THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: EmCeeGrammar on January 01, 2010, 10:26:18 AM

Title: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: EmCeeGrammar on January 01, 2010, 10:26:18 AM: So, I got my first hemorrhoid last night. It feels almost like I have a teeny weeny tail coming out of my anoose. Any quick fixes, or am I going to have to get this thing cauterised?
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: Akala on January 01, 2010, 10:30:28 AM: that sucks emcee. do you think you got it the same way kosma did?
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: Cormacaroni on January 01, 2010, 10:31:36 AM: Got my first at 19, when my lifestyle made Tom Waits look like a Mormon. Cut down on the salty food and booze for a bit, don't sit on anything cold, wash the crap out of your love tunnel, and most importantly of all, get some Preparation H or whatever and use it!

I'm happy to say that Japanese toilets pretty much saved my life in this respect tho :)
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: EmCeeGrammar on January 01, 2010, 10:35:07 AM: Quote from: Akala on January 01, 2010, 10:30:28 AM
that sucks emcee. do you think you got it the same way kosma did?

What kosma is saying makes no sense to me. From what I understand you get such things from having a lousy diet or having hard shits.
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: Akala on January 01, 2010, 10:57:32 AM: kosma found a way bro
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: Ganhyun on January 01, 2010, 11:00:03 AM: Quote from: Edge™ of Kosma on January 01, 2010, 10:51:50 AM
She humped me right into the toilet man

:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: The Fake Shemp on January 01, 2010, 11:01:58 AM: (http://rynair9.com/Project3/images/goldblum.jpg)

Life, uh, will find a way.
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: muckhole on January 01, 2010, 01:21:08 PM: Quote from: Edge™ of Kosma on January 01, 2010, 10:51:50 AM
She humped me right into the toilet man

:lol This may have to be my new tag.
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: Joe Molotov on January 01, 2010, 01:36:21 PM: You may not have been aware that hemorrhoids were an STD, but if Kosma says it true, I believe him.
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: Diunx on January 01, 2010, 01:49:22 PM: Quote from: Edge™ of Kosma on January 01, 2010, 10:51:50 AM
She humped me right into the toilet man

:bow
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: Robo on January 01, 2010, 03:52:07 PM: Kosma is my hero. :heart
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: Van Cruncheon on January 01, 2010, 05:48:57 PM: Quote from: Edge™ of Kosma on January 01, 2010, 10:51:50 AM
She humped me right into the toilet man

:lol kosma starts off 2010 proper! :lol
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: AdmiralViscen on January 01, 2010, 07:58:36 PM: This thread is incredible
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: Flannel Boy on January 01, 2010, 08:32:46 PM: Quote from: Professor Prole on January 01, 2010, 05:48:57 PM
Quote from: Edge™ of Kosma on January 01, 2010, 10:51:50 AM
She humped me right into the toilet man

:lol kosma starts off 2010 in the pooper! :lol

fixed
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: BlueTsunami on January 01, 2010, 08:38:42 PM: Quote from: The Business on January 01, 2010, 04:12:50 PM
I recommend getting them lanced. It's the only quick fix and there's no sense dealing with something uncomfortable if you don't have to.

Last time I read about getting something lanced was in a sci-fi book about the bubonic plague :yuck . Emcee has the Brown Death.
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: Barry Egan on January 01, 2010, 08:54:09 PM: aww growing a teeny tiny tail out of your pooper. Cyoote :teehee Leave it to Emcee to find the whimsy in hemorrhoid growth.
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: Joe Molotov on January 01, 2010, 11:21:09 PM: Whimsy :lol
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: drew on January 01, 2010, 11:27:52 PM: just how in the hell do you get a hemhorroroid anyway?
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: Joe Molotov on January 01, 2010, 11:33:30 PM: Straining too hard on the turlet.
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: EmCeeGrammar on January 02, 2010, 06:19:23 AM: Quote from: Joe Molotov® EDGE™ on January 01, 2010, 11:33:30 PM
Straining too hard on the turlet.

Really though, I try to enjoy my dumps. I'm guessing I just go too much because I eat a lot. I remember the subject came up and people were saying they take a dump every two days or some crazy shit.
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: Madrun Badrun on January 02, 2010, 06:56:34 AM: :lol great thread
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: OptimoPeach on January 02, 2010, 07:02:38 AM: Happy New Year lol

Quote from: Edge™ of Kosma on January 01, 2010, 10:51:50 AM
She humped me right into the toilet man
Omg :rofl
Title: Re: I'm too young for this shit.
Post by: chronovore on January 03, 2010, 11:37:54 PM: Quote from: EmCeeGrammar on January 02, 2010, 06:19:23 AM
Quote from: Joe Molotov® EDGE™ on January 01, 2010, 11:33:30 PM
Straining too hard on the turlet.

Really though, I try to enjoy my dumps. I'm guessing I just go too much because I eat a lot. I remember the subject came up and people were saying they take a dump every two days or some crazy shit.

Check the wiki; there are a number of causes listed, and some suggestions for relief. Many of them are pretty simple.

Also, you may need on of these:
http://www.toilet-related-ailments.com/order.html
spoiler (click to show/hide)
I keed. I keed. I live in Asia but I can't use these fuckers without substantial pants acrobatics.
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