THE BORE
General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: T234 on July 12, 2010, 09:17:08 AM
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And then she called her equally-distinguished mentally-challenged-would-be-shoplifter husband over to the counter and asked me to repeat what I said. I told the husband to "Take the fuckin DVD out of your pocket and get the fuck outta here or get yer fuckin ass beat by both me and the cops."
His response? "Try me."
Biggest fucking mistake he ever made. The wife tried to punch me and got knocked slap the fuck out with a three-foot long dildo for her trouble.
Don't try to steal the RoG, bitches.
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Did you end up calling the cops or what?
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After the husband got up from being choked out, he woke the wife up and they left without further incident.
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They're coming back with a fucking shotgun. Watch out.
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After me choking him out while beating the bejeezus out of him with a Ruger Super Redhawk 44. Mag, I don't think we'll be seeing much outta him out at the porn shop.
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:bow Kentucky :bow2
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I swung a three-foot-long 17-pound dildo like a baseball bat at this bitch's face. Caught her right in the chin. She was OUT.
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The dildo was like your fucking lightsaber, man.
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17 pound dildo? :lol
Way to protect the house, mayne.
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I hope there is video footage of this! :rofl
There isn't, because I made sure that I beat them up off camera.
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I swung a three-foot-long 17-pound dildo like a baseball bat at this bitch's face. Caught her right in the chin. She was OUT.
:rofl
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17lbs seems pretty heavy for a dildo. What is it made of?
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This may be the coolest thing I've ever read. Just the visual of a guy with a gun in one hand and a giant dildo in the other as he metes out justice is going to be seared into my brain for the next while.
17lbs seems pretty heavy for a dildo. What is it made of?
Dunno, but I'd buy one.
For home defense! Home defense!
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I feel like I missed a big part of this story. Was dude trying to steal your laptop?
Also: :bow using a dildo as a weapon :bow2
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I swung a three-foot-long 17-pound dildo like a baseball bat at this bitch's face. Caught her right in the chin. She was OUT.
Jesus christ, can we get a tag change here? This is gold.
Also, if they show up with a shotgun, call my cell and duck behind the counter. Hold them off and we'll kick the shit out of them together.
:bow :bow :bow2 :bow2
:bow :bow :bow2 :bow2
:bow :bow T234 :bow2 :bow2
:bow :bow :bow2 :bow2
:bow :bow :bow2 :bow2
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So awesome.
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rednecks, smh.
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rednecks, smh.
:lol
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THIS IS BY FAR THE BEST THING I"VE HEARD THIS YEAR!
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Holy shit, this is the coolest thing I have ever read. You are a hero, dude.
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I feel like I missed a big part of this story. Was dude trying to steal your laptop?
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17lbs seems pretty heavy for a dildo. What is it made of?
That soft rubber stuff that the dildo is made of is quite heavy. After they left, I re-shrinkwrapped it and put it back on the pedestal behind the counter.
I feel like I missed a big part of this story. Was dude trying to steal your laptop?
Also: :bow using a dildo as a weapon :bow2
No, his wife tried to steal my laptop at the same time as he was putting one of our DVDs in his pocket.
I swung a three-foot-long 17-pound dildo like a baseball bat at this bitch's face. Caught her right in the chin. She was OUT.
Jesus christ, can we get a tag change here? This is gold.
Also, if they show up with a shotgun, call my cell and duck behind the counter. Hold them off and we'll kick the shit out of them together.
:bow :bow :bow2 :bow2
:bow :bow :bow2 :bow2
:bow :bow T234 :bow2 :bow2
:bow :bow :bow2 :bow2
:bow :bow :bow2 :bow2
If I see either of them in the porn shop again, I'll shoot them in the head on sight.
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If you get shot, he'll go on trial saying that you "sexually assaulted" (I don't know if this counts) his wife with a dildo. Knowing the types of bullshit that juries count as self-defense, he might get off.
Did you call the cops though? At least to give them a description/license plate? I wouldn't be surprised if distinguished mentally-challenged fellows like this have some sort of warrants out on them.
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You need to call me more :(
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No, his wife tried to steal my laptop at the same time as he was putting one of our DVDs in his pocket.
Ah. Crazy shit man!
That soft rubber stuff that the dildo is quite heavy. After they left, I re-shrinkwrapped it and put it back on the pedestal behind the counter.
SOOOOO awesome. :lol
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(http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e96/andrwfields/thordildo.jpg)
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If you get shot, he'll go on trial saying that you "sexually assaulted" (I don't know if this counts) his wife with a dildo. Knowing the types of bullshit that juries count as self-defense, he might get off.
Did you call the cops though? At least to give them a description/license plate? I wouldn't be surprised if distinguished mentally-challenged fellows like this have some sort of warrants out on them.
No, I'd kill them on the spot. I could probably chop them up and dispose of them without ever even having to talk to the fuzz if I wanted to go that route. But I wouldn't, simply because that's too much work for 7.50/hr.
You need to call me more :(
:-* :-* :hump :hump
(http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e96/andrwfields/thordildo.jpg)
Oh mah gawd there's a new avatar. :lol :lol
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T234 for Icon!!
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If you get shot, he'll go on trial saying that you "sexually assaulted" (I don't know if this counts) his wife with a dildo. Knowing the types of bullshit that juries count as self-defense, he might get off.
Did you call the cops though? At least to give them a description/license plate? I wouldn't be surprised if distinguished mentally-challenged fellows like this have some sort of warrants out on them.
No, I'd kill them on the spot. I could probably chop them up and dispose of them without ever even having to talk to the fuzz if I wanted to go that route. But I wouldn't, simply because that's too much work for 7.50/hr.
Well next time at least call the police so it makes it look like you took every legal precaution. And realistically, if they do come in you're going to be stocking the shelves or playing starcraft so they'd have the drop on you.
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If you get shot, he'll go on trial saying that you "sexually assaulted" (I don't know if this counts) his wife with a dildo. Knowing the types of bullshit that juries count as self-defense, he might get off.
Did you call the cops though? At least to give them a description/license plate? I wouldn't be surprised if distinguished mentally-challenged fellows like this have some sort of warrants out on them.
No, I'd kill them on the spot. I could probably chop them up and dispose of them without ever even having to talk to the fuzz if I wanted to go that route. But I wouldn't, simply because that's too much work for 7.50/hr.
Well next time at least call the police so it makes it look like you took every legal precaution. And realistically, if they do come in you're going to be stocking the shelves or playing starcraft so they'd have the drop on you.
Nah, I got about 2 seconds of warning.
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So much manliness in this thread :bow2
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what color was that dildo?
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what color was that dildo?
Red when he got done. :punch
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you need to buy that dildo and send it to your EB secret santa for xmas
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This reminds me of the hammer joke from Cosmic Oasis.
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what color was that dildo?
Red when he got done. :punch
:lol
Really, even if you use a 17-pound dildo as it was intended, it would end up red anyway.
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T234 for Icon!!
I dunno, man. What he did is vigilantism. I'm pretty sure he could get arrested for it if the couple decided to press charges. We wouldn't want that, right? ::)
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T234 for Icon!!
I dunno, man. What he did is vigilantism. I'm pretty sure he could get arrested for it if the couple decided to press charges. We wouldn't want that, right? ::)
He didn't swing first according to his version of events.
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T234 for Icon!!
I dunno, man. What he did is vigilantism. I'm pretty sure he could get arrested for it if the couple decided to press charges. We wouldn't want that, right? ::)
u mad?
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Leper Ichirou and then rocket him into space
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Leper Ichirou and then rocket him into space
the world is about to end because I actually agree with Corny! TO THE MOON, ICHI! :punch
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et tu, BlackMage?
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Too bad nobody gives a shit what Blackmage thinks.
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thor for MAN-ICON
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thor for MAN-ICON
Agreed, since it implies other icons aren't men.
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thor for MAN-ICON
<----
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If you say man-icon real fast it kinda sounds like mannequin.
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By the dildo of Thor!
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Too bad nobody gives a shit what Blackmage thinks.
someone does!.. someone... :'(
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No.
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Too bad nobody gives a shit what Blackmage thinks.
someone does!.. someone... :'(
I do.
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Stop lying.
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Too bad nobody gives a shit what Blackmage thinks.
someone does!.. someone... :'(
I do.
:hump
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:heart BlackMage :heart
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*slaps Ichi with a three-foot dildo*
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By the dildo of Thor!
:lol
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I had to call the police last night on somebody because he DIDN'T try to assault me, but his girlfriend tried to steal a DVD. The cops almost beat the shit outta both of us. :lol
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Sounds like you guys need to do the GameStop thing and pull all the DVDs from the cases, and keep them behind the counter.
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ABSOLUTELY NOT! TOO MUCH WORK, MUCH TOO MUCH
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If we could find you an even longer dong, you could develop mad skills with it like Zorro and his whip.
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By the dildo of Thor!
This is even funnier if you picture it exclaimed by Twisted Toyfare Theater's "Thor."
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This is the best story of all time.
T234 for Ultra Mega Icon.
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Yeah, I found the purple dildo hand-to-hand weapon in GTA San Andreas, but I never in a million years would have guessed that I'd be sharing forum time with someone who actually knocked someone the fuck out with one.
...And then put it back on the shelf.
:bow T234 :bow2
I'm very happy that I don't have a job that would make me feel like I need to bleach myself to get rid of cooties. Some of the other stories about having to clean up... I don't think I could do that. :shudder
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T234 for Icon. Do it!