower water went into the squatting toilet hole.  It was efficient I guess.
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3280/2966789647_0621e30998.jpg)
This is a pretty typical japanese one. the idea is that you shower first, then get in the bath (so as not to dirty the water with your scummy soap etc). It makes perfect sense to me! (now)
The only reason the toilet is in there is to save space. Larger apartments usually have the toilet in a separate room. In studio-type apartments, toilet/sink/shower/bath is all bunged together.
But this one in the pic has no toilet right?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Flannel Boy on August 29, 2009, 03:23:13 AM
What, you don't see the drain?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Cormacaroni on August 29, 2009, 03:51:33 AM
I've been in one where the drain for the shower water went into the squatting toilet hole.  It was efficient I guess.
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3280/2966789647_0621e30998.jpg)
This is a pretty typical japanese one. the idea is that you shower first, then get in the bath (so as not to dirty the water with your scummy soap etc). It makes perfect sense to me! (now)
The only reason the toilet is in there is to save space. Larger apartments usually have the toilet in a separate room. In studio-type apartments, toilet/sink/shower/bath is all bunged together.
But this one in the pic has no toilet right?

no, but GilloD's place has one. Which is what I was referring to. The pic is a random search result from flickr.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Yeti on August 29, 2009, 10:08:16 AM
wow very strange
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: chronovore on August 29, 2009, 11:45:35 AM
not a single thing on that list strikes me as even remotely strange. oh boy.

me too. what hath asia wrought on our brains?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Tristam on August 29, 2009, 09:59:34 PM
Wait, how did I not mention the parking here? At my girlfriend's apartment complex, the parking lot is so packed that a whole row of cars parks perpendicularly to the demarcated parking spots, thus leaving the people in ACTUAL parking places completely trapped in. This totally boggled my mind--in any other country I've been to, the offending vehicles would all have their windows busted out. I wondered what the hell the blocked-in people did when they needed to use their cars, and I soon saw the solution: They band together to physically push the blocking vehicles out of the way.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: chronovore on August 30, 2009, 01:31:54 PM
With sledgehammers?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Tristam on August 31, 2009, 11:58:10 AM
The aisle-blockers topic reminded me of another crazy thing here: the supermarket. A traditional (i.e., not HomePlus) Korean supermarket is FUCKING CHAOS.

First, the shopping carts here suck balls. Maneuvering them is like steering a vehicle with bald tires on a sheet of ice. This would be OK, I guess, if not for two things: One, Koreans are extremely impatient and are always in a rush even if they have no impending obligations; two, common courtesy is a totally foreign concept to them. The result is that a bunch of Korean people are running into, bumping, and pushing each other with no apologies or excuse-mes. The crazy thing is that no one gets offended by any of this; it's all just accepted as natural.

Oh, and the swine flu paranoia is still a palpable force here. Some people still wear surgical masks whenever going outside. Thanks to the Korean media--which no Korean EVER questions--they believe that tens of thousands of people have died of swine flu in the U.S. and Mexico. At the public school I teach at, one of the Korean kids got sick with swine flu. School was canceled for the rest of the week and I was forced to get tested at a hospital (because obviously I, a dirty foreigner, infected their poor Korean kids; it's inconceivable that another Korean kid could have passed swine flu on). The test involved two long tubes being painfully shoved up my nostrils. Of course I tested negative--perhaps the fact that I exhibited zero symptoms would have been a dead giveaway, but I guess not.

The impression I get here is that Koreans are generally great people once they know you, but as strangers they're some of the least friendly and most rude people I've met.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: demi on August 31, 2009, 12:24:44 PM
Tristram's posts are more entertaining than GilloD's entire thread. Where are GilloD's wacky stories of xenophobia?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: chronovore on September 01, 2009, 04:52:53 AM
I was in Pusan in 1993, and it seemed like no-one was able to fathom the concept of waiting in a line. Queuing up. NOBODY. The closest anybody came to being "polite" about waiting was someone asking if they could go in front of me. Instead of just shoving past each other person, like everyone seemed to be, they asked first. That was at the US Embassy.

I was in line at a 7-11 to buy drinks; I tried to line up there as well, but some 80 year old lady shoved in front of me, turned to face me, and growled at me. No joke.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Akala on September 01, 2009, 04:56:22 AM
I was in Pusan in 1993, and it seemed like no-one was able to fathom the concept of waiting in a line. Queuing up. NOBODY. The closest anybody came to being "polite" about waiting was someone asking if they could go in front of me. Instead of just shoving past each other person, like everyone seemed to be, they asked first. That was at the US Embassy.

I was in line at a 7-11 to buy drinks; I tried to line up there as well, but some 80 year old lady shoved in front of me, turned to face me, and growled at me. No joke.

A few years back, I was offered a trip to Pusan, but I took the money instead.  :'(
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Cormacaroni on September 01, 2009, 04:58:16 AM
I was in Pusan in 1993, and it seemed like no-one was able to fathom the concept of waiting in a line. Queuing up. NOBODY. The closest anybody came to being "polite" about waiting was someone asking if they could go in front of me. Instead of just shoving past each other person, like everyone seemed to be, they asked first. That was at the US Embassy.

I was in line at a 7-11 to buy drinks; I tried to line up there as well, but some 80 year old lady shoved in front of me, turned to face me, and growled at me. No joke.

This is funny because I know that you look like you could rip the arms off a grizzly bear and beat him to death with it. What do these grannies think?! That we're all just going to take shit from them forever? One day we will rise up.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: chronovore on September 01, 2009, 06:50:41 AM
I think she could read minds, and was aware of my grandmaphobia.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Tristam on September 01, 2009, 12:00:15 PM
I was in Pusan in 1993, and it seemed like no-one was able to fathom the concept of waiting in a line. Queuing up. NOBODY. The closest anybody came to being "polite" about waiting was someone asking if they could go in front of me. Instead of just shoving past each other person, like everyone seemed to be, they asked first. That was at the US Embassy.

I was in line at a 7-11 to buy drinks; I tried to line up there as well, but some 80 year old lady shoved in front of me, turned to face me, and growled at me. No joke.

This is funny because I know that you look like you could rip the arms off a grizzly bear and beat him to death with it. What do these grannies think?! That we're all just going to take shit from them forever? One day we will rise up.

In Korea, the older you are, the more license you have to do whatever the fuck you want.

I'm 22, which puts me in a piss-poor position. When I drink with elders, I can't make a toast; only they can initiate. Also, I have to avert my face from elders while drinking (seriously) and I have to hold my liquor cup with two hands while drinking (one on the handle and the other gingerly cupped around the bottom) so that I look like a damned sissy. When sitting on the floor with elders, I can't extend my legs toward them, so I have to sit Indian-style which becomes really fucking uncomfortable after 10 minutes. When eating, I cannot sit until the elder has sat, and I cannot eat until the elder has taken a bite.

I'm sure you since you're in Japan that you're familiar with some of these things due to some cultural similarities.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Human Snorenado on September 01, 2009, 03:07:56 PM
You should explain to them that in America, we pull the plug on our elders!  :maf
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Madrun Badrun on September 01, 2009, 03:12:51 PM
You should explain to them that in America, we pull the plug on our elders!  :maf

 :lol
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on September 02, 2009, 03:45:14 AM
http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillod I went to crazy rip-off Disney World!
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on September 02, 2009, 03:46:35 AM
The best part was the crazy Tornado ride. It was just a haunted house with a bunch of fans in it  :lol Which would be fine except the outside is like COME BE A PART OF A VIRTUAL REALITY TORNADO
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: OptimoPeach on September 02, 2009, 04:08:08 AM
It was just a haunted house with a bunch of fans in it :lol
Pretty scary if you're actually Korean: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fan_death
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Tristam on September 02, 2009, 05:46:11 AM
Another funny thing I remembered: Motorcycles and motor scooters are very common here. What's funny is that young guys often blast music as loud as they can from their bikes. It's never hard rock or rap, though, which is what you typically hear blasted from American vehicles; instead, you'll see a guy on a dinky little 1980s Honda (designed for one person, but carrying two as the girl on back demurely--but hilariously--sits side-straddle) blaring ABBA or a shitty K-pop song at 110 db and dangerously weaving in and out of traffic.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: brawndolicious on September 02, 2009, 07:39:56 AM
Another funny thing I remembered: Motorcycles and motor scooters are very common here. What's funny is that young guys often blast music as loud as they can from their bikes. It's never hard rock or rap, though, which is what you typically hear blasted from American vehicles; instead, you'll see a guy on a dinky little 1980s Honda (designed for one person, but carrying two as the girl on back demurely--but hilariously--sits side-straddle) blaring ABBA or a shitty K-pop song at 110 db and dangerously weaving in and out of traffic.
In Iran I saw a family of four (toddler on the gas tank) on a single bike.  Freaked me out considering it was in my first hour in the country.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Tristam on September 02, 2009, 09:36:03 AM
I like your impressions Tristam  :)

I think GilloD is still to overwhelmed with Asia to write anything coherent.

Probably. I was able to acclimate myself very quickly to the new surroundings, but no credit on my part--it's because I have a bilingual girlfriend.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: BobFromPikeCreek on September 02, 2009, 07:30:23 PM
This seems like an appropriate place to ask. How is Busan? I wanted to go to Seoul but I might be able to get a job in a Busan public school, which is difficult this late.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Hollywood on September 03, 2009, 01:02:16 AM
You should goto the DMZ and run across it, I hear thats hilarious and the guards get a kick out of it. Good times.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: chronovore on September 03, 2009, 05:16:10 AM
I'm sure you since you're in Japan that you're familiar with some of these things due to some cultural similarities.

Kind of. One thing I've heard said before is that it's great to be a foreigner in Japan. We get to benefit from a lot of the manners, restraint, consideration, and thoughtfulness without being forced into similar constraint. Sure, I give it my best effort to try and behave similarly respectfully, but if I don't know the rules for a given situation, usually a Japanese person is understanding about it. They'll usually try and come up with a face-saving explanation for all parties involved such as, "Oh, my goodness -- I didn't explain this properly to begin with! I'm so sorry."

There are lots of similarly oblique rules of etiquette in Japan: don't pass food from chopstick to your dinner partner's chopsticks, but pass them a plate instead. Never stick chopsticks point down in a rice. When seated on a mat, don't stretch your legs out in front and lean back on your hands. Don't blow your nose in public. Don't eat while walking. Never pour for your drinking partner with a single, backhand rotation. Those are off the top of my head, and in descending order of importance. You can probably get away with anything except the first two, which will cause locals to stare at you if you screw up.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Cormacaroni on September 03, 2009, 05:22:45 AM
but you forgot:
The place to practice your golf swing is on the train platform
The place to piss in the alleyway
The place to read porn is on the subway

....and many others.

btw, i came home last night to find a pair of chopsticks sticking straight up in the remains of a bowl of rice and natto. I almost took a pic for flickr but the shame upon our house would have been too dreadful and I pussied out at the last minute.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: bork on September 03, 2009, 06:29:38 AM
It was just a haunted house with a bunch of fans in it :lol
Pretty scary if you're actually Korean: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fan_death

This has carried over to Japan.  My wife's parents actually believe this nonsense.  I got this horrified expression when I told them I wanted to have a fan blowing on my face at night.   :lol  They used to only have fans with timers on them, and it was pure hell sleeping at their house in the summer, in a tiny room with no windows to open and a fan that fucking cut off after an hour max.  When we went to live with them temporarily, the first thing I did was buy a nice, new, timer-less fan, which went with me into every room I was in. 

I think this shit has affected my wife, too.  She never wants to use fans, and it has been a miracle getting her to finally accept having the ceiling fan on at night.  She's not used to central heating and air, so when the A/C is on, she is the only person I know wrapped up in a heavy winter blanket-- in the summer!
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: chronovore on September 03, 2009, 06:47:32 AM
That is crazy.

Then again, a lot of westerners assume we catch colds because of being in a cold temperature. :-/
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: OptimoPeach on September 03, 2009, 11:34:42 AM
Hey GilloD, do you get any of the Starcraft channels?

It was just a haunted house with a bunch of fans in it :lol
Pretty scary if you're actually Korean: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fan_death

This has carried over to Japan.  My wife's parents actually believe this nonsense.  I got this horrified expression when I told them I wanted to have a fan blowing on my face at night.   :lol  They used to only have fans with timers on them, and it was pure hell sleeping at their house in the summer, in a tiny room with no windows to open and a fan that fucking cut off after an hour max.  When we went to live with them temporarily, the first thing I did was buy a nice, new, timer-less fan, which went with me into every room I was in. 

I think this shit has affected my wife, too.  She never wants to use fans, and it has been a miracle getting her to finally accept having the ceiling fan on at night.  She's not used to central heating and air, so when the A/C is on, she is the only person I know wrapped up in a heavy winter blanket-- in the summer!
:rofl It's crazy that the myth is propagated by their own government. I, having lived in California my whole life, can't even imagine having to put up with that. These days I can't even fall asleep without the noise of a fan
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Barry Egan on September 03, 2009, 11:38:46 AM
That is crazy.

Then again, a lot of westerners assume we catch colds because of being in a cold temperature. :-/

this isn't true? huh.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Human Snorenado on September 03, 2009, 11:44:48 AM
I don't understand how you guys can fetishize a culture with such stoopit "rules."
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Tauntaun on September 03, 2009, 11:54:13 AM
I don't understand how you guys can fetishize a culture with such stoopit "rules."

yellow fever.   :usacry
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: drew on September 03, 2009, 02:33:02 PM
I don't understand how you guys can fetishize a culture with such stoopit "rules."

weeaboos have no shame

NONE
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Cormacaroni on September 03, 2009, 09:34:09 PM
Who is fetishizing these cultures? I just live here, as does Chronovore. GilloD has never struck me as an anime/j-game enthusiast but I suppose I could be wrong.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: chronovore on September 03, 2009, 11:41:49 PM
drew is edging ever closer to the prized Ignore User position; it's like "pole position" except that it's for internet louts who can't appropriately filter their own responses.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Tristam on September 04, 2009, 12:54:21 PM
This seems like an appropriate place to ask. How is Busan? I wanted to go to Seoul but I might be able to get a job in a Busan public school, which is difficult this late.

If you can get a job at a public school, go for it (anything to avoid the hagwon). I don't really know what difference separate the big Korean cities, but Busan is on the sea with a 3 million+ population, so it should be damned fun and damned crazy.

Like Seoul, there are more foreigners in Busan than in a place like Gwangju (about 1.5 million people, but not a popular destination for foreigners for whatever reason), which has some advantages and some disadvantages. On the upside, you'll meet more buddies who you can speak English with; on the downside, it's possible you won't be quite as much of a commodity among the local women, but I wouldn't worry--you've got big eyes and pale skin, two features that Korean women (and men, seriously) adore.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Himu on September 04, 2009, 12:56:04 PM
Has your stay in Korea allowed you more appreciate for :american even more, gillod?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: BobFromPikeCreek on September 04, 2009, 04:00:38 PM
I wasn't sure so I kinda let the opportunity go by.  :-\ I had to act like really fast. Ooooh well. I kinda really wanted to go to Seoul anyway. I just hope I don't end up in a private school that sucks out my soul since public school jobs this time of year are almost impossible to get.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Tristam on September 05, 2009, 12:10:52 AM
I wasn't sure so I kinda let the opportunity go by.  :-\ I had to act like really fast. Ooooh well. I kinda really wanted to go to Seoul anyway. I just hope I don't end up in a private school that sucks out my soul since public school jobs this time of year are almost impossible to get.

I thought public schools in Seoul imposed more stringent qualifications on their applicants, like at least a year's ESL teaching experience and a TEFL qualification. Or maybe I'm just confusing that with the EPIK program's stipulated qualifications for applicants who want to teach in Seoul.

Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on September 06, 2009, 02:12:57 AM
Has your stay in Korea allowed you more appreciate for :american even more, gillod?

Travel abroad always does that to me. I actually get a weird like. "Oh, the USA RULES" but at the same time when I come back I'm like, "You people are ANIMALS".

Koreans come in 2 flavors: 1: Willing to ruin their entire day to help you and assist you in any way possible, 2: Absolutely fucking heinous, rude, amoral, insane sewer creatures. It's a 90/10 split. Most people are tremendously wonderful, but every now and then you run into something they could make a direct to DVD movie about.

We were at the Immigration Office to try and get our ID cards. It's one of those "Take a Number" systems. We were 556. We walked in at 330. They "lost" our online reservation. So we sat there for like 2 hours. Finally, 556 comes up. It takes us maybe 15 seconds to get up to the desk, but the lady at the desk hit the button like 4 more times. So now 556, 557, 558, 559 and 560 are all standing there and she's saying "560 only. Everyone else new number new number you wait. Too long take!". I pulled my best Korean impression and just stood there pushing my papers towards her saying "ID Card! Id Card! No speak Korean!". I've been told the best way to deal with Korean bureaucracy is just to act like a spoiled distinguished mentally-challenged fellow. And it worked! And the other suckers all took new numbers!

But then it turned out that the hospital FUCKED UP my health exam and didn't put the TB result on my form despite the fact that the Korean government already has SIX COPIES of TWO DIFFERENT FORMS certifying that I don't have fucking TB, but whatever.

So, no ID card. WHich means no health insurance, no bank accounts, no cell phones, no internet, no paycheck. Ugghghghg. Have to go back on Monday.

Other than that. School is insane. My 4th and 5th grade co-teachers speak no English, which means I teach 100% of the time. Teaching is fucking exhausting and nerve wracking, doubly so when the only textbook you have is in KOREAN.

I was warned about double standards and contradictions before coming here, but it's kind of insane how deep it runs. They want like 150% of you to teach English, but the kids don't get a grade, they have no ENglish materials and they actually told kids- in front of me- that this class was  like Prioirty ZERO. BUt then they turn around and go "ENGLISH IS SUPER IMPORTANT YOU SHOULD WORK A THOUSAND HOURS EVERY WEEK". So. WHatever. The lady who approves lesson plans also speaks no English. I could turn one in that says, "Today I will take the children to a field and murder them, and eat the meat from their bones and make a suit of armor from their teeth and masturbate to a picture of a fish" and she'd sign off on it.

I'm sort of at that point where the novelty has worn off and my whole person is kind of trying to figure out how to readjust. It's left me grouchy, but. Okay-ish! We got kicked out of a department store. My wife was looking at clothes and she had a dress in her hand and went to look for a dressing room and all of a sudden some lady ran up and like grabbed her wrist and started yelling in Korean and then secuirty came and escorted us out. I guess it's like. Each floor has multiple stores? There are no walls. It looks like every other department store I've ever been in. But there are invisible lines of demarcation and if you cross one you are SHOPLIFTING.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on September 06, 2009, 02:19:23 AM
I wasn't sure so I kinda let the opportunity go by.  :-\ I had to act like really fast. Ooooh well. I kinda really wanted to go to Seoul anyway. I just hope I don't end up in a private school that sucks out my soul since public school jobs this time of year are almost impossible to get.

I thought public schools in Seoul imposed more stringent qualifications on their applicants, like at least a year's ESL teaching experience and a TEFL qualification. Or maybe I'm just confusing that with the EPIK program's stipulated qualifications for applicants who want to teach in Seoul.



We're in Gwanmeyong which is all of like a 15 minute subway/bus ride from Seoul. I had 0 teaching experience, but a degree in English. My wife had loads of teaching experience but no English degree. They gave her a hard time and gave me pick of the litter, haha. As if this job is anything more than like REPEAT AFTER ME LETS PLAY A GAME. This year was trickier than past years, I heard. Economy etc etc
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: demi on September 06, 2009, 04:06:13 AM
Has your stay in Korea allowed you more appreciate for :american even more, gillod?

Travel abroad always does that to me. I actually get a weird like. "Oh, the USA RULES" but at the same time when I come back I'm like, "You people are ANIMALS".

Koreans come in 2 flavors: 1: Willing to ruin their entire day to help you and assist you in any way possible, 2: Absolutely fucking heinous, rude, amoral, insane sewer creatures. It's a 90/10 split. Most people are tremendously wonderful, but every now and then you run into something they could make a direct to DVD movie about.

We were at the Immigration Office to try and get our ID cards. It's one of those "Take a Number" systems. We were 556. We walked in at 330. They "lost" our online reservation. So we sat there for like 2 hours. Finally, 556 comes up. It takes us maybe 15 seconds to get up to the desk, but the lady at the desk hit the button like 4 more times. So now 556, 557, 558, 559 and 560 are all standing there and she's saying "560 only. Everyone else new number new number you wait. Too long take!". I pulled my best Korean impression and just stood there pushing my papers towards her saying "ID Card! Id Card! No speak Korean!". I've been told the best way to deal with Korean bureaucracy is just to act like a spoiled distinguished mentally-challenged fellow. And it worked! And the other suckers all took new numbers!

But then it turned out that the hospital FUCKED UP my health exam and didn't put the TB result on my form despite the fact that the Korean government already has SIX COPIES of TWO DIFFERENT FORMS certifying that I don't have fucking TB, but whatever.

So, no ID card. WHich means no health insurance, no bank accounts, no cell phones, no internet, no paycheck. Ugghghghg. Have to go back on Monday.

Other than that. School is insane. My 4th and 5th grade co-teachers speak no English, which means I teach 100% of the time. Teaching is fucking exhausting and nerve wracking, doubly so when the only textbook you have is in KOREAN.

I was warned about double standards and contradictions before coming here, but it's kind of insane how deep it runs. They want like 150% of you to teach English, but the kids don't get a grade, they have no ENglish materials and they actually told kids- in front of me- that this class was  like Prioirty ZERO. BUt then they turn around and go "ENGLISH IS SUPER IMPORTANT YOU SHOULD WORK A THOUSAND HOURS EVERY WEEK". So. WHatever. The lady who approves lesson plans also speaks no English. I could turn one in that says, "Today I will take the children to a field and murder them, and eat the meat from their bones and make a suit of armor from their teeth and masturbate to a picture of a fish" and she'd sign off on it.

I'm sort of at that point where the novelty has worn off and my whole person is kind of trying to figure out how to readjust. It's left me grouchy, but. Okay-ish! We got kicked out of a department store. My wife was looking at clothes and she had a dress in her hand and went to look for a dressing room and all of a sudden some lady ran up and like grabbed her wrist and started yelling in Korean and then secuirty came and escorted us out. I guess it's like. Each floor has multiple stores? There are no walls. It looks like every other department store I've ever been in. But there are invisible lines of demarcation and if you cross one you are SHOPLIFTING.

See this is more like it. More of this
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on September 06, 2009, 08:23:18 AM
A lot of convenience stores (This one is called "Sold Out", which is a fucking dumb name for a store of any kind) here have tables outside. We can't get WiFi inside, so we'll come out and buy beers and sit at the tables and drink them. But a lot of Koreans just come and sit and don't buy anything. It's weird? Maybe? Anyway, some guy keeps lookinmg right at my screen and pointing and saying something in Korean. I'm just doing lesson plans.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Human Snorenado on September 06, 2009, 08:43:31 AM
Who is fetishizing these cultures? I just live here, as does Chronovore. GilloD has never struck me as an anime/j-game enthusiast but I suppose I could be wrong.

I wasn't really talking about you guys, who seem like just what you said- pleasant enough fellows who just happen to live in the East.  But you gotta admit that there's a hefty nerd population that are big ol' weeaboos.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on September 06, 2009, 09:01:57 AM
Who is fetishizing these cultures? I just live here, as does Chronovore. GilloD has never struck me as an anime/j-game enthusiast but I suppose I could be wrong.

I wasn't really talking about you guys, who seem like just what you said- pleasant enough fellows who just happen to live in the East.  But you gotta admit that there's a hefty nerd population that are big ol' weeaboos.
Agreed. There are fewer than I imagined, but there are definitley more than a handful. I don't get it, but. Hey, whatever.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Olivia Wilde Homo on September 06, 2009, 09:31:11 AM
The one thing I cant stand about crazies moving east is those pathetic losers that never got laid in the west and just moved there for the women. Like these real fugly distinguished effete fellows with pretty asian girls. Sure I understand them, but I dont like them.

I'm pretty sure this is the main reason a lot of them go there.  You can tell because whenever there is a "I taught English in Japan - ask me anything," the question inevitably leads to women: how good looking they are, how easy they are, and how soon can a sweaty fat gaijin can get his pencil wet.  Little is actually discussed about visiting various landmarks or even much at all.  Reason being that most of them don't care as long as they can get their Japanese games and hope that that they'll be superstuds.

I'm sure there are exceptions but a lot of those threads (and pictures) end up showing their true intentions pretty clearly.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: chronovore on September 06, 2009, 11:49:23 AM
The first time I moved to Japan, 16 years ago, I taught English at a couple places over the course of two years. Most of the foreigners I met were reasonably well socially adapted, mainly choosing to come to Japan to learn about another culture. Most of the foreigners biggest problem seemed to be they weren't really interested in putting in the time to study enough Japanese to communicate with the locals.

However, I agree that there are a lot of people who are in the east because they couldn't make it in the west, either socially or professionally. Funny thing is, those guys don't make any friends over here, either. They may be getting laid, but they aren't getting ahead in life, and I bet they're still desperately lonely at their core.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Cormacaroni on September 06, 2009, 09:26:53 PM
like Kosma would keep it in his pants if he was here :lol
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on September 07, 2009, 12:49:52 AM
The first time I moved to Japan, 16 years ago, I taught English at a couple places over the course of two years. Most of the foreigners I met were reasonably well socially adapted, mainly choosing to come to Japan to learn about another culture. Most of the foreigners biggest problem seemed to be they weren't really interested in putting in the time to study enough Japanese to communicate with the locals.

However, I agree that there are a lot of people who are in the east because they couldn't make it in the west, either socially or professionally. Funny thing is, those guys don't make any friends over here, either. They may be getting laid, but they aren't getting ahead in life, and I bet they're still desperately lonely at their core.

I am SHOCKED at the number of long-time teachers who can't read Korean. You could seriously teach yourself in 6 hours. It's 24 letters, that's fewer than English. And only like a dozen main shapes. I think it's just lazy not to learn.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Don Flamenco on September 07, 2009, 12:57:12 AM
Who is fetishizing these cultures? I just live here, as does Chronovore. GilloD has never struck me as an anime/j-game enthusiast but I suppose I could be wrong.

I wasn't really talking about you guys, who seem like just what you said- pleasant enough fellows who just happen to live in the East.  But you gotta admit that there's a hefty nerd population that are big ol' weeaboos.
Agreed. There are fewer than I imagined, but there are definitley more than a handful. I don't get it, but. Hey, whatever.


wow, like honest-to-god-internet-stereotype weeaboos wearing Naruto shirts and sporting pony tails trying to get some asian poon?  I thought that was just a big internet in-joke...the american reject moving to asia to be accepted.


and fucking WOW @ fan death :lol  we have a similar one though-- that a cat will steal your breath when you sleep.  I don't know where that comes from, but I've heard people joke about it.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Olivia Wilde Homo on September 07, 2009, 01:14:12 AM
The first time I moved to Japan, 16 years ago, I taught English at a couple places over the course of two years. Most of the foreigners I met were reasonably well socially adapted, mainly choosing to come to Japan to learn about another culture. Most of the foreigners biggest problem seemed to be they weren't really interested in putting in the time to study enough Japanese to communicate with the locals.

However, I agree that there are a lot of people who are in the east because they couldn't make it in the west, either socially or professionally. Funny thing is, those guys don't make any friends over here, either. They may be getting laid, but they aren't getting ahead in life, and I bet they're still desperately lonely at their core.

I'm not saying all of the teachers do this but it is just that a lot of those "Ask me anything, I teach English in Japan!" threads wind up going down that route and rarely move on from there.  The topics are rarely anything more than cost of living, those quirky things those Japanese students do, where is the best place to score Japanese games, and where is the best place to score Japanese ass.  Apparently Gas Panic is a popular place.  I shouldn't know what that place is but I do because of the dozens of sweaty virginal dudes salivated at how it might be the easiest place to score.  Other else than that, they don't talk much about the culture except a few passing remarks.  Which means a lot of them just go from the school to where they can get their games to their apartment.

I want to visit a good number of countries and Japan and South Korea are two of them.  I'd like to see the North but I doubt that will ever happen.  Never know what might happen with the successor so maybe I can in a decade or so.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: cool breeze on September 07, 2009, 01:22:44 AM
Asia seems so crazy.  Somehow I managed to skip over it despite all the traveling I've done.  Wouldn't mind going to Korea, but would rather visit Vietnam or Japan (not so much Tokyo and cities, more of the countryside)

and the super market, general rudeness (my perspective) is stuff that would drive me crazy.  It sounds like a slightly more pleasant Trader Joe's.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: chronovore on September 07, 2009, 02:34:09 AM
I'm not saying all of the teachers do this but it is just that a lot of those "Ask me anything, I teach English in Japan!" threads wind up going down that route and rarely move on from there.  The topics are rarely anything more than cost of living, those quirky things those Japanese students do, where is the best place to score Japanese games, and where is the best place to score Japanese ass.  Apparently Gas Panic is a popular place.  I shouldn't know what that place is but I do because of the dozens of sweaty virginal dudes salivated at how it might be the easiest place to score.  Other else than that, they don't talk much about the culture except a few passing remarks.  Which means a lot of them just go from the school to where they can get their games to their apartment.

I want to visit a good number of countries and Japan and South Korea are two of them.  I'd like to see the North but I doubt that will ever happen.  Never know what might happen with the successor so maybe I can in a decade or so.

Good luck with that; I'd be interested in visiting N. Korea if they opened up to the outside the way Eastern Europe seemed to after the wall came down. Prior to that level of change, Kim Jong Il can keep having his cabaret girls and feasts while his population are kept ignorant and starved.

And I do hear you about the guys who are genius-level-Japanese-experts because they've been here for six months and managed to not die, score a job, and get laid (or nearly laid) in a country that hand-holds foreigners more than anywhere else I've heard of. In November, I'll have lived here 10 years total, and I'm still learning new stuff every day.

My least favorite type of foreigner are the ones who go way out of their way to ignore other foreigners, as though they're the first paleface to show up on the island. These guys will just stare past you, pretending they haven't seen you. WATEVERS, ADMIRAL PERRY.

I've heard that the international marriage divorce rate is incredibly high. I suspect if that's the case, it's due to people having unrealistic expectations of what their partner will become in the marriage. A lot of western guys seem to expect that they'll have a live-in cook, accountant, and maid who doubles as an Asian sex plaything, and later on the wife'll raise the kids while they fuck off and play around. On the other hand, Japanese women get their vision of American men from TV dramas and romance movies, so they believe that they'll be courted, respected, and treated considerately by the guy. These two visions don't mesh well.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on September 07, 2009, 03:02:51 AM
I'm not saying all of the teachers do this but it is just that a lot of those "Ask me anything, I teach English in Japan!" threads wind up going down that route and rarely move on from there.  The topics are rarely anything more than cost of living, those quirky things those Japanese students do, where is the best place to score Japanese games, and where is the best place to score Japanese ass.  Apparently Gas Panic is a popular place.  I shouldn't know what that place is but I do because of the dozens of sweaty virginal dudes salivated at how it might be the easiest place to score.  Other else than that, they don't talk much about the culture except a few passing remarks.  Which means a lot of them just go from the school to where they can get their games to their apartment.

I want to visit a good number of countries and Japan and South Korea are two of them.  I'd like to see the North but I doubt that will ever happen.  Never know what might happen with the successor so maybe I can in a decade or so.

Good luck with that; I'd be interested in visiting N. Korea if they opened up to the outside the way Eastern Europe seemed to after the wall came down. Prior to that level of change, Kim Jong Il can keep having his cabaret girls and feasts while his population are kept ignorant and starved.

And I do hear you about the guys who are genius-level-Japanese-experts because they've been here for six months and managed to not die, score a job, and get laid (or nearly laid) in a country that hand-holds foreigners more than anywhere else I've heard of. In November, I'll have lived here 10 years total, and I'm still learning new stuff every day.

My least favorite type of foreigner are the ones who go way out of their way to ignore other foreigners, as though they're the first paleface to show up on the island. These guys will just stare past you, pretending they haven't seen you. WATEVERS, ADMIRAL PERRY.

I've heard that the international marriage divorce rate is incredibly high. I suspect if that's the case, it's due to people having unrealistic expectations of what their partner will become in the marriage. A lot of western guys seem to expect that they'll have a live-in cook, accountant, and maid who doubles as an Asian sex plaything, and later on the wife'll raise the kids while they fuck off and play around. On the other hand, Japanese women get their vision of American men from TV dramas and romance movies, so they believe that they'll be courted, respected, and treated considerately by the guy. These two visions don't mesh well.

You can get in from China and enjoy the COMPLETELY INSANE STATE SPONSORED TOUR for like 1500$.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Tristam on September 07, 2009, 06:04:37 AM
Yeah, I don't want to sound self-righteous, but as interested as I am in visiting the North, I'm not contributing a won to its dictatorial regime.

Quote from: GilloD
I am SHOCKED at the number of long-time teachers who can't read Korean. You could seriously teach yourself in 6 hours. It's 24 letters, that's fewer than English. And only like a dozen main shapes. I think it's just lazy not to learn.

Yeah, 6 hours sounds about right, although it's still difficult for me to read Hangul at a remotely normal speed.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: bork on September 07, 2009, 06:41:07 AM
We got kicked out of a department store. My wife was looking at clothes and she had a dress in her hand and went to look for a dressing room and all of a sudden some lady ran up and like grabbed her wrist and started yelling in Korean and then secuirty came and escorted us out. I guess it's like. Each floor has multiple stores? There are no walls. It looks like every other department store I've ever been in. But there are invisible lines of demarcation and if you cross one you are SHOPLIFTING.

There's an infamous little story among JETs that is similar to your experience, only a whole lot worse.  I do remember some people disputing its factuality, but it seems hard to make this kind of thing up.

Quote
I'm a first-year JET in a big city. I was arrested on a false charge of shoplifting and put in jail for six days. I was advised/ordered to sign a confession, which I eventually did; then I was released. Though they knew the truth (I am innocent) the Board of Education fired me, for reasons no one knows, but it's likely that it was to save face in one way or another. The situation mishandled from the beginning by the store, the police, and the City Education Center (who technically employs me, not the schools or BOE). There's nothing short of spending long months in court to get my job back, and it's not worth it to me. But I want everyone to know what happened.

Nov. 23--I was shopping in a department store the other JETs and I refer to as "K-Mart"--the place has pretty much everything, and it's cheap. Set up the same way, too, with different departments running into each other, plus there are three or four floors connected by escalators. I was carrying around four items from different parts of the store--slippers, water purifier, shirt, scarf. I didn't grab a cart when I came in; I never do, plus I wasn't planning on buying that much. I was carrying everything, water purifier under my arm, everything else in my hands. I was up on the third floor, away from the carts, and it was getting awkward, holding everything. I had a couple bags with me, one of which was clear, so I put the stuff in there to hold til I got to the register. I chose the clear bag precisely because I didn't want to appear suspicious, and I dumped the stuff in there in plain view of everyone. A few minutes later when I was down near the front door, checking out the sale clothing rack before heading to a register to pay, a security lady grabbed my arm and fired away in Japanese. She pulled me to the back of the store, still speaking Japanese even though I told her I couldn't understand. Again, I never left the store.

She brought me to the back security room and took the things out of my bag. She obviously thought I was trying to shoplift. I tried to tell her that was NOT the case, I wanted to buy the things; I showed her my wallet and money but she would have none of that. Eventually the police showed up, still no one spoke English, and despite the fact that I told them I was new to Japan and couldn't speak Japanese, they continued to talk to me and ask me questions.

They put me in a police car and we headed to the station, where I was led through the station itself, out the back and through an outdoor passageway to a dimly lit, freezing room that resembled a garage. I was alone with eight or ten male officers. They smoked heavily and spoke in torrents of Japanese. One repeatedly raised his voice and always pointed his finger at me while he talked. I was more than a little scared, not to mention angry and completely helpless.

There was one cop, an older guy with what you might call "smiling eyes," who spoke some English and tried to talk to me. He listened to my side of the story and told me that in that store, you aren't allowed to pay for things from departments altogether (unlike K-Mart), plus I had the things in my bag. I explained my reasoning, and pointed out that I hadn't even left the store. He told me the security guard had said that she caught me out in the street, then later she said I was "in the doorway." It seems strange that she changed her mind.

Someone handed me another cell phone and another Japanese-English voice barked at me, "WHY YOU STEALING!" I explained again my side of the story. He interrupted me constantly, ending with, "I KNOW YOU THINK JAPANESE ARE STUPID!" I handed the phone back in disgust. I was still alone with the chain-smoking men who were obviously talking about as if I weren't there, laughing hard then looking down at me as I sat there. One made some kind of gesture towards his chest, and everyone laughed except the nice cop, who just looked at me with a small, embarrassed smile.

A couple hours later I was still there, unable to gauge anything about what was going to happen. I didn't know if we were waiting for something, or if they believed me, or really if they even understood me. They took me back into the station, this time to a tiny room with a table and two chairs. There was a woman officer to sit with me then, as a "female overseer" I guess, and I suspect she should've been with me the whole time. I went through the same story again and again, trying to find out when I could go home, trying to call someone to tell them where I was, but anything I asked for, the answer was no. It became apparent that they weren't even sure what to do with me, and the nice cop came in and made conversation with me--about his uncle in San Francisco, baseball, how I like my job. He told me a translator was coming.

Two hours later, the translator arrived, and the questions began. A cop sat across from me with a computer to take down my responses. I wasn't sure if I had to answer, but I did because I didn't want to prolong this any further. The questioning was ridiculous and long. Among the questions asked were: Do you study martial arts? What is your monthly salary? Apartment rent? Have you ever been awarded a medal by the Prime Minister or Emperor? Do you like to gamble? Do you like to drink? What kind of drinks do you like? What's your blood type? I was ready for the next question to be "Do you like sushi?" When I commented to the translator (whose English was far from great) that the questions seemed irrelevant and unprofessional, he ignored me. When I pressed him about it, he said that his job was only to tell me what the police man was saying to me. I told him I thought this was extremely unprofessional and he ignored me.

They also took my statement about what happened at the store. At times the translator and cop would talk for a long time after I explained something, then there would be another completely random question. I also noticed that if spoke for thirty seconds in English, the translation lasted about ten in Japanese. Again, I wasn't sure even how well the man understood me. I was certainly not able to speak "normal" English with him--I had to speak slowly and use simple words (a skill you pick up quick here, I think).

Eventually we'd come to an impasse about whether or not I had actually shoplifted. I felt I couldn't spell it out any more clearly. I asked the translator if he understood and believed me. He looked uncomfortable. Then I asked if the police man believed me, and he said, "He thinks you are making an excuse."

After that the female guard searched me and the officers went through all my personal belongings. They emptied my purse and coat pockets, went through my wallet. They reminded me of my overly-curious junior high students. I had to explain every single card in my wallet, answer questions about how ATMs work in America, how one gets a driver's license, and when they found an old CTA token, the other people in the office crowded around as I explained the Chicago transit system. I had some packs of Japanese study cards and English flashcards for students, and they took the rubber bands off and counted them, reading each one and sometimes debating the correctness of the Japanese phrases. They were also impressed by the rocks in my coat pocket from Mt. Fuji and Kamakura. I had quite an audience by the time I finished the show-and-tell. Then they told me I was arrested and would be taken to jail so the case could be investigated.

They put me in handcuffs and tied a rope around my waist. I was going to the police headquarters in (big city nearby), where there's a women's detention area. It was 2 am and I hadn't eaten, though I couldn't have anyway due to nerves. I'd been at the police station for nine hours.

When we arrived at the detention center, we went through the same routine of going through and listing all my possession with the guards, even though there was already a detailed listing from the Kawasaki cops. As the Yokohama folks counted my flashcards (328 in all), even the police from my city were rolling their eyes.

After I was handed over, some women took me into a room to change clothes and search me. I stood naked for awhile before they gave me a yukata/robe. When they noticed my bellybutton piercing, they tried to tell me to take it out, but it's not that easy. We had to go back to the translator so I could tell them that it's not like an earring; you need pliers and a professional to take it out. That threw them, because prisoners aren't allowed to have jewelry, and the idea of making an exception doesn't really seem to be part of the Japanese society. Regulations must be followed mindlessly because...they're regulations. One guy actually went to look for pliers to rip the ring out of my navel. I told the translator that it had to be done by a professional, otherwise there would be a serious infection. The prison people consulted each other and finally decided to let it be. I was trying to be strong through all this, keep the tears away and not show my fear. But at that point, everything was so surreal and unbelievable, I just lost it.

They led me to a cell with two women in it, sleeping on the floor: my new home. Didn't sleep well that night.

The next day was Sunday, and a man from the American Embassy came down to see me. It was such a relief to see an American, and speak to someone who understood what I was saying. He told me straight out that once you're arrested, it's very hard to fight the charges. There are all kinds of waiting periods between visits to the prosecutor (they can hold you up to 23 days for pretty much any reason they come up with, and bail is the exception rather than the rule here in Japan). The prosecutor then decides if you're indicted, and if you are, then you have to wait for the trial, etc., and in the meantime you're sitting in prison. The whole process could take up to five months, and then I would have to serve a sentence if I were found guilty (99% of people brought to trial in Japan are found guilty). He told me the fastest way to get out was to plead guilty, and that I might consider that. He said in most cases you stay in jail for a few weeks and the prosecutor doesn't send you to court; you are simply released. At that point, that was the brightest option. I could make a false confession and hope that all I'd have to do was get out of Japan. There was no way I could handle being in a jail cell for months with nothing to do but lose my mind. It wasn't an option.

I also got a visit from my supervisor (we don't work directly for the BOE or schools, but for the Education Center). The head of the Education Center had issued an order, and my supervisor showed it to me through the glass: It said that JET, CLAIR, and the superintendent had been made aware of my situation. I was ordered to hire a lawyer and plead guilty to the charges. There would be "bad press" if I went to court, and I was to settle out of court in any way possible. The paper said nothing about telling the truth or fighting for what was right. It said to plead guilty. I could tell then and I know now that it wasn't my supervisor's decision--in the heirarchy, he's very low and has little power.

I went to the prosecutor the next day and told him I'd tried to shoplift, and that I was very sorry, that this was my first time doing such a thing and that I felt awful and would never think of doing it again. It was harder than I thought to make up a good story and stick with it. All of this was through a Filipina translator whose native language was neither English nor Japanese, and who both the prosecutor and I had a hard time understanding as she spoke to us respectively. The prosecutor ordered me detained for ten days. I would see him again and he would decide if I was indicted or not.

The police from my city came back to question me again a few days later. It was absolutely ridiculous. They were much nicer to me this time, and the interpreter they brought was an absolutely amazing Japanese woman. We were in there for two hours as they took my statement about being guilty and sorry, though the actual business only took about 45 minutes. The rest of the time they were going off on tangents about where to go in Japan over winter break--there's a great ostrich park in Okinawa--and how to say certain things in Japanese or English. At one point one of the guys opened his bag and brought out a huge sack of tangerines, and we all sat around eating them. I had to regretfully tell them, no, I can't bring any back to the jail cell with me, it's not allowed, and they told me to keep our little snack a secret. They said they'd talked to the prosecutor and he would release me within the next week--everything would be okay.

The prosecutor called for me two days later and I managed to convince him that I'd never "steal" again. My supervisors picked me up and over dinner they told me the superintendent was intent on firing me but that she would take a week or two and talk it over with the Board of Education. During that time I was not allowed to visit classes. I wrote a long letter describing my situation to the BOE, and my supervisor translated it and handed to HIS supervisor, who handed it someone else, who gave it to the BOE.

I understood that the Board was concerned about its image, but I believe that the truth should be told (ironic how lying got me out of jail--the truth certainly didn't set me free this time). It's not complicated--it was a bad situation and I did what I had to do. I hoped that they would look past the surface of things and consider me for what I am--a well-liked teacher who does her job well--but I see that this is not a system or society designed to accommodate exceptions. The BOE decided that I was no longer allowed to be in the classroom. They didn't technically fire me, but forced me to quit. Either way, it shouldn't have happened.

I wrote this because even though I can't get my job and life back, I think it's crucial for people to know what happened, and that the system can really screw you here; I aroused suspicions unconsciously, and once the police were called, it was like jumping into a wild river--the current was going to carry me to an inevitable end. There are a million maybes and what-ifs--what if I spoke Japanese, what if I wasn't a gaijin, and so on--but what happened to me could happen to anyone that makes an honest mistake or stops thinking for a second. In this country, you're guilty until proven innocent, and that's a really scary thing for a foreigner.

In the end, maybe things will work out for the best. I have endless support from my boss and the other ALTs, and I'm hoping to stay in Japan and find a new job. I don't want to work under a BOE that doesn't care about its staff, especially the foreign teachers, and who obviously isn't thinking about the students--the reason they have a job in the first place. The police will throw out my record (they promised they would within two weeks, and I also asked my lawyer to makes sure they do) but even then I would not be allowed to return.

If you've made it this far reading, thank you. I know it's a long story and I actually left a lot out. But just please be aware that these kinds of things do happen, and they happen to people who've worked hard, honestly, to get where they are. I will send this letter to JET, CLAIR, my teachers and parents my community, and anyone else who listens. Out of respect for the other ALTs, I won't say what city I teach in--for now, anyway.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Don Flamenco on September 07, 2009, 10:28:24 AM
Dammmmn.   That sucks.  but even in the states, you just don't put unpaid merchandise into the bag, ever.  Sounds like that was the issue, more than the invisible lines. 

Still, :piss japanese legal system :piss2
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: chronovore on September 07, 2009, 10:48:19 AM
Yeah, there's a lot of questions lately about Japan's 99% conviction rate. There was even a movie by the director of "Shall We Dance?" called "I Just Didn't Do It (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Just_Didn%27t_Do_It)," based on the true story of a guy who was accused of groping a girl on a train, and ended up having to fight it for years, because the system is basically designed to get you to confess.

When my wife told me about the original news story, she suggested that I dismiss whomever was accusing me, or drag the accuser to the police myself, or just throw her in front of a train. One thing's for sure, I am very careful about where my hands are on crowded trains and elevators.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Don Flamenco on September 07, 2009, 11:33:16 AM
whoa, that sounds really good, right up my alley.  Did it get a U.S. release?  I don't see it anywhere on amazon or netflix...

and yeah, I think I read it in a thread here that they want you to repeatedly say you're sorry and confess. 

As for trains, don't some places have men and women split up on trains or is that just an urban myth?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: chronovore on September 07, 2009, 11:42:46 AM
The train I take to work every day has one car that's "LADIES ONLY" between 07:00 and 09:30 on weekdays. I guess there are no lesbian gropers. I've heard there are transvestites on the cars sometimes, but it's not clear if they're transsexuals or just trying to be the only guy in a car full of women.

I don't know if the film had a US release or not. Doesn't look like it, but it's weird that no-one has picked it up since 2007.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: chronovore on September 07, 2009, 10:08:11 PM
When I noticed it for the first time, a friend said, "Yeah, those guys are 'Living in their own private Tokyo.'"
/b-52s
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: bork on September 08, 2009, 01:07:45 AM
100% true.  One of the first things I noticed when I got there.   :lol  You get guys walking down the street with this scowl whenever they see another foreigner.  It's like gang territory or something.  The best are the nerds; one time during a Tokyo trip to a conference, my wife and I were walking around Akihabara.  We went through all the floors of a Sofmap and when we got to one that had animu/game figures, we saw these two white guys talking about the toys.  When they saw me, they turned red, shut up, and skulked away with the same scowl...hilarious.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Mr. Gundam on September 08, 2009, 01:09:27 AM
Most of the other white devils I saw in Japan were Australian.

I remember riding the ferry from Miyajima back over to Hiroshima with my wife after an awesome overnight stay, and there was this dude going on and on and on about how he needed at least three days in Akihabara.

 ::)
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Don Flamenco on September 08, 2009, 01:10:00 AM
You guys should go up to them, then with your best southern accent, let out a loud, obnoxious "HOWDY, Y'ALL FROM 'MERICA TOO? THIS JAPAYN IS SO GOOFY!"
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: chronovore on September 08, 2009, 02:23:50 AM
Another thing that crops up all the time between foreign males is the use of language as some kind of penis-wagging, alpha-male horseshit. Hit some word the other guy doesn't know yet, "What's that? Oh, you don't know?! This word means ______."  Or watching the other guy's attempt to communicate, waiting for an opportune moment to correct assist him. "Yay, congratulations, your Japanese is better than mine. Here's a gold star for your forehead."
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: bork on September 08, 2009, 02:33:30 AM
Most of the other white devils I saw in Japan were Australian.

I remember riding the ferry from Miyajima back over to Hiroshima with my wife after an awesome overnight stay, and there was this dude going on and on and on about how he needed at least three days in Akihabara.

 ::)

I hate to stereotype, but a lot of the trouble-making fuck-ups I knew were always either Australian or New Zealanders.  This one NZ dude lived near me and would always use the word "bro" after every couple of words.  "HEY BRO HOWZ IT GOIN BRO MAN BRO I GOT SO FUCKED UP LAST NIGHT BRO I CRASHED MY BIKE INTO A DITCH AFTER AN ENKAI BRO GOT THESE BANDAGES AT THE HOSPITAL BRO SHIT BRO!"  There's also some videos out there of dem Aussies fuckin' up on trains and in parks in drunken stupers.  I'm sure they've been posted here before.

Another thing that crops up all the time between foreign males is the use of language as some kind of penis-wagging, alpha-male horseshit. Hit some word the other guy doesn't know yet, "What's that? Oh, you don't know?! This word means ______."  Or watching the other guy's attempt to communicate, waiting for an opportune moment to correct assist him. "Yay, congratulations, your Japanese is better than mine. Here's a gold star for your forehead."

I didn't see this, but instead there were elitist pricks who thought they ran shit because they got there a year or two ahead of everyone else and could "teach" better.  There were a surprising number of little cliques among JETs in my area.  Some of them were real dickheads.  One of the elitist group refused to talk to me and even do a round of cheers at a party when I told him I wasn't drinking (this was for health reasons).  Asshole.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on September 08, 2009, 03:11:02 AM
100% true.  One of the first things I noticed when I got there.   :lol  You get guys walking down the street with this scowl whenever they see another foreigner.  It's like gang territory or something.  The best are the nerds; one time during a Tokyo trip to a conference, my wife and I were walking around Akihabara.  We went through all the floors of a Sofmap and when we got to one that had animu/game figures, we saw these two white guys talking about the toys.  When they saw me, they turned red, shut up, and skulked away with the same scowl...hilarious.

Whenever I see a white person I'm super nice. I need someone to commiserate with, heh. There are 4 other Americans on my floor and we sit outside the CStore and drink Soju. Korea! White people are great. 95% of Koreans are amazing.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on September 08, 2009, 03:12:41 AM
Another thing that crops up all the time between foreign males is the use of language as some kind of penis-wagging, alpha-male horseshit. Hit some word the other guy doesn't know yet, "What's that? Oh, you don't know?! This word means ______."  Or watching the other guy's attempt to communicate, waiting for an opportune moment to correct assist him. "Yay, congratulations, your Japanese is better than mine. Here's a gold star for your forehead."

Haha. At the immigration office there was this liek 6'2, muscley white guy and he just kept saying I DONT SPEAK KOREAN but then he was like "Anyone wanna get some kimbap after this? That's like fried rice if you don't know" (It isn't.) "and then maybe we could get some soju, which is Korean beer" (It isn't.). Those guys are awful and horrible and should be avoided at all costs
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Cormacaroni on September 08, 2009, 03:15:52 AM
god GilloD you're such a koreeaboo, dropping all those furrin wurrds
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on September 08, 2009, 03:54:29 AM
god GilloD you're such a koreeaboo, dropping all those furrin wurrds

ANYONG HASEO. GAMSA HAMNIDA.

That's all the Korean I know. That and "hehehhehehehehehehehehehe"
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Cormacaroni on September 08, 2009, 04:28:09 AM
well hell, even i know that means 'arching ropes of jism'
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: bork on September 08, 2009, 04:31:25 AM
100% true.  One of the first things I noticed when I got there.   :lol  You get guys walking down the street with this scowl whenever they see another foreigner.  It's like gang territory or something.  The best are the nerds; one time during a Tokyo trip to a conference, my wife and I were walking around Akihabara.  We went through all the floors of a Sofmap and when we got to one that had animu/game figures, we saw these two white guys talking about the toys.  When they saw me, they turned red, shut up, and skulked away with the same scowl...hilarious.

Whenever I see a white person I'm super nice. I need someone to commiserate with, heh. There are 4 other Americans on my floor and we sit outside the CStore and drink Soju. Korea! White people are great. 95% of Koreans are amazing.

I just got a bad group.  One of the first times I went to a neighboring prefecture to meet a friend of mine, all of the English teacher-types in his area that we came across were super-friendly and easy to talk to.  It was like the polar opposite of the dickheads I was used to.   :lol  That's not to say everybody in my prefecture was bad, of course.  I still made some good friends there.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on September 08, 2009, 04:32:51 AM
well hell, even i know that means 'arching ropes of jism'

Actually it means 'TaunTaun'.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: bork on September 08, 2009, 04:34:37 AM
 :tauntaun

You can definitely see the Korean influence!
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Tauntaun on September 08, 2009, 12:07:23 PM
I've had Korean wings one time, they were really good.  :-*
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Tristam on September 09, 2009, 06:00:21 AM
god GilloD you're such a koreeaboo, dropping all those furrin wurrds

ANYONG HASEO. GAMSA HAMNIDA.

That's all the Korean I know. That and "hehehhehehehehehehehehehe"

I can't remember if you teach very young kids, but in addition to my intermediate and advanced classes I teach a phonics class of 1st and 2nd graders and they speak no English beyond the words "hello," "goodbye," "homework," and "teacher." It helps a lot if you know a few Korean words and phrases--especially remember that "ya" is "hey" because no matter how loud you shout in English, they usually won't shut the fuck up until you yell in Korean.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on September 09, 2009, 06:35:45 AM
Stupid question time:

you worked as an IT guy in the States, GilloD and coming from your stories you have a good programming/ db administering knowledge.

Now you work as an English language teacher in Korea.

Ok... ummmm... how does that work? Is the pay that much better (I don't think so, IT specialists learn way, way more than teachers).

I was making 30/k a year at my last job. I had health insurance, but I paid about 60/month for it. AFTER TAXES, my take home was about 20-22k. I paid around 6k a year in rent.

In Korea, I make about 24,000 a year, but I pay NO taxes and NO rent, so that's about 36,000. I also get a housing bonus of $400 a month, so that's about 40k. My wife makes the same now. And we BOTH have health insurance. Korea is also much cheaper than New York.

So it's not a HUGE step up, but it's much less hassle and the money is better. Plus, we get to travel. I get 3 weeks of paid vay-cay in Korea versus 1.5 weeks in New York.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Cormacaroni on September 09, 2009, 06:40:29 AM
plus, the won is at a painful low right now. if it picks up over the next year, instant pay rise. (unless your contract is for a dollar amount...)
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on September 09, 2009, 07:37:56 AM
Stupid question time:

you worked as an IT guy in the States, GilloD and coming from your stories you have a good programming/ db administering knowledge.

Now you work as an English language teacher in Korea.

Ok... ummmm... how does that work? Is the pay that much better (I don't think so, IT specialists learn way, way more than teachers).

I was making 30/k a year at my last job. I had health insurance, but I paid about 60/month for it. AFTER TAXES, my take home was about 20-22k. I paid around 6k a year in rent.

In Korea, I make about 24,000 a year, but I pay NO taxes and NO rent, so that's about 36,000. I also get a housing bonus of $400 a month, so that's about 40k. My wife makes the same now. And we BOTH have health insurance. Korea is also much cheaper than New York.

So it's not a HUGE step up, but it's much less hassle and the money is better. Plus, we get to travel. I get 3 weeks of paid vay-cay in Korea versus 1.5 weeks in New York.

Hmm, money was a good reason I guess. How long do you plan on staying there?

EDIT: Every place on earth is cheaper than NY I'd wager.

After 2 years the tax exemption expires, so I'd have to take a hard look then. I really wanna do some other things- We have a friend who organizes volunteer opprotunities in Africa, so I'd love to do that. I really want to work on farms, I did a lot of work with a young farmers advocacy org in New York that really inspired me.

This is basically a pit stop to pay off Student Loan debt, see Asia and bank some dollars. And get a great life experience! As for what;s next. DUnno.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on September 09, 2009, 07:39:42 AM
plus, the won is at a painful low right now. if it picks up over the next year, instant pay rise. (unless your contract is for a dollar amount...)

Yeah, that's nice, too. I cringe everytime North Korea breaks a new toy, investors are really skeptical. We're due for a little hike, maybe next year? But withdrawing cash is nice- 500,000 won for 400 bucks. Teehee
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: chronovore on September 09, 2009, 09:39:58 AM
I don't know if I mentioned this before, but when I was in Korea the locals were so nice I almost didn't go back. I was completely out of my depth and while I had very limited Japanese ability, I had NO Korean knowledge other than "watermelon" (suuba)... and I don't even like watermelon. Even without language skills, people seemed incredibly helpful and friendly whenever they weren't failing to make a queue. The Russians in Pusan were a different story though.

Anyhow, yay for you guys in Korea. It's a nice place, even if your northern neighbor is batshit crazy.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on September 15, 2009, 04:25:51 AM
So, my 4th grade teacher speaks like 0 English. But she's always asking me convoluted questions in Korean, at which point I'm like "Haha, My korean is SO BAD!" and then we laugh and she walks away. She's also SUPER WEIRD. Today she like stood outside my office for 30 minutes and scared the shit out of me when I walked out. Then she came in and started using my computer even though I had like 10 windows open. So I said like, "Oh, uh, using. I'm using" and then she walked away without a word and started sleeping in the middle of someone else's class. This is a mere

oh god this story just got GREAT but I have to go update soon hahahjhaskdghdjghjd
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Cormacaroni on September 15, 2009, 04:43:49 AM
enjoying that hummer GilloD?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Reb on September 15, 2009, 06:33:59 AM
So, my 4th grade teacher speaks like 0 English. But she's always asking me convoluted questions in Korean, at which point I'm like "Haha, My korean is SO BAD!" and then we laugh and she walks away. She's also SUPER WEIRD. Today she like stood outside my office for 30 minutes and scared the shit out of me when I walked out. Then she came in and started using my computer even though I had like 10 windows open. So I said like, "Oh, uh, using. I'm using" and then she walked away without a word and started sleeping in the middle of someone else's class. This is a mere

oh god this story just got GREAT but I have to go update soon hahahjhaskdghdjghjd

Ahahaha, I love the end of this post.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on September 15, 2009, 06:37:55 AM
Okay, so she's weird. But I was willing to chalk it to her speaking Korean and my speaking English. Most Koreans will just continue to jabber in Korean and do a lot of charades, but if she was an Anglo-archetype, she'd be the Jane Austen worshipping, never-been-laid type. She seems incredibly shy.

So, today I'm sitting in the office I share with the completely normal Koreans I usually work with. One is like 28, the other is maybe 35ish? Their English isn't super, but we can joke and we teach each other little phrases and whatever. It's nice and they're nice! However, they're away and it's after school so I'm pretty much the only person on that floor of the building. RIght outside my office is the clasroom and it has a raised wooden floor that creaks. So, yeah, it's 2:40, place is deserted and all of a sudden... creak, creak, creak. Stop. Someone pokes their head above the paper we block our window with. It's scary lady. She looks at me and creakcreakcreak she runs out the door to the class. Around 2:50: creakcreak. It stops. I'm like, dude. I am not looking. It's around 3:10 and I have to take a piss, so I open my office door INTO HER. SHE HAS BEEN STANDING OUTSIDE THE DOOR FOR 20 MINUTES SILENTLY WAITING FOR ME TO EXIT. She starts to pepper me with questions like she always does, but I just smile and say "haha, My Korean is bad!" and go to pee.

I come back and she's sitting at my computer again. I direct her to one of the two empty machines and she sits down and works, every now and then she asks me a question and giggles. I'm just like, okay, we've established that I understand like 0 of what you say. But I smile and go back to working.

My sane co-workers reemerge from whatever Korean bureaucratic nightmare had ensnared them. They rather brusquely ask her to leave- It's a really small office. It's about big enough for one, so three of us is very tight, 4 is a no-no, especially when one is a strange, maybe nutty persona non-grata. She acts kind of weird and shuffles out and puts her head down on the desk outside. I feel sort of bad, ut she does have her own office.

A few minutes later, the door creaks open. She says omething to me in Korean and my coworkers pale. So I'm like, "Dudes, what?" and they kind of stammer and they ask her something Korean and she replies and it's clear that they're like. STunned.

Apparently she asked me if she could come home with me and do it.

WHAT. They told her I as married and she said something like, "Oh it could be fun" and then she left. And then she tried to come back in and my co-worker actually shoved her out the door and locked it. We called the Vice Principal who is like GOD there and she said, "I can;t really discuss it, but she has many mental disorders".

So, anyway. Korea?

Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: GilloD on September 15, 2009, 06:43:49 AM
Story B:

My office-mates rule. They're super nice. They take me to the bank and the cell phone shop and translate and fight to get me a good deal. They're fantastic and I love them TO DEATH. So today I stopped by the bakery and grabbed some donuts for them. Koreans are not huge on pastry in the AM, but post-Lunch they're game. SO I got like 5 from this lady in the market who makes them on demand. I brought them in, co-workers were delighted, we agree to post-lunch pastry consumption.

Meanwhile, Tues and Weds I teach 5th grade. My 4th grade co-teacher is INSANE with SEXY DESIRE, but my 5th grade teacher is just depressed. She usually hides in the office and cries the whole time. Today she hid in the office, cried and ate all 5 fucking donuts.

End ofTuesday.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Reb on September 15, 2009, 06:58:58 AM
Ahahaha, the donuts. :lol :'(
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: chronovore on September 15, 2009, 07:09:45 AM
Ask your co-workers how to tell your 4th grade co-teacher "This is the closest you're going to get to me giving you a 'glazed donut.'"
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Vizzys on September 15, 2009, 07:19:49 AM
great stories
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Cormacaroni on September 15, 2009, 09:19:42 AM
the rabbit theft is so close now, so very close. you just need to acquire a rabbit.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Brehvolution on September 15, 2009, 10:33:50 AM
Wow
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: OptimoPeach on September 15, 2009, 10:35:58 AM
Are all Korean women as insane as this forum is leading me to believe?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious.
Post by: Tauntaun on September 15, 2009, 01:05:17 PM
A few minutes later, the door creaks open. She says omething to me in Korean and my coworkers pale. So I'm like, "Dudes, what?" and they kind of stammer and they ask her something Korean and she replies and it's clear that they're like. STunned.

Apparently she asked me if she could come home with me and do it.

WHAT. They told her I as married and she said something like, "Oh it could be fun" and then she left. And then she tried to come back in and my co-worker actually shoved her out the door and locked it. We called the Vice Principal who is like GOD there and she said, "I can;t really discuss it, but she has many mental disorders".

So, anyway. Korea?

Story B:

My office-mates rule. They're super nice. They take me to the bank and the cell phone shop and translate and fight to get me a good deal. They're fantastic and I love them TO DEATH. So today I stopped by the bakery and grabbed some donuts for them. Koreans are not huge on pastry in the AM, but post-Lunch they're game. SO I got like 5 from this lady in the market who makes them on demand. I brought them in, co-workers were delighted, we agree to post-lunch pastry consumption.

Meanwhile, Tues and Weds I teach 5th grade. My 4th grade co-teacher is INSANE with SEXY DESIRE, but my 5th grade teacher is just depressed. She usually hides in the office and cries the whole time. Today she hid in the office, cried and ate all 5 fucking donuts.

End ofTuesday.

Dude, you better keep a detailed journal because I want a book one day.  A BOOK DUDE!  :rofl 

So can I come home with you and do it?  Send your wife away though, no homo.  Just the two of us, we can make it if we try just the two of us, you and eeeyyyyyyeeee!   :-*
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Barry Egan on September 15, 2009, 01:08:08 PM
They're letting a woman with mental disorders teach young children.

Korea!
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Diunx on September 15, 2009, 01:12:03 PM
I had an ezquizofrenic english teacher at school, it was hilarious, she used to said that the devil took naked pics of her and upload them to the internet.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Great Rumbler on September 15, 2009, 01:20:51 PM
GilloD your stories remind me so much of this website:

http://www.gaijinsmash.net/ (http://www.gaijinsmash.net/)
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: muckhole on September 15, 2009, 04:34:03 PM
GilloD: Teacher, humanitarian, and SUPER KOREAN SEXY SEX SYMBOL :punch

Yes, I said "SEXY SEX".
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Tauntaun on September 15, 2009, 04:37:12 PM
GilloD change your sig to "Oh it could be fun".  :lol
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Arbys Roast Beef Sandwich on September 15, 2009, 04:42:25 PM
Great stories Gillo, certainly more invigorating than your ERP nightmares. Do I see a forthcoming threesome with depressed donut lady and the crazy stalker girl?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: GilloD on September 15, 2009, 09:07:21 PM
My 9AM class hasn't shown up and no one is in the halls and the bell didn't ring. What's going on?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: demi on September 15, 2009, 09:13:40 PM
Was she a good looking korean? I mean they're rare, but it could happen. I would have went for it. I'm sure the wife wouldn't mind. Everyone wants to try exotic cuisine. You only live once, man.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Fresh Prince on September 15, 2009, 09:24:15 PM
Threesome?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: ch1nchilla on September 15, 2009, 09:36:53 PM
Threesome?

Fresh Prince is on to something...
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: bork on September 15, 2009, 09:38:24 PM
Awesome stories, Gillo, it really does sound just like how it can be in Japanese schools.  Anyone know if it's like this in China/HK and Taiwan too?   :lol 
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: GilloD on September 15, 2009, 09:39:22 PM
Was she a good looking korean? I mean they're rare, but it could happen. I would have went for it. I'm sure the wife wouldn't mind. Everyone wants to try exotic cuisine. You only live once, man.

No, she's not. Acne+Pale+Chubtown.

Anyway, now my 2nd class isn't showing up? Freebie, but like. What's going on?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: bork on September 15, 2009, 09:40:28 PM
Sounds like maybe today is a holiday or school event that you didn't know about.   :lol
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: muckhole on September 15, 2009, 09:40:43 PM
GILLOD DAY!
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Diunx on September 15, 2009, 09:43:56 PM
They are obviously in an Korean orgy.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: GilloD on September 15, 2009, 09:45:06 PM
Sounds like maybe today is a holiday or school event that you didn't know about.   :lol

Kids are here. And my co-teachers are off teaching. Where are my students?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Cormacaroni on September 15, 2009, 10:18:07 PM
Sounds like maybe today is a holiday or school event that you didn't know about.   :lol

Kids are here. And my co-teachers are off teaching. Where are my students?

Slowly working through the EB archives with a dictionary.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: GilloD on September 15, 2009, 10:40:03 PM
Sounds like maybe today is a holiday or school event that you didn't know about.   :lol

Kids are here. And my co-teachers are off teaching. Where are my students?

Slowly working through the EB archives with a dictionary.

Hahaha. Yesterday we played a game where you have to unscramble the words in a sentence. The sentence was "Eat your soup with a spoon", with spoon looking like "nopos". One kid JUMPED out of his seat and read deliberately: "EAT. YOUR. S. S. SOUP. WITH. A. PENIS."

I lost it. No one else laughed because they have no idea what a penis is. And I don't think he did either.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: GilloD on September 15, 2009, 11:05:48 PM
Anyway it TURNS OUT that they SHUT OFF THE WATER IN THE WHOLE CITY to clean the resivior and no one told me. They canceled class, but I guess Is till had to be here, so whatever. Catch up on work etc.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: demi on September 16, 2009, 03:22:10 AM
Was she a good looking korean? I mean they're rare, but it could happen. I would have went for it. I'm sure the wife wouldn't mind. Everyone wants to try exotic cuisine. You only live once, man.

No, she's not. Acne+Pale+Chubtown.

Anyway, now my 2nd class isn't showing up? Freebie, but like. What's going on?

Still would have gone. Could have taken dat V. Very empowering.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Cormacaroni on September 16, 2009, 03:31:37 AM
Anyway it TURNS OUT that they SHUT OFF THE WATER IN THE WHOLE CITY to clean the resivior and no one told me. They canceled class, but I guess Is till had to be here, so whatever. Catch up on work etc.

So err, do the toilets still flush? (Did they ever?)
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Tauntaun on September 16, 2009, 10:44:13 AM
Anyway it TURNS OUT that they SHUT OFF THE WATER IN THE WHOLE CITY to clean the resivior and no one told me. They canceled class, but I guess Is till had to be here, so whatever. Catch up on work etc.

They left a note on your desk but, it was in Korean.   ;)

:bow sig change :bow2
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: GilloD on October 20, 2009, 10:07:35 PM
I got a new 4th grade co-teacher who speaks 0 English. She handed me a note the other day that said: "The children have internet addiction, while 2 rest, 3 must study". What the fuck? Anyway, she meant that they had an assembly on internet addiction. But now she communicates to me with Babelfish-translated letters which are totally hilarious and never make any sense.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: GilloD on October 20, 2009, 10:13:52 PM
ids here all have box cutters. They use them to cut. You can't buy a box cutter in NYC if you're under 18, let along fucking bring it to school. Last week this kid brought a REAL LOOKING toy gun to school and pretended to shoot everyone. The teacher was just like, "Oh you scamp!" and took it away. The next day the gun was on top of a note in Korean. I figured it said: "WHO BROUGHT A GUN TO SCHOOL WE MUST FIND OUT AND EXPEL THE PERSON". Instead it said, "You left the windows unlocked"- The gun was just a paperweight and the kid picked it up later that day.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Himu on October 20, 2009, 10:21:50 PM
PLEASE ARCHIVE THIS THREAD when GilloD leaves Korea!
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: brawndolicious on October 20, 2009, 10:28:12 PM
They probably don't have a problem with school shootings though since it's a capital offense for any private citizen to own a gun, apparently.

What the hell did "2 sleep, 3 work" mean?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: GilloD on October 20, 2009, 10:31:32 PM
They probably don't have a problem with school shootings though since it's a capital offense for any private citizen to own a gun, apparently.

What the hell did "2 sleep, 3 work" mean?

It meant that period 2 was canceled, but period 3 was still on. Hahaha.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Arbys Roast Beef Sandwich on October 20, 2009, 10:37:14 PM
:lol

did she have good handwriting at least?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: GilloD on October 20, 2009, 10:37:54 PM
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

"Tommorrow we have, uh, physcial event. We all do sport. What is sport you are the best at?"

I am good at NO SPORTS. I suck at all of them. I was the kid who hid under the bleachers with a book. Fuuuu. Everyone is like "Oh, Americans so good at sport! What you pick?!". Is there D&D? Competitive dice rolling? Dwarven Trivia 101? How about a DIV-off? CSS-race? Anyone? help?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: demi on October 20, 2009, 10:38:40 PM
Pick Soccer nimrod.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: BobFromPikeCreek on October 20, 2009, 10:39:29 PM
I'm going in February. :rock
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Mr. Gundam on October 20, 2009, 10:40:01 PM
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

"Tommorrow we have, uh, physcial event. We all do sport. What is sport you are the best at?"

I am good at NO SPORTS. I suck at all of them. I was the kid who hid under the bleachers with a book. Fuuuu. Everyone is like "Oh, Americans so good at sport! What you pick?!". Is there D&D? Competitive dice rolling? Dwarven Trivia 101? How about a DIV-off? CSS-race? Anyone? help?

DODGE BALL.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: GilloD on October 20, 2009, 10:40:15 PM
I'm going in February. :rock

Where about? I can literally walk to the border of Seoul from where I live. LETS HANG OUT.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: BobFromPikeCreek on October 20, 2009, 10:44:19 PM
Incheon I think. They haven't said my placement yet.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: chronovore on October 20, 2009, 10:52:58 PM
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

"Tommorrow we have, uh, physcial event. We all do sport. What is sport you are the best at?"

I am good at NO SPORTS. I suck at all of them. I was the kid who hid under the bleachers with a book. Fuuuu. Everyone is like "Oh, Americans so good at sport! What you pick?!". Is there D&D? Competitive dice rolling? Dwarven Trivia 101? How about a DIV-off? CSS-race? Anyone? help?

Challenge them to a tae-kwan-do match. At least it will be very short.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: GilloD on October 20, 2009, 11:06:39 PM
Incheon I think. They haven't said my placement yet.

That's pretty close! It's like 30 minutes by subway. Parts of it are kind of industrial, but it also has beaches. And a ferry to two really nice, undeveloped islands is right there. You could pop into sould 20 mins by subway.

Sweet!
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: BobFromPikeCreek on October 20, 2009, 11:08:09 PM
Awesome! We'll have to set up a K-Bore bro-out.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: BobFromPikeCreek on October 20, 2009, 11:10:09 PM
I've read that Incheon itself is pretty gross, but it's close enough to Seoul that it doesn't matter that much.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: GilloD on October 21, 2009, 01:03:33 AM
I've read that Incheon itself is pretty gross, but it's close enough to Seoul that it doesn't matter that much.

It's not that bad an the beach-y stuff is really nice. It has everything you'll need for day-to-day and on the weekends you can be in Seoul no time flat. In the summer, people will come to you and you can have a Bob's Beach Blowout.

Are you teaching?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: BobFromPikeCreek on October 21, 2009, 10:24:30 AM
Yup. Public school with EPIK.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Tristam on October 21, 2009, 02:07:39 PM
Awesome stuff, Bob. If you're ever in the southern part of the peninsula, visit me in Gwangju. And maybe if I head up to Seoul or Incheon we can kick it.

GilloD: Play dodgeball. Korean kids call it pi-gu and they fucking love it. Just make sure to set a few ground rules first...like no overhand throws directed to the face, or you're gonna get a lot of kids in tears. Dispute resolution should, as always, be handled with a game of rock-paper-scissors, because astoundingly even the worst-behaved kids abide by the outcome as though it were some sort of holy edict.

EDIT: Damn, my response came too late.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: cloudwalking on October 21, 2009, 02:11:06 PM
[youtube=560,345]U7mPqycQ0tQ[/youtube]

yessssssssssssss
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: BlackMage on October 21, 2009, 02:18:25 PM
[youtube=560,345]U7mPqycQ0tQ[/youtube]

yessssssssssssss

they all look exactly the same!
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Ganhyun on October 22, 2009, 06:04:08 PM
apparently I need to become an English teacher over there or something. If only to be able to have all these crazy stories to tell the Bore...


spoiler (click to show/hide)
and to hang out with Asia-Bore, depending on where I'd be located
[close]
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Fresh Prince on October 22, 2009, 06:39:25 PM
I liked that more than I should  :'( :-\ :(
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Mr. Gundam on October 22, 2009, 06:42:05 PM
Any of you guys been to Jeju? One my wife's best friends teaches English there.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: GilloD on October 22, 2009, 08:39:08 PM
Any of you guys been to Jeju? One my wife's best friends teaches English there.

Teaches? It's SUPER NICE. I think we're going to take a trip there in winter. It's like an unspiled tropical island. Cheap to get to, like 80 bucks round trip from here
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Bacchus7 on October 22, 2009, 10:03:36 PM
Have you met the girls yet?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gZD26G38dc
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: TEEEPO on October 23, 2009, 02:29:16 AM
i wonder if some form of high culture even exists in korea or have they all been reduced to philistines  :smug
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Hollywood on October 23, 2009, 02:56:37 AM
Any of you guys been to Jeju? One my wife's best friends teaches English there.

Teaches? It's SUPER NICE. I think we're going to take a trip there in winter. It's like an unspiled tropical island. Cheap to get to, like 80 bucks round trip from here

Interesting stories. A couple questions:

1) How do you goto Korea to teach English, but can't speak Korean fluently? That seems kind of ... odd

2) Are you saying Super all the time, because Asians say it?

Just wondering.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: GilloD on October 23, 2009, 03:01:41 AM
Any of you guys been to Jeju? One my wife's best friends teaches English there.

Teaches? It's SUPER NICE. I think we're going to take a trip there in winter. It's like an unspiled tropical island. Cheap to get to, like 80 bucks round trip from here

Interesting stories. A couple questions:

1) How do you goto Korea to teach English, but can't speak Korean fluently? That seems kind of ... odd

2) Are you saying Super all the time, because Asians say it?

Just wondering.

1- Same way you travel somewhere and don't speak the language. They specifically request teachers who DONT speak Korean. The point is to teach in English, always. You pick it up and make do. Koreans are incredibly nice.

2- No, it's an old habit.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: demi on October 23, 2009, 03:03:17 AM
Hollywood is a racist, do not mind him
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: GilloD on October 23, 2009, 03:18:54 AM
How did the sports day go GilloD?



I wrote this to my family and friends earlier:

Those of you who have known me for more than 15 minutes know that I am basely inept in sports. It's not that I'm particularly bad at one or the other, it's that in the innermost core of all sports is a series of deeply unified skills: Depth Perception, Coordination, Reflex, Not-Being-Afraid-Of-Being-Hit-By-The-Ball. These are the atoms of sports. Sports are made of them. They are toxic to me.

I'm a thinker and not just in that haughty, "Oh, you didn't read Prolegomena to any Future Metaphysics?" way, but in the 'There is a ball coming towards me. I have several options, can one of you PAUSE TIME so that I might deliberate on the best outcome?'. But even if you could pause time, even if I suddenly developed the iron will to know what to do and when to do it, I lack the skills required to enact that solution- I will whiff the ball. I will fumble the catch. I will miss the lay up. Barring a sudden re-orientation of reality, these are garaunteed feats.

The point is: Playing sports in America is the only thing I can genuinely count as 'embarassing'. I am a roll with the punches dude, but when it comes to sports I feel like I'm 7 again and completely helpless. So when Thursday rolled around and it was revealed to be 'Sports Day', I shook.

When I was looking at colleges I blacklisted any that had a Phys Ed requirement. I have not been in ritual, mandatory exercise situations in 7 or 8 years. This is a good thing, I am very, very comfortable with this. That ship sailed. It's not even on the horizon anymore. I'm just chillin' out on the beach. I had forgotten what a, uh. Well, let's dial it back a second: At first there was sunlight. Then people were like, "Oh, UV" and then gamma rays and x-rays and whatever. Our knowledge of the spectrum increased dramatically. Do you see where I'm going with this?

Sports Day increased my knowledge of the embarassment spectrum enormously. Because here's a thing about being bad at sports: Everything thinks they can redeem you. Drunk on every romantic sports film cliche ever set to celluloid, every apt Sportsman believes that you are a star quarterback unfulfilled. You must be nurtured! This is bad enough in English. If I'm hiding off in left field or shooting for the gutter, it's not because I'm waiting for a mentor. It's because I want to get it over with and with as little fuss as possible.

In Korean, this is twice as bad. I'm now not only fending off the good intentions of the able, I'm trying to interpret those intentions through a miasma of hand gestures, fumbled balls and broken English, all while trying to make a good impression. My face started to do that thing it'd do at trade shows when I'd been smiling too long, it got all quake-y, like arms do when you try and move a couch by yourself.

So I'm trying to fake my way through bi-lingual Volleyball and I look off in the distance- The female teachers are tossing a plunger into a bucket. That looks like it's my speed.

Fortunately, my awfulness has the kind of universal, "One World, We're all Brothers" appeal that Oprah would kill for and it becomes apparent that I'm not a flower waiting to blossom, I'm the house plant that's beyond watering. They give up passing and asking me to serve and I give up the ALL SMILES ALL THE TIME thing and everyone is satisfied. The game ends and we drink beer and eat pig feet and pork belly, which makes it even-steven by me.

Ugh. Sports day.

FUN FACT: All Koreans own a FULL TRACK SUIT waiting to be deployed at a moments notice.

FUN FACT: I do not.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: brawndolicious on October 23, 2009, 03:48:04 AM
yeah, I also always feared having balls thrown into my face.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: cloudwalking on October 23, 2009, 08:10:51 AM
[youtube=560,345]NGRj3jFAWcw[/youtube]

girls' generation :heart
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: BlackMage on October 23, 2009, 07:42:34 PM
Clone Generation  :yuck
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: bork on October 23, 2009, 09:25:23 PM
[youtube=560,345]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBNqWzuPVCk[/youtube]

Korean GANGSTA BITCH
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: BlueTsunami on October 23, 2009, 10:44:27 PM
[youtube=560,345]U7mPqycQ0tQ[/youtube]

yessssssssssssss

(http://i38.tinypic.com/2me5zev.gif)
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Tristam on October 23, 2009, 10:56:20 PM
[youtube=560,345]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBNqWzuPVCk[/youtube]

Korean GANGSTA BITCH

 :rofl :rofl

K-pop and Korean "hip hop" and "R&B" are so hilariously derivative of their American counterparts.

I still remember some Lee Hyori music video where she was dressed up as a cheerleader and ran by a group of boys suited up in American football uniforms and doing the whole "AW DAMN son look at that girl!" routine. That would all fine if ANYONE IN FUCKING KOREA played American football. Watching Korean music videos may also give you the idea that street basketball exists here; it doesn't.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: BlueTsunami on October 23, 2009, 10:59:03 PM
It seems like the style of music videos in general are currently in the 90's. The US will hit 2010 and Korea will start aping Beyonce music vids.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: GilloD on October 23, 2009, 11:07:38 PM


 :rofl :rofl

K-pop and Korean "hip hop" and "R&B" are so hilariously derivative of their American counterparts.

I still remember some Lee Hyori music video where she was dressed up as a cheerleader and ran by a group of boys suited up in American football uniforms and doing the whole "AW DAMN son look at that girl!" routine. That would all fine if ANYONE IN FUCKING KOREA played American football. Watching Korean music videos may also give you the idea that street basketball exists here; it doesn't.

THe hugest shit in the world here is G Dragon. But he basically stole his entire album from more popular American albums. ALmost track for track it's theft.

But that's Korea. They are HUGE HUG HUGE on coming up with their own 'Korean'-knock offs. LIke instead of North Face, we have "RED FACE" same logo and everything. The theme park Lotte World has the 'Magic King Island', replete with castle. But some of the rides are literallyn copy and pasted from Disney World. Their logo is the fucking Disney World logo with their nme on it. LOOK AT IT (This is an old one):
(http://www.coaster-net.com/pics/lotteworld/lotteworldlogo.jpg)

But they don't have a problem with this. They're ridiculously proud to be able to copy things so well.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Tristam on October 23, 2009, 11:08:56 PM
It seems like the style of music videos in general are currently in the 90's. The US will hit 2010 and Korea will start aping Beyonce music vids.

Already been done:

[youtube=560,345]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5vQNAB_9p4[/youtube]
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: GilloD on October 23, 2009, 11:12:16 PM
Here's G Dragon. He's like ELvis or something. This video/song is on everyhwre you go and Koreans are constantly going "Pika pika pika tay". It has supplanted 2NE1's 'I Don't Care' as the greatets Korean musical achievement of all time:

[youtube=560,345]LOXEVd-Z7NE[/youtube]
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: brawndolicious on October 23, 2009, 11:27:52 PM
fuck that guy looks like a girl.  dancing in that vagina-blanket doesn't really do him any favors.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: BlueTsunami on October 23, 2009, 11:33:39 PM
It seems like the style of music videos in general are currently in the 90's. The US will hit 2010 and Korea will start aping Beyonce music vids.

Already been done:

[youtube=560,345]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5vQNAB_9p4[/youtube]

Damn, she's cute  :-[
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Fresh Prince on October 24, 2009, 04:03:40 AM
[youtube=560,345]NGRj3jFAWcw[/youtube]

girls' generation :heart
heh it's like each couple of lines is taken from a top 10 rnb song.  :lol
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Tristam on October 24, 2009, 11:24:28 AM
So, new "cultural experience" (as the bilingual Koreans put it) for me today. I went with my friend's soccer team to play in a nearby town and afterward they insisted we go to the sauna. Well, they do it in the buff here, so I was naked with about 60 other Korean dudes in a hot tub and steam room. New cultural experience indeed.

EDIT: Lee Hyori is def cute, but as far as the Korean celebs go I've always had a thing for Jeon Jihyun:

[youtube=560,345]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1nX1H8M5yQ[/youtube]
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: muckhole on October 24, 2009, 11:34:18 AM
Back when I was doing the full-time musician thing, the woman at the local convenience store found out we played music, and brought me in a bunch of videotapes of what was supposed to be her favorite bands in Korea, because we, as musicians, would appreciate the musicality regardless of the language barrier. She was always so sweet and nice that my guitarist and I felt obliged to watch some of them in case she quizzed us.

The tapes wound up being hours and hours of H.O.T., a Korean boy band. Hooooo.



(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v331/hotgraham/HOT.jpg)

Well, they do it in the buff here, so I was naked with about 60 other Korean dudes in a hot tub and steam room. New cultural experience indeed.

Either that's one giant hot tub, or there was more to this "New cultural experience" than you're telling.  :-*
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: Tristam on October 24, 2009, 11:57:29 AM
Back when I was doing the full-time musician thing, the woman at the local convenience store found out we played music, and brought me in a bunch of videotapes of what was supposed to be her favorite bands in Korea, because we, as musicians, would appreciate the musicality regardless of the language barrier. She was always so sweet and nice that my guitarist and I felt obliged to watch some of them in case she quizzed us.

The tapes wound up being hours and hours of H.O.T., a Korean boy band. Hooooo.



(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v331/hotgraham/HOT.jpg)

Well, they do it in the buff here, so I was naked with about 60 other Korean dudes in a hot tub and steam room. New cultural experience indeed.

Either that's one giant hot tub, or there was more to this "New cultural experience" than you're telling.  :-*

Right on the money--it WAS a huge hot tub. But then, I should clarify and say not all dudes were in the hot tub at once. There was also a hot(ter?) tub at like 115 F, and there was a freezing tub as well.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: TEEEPO on October 24, 2009, 12:06:25 PM
ha, same thing happened to me in seventh grade. a half korean/white girl who i was flirting with lent me her copy of some H.O.T. cd to listen to after school hoping i had great things to say the next day at lunch. i didn't even make it past the 2nd song. little did i know she'd quiz me on it :(

i had a crush on her up until my senior year in high school. fml
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: muckhole on October 24, 2009, 12:14:39 PM
H.O.T.!!

We need an appreciation thread.

EDIT: Oddly enough, typing H.O.T. Korean into Google image search did not result in a slew of boy band pics. :teehee
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: chronovore on October 26, 2009, 02:00:26 AM
H.O.T.!!

We need an appreciation thread.

EDIT: Oddly enough, typing H.O.T. Korean into Google image search did not result in a slew of boy band pics. :teehee
Kitty Yung?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: cloudwalking on November 01, 2009, 05:57:34 PM
Here's G Dragon. He's like ELvis or something. This video/song is on everyhwre you go and Koreans are constantly going "Pika pika pika tay". It has supplanted 2NE1's 'I Don't Care' as the greatets Korean musical achievement of all time:

[youtube=560,345]LOXEVd-Z7NE[/youtube]

wtf, that dude is trying to be like the male korean lady gaga.

new girls generation:

[youtube=560,345]A2NkGHkqDZk[/youtube]
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: demi on November 01, 2009, 06:02:33 PM
So, new "cultural experience" (as the bilingual Koreans put it) for me today. I went with my friend's soccer team to play in a nearby town and afterward they insisted we go to the sauna. Well, they do it in the buff here, so I was naked with about 60 other Korean dudes in a hot tub and steam room. New cultural experience indeed.

Did you peek? Be honest. It's ok if you did. I just want to know if my big american cock would trump their korean rice pellets.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally hilarious. (AND SEXY)
Post by: chronovore on November 01, 2009, 06:19:35 PM
Yeah, that Hyon Lee stuff had me wondering if I'd moved to the wrong country.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: GilloD on November 03, 2009, 08:32:08 AM
So, I've been fuckign BUSY for the last like two weeks. I picked up an extra 5 after school classses. It's only 11 kids, but it's 1st grade to 5th grade. So like 2 from each grade. If I thought the skill disparity was huge in a regualr class, some of these kids haven't even started teh alphabet yet and some of them can hold a conversation. It's kind of a pain, but it's pretty chill and the small class is cool. But it requires me to come up with FIVE extra lessons every week. And with that huge skill disparity I out in a lot of TLC into the lessons. Anyway, I've been really busy and just llike. STRESSED out.

Anyway, today I have like an evening to myself. I come home and start to install Dragon Age. My wife comes home and I'm like "Baby, I love you but tonight I am plying Dragon Age until I FALL ASLEEP AT THE KEYBOARD" but I agree that we should go across the street and get some food. It's fucking cold today, but I just throw on a sweatshirt because the Samgyupsal place is across the street. We walk out the door and I realize the keys I grabbed were not the keys for the door.

I have imagined this nightmare many times. Getting locked out of your apartment is always a fucking pain. But in a country where you don't speak the language well? How do you say: "I left my keys inside the apartment". We go down and see the doorman-type and he just kind of waves us off. He ahs no idea what we're talking about. I go to see the landlady, but I remember that Tuesday is her day off. We go and eat and I'm all worried and whatever, btu I remember that the sortbof weird guy who lives on the 4th floor has a Korean girlfriend. We gethim to call her and she talks to the guard. The guard calls around and he can't get ahold on the landlady. I wait outside in the freezing parking garage for abotu 45 minutes to see if she calls. She doesn't, so we do the next best Korean thing: Check into a love hotel. 40 bucks a night! Free condoms and 'Delay Cream'! It'd be nice if my clothes, lesson plans and materials wreen't locked behind 4 inches of steel, but. Take what you can.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: chronovore on November 03, 2009, 10:54:11 AM
Actually, the "(AND SEXY)" part of the thread title still applies, then.   :P
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: Mr. Gundam on November 03, 2009, 12:31:58 PM
What an adventure, GilloD!

Check your PMs whenever you're able to get back into your place.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: GilloD on November 03, 2009, 06:52:22 PM
We got in this morning.

Anyway, new story: I come in to school and a teacher I've never seen before says "November 26 you an' me open class". Open Class ism a big thing here- You teach a lesson and anyone- other teachers, community members etc.- can come and watch. But for some reason they want me to do a 3rd grade lesson.

I've never taught 3rd grade. I do 4,5,6 and Afterschool lessons. I've never seen this teacher before. And now I'm supposed to give an open lesson for a grade level I have 0 experience with? Whatever. So I go to ask my other teacher details about it and she won't tell me. Everyone like freezes up when I ask and gets tense. Is, "What date is it?" a terrible question to ask in public around here? Then she takes me aside and says "Later we talk about it not now".

What the fuuuuuuuuuu.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: bork on November 03, 2009, 07:02:20 PM
Ah yes, the dreaded open class.

I quickly found that none of the pressure was on me, but on the teacher instead, and it was no longer a problem.  I generally found that it made me, the ALT, look good, and the Japanese teacher who was SUPPOSED to be prepared to teach his/her class English look pretty bad.   :lol  There was one class where the teacher approached me weeks in advance, and I helped her make a power point presentation, which resulted in a fantastic lesson; it was pretty impressive, but she kind of "cheated" and had her class practice this particular lesson for several days before the open class happened.  I guess I don't blame her, since this wasn't just teachers that came, but also higher-ups from the board of education.

Most of the other open classes I had were usually pretty bad.  I'd come in and do my thing, then step back and watch the teacher have a mini melt-down in front of his/her peers, from either doing a mediocre/shitty job, being unable to handle the kids, or both.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: GilloD on November 03, 2009, 07:06:21 PM
Ah yes, the dreaded open class.

I quickly found that none of the pressure was on me, but on the teacher instead, and it was no longer a problem.  I generally found that it made me, the ALT, look good, and the Japanese teacher who was SUPPOSED to be prepared to teach his/her class English look pretty bad.   :lol  There was one class where the teacher approached me weeks in advance, and I helped her make a power point presentation, which resulted in a fantastic lesson; it was pretty impressive, but she kind of "cheated" and had her class practice this particular lesson for several days before the open class happened.  I guess I don't blame her, since this wasn't just teachers that came, but also higher-ups from the board of education.

Most of the other open classes I had were usually pretty bad.  I'd come in and do my thing, then step back and watch the teacher have a mini melt-down in front of his/her peers, from either doing a mediocre/shitty job, being unable to handle the kids, or both.

I've been to other Open Classes and they're hilarious. The kids answer questions before they're asked, they all speak perfect, monotone English. They spend like 3 weeks preparing the same lesson  :lol

Also, they canceled my 5th grade again. I haven't seen a 5th grade class in FOUR WEEKS. This job is hilarious.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: bork on November 03, 2009, 07:08:56 PM
Yes, English teaching's a hilarious way to waste a few years, but there's no way I'd want to do it again or even for as long as I did if I could do it all over again.  Two years is the sweet spot, I think.  Other ALTs used to say this; I did for three years, and I think I agree.  It was really getting boring by the third year.  I was enjoying living overseas though.   :)

When my contract ended, I stayed around for four more months, job-hunting.  Only applied to one private English school, and it was a complete joke of an interview.  The guy got there like 20 minutes late, flat-out lied to me about how the school operated (he said a bunch of different stuff in e-mails to me), told me that they don't tolerate people who arrive late (even though he showed up late, lol), but then told me how his top teacher was always late for work, and he'd fire her if she wasn't at the top, and then got all pissed off at me when I told him I was making more money then he said I was (he was a JET too).  I wasn't even arguing with him, he was like "You make around 360,000 a month, right?"  And I said "A little more; 380,000, but yeah in that range."  And he gets all defensive about this and indirectly accuses me of lying.  I explained that my contracting organization paid me extra to help cover the rent, but he doesn't believe me.  I later realized that I had a pay stub in my briefcase I could have whipped out, but like it even would have mattered.  No way I would have taken that job, and no way he would have hired me.  That was a fun experience. 
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: GilloD on November 03, 2009, 07:45:27 PM
Yes, English teaching's a hilarious way to waste a few years, but there's no way I'd want to do it again or even for as long as I did if I could do it all over again.  Two years is the sweet spot, I think.  Other ALTs used to say this; I did for three years, and I think I agree.  It was really getting boring by the third year.  I was enjoying living overseas though.   :)

When my contract ended, I stayed around for four more months, job-hunting.  Only applied to one private English school, and it was a complete joke of an interview.  The guy got there like 20 minutes late, flat-out lied to me about how the school operated (he said a bunch of different stuff in e-mails to me), told me that they don't tolerate people who arrive late (even though he showed up late, lol), but then told me how his top teacher was always late for work, and he'd fire her if she wasn't at the top, and then got all pissed off at me when I told him I was making more money then he said I was (he was a JET too).  I wasn't even arguing with him, he was like "You make around 360,000 a month, right?"  And I said "A little more; 380,000, but yeah in that range."  And he gets all defensive about this and indirectly accuses me of lying.  I explained that my contracting organization paid me extra to help cover the rent, but he doesn't believe me.  I later realized that I had a pay stub in my briefcase I could have whipped out, but like it even would have mattered.  No way I would have taken that job, and no way he would have hired me.  That was a fun experience. 

I feel like not doing a second year would be a waste. I'm making all my lessons and materials this year, next year all I have to do is whip them out. But I could see maybe doing a 3rd and after that it's like. Time to go somewhere else. Take my l00t and live on an island for 6 months or go work in Africa for awhile.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: Mr. Gundam on November 03, 2009, 07:51:13 PM
Have you and Mrs. ever thought about Peace Corps? My wife's sister and her husband were in Morocco for 2 1/2 years and loved their experience.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: GilloD on November 03, 2009, 08:34:48 PM
Have you and Mrs. ever thought about Peace Corps? My wife's sister and her husband were in Morocco for 2 1/2 years and loved their experience.

You've never heard my Peace Corps story? It's an EPIC FAIL on the part of the Peace Corps. I'll post it in a little bit, suffice it to say it is LONG and full of woe.

Short version: We were all set to go, they told us to be ready, we were 100% cleared and then one day they E-MAILED andsaid: "lol actually forget it for no reason and dont call us anymore okay bye"
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: Mr. Gundam on November 03, 2009, 08:46:52 PM
Wut.

That's lame.

Also, check yer PMs.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: GilloD on November 03, 2009, 09:23:47 PM
Wut.

That's lame.

Also, check yer PMs.

I know, I saw. I'll send this afternoon.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: chronovore on November 03, 2009, 11:24:01 PM
Yes, English teaching's a hilarious way to waste a few years, but there's no way I'd want to do it again or even for as long as I did if I could do it all over again.  Two years is the sweet spot, I think.  Other ALTs used to say this; I did for three years, and I think I agree.  It was really getting boring by the third year.  I was enjoying living overseas though.   :)

When my contract ended, I stayed around for four more months, job-hunting.  Only applied to one private English school, and it was a complete joke of an interview.  The guy got there like 20 minutes late, flat-out lied to me about how the school operated (he said a bunch of different stuff in e-mails to me), told me that they don't tolerate people who arrive late (even though he showed up late, lol), but then told me how his top teacher was always late for work, and he'd fire her if she wasn't at the top, and then got all pissed off at me when I told him I was making more money then he said I was (he was a JET too).  I wasn't even arguing with him, he was like "You make around 360,000 a month, right?"  And I said "A little more; 380,000, but yeah in that range."  And he gets all defensive about this and indirectly accuses me of lying.  I explained that my contracting organization paid me extra to help cover the rent, but he doesn't believe me.  I later realized that I had a pay stub in my briefcase I could have whipped out, but like it even would have mattered.  No way I would have taken that job, and no way he would have hired me.  That was a fun experience. 

Yeah, that's one of the interviews where you can just go ahead, get up and leave, and even flip the guy off if he asks you where you're going.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: OptimoPeach on November 03, 2009, 11:51:41 PM
Any more creepy advances from the 4th grade teacher?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: bork on November 04, 2009, 09:28:36 PM
Yes, English teaching's a hilarious way to waste a few years, but there's no way I'd want to do it again or even for as long as I did if I could do it all over again.  Two years is the sweet spot, I think.  Other ALTs used to say this; I did for three years, and I think I agree.  It was really getting boring by the third year.  I was enjoying living overseas though.   :)

When my contract ended, I stayed around for four more months, job-hunting.  Only applied to one private English school, and it was a complete joke of an interview.  The guy got there like 20 minutes late, flat-out lied to me about how the school operated (he said a bunch of different stuff in e-mails to me), told me that they don't tolerate people who arrive late (even though he showed up late, lol), but then told me how his top teacher was always late for work, and he'd fire her if she wasn't at the top, and then got all pissed off at me when I told him I was making more money then he said I was (he was a JET too).  I wasn't even arguing with him, he was like "You make around 360,000 a month, right?"  And I said "A little more; 380,000, but yeah in that range."  And he gets all defensive about this and indirectly accuses me of lying.  I explained that my contracting organization paid me extra to help cover the rent, but he doesn't believe me.  I later realized that I had a pay stub in my briefcase I could have whipped out, but like it even would have mattered.  No way I would have taken that job, and no way he would have hired me.  That was a fun experience. 

Yeah, that's one of the interviews where you can just go ahead, get up and leave, and even flip the guy off if he asks you where you're going.

I'm too nice to do that.   :'(  On the same interview trip, I also had an interview at a recruiter.  They had contacted me before and had a phone interview with me, and everything seemed fine.  The guy knew I wanted an entry-level position and no experience in this field, says it's fine, and to come on into Tokyo.  So I go to this office, they put me in a board room, and I wait for the guy I talked to on the phone to come in.  Only he doesn't.  No, instead, the president of the company walks in.  This guy coincidentally was a former JET, too.  And also ex-military.  Despite his picture in the company brochure making him look like a good ol' smilin' corn-fed Kansas boy, he was a huge, huge hard-ass.  The first thing he tells me is that they don't even consider hiring people without at least five-ten years of prior experience.  I'm speechless.  He then basically tells me how he has no time to waste on me, and sends in a much, much nice recruiter to talk to me instead.  While I was waiting for that guy, I threw my hands up and audibly said "What the FUCK am I doing here!?"  The other guy basically made it sound like recruiting wasn't for me, anyway; he said if he were married, he wouldn't do it for the simple fact that I wouldn't have any time to spend at home.  I think that was the last interview I had before deciding to go back to school.  Well, there was one more after that, but it turned out to be for one of those pyramid-scheme scam artist companies...I accepted the interview immediately, but did research on them and fortunately was able to cancel my plane ticket before wasting time and money going out there for that instant disappointment.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: chronovore on November 05, 2009, 01:37:41 AM
Wow. I don't think I'd even interview with a company that wasn't going to purchase my plane ticket up-front to attend their interview.

I wouldn't expect to attend an on-site interview without having passed all but the last stage of candidacy anyway, but once they're willing to bring you in, it's on them.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: bork on November 05, 2009, 05:24:08 PM
Wow. I don't think I'd even interview with a company that wasn't going to purchase my plane ticket up-front to attend their interview.

I wouldn't expect to attend an on-site interview without having passed all but the last stage of candidacy anyway, but once they're willing to bring you in, it's on them.

This was all new to me.  I had only had one interview for JET prior.

None of the companies I interviewed at offered to help with travel.  Guess that's just how foreign-run recruiters are; I dunno.  Pretty much all of them figured I already lived in Tokyo.  I think it was Cormac who said that it may have just been them trying to meet their interview quotas for the month.   :-\

The only reason I even looked at recruiting is because I was initially approached by one for an interview.  If they hadn't contacted me first, I never would have started looking in that field.  It's for the best that it didn't work out, I think.  Did get close to a job at one of them, though...they were talking to me about pay, benefits, all that kind of thing, and said it was down to me and two other guys.  Didn't happen though.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: chronovore on November 05, 2009, 05:35:57 PM
Recruiters -- pfeh! I have met exactly one recruiter who was a worthwhile human; the rest were breathing my oxygen. You should be happy you didn't wander down that path.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: GilloD on November 16, 2009, 05:55:31 AM
So, I have this big projector screen I use to display Powerpoints and videos and whatever. Games, too. Vocab slides etc etc. It;s the only thing the kids will pay attention to because they're all on the internet 24/7. WHatevs. Anyway, I had a rough like two weeks. The kids were acting horribly, I was getting 0 support from my co-teachers and I just kind of lost my footing. So yesterday I put in like 12 hours of work, really pumped out killer lesson plans for the whole week. I come in today, I teach the first 6th grade class and it goes fucking great. The era of Good Feelings is back! I feel vindicated, it's really going well, everything is perfectly timed A++.

And then the projector breaks. It just won't turn on. And I have nothing to teach. I manage to swing it mostly by talking, but without visual aids the kids are like "wtf is a shoe wtf isa turkey blahblah lemme throw paper at minsu lemme chase jimmy around the room". I actually copy my PPT to posterboard, but it's still kind of shitty. I limp through the day, I spend like 75% of my time trying to keep a room of 40 kids from exploding while my co-teacher sleeps in the office that isn't hers. I try to make worksheets at one point but we're "Over our paper budget". Our paper budget turns out to be LESS THAN 1 sheet per student for the whole semester. Great!

Finally, at the end of the day this tech guy shows up. He immediately knows what's wrong. Here's what he says: "ohhh many school computer tv break. many fixes, yes? so maybe 6 weeks to fix okay". FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Like. I learned on a chalkboard. Fine. But I also wasn't learning French at a conference-style table with no one who spoke English in the room. ANyway. Time to make new paper lesson plans!
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: Tristam on November 16, 2009, 06:05:22 AM
GilloD: Keep a bunch of difficult and time-consuming word searches at the ready for any days you just feel like absolute shit. The learning value is next to nil, but every now and then you have days where you gotta think about what's good for you, not what's good for the kids. And in my experience, nothing keeps them busy and quiet like word searches. If you feel guilty about it, just redeem yourself the next day with a fab lesson plan.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: GilloD on November 16, 2009, 06:15:36 AM
GilloD: Keep a bunch of difficult and time-consuming word searches at the ready for any days you just feel like absolute shit. The learning value is next to nil, but every now and then you have days where you gotta think about what's good for you, not what's good for the kids. And in my experience, nothing keeps them busy and quiet like word searches. If you feel guilty about it, just redeem yourself the next day with a fab lesson plan.

Yeah, I usually include a small wordsearch on all my worksheets. Problem is that I can't make worksheets and I really can't make worksheets for 6 weeks, heh. Yikes. I am DEMORALIZED
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: demi on November 16, 2009, 06:40:05 AM
Treated like crap in the US, treated like crap in Korea

CAnt catch a break
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: Tristam on November 16, 2009, 08:43:09 AM
GilloD: Keep a bunch of difficult and time-consuming word searches at the ready for any days you just feel like absolute shit. The learning value is next to nil, but every now and then you have days where you gotta think about what's good for you, not what's good for the kids. And in my experience, nothing keeps them busy and quiet like word searches. If you feel guilty about it, just redeem yourself the next day with a fab lesson plan.

Yeah, I usually include a small wordsearch on all my worksheets. Problem is that I can't make worksheets and I really can't make worksheets for 6 weeks, heh. Yikes. I am DEMORALIZED

Nah, you just need access to a printer. Find that and you're golden.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: chronovore on November 16, 2009, 09:38:39 AM
So, I have this big projector screen I use to display Powerpoints and videos and whatever. Games, too. Vocab slides etc etc. It;s the only thing the kids will pay attention to because they're all on the internet 24/7. WHatevs. Anyway, I had a rough like two weeks. The kids were acting horribly, I was getting 0 support from my co-teachers and I just kind of lost my footing. So yesterday I put in like 12 hours of work, really pumped out killer lesson plans for the whole week. I come in today, I teach the first 6th grade class and it goes fucking great. The era of Good Feelings is back! I feel vindicated, it's really going well, everything is perfectly timed A++.

And then the projector breaks. It just won't turn on. And I have nothing to teach. I manage to swing it mostly by talking, but without visual aids the kids are like "wtf is a shoe wtf isa turkey blahblah lemme throw paper at minsu lemme chase jimmy around the room". I actually copy my PPT to posterboard, but it's still kind of shitty. I limp through the day, I spend like 75% of my time trying to keep a room of 40 kids from exploding while my co-teacher sleeps in the office that isn't hers. I try to make worksheets at one point but we're "Over our paper budget". Our paper budget turns out to be LESS THAN 1 sheet per student for the whole semester. Great!

Finally, at the end of the day this tech guy shows up. He immediately knows what's wrong. Here's what he says: "ohhh many school computer tv break. many fixes, yes? so maybe 6 weeks to fix okay". FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Like. I learned on a chalkboard. Fine. But I also wasn't learning French at a conference-style table with no one who spoke English in the room. ANyway. Time to make new paper lesson plans!

Also, if there's any way to turn the activity competitive, that can help raise general interest. You can pair the students up and have them collaborate on a word search or a brief dialog, then have them present it to the class. It's been 15 years since I taught, but any time you can get the students working with each other and defer attention from one's self, life becomes substantially easier.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: GilloD on November 26, 2009, 09:12:35 PM
I got super drunk last night because we had a Thanksgiving dinner. SO I wander into work this morning regualr time, except I'm nursing a nasty hangover. It's 8 AM, school doesn't start until 9, I hav an hour to like. Settle in. Except my class is already full of kids.

It turns out that today school starts at 8 and ends at 1:30, but there's no lunch and no break between classes. It's literally class on top of class on top of class. Fuuuuuuuuuuu, but whatever, I'll get to go home early.

NOPE. They changed the schedule because at 3 we're going for a 'Teacher's Trip' to the museum. The length of alotted time for this trip? SEVEN HOURS. SEVEN. 3-10. I won't be home until like 11 PM. I'm so fucking hungry, but we don't eat until SIX. And tired. Hahaha. You guys have the day off. i am dyyyying.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: GilloD on November 26, 2009, 10:31:03 PM
Oh god. The only two people who speak any English at all are not going.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: Donono on November 27, 2009, 12:19:11 AM
Your hopes and dreams for the day all end the same way Das Boot ends.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: GilloD on November 27, 2009, 09:08:55 AM
I am writing this down before I forget that it happened: The 8 Hour Field Trip.

So, today was our 8 hour field trip. I had no idea what to expect as it was described to me thus: 'Tommorrow, we will go to museum, leave at 2, maybe get back at 10". WHich, I don't know about you, but 8 hours at a museum is a lot in a country where you can read the placards, let alone one where they use a MOON ALPHABET. But I'm tryin to be a good sport and so I say: 'Sign me up'.

Fast forward to today- Black Friday, somewhere on the globe. We got drunk last night because we were all sad and not at home and so I was nursing a nasty little hangover. I wander into school regular time, about 8:30, and my class is already full of kids. As it turns out, our little field trip has warped the schedule- Classes start 30 minutes early and there's no gap between them, AKA I;m going to be busy for the next 240 minutes. Whatever, eveyrthing goes well, but I am still kind of homesick and nostalgia-addled and I spend most of the day scheming up ways to get out of the 8 Hour Mystery Tour. A few teachers bail and I'm heartened that I am not alone in my break out ambitions, but when the time comes I get on the bus like everyone else. It's about 2 PM.

They sit me next to the office assistant who, like everyone else in Korea, attends 'English Academy'. Adult English Academies are hilarious- He doesn't know what day of the week it is or how to answer, 'Where is ___?', but he knows the meaning of the words 'avaricious' and asked me is I was 'somulent'. They basically load them up with these bizzaro world vocabulary lists and tell them to meet ENglish speakers to learn the conversation portion. ANyway, he's a nice enough guy and he nods off pretty quickly which is great because I am also knodding off (I am, after all, somulent.).

Sometimes around 3:30 the bus stops and drops us off in a place that can charitably be decribed as nowhere. It turns out we're going to the education museum! Which is a one room school house in the middle of nowhere with giant piles of junk and rotting museum cases in the spare room. The ticket-taking woman is also the presenter woman and she gives us a presentation in the unheated one room school house and it is fucking freezing and I am dying and doing that thing where I smile for no reason. Every few minutes the presenter lady makes a joke about me and 60 Korean people turn around and laugh. Later, she slips back behind the ticket taking desk and sings Kareoke while we view the dilapadated exhibits. Literally, some rooms and just piles of stuff. There's a whole case full of old pencils. Anyway, it's over soon enough and when we leave they tell me: 'Now we walk maybe two miles to bus'.

I'll spare you the filthy spray of mental expletives- We head up the hill, maybe a mile and a half, and we're at some place where the Koreans built a fortress to fight off the Americans in 1871. Awkward! They all want to take a picture with me, either as a peace & love thing or as an ABu Grahib thing, I'm not sure which. I abide and about an hour later we're back on the bus and it's warm and I'm complaint free, aside from the fact that it's around 4:30 and I'm still lonely and I want to go home. But, we're going to dinner. Which is where things start to get hilarious.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: chronovore on November 27, 2009, 09:23:20 AM
I am waiting for the end of the story, on the edge of my seat. Or is that where you woke up? Because it sounds like a weird dream more than anything else.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: Olivia Wilde Homo on November 27, 2009, 09:27:52 AM
Forgive me for sounding like a douchebag but why is it that you're always late or you're the only one there at where you work?
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: GilloD on November 27, 2009, 09:37:44 AM
Forgive me for sounding like a douchebag but why is it that you're always late or you're the only one there at where you work?

I'm not late. I;m supposed to be in at school by 9 AM, I usually come in at 8:30 so I have some time to clean up and write out lessons and make sure I have all my copies etc etc. Today they bumped up everything by 30 minutes but never told me.

My last job was hilarious(ly awful) and people would just like not shown up sometimes.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: GilloD on November 27, 2009, 09:51:56 AM
We get back on the bus and the bus drives for maybe 15 minutes and we pull into a tiny parking lot and up to one of my least favorite Korean eats places- The raw fish joints. Don't get me wrong, I lile sushi as much as the next dude. Probably more than the next dude. But at a Korean fish joint they have these fish tanks outside and you order whatever and they go get a net and they literally pull the fish out of the tank and go murder it for you. I don't object to the murder (If you order eel, they murder it TABLE SIDE), it's just a fucking LOAD OF RAW FISH. It's several pounds of raw fish. I'm always dying for ANYTHING cooked at the end of those meals. So, we get huge, huge plates of raw fish and live octopus tentacles (Which are my super favorite) and I'm eating and nursing this hangover, still and then the drinking starts.

Koreans LOVE to drink. LOVE LOVE LOVE to drink. And not just like 'Have a glass of wine', they love to pound shots until they black out and puke. They do it several times a week, especially at meals. I'm the only white guy in the whole school so fucking everyone wants to come and tecah me funny Korean words and throw back some Soju with me. I like this and I'm thinking 'Hair of the dog', so the first 3 go down easy. Then the Vice Principal wants to do 2 and the office assistant brings over some raspberry beer thing ('Good for Men's Health' and they all laughed and someone winked at me. Boner juice?) and we kick that and then the principal gives me a can of beer and we have to do this weird thing where. You pour a shot, but because he's older, you have to pour yours out and then you get a second shot and drink that one? Seems like a waste, but okay. Bottom line: I go from 0 to DRUNK DRUNK in about 15 minutes.

And everyone is totally wasted. The Vice Principal who inspires MORTAL TERROR in my co-teachers is making me dance with her. The Principal, who is treated like a walking god M-F, 9-5, picks her up like a fireman and spins her around. Everyone is crunked. So here's where I need to back up real quick: There's a Korean equivalent to the wedgie. It translates out to 'SHit Needles'. Put your two hands together, fingertips touching. Got it? Okay, make a 'bang, bang' gun shape and lace your three other fingers together. Take this perfect jabbing device and send it deep into the anus of the person nearest you. Done? Great. My kids do it to me all the time, it's a really common practical joke. I take ti in stride, but it freaks me the fuck out. I am not used to small Asian kids sticking their fingers up my ass.

Anyway, the VP decides to give the principal the shit needle. She's drunk enough that she steps ON TOP OF our table and deposits two bowls of soup and a beer squarely in my lap. I think it's hilarious, but there's like an actual fishhead sitting on my crotch and concurrently the principal has onyl half jokingly bodyslammed the VP. Like I said: Drunk. Suddenly it's time to leave. I think we're going home. But the good times are just getting started. It's now about 6:30 and we're going to the Noraebang, the private Kareoke rooms that are more ubiquitous than Starbucks.


(My battery is dying, will finish tommorrow. The story ends with Bruce Springsteen)
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: Cormacaroni on November 27, 2009, 11:21:18 AM
I used to have stories like this but we didn't have the internet back in those ancient times. Plus, I blacked out a lot back then.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: bork on November 27, 2009, 11:23:13 AM
They do the ass-poking shit in Korea, too?!  Is this like the national past time in Asian countries or something?  Can't wait for the final installment of this story!  :hyper

Forgive me for sounding like a douchebag but why is it that you're always late or you're the only one there at where you work?

I'm not late. I;m supposed to be in at school by 9 AM, I usually come in at 8:30 so I have some time to clean up and write out lessons and make sure I have all my copies etc etc. Today they bumped up everything by 30 minutes but never told me.

My last job was hilarious(ly awful) and people would just like not shown up sometimes.

Once again echoing my own experiences teaching English, I know exactly what GilloD is going through!  I had the same thing happen where I'd show up for work at the normal time, only to find out the schedule was different, or everyone would get up and go to an assembly without saying a word to me.  Hell, the last day of work at one school, after they had an assembly for me and said goodbyes, they then proceeded to hold another assembly, leaving me to sit by myself in the teachers' room for the last 1-2 hours I was there.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: Tristam on November 27, 2009, 12:23:51 PM
 :lol I enjoy your stories, GilloD. Things are more tame where I'm at--I experience many of the things that you do, just at a lesser degree of craziness.

lyte edge: Kancho is taken from Naruto, right? Korea imports most of its manga (I think they like to call it manhwa here) from Japan, and I think Naruto is super popular too, so the ass-poking doesn't surprise me.

I've only had it happen to me once though. I was entering the school grounds one morning a few weeks ago, still in morning-commute mode and completely oblivious to everything around me, when suddenly I feel a small, sharp jab directed to my rectum. Mind and body immediately entered "WTF" mode and I turned around and saw one of my kindergarten students (yup, gotta teach the kindergarten class 4 times a month every other month) with a shit-eating grin on her face and the most ridiculous pseudo-innocent demeanor. I didn't know what the hell to say--I can't really lecture her because her entire English vocabulary consists of four words (hello, goodbye, teacher, cookie). I just shook my head and continued walking.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: Great Rumbler on November 27, 2009, 12:27:38 PM
lyte edge: Kancho is taken from Naruto, right? Korea imports most of its manga (I think they like to call it manhwa here) from Japan, and I think Naruto is super popular too, so the ass-poking doesn't surprise me.

Kancho was around before Naruto.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: Don Flamenco on November 27, 2009, 01:50:33 PM
:lol I enjoy your stories, GilloD. Things are more tame where I'm at--I experience many of the things that you do, just at a lesser degree of craziness.

lyte edge: Kancho is taken from Naruto, right? Korea imports most of its manga (I think they like to call it manhwa here) from Japan, and I think Naruto is super popular too, so the ass-poking doesn't surprise me.

I've only had it happen to me once though. I was entering the school grounds one morning a few weeks ago, still in morning-commute mode and completely oblivious to everything around me, when suddenly I feel a small, sharp jab directed to my rectum. Mind and body immediately entered "WTF" mode and I turned around and saw one of my kindergarten students (yup, gotta teach the kindergarten class 4 times a month every other month) with a shit-eating grin on her face and the most ridiculous pseudo-innocent demeanor. I didn't know what the hell to say--I can't really lecture her because her entire English vocabulary consists of four words (hello, goodbye, teacher, cookie). I just shook my head and continued walking.


You should have just yelled "TEACHER COOKIE GOODBYE!!!" with a scowl on your face.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: chronovore on November 29, 2009, 08:28:40 PM

You should have just yelled "TEACHER COOKIE GOODBYE!!!" with a scowl on your face.

:lol
And it would work, in context.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: GilloD on December 04, 2009, 10:09:55 PM
So, the end of that story:

We're all pretty drunk and it's like 8:30 and my pants are wet and it's fucking freezing and I;m having a good time, but it's like. Okay! Let;s go home. I have now been around you for 12 hours and with you for 5.5. But, no sir, it does not end there. We are going to Noraebang.

Quick primer: Noraebag is like kareoke, but you rent a private room for you and 2-20 of your closest friends. It's like 30 bucks an hour. They give you beer and toy instruments and you get fucked up and sing like fools. Koreans have 0 shame regarding Noraebang. The most warbly, pitch-imparied grandma in the UNIVERSE will get up and belt out a tune. They truly don't care how you sound.

So, Noraebang. And everyone is singing in Korean, singing old Korean songs. I'm pretty happy about this, dancing around and then someone shoves the mic in my face. I play it safe- The Beatles- and everyone has a pretty good time and they're generally delighted to see that the white boy is not scared and miserable. Somewhere in this middle of this song the 60 year old first grade teacher starts grinding on my ass which everyone thinks is the funniest thing ever. Then the principal starts dancing with me and kisses me on the neck before yelling SEXY HA HA. Song over, fun was had. 40 minutes to go.

A few minutes pass when that 60 year old teacher grabs me by the hand and pulls me out the door and down the hall. It turns out that they rented a SECOND room that's full of all the 'cool' teachers and the VPs. This room is BANGIN'. People are fuckin losing their minds, it's like major dance time and there are three cases of beer on the table. Awesome. I dance, have fun, go pee and for some reason, when I get vback, the two rooms have combined into one sweaty, packed SUPER ROOM. They shove the book in my face. I am at a crossroads.

The only reliable song at every Noraebang is 'Anarchy in the UK'. It's my Noraebang staple. I quickly decide that this is not in my best interest. But I do need to blow it up and in my harried nervous search, it comes ferried by a trio of angels: Born to Run. Is there a better song? No, there is not. I take a moment and quiet the room down and do my best: "Uduipon!", which I think means everyone, "BORN TO RUN". They reply back: "BOHN TOOOO LUN". Great.

Song starts, it's a little rocky at the start, but everyone seems to be into it. First chorus only a few people jump in with the 'BOHN TO LUN' and I'm thinking, "Well, shoot.". But things are getting better and better and as we approach the final chorus our principal, the minor god himself, stands on the table and says "THE BOSS COME ON". And that very final chorus, the one Bruce belts while those drums rev up, I fall to my knees and all around me are 60 koreans going "BABY WE WAH BOHN TO LUUUUUNNNNNNN". Top 5 Life Moment.

7 hour field trip: Total success.
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: Don Flamenco on December 04, 2009, 10:39:50 PM
YES!! :lol
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: chronovore on December 04, 2009, 11:07:10 PM
Fuckawesome. :rock
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: BobFromPikeCreek on December 05, 2009, 02:59:49 PM
That is amazing!
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: Don Flamenco on December 05, 2009, 04:29:57 PM
Everything in Korea is totally BOHN TO LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Title: Re: Everything in Korea is totally FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Post by: Olivia Wilde Homo on December 05, 2009, 05:07:29 PM
Good shit, man.