THE BORE

General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: chronovore on January 16, 2012, 05:53:11 PM

Title: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: chronovore on January 16, 2012, 05:53:11 PM
This is a rant I get to post instead of showing off a shiny new iPhone 4S in the "What did you buy?" thread.  :maf :maf :maf

Now that I'm in America, I need to get myself a cell phone. As a long-time Apple aficionado, it has been a little strange that I'm the only person I know who doesn't have an iPhone. I determine to get myself one, and find that there's a "monthly rates 10% off" coupon for Sprint in my stack of credit union snailmail.

I applied for the Sprint discount and an iPhone 4S through the website they'd set up specifically for the credit union members, and finalized my order after confirming that my US bank account had funds available to cover the whole cost and that the daily debit card limit was sufficient. Everything was cleared and fine.

A few hours later, I check my gmail account and there are FOUR new mails from Sprint, telling me that they've put my order on Hold until I can answer some questions, and that they'll cancel the order if they don't hear from me in the next five days. OK, no problem, I call. They say their credit department cannot find enough information on me to confirm that I'm who I say I am, so I need to present two pieces of valid photo identification to a clerk at any one of their corporate stores. Again, OK, no problem, I will go in the next day since shops are closed already. The nearest one is two freeways away, but I can make it in the morning.

The next morning, at 8:40 a.m. I get a call from Sprint about my order. It's the same thing as the previous night, they need me to present photo ID at store. I ask the guy if this is the same thing from the previous night. If so, am I in their system twice, am I about to be charged twice, or did someone just forget to set a flag on my order that says that contact has already been made? "Oh, it's probably just overlap, these calls go out at pre-set times..." Alright, but are you aware that THE STORES HERE ARE NOT EVEN OPEN YET? I can't even do what you're asking me AGAIN to do until the store opens.

When the store opens, I go there with my valid CA drivers license and an international passport; if I go to Uzbekistan, this single document is enough to prove that I am me. It's generally accepted to be proof of identity on its own, but I've also got this state's driver's license featuring my current address.

There are 3 employees at Sprint, and 1 customer. One of the employees is acting as a greeter at a podium at the front of the store. "Can I have your name?" I give it to him, and tell him I need to identify myself to the Sprint credit office. I proceed to tell him my application number, but he says, "No, I'm just checking you in to the system. We'll call you in a few minutes."

I look past him at the other two employees, one of whom is serving a customer, then back at him. "OK."

I wander around the store at the various accessories and stuff, just killing time until I can present my identification. It's a full 10 minutes later that, from directly behind me, I hear my name shouted. Barked at me. Seriously, I just about jumped out of my skin. The other clerk, a muscly, shaved-head-and-goatee type, has finally showed up. I explain my situation to him. He immediately recites it all back to the one remaining clerk, except he gets just about every conceivable detail wrong.

Finally, with this last clerk, I am able to present my IDs. She reviews them, and then calls Sprint Credit to confirm. "They just want to talk to you now." OK, sure. The Sprint Credit rep on the other end of the line says, "We are going to ask you some questions, gathered from the public record, to confirm that you are really you. Is that acceptable?" Sure.

"Which of the following cities have you lived in?" (she recites a string of cities I have not lived in ) "...or none of the above?"
None of the above.

"Which of the following street names have you lived on?" (recites a series of streets on which I have not lived)
...'Prospect" sounds familiar, I may have known someone who lived on 'a Prospect street,' but I don't believe I've lived on Prospect. Um, none of the above...? I don't understand how these questions can be useful if they're all "none of the above."

"Which of the following people have you lived with, or have lived at the same address as you?" (string of people whom I do not know)
None of the above. I am really confused by these questions. Is there...
"Please pass the phone back to the Sprint representative."
OK...

Clerk: "I'm sorry, sir. You've been declined." They didn't believe it was me, even though I had showed up with a passport and CDL.

I later realized that "Prospect" was an address I stayed at for 5 weeks after graduating college, while looking for work. TWENTY YEARS AGO. FIVE WEEKS. Yeah, I some contract work during that time, and it must have shown up on a W-2 somewhere. But, yeah, the other two questions, I can only assume they were for other people with my same name, or something like that.

I'll cut out the additional part where I had to call them again to have my declined application canceled, so the "hold" is removed on the funds in my bank account. I'll note that Sprint told me "you can apply again in 60 days," to which I responded "In 60 days, I will have owned a phone for 58 days, since I'll be going with a different carrier."

Anyway, yeah, Sprint will never see a dime of my money.
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: Mr. Gundam on January 16, 2012, 06:02:44 PM
Holy shit.

Welcome home to shitty customer service.
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: Great Rumbler on January 16, 2012, 06:13:09 PM
It's amazing to me that companies that deal face-to-face with customers on a regular basis can be so absolutely backwards about every conceivable aspect of serving the customer.
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: Olivia Wilde Homo on January 16, 2012, 06:13:36 PM
Welcome to America, motherfucker.
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: Howard Alan Treesong on January 16, 2012, 06:25:20 PM
I sometimes get a the name of a $200 federal college grant as a challenge question, to this day. I can never remember it, I'm always denied, I make a note not to do business with those people again. Sorry your experience was so shitty!
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: pilonv1 on January 16, 2012, 06:37:14 PM
So let me get this right, your government issued documents aren't enough to identify you but your memory is?
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: chronovore on January 16, 2012, 06:49:08 PM
Quote from: pilonv1 on January 16, 2012, 06:37:14 PM
So let me get this right, your government issued documents aren't enough to identify you but your memory is?
That seems to be the gist of it.

It's all about identity theft, and Sprint is protecting themselves from it. They claim that they are protecting me, their customer, from identity theft; but I'm not their customer, nor will I ever be, now. They're in a defensive stance before anything else.

I assume that the clerks are not trained to recognize fake passports or licenses, or they are not considered reliable enough that they wouldn't just take, say, a US$500 bribe from some criminal to say, "yes, yes, I checked the passport and it was real. (larf, rolleyes) It's all good!" So the way to confirm an identity is to ask THE MOST OBSCURE details available in the public record.

However, everyone I've talked to about this says, "Oh, that. Yeah, I hate those questions. I was denied too!" or they have helped customers who are frustrated by the questions, or have had to walk them through alternate means of proving that they are, in fact, who they say they are.

In a way, it is a very interesting philosophical exercise.

But in another way, I still don't have a phone.
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: Eel O'Brian on January 16, 2012, 06:58:48 PM
this makes me feel justified in my unabashed hatred of cell phones
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: The Sceneman on January 16, 2012, 07:03:03 PM
you can lick my knob;

because I am Uncle Bob
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: Beezy on January 16, 2012, 07:21:11 PM
So besides having unlimited data, Sprint is still the shitty company that my family sweared against ever using again almost 12 years later. That's good to know.
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: Mr. Gundam on January 16, 2012, 07:24:22 PM
This is really odd. I've never had a problem doing anything like getting a phone, buying a house, buying a car, getting life insurance, etc. All I had to do was sign some papers, give me SSN and show proof of identification.
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: Brehvolution on January 16, 2012, 09:11:00 PM
The silver lining is that you are here but off the grid. There is still T-mo, att, and verizon.
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: MrAngryFace on January 16, 2012, 09:33:23 PM
T-mo is generally pretty decent
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: chronovore on January 16, 2012, 09:42:19 PM
I'm still planning on getting an iPhone 4S, so my choices are Verizon and AT&T, in that order of preference. I was excited about $72/mo instead of $80/mo, but I'm more excited about never dealing with Sprint again! :hyper

T-Mobile will be the top of my list if I default to Android OS later on.
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: Van Cruncheon on January 16, 2012, 11:12:11 PM
get a winphone 7

be cool
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: G The Resurrected on January 16, 2012, 11:21:01 PM
unlimited LTE + Sprint + Android 4.0 = SEX
spoiler (click to show/hide)
too bad its gonna be awhile till that happens
[close]

Screw windows phone 7
spoiler (click to show/hide)
goes back to using HTC evo 3d stuck with Android 2.3 for life  :maf
[close]
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: Tasty on January 16, 2012, 11:30:31 PM
Quote from: Van Cruncheon on January 16, 2012, 11:12:11 PM
get a winphone 7

be cool

be a hipster you mean

Ice Cream Sandwich. (http://developer.android.com/design)  :drool
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: Phoenix Dark on January 16, 2012, 11:43:39 PM
Quote from: Dr. Feelbad on January 16, 2012, 06:58:48 PM
this makes me feel justified in my unabashed hatred of cell phones

phoenix dark liked this post
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: Tasty on January 17, 2012, 12:23:02 AM
Quote from: Phoenix Dark on January 16, 2012, 11:43:39 PM
Quote from: Dr. Feelbad on January 16, 2012, 06:58:48 PM
this makes me feel justified in my unabashed hatred of cell phones

phoenix dark liked this post

don't you mean +1'd
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: Beezy on January 17, 2012, 01:20:31 AM
Quote from: chronovore on January 16, 2012, 09:42:19 PM
I'm still planning on getting an iPhone 4S, so my choices are Verizon and AT&T, in that order of preference. I was excited about $72/mo instead of $80/mo, but I'm more excited about never dealing with Sprint again! :hyper

T-Mobile will be the top of my list if I default to Android OS later on.
Why?
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: chronovore on January 17, 2012, 01:56:07 AM
Because, if I've failed to get an iPhone 4S with the only remaining 2 sources I know of, I'll only be eligible to re-apply after 60 days, if Sprint is any example. T-Mobile is the next-biggest isn't it?
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: Beezy on January 17, 2012, 02:19:47 PM
Quote from: chronovore on January 17, 2012, 01:56:07 AM
Because, if I've failed to get an iPhone 4S with the only remaining 2 sources I know of, I'll only be eligible to re-apply after 60 days, if Sprint is any example. T-Mobile is the next-biggest isn't it?
I see
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: Mr. Gundam on January 17, 2012, 02:44:31 PM
Quote from: chronovore on January 17, 2012, 01:56:07 AM
Because, if I've failed to get an iPhone 4S with the only remaining 2 sources I know of, I'll only be eligible to re-apply after 60 days, if Sprint is any example. T-Mobile is the next-biggest isn't it?

Verizon is bigger than T-Mobile, I think.
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: Mupepe on January 17, 2012, 02:52:52 PM
Quote from: Mr. Gundam on January 17, 2012, 02:44:31 PM
Quote from: chronovore on January 17, 2012, 01:56:07 AM
Because, if I've failed to get an iPhone 4S with the only remaining 2 sources I know of, I'll only be eligible to re-apply after 60 days, if Sprint is any example. T-Mobile is the next-biggest isn't it?

Verizon is bigger than T-Mobile, I think.
Yes.  A lot bigger. 
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: chronovore on January 17, 2012, 03:30:50 PM
Quote from: Mr. Gundam on January 17, 2012, 02:44:31 PM
Quote from: chronovore on January 17, 2012, 01:56:07 AM
Because, if I've failed to get an iPhone 4S with the only remaining 2 sources I know of, I'll only be eligible to re-apply after 60 days, if Sprint is any example. T-Mobile is the next-biggest isn't it?

Verizon is bigger than T-Mobile, I think.

There was  no legitimate reason for Sprint to reject my application, so it has made me wary of holding any reasonable expectations for AT&T or Verizon. If I am rejected at both AT&T and Verizon, it would be another 60 days before I could apply to either of them -- if Sprint is indicative of the application process.

At the theoretical point at which the top three cell providers have all rejected me and I am still without a phone, I'd be looking at T-Mobile, because they wouldn't yet have me on a 60 day "time-out."

Then again, I will likely update this thread with those results if it comes to pass, and hopefully there will be more feedback from you guys on something good before I commit to a fourth-place cesspit.
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: Mr. Gundam on January 17, 2012, 04:11:27 PM
It it absolutely ridiculous that you were rejected. I wonder if your credit history or something says you were off the gride, unaware that you were living in Japan for the last decade?
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: drew on January 18, 2012, 05:28:05 AM
holy bureaucratic batman!
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: Tasty on January 18, 2012, 10:35:29 AM
Quote from: Mr. Gundam on January 17, 2012, 02:44:31 PM
Quote from: chronovore on January 17, 2012, 01:56:07 AM
Because, if I've failed to get an iPhone 4S with the only remaining 2 sources I know of, I'll only be eligible to re-apply after 60 days, if Sprint is any example. T-Mobile is the next-biggest isn't it?

Verizon is bigger than T-Mobile, I think.

It's

1. Verizon
2. ATT
3. Sprint
4. T-Mobile

Verizon and ATT are like 40 and 35%, Sprint and T-Mo are like 15 and 10%.
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: MrAngryFace on January 18, 2012, 11:21:38 AM
I rarely leave town so tmobile rules for me
Title: Re: Sprint can slobber ineffectually over my tumescent knob
Post by: chronovore on January 18, 2012, 04:49:30 PM
Quote from: Mr. Gundam on January 17, 2012, 04:11:27 PM
It it absolutely ridiculous that you were rejected. I wonder if your credit history or something says you were off the gride, unaware that you were living in Japan for the last decade?

I think that's what it was. The first thing Sprint said when I contacted them was that their credit department couldn't find enough information about me, so I had to prove who I was. They didn't say my credit was bad, just that they couldn't find enough stuff. I have had a savings, checking, and brokerage account in the USA for the whole time I've been gone, and there is VISA/debit card activity from time to time, just not enough to be on their radar.

Whatever. They lost.

I went into the Apple Store at a nearby mall and had an iPhone 4S within 10 minutes. I went with Verizon, since they have the best customer support, apparently. 10 minutes after that, my iPhone looked like my iPod Touch, because I downloaded my backup of the iPod to the phone. Pretty nifty.