THE BORE
General => The Superdeep Borehole => Topic started by: Himu on June 12, 2012, 08:37:20 PM
-
Sorry if this seems emo, but I honestly can't stand my mom. My dad is okay, sometimes, but for the most part they are the most miserable, boring, selfish, self-absorbed people I know, always talking about how such and such is wrong about something or how they're better than such and such, and putting on airs in front of people, and belittling me. It's like they constantly have something up their ass for not explicable reason, and I can't stand it. This house is toxic and I'm looking at apartments in the city (Houston). I would be fine if they never entered my life again, is it bad I feel this way? Because I don't feel bad at all about it. My dad has cancer and I still don't feel bad about it.
Part of the reason I'm skeptical towards parenthood and even marriage is my parents. Who wants to live life like this?
-
I hate my wife's parents. Does that count?
-
I like my parents. I'm just tired of living with them. They're old (nearing retirement age), stubborn, and religious. We don't have many interests in common besides basketball and they find everything I do unusual. I guess that's expected, but I don't want to be questioned about every single thing that I do/like.
-
you need to move out
-
My father is a grandiose, narcissistic twat. Moms cool.
-
I haven't talked to my parents in months. They're toxic people (I'm like sunshine and puppies compared to them, believe it or not) and realized that the only solution was cutting them out. The final straw was when after squandering their retirement, they openly contemplated taking money from my bank account. I relocated the funds to a credit union, closed the account, and the rest is history.
-
Like any young'un, I used to hate them. But I've been through so much shit the past 7-9 years and they've stood by me every step of the way, even though they could have easily given up on me. So now, and as the desert-people saying go: I'd jump in a fire if they want me to.
-
you need to move out
Probably this.
I think I'm lucky that my parents have been great, aside from the usual embarrassing stuff you get as a teenager.
-
My father is a grandiose, narcissistic twat. Moms cool.
The fame from Reading Rainbow got to his head?
-
I like my parents. I'm just tired of living with them. they find everything I do unusual. I guess that's expected, but I don't want to be questioned about every single thing that I do/like.
ya moms great but a few months ago she stayed with my grandparents for a month. god damn that was great.
-
I think my mom is using a refund check from my college loans to pay the mortgage. I don't have all the evidence yet but I think I'm right.
-
My dad is probably the most popular person I know. He can be quite annoying in his lecturing and bible shit, but overall he's cool in my book.
My mom...lol. She's great, I love her etc. But she can be extremely difficult. She's the type who demands everything to be perfect and might explode if something isn't done to her satisfaction. Plus she comes up with the most elaborately redudent ways to do everything, and will get annoyed if you question her. Yard work as a kid was torturous because she'd have us do shit like dig a bunch of ditches and fill them with plants only to have us take all the plants out the next week and dump mulch there instead - and then move the plants into the back yard only to have us repeat the digging/mulch nonsense multiple times. :lol
Last year she asked to use my phone since she can never find hers, then proceeded to go through my text messages. Instead of just saying "I'm nosy so I went through your texts lol" she tried to be all subtle and shit
mom: so do you curse sometimes?
me: uhhh yea, why
mom: like on your phone?
me: why
mom: as in do you curse in your texts
me: you read my texts?
mom: you shouldn't curse so much with your phone
Religion :american
-
Nope, my parents kick ass.
-
I love my parents. Dad is great, mom is... well, she's a mom. She's meddling, annoying and exasperating at times, but she's my mom and I love her.
I don't think I could live with either of them anymore, though. I live close by (like a couple doors down) from my mom due to her shitty health (mostly her knees are about shot so she has a hard time getting around) and even that's too close. I could probably live with my dad if it wasn't for my step-mom, she's really uptight, judgmental and bitchy. I'm pretty sure my dad agrees with me but he's also just used to being with her and hates being alone, so whatever.
-
She's the type who demands everything to be perfect and might explode if something isn't done to her satisfaction.
Hate to tell you this, but she also explodes when it's done to her satisfaction.
-
I was born to some pretty crazy ass cool parents. No idea how I got so lucky.
-
My parents are selfish, toxic people in an abusive relationship (father -> mother mostly). I moved out at 16, avoided them in college, invited them to my wedding for reasons i cant figure out, and cut off communication after they got in a fight outside during my wedding, among other things.
My wife's parents more than make up for them, though.
-
My father is a grandiose, narcissistic twat. Moms cool.
The fame from Reading Rainbow got to his head?
He was that way long before LaVarr came in to his life.
-
She's the type who demands everything to be perfect and might explode if something isn't done to her satisfaction.
Hate to tell you this, but she also explodes when it's done to her satisfaction.
:lol
-
My parents are great people. Always got along with them and still do. My friends actually invite them to gatherings from time to time.
-
My father is a grandiose, narcissistic twat. Moms cool.
The fame from Reading Rainbow got to his head?
He was that way long before LaVarr came in to his life.
I don't know what you are talking about but LaVarr sounds the name of an overly open pet hispanic bottom.
-
My parents are conservative Christians.
I can not stand conservative Christians. Therefore, I can not stand my parents.
-
during my child-hood my mom was selfish, manipulative, spent every dime of money she made, and hated my dad for a good portion of it. my dad was an occasional drunk and hardcore racist.
now that i'm an adult - my mom is still selfish, and manipulative, she still wasted a lot of money. but she isn't so bad at all three as she used to be. my dad quite drinking and isn't really that racist anymore (he voted for obama)
i tolerate my mom but occasionally we have a falling out and don't speak to each other for a few weeks. i don't see my dad all that often so i'm on good terms with him and we do stuff together on holidays.
-
My folks are two of the smartest people I've ever met.
-
my parents are awesome.
although, if we spend more than 3 days together, we are at each others' throats!
-
I fucking hate my father.
-
add me into the "awesome parents" pile
my parents have always worked their asses off for their kids, always been really supportive (prolly more than they should have been), and are really fun to hang out with. even all my friends and ex-gfs have loved my parents. and if all that wasn't enough, my whole family is actually the same way to each other - supportive, friendly, and caring. i definitely hit the jackpot when it comes to awesome families.
-
Himu, just shut up and love your parents. They don't sound that bad at all really, you sound like you had decent people raising you at least even if you don't really agree with them on some matters.
I love my parents but can't stand them. They are literally toxic people but I can't afford to cut them out of my life for what it could do to my little brother.
Since I don't feel like retyping it:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=38728751&postcount=28
-
i dont know my dad too well, but i hate his family, does that count?
-
Himu, just shut up and love your parents. They don't sound that bad at all really, you sound like you had decent people raising you at least even if you don't really agree with them on some matters.
I love my parents but can't stand them. They are literally toxic people but I can't afford to cut them out of my life for what it could do to my little brother.
Since I don't feel like retyping it:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=38728751&postcount=28
Am Nintenho, just shut up and love your parents. They don't sound that bad at all really, you sound like you had decent people raising you at least even if you don't really agree with them on some matters.
-
I can't stand ANY of your parents
-
I love my parents. Wonderful people.
-
you need to move out
This. Like some strange thing happens when you move out, you suddenly get along with your family. I suppose it is because of the smaller doses you get of them
-
Himu, just shut up and love your parents. They don't sound that bad at all really, you sound like you had decent people raising you at least even if you don't really agree with them on some matters.
I love my parents but can't stand them. They are literally toxic people but I can't afford to cut them out of my life for what it could do to my little brother.
Since I don't feel like retyping it:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=38728751&postcount=28
Am Nintenho, just shut up and love your parents. They don't sound that bad at all really, you sound like you had decent people raising you at least even if you don't really agree with them on some matters.
No they fucked up a lot of times as parents. I just told you an example where they were willing to destroy their children's future over money.
I don't mean to excuse your parent's faults and maybe I was wrong to say that you shouldn't complain, but it does sound like they are still tolerable.
-
Love my dad, he has been always there for me.
With my mom, I have this weird apathy. I would like to have a better relation to her but there just isn't much. Which makes it really weird when I visit her and we haven't spoken for months but not because we had a big fight but because there are no emotions between us. She feels like a stranger too me.
-
Himu, just shut up and love your parents. They don't sound that bad at all really, you sound like you had decent people raising you at least even if you don't really agree with them on some matters.
I love my parents but can't stand them. They are literally toxic people but I can't afford to cut them out of my life for what it could do to my little brother.
Since I don't feel like retyping it:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=38728751&postcount=28
Am Nintenho, just shut up and love your parents. They don't sound that bad at all really, you sound like you had decent people raising you at least even if you don't really agree with them on some matters.
No they fucked up a lot of times as parents. I just told you an example where they were willing to destroy their children's future over money.
I don't mean to excuse your parent's faults and maybe I was wrong to say that you shouldn't complain, but it does sound like they are still tolerable.
I don't see how you picked me in particular when my parents, particularly my mom, is in the same boat as the rest of the thread who aren't chummy with their folks, in that she's manipulative, especially when it comes to money and pretends like her husband and son exist. It just sounds to me like you're playing Olympics,"My parents are far worse, you have nothing to talk about" which is stupid.
-
My mother is one of the nicest human beings I've ever known. She's all around amazing, barely ever a bad word to say about her.
Dad's a verbally abusive dick half the time, just sits around the other half.
-
Himu, just shut up and love your parents. They don't sound that bad at all really, you sound like you had decent people raising you at least even if you don't really agree with them on some matters.
I love my parents but can't stand them. They are literally toxic people but I can't afford to cut them out of my life for what it could do to my little brother.
Since I don't feel like retyping it:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=38728751&postcount=28
Am Nintenho, just shut up and love your parents. They don't sound that bad at all really, you sound like you had decent people raising you at least even if you Pdon't really agree with them on some matters.
No they fucked up a lot of times as parents. I just told you an example where they were willing to destroy their children's future over money.
I don't mean to excuse your parent's faults and maybe I was wrong to say that you shouldn't complain, but it does sound like they are still tolerable.
I don't see how you picked me in particular when my parents, particularly my mom, is in the same boat as the rest of the thread who aren't chummy with their folks, in that she's manipulative, especially when it comes to money and pretends like her husband and son exist. It just sounds to me like you're playing Olympics,"My parents are far worse, you have nothing to talk about" which is stupid.
Lol so you make a thread complaining about having parents with crappy personalities then chastise someone who actually has a legit reason not to like their parents? SMH
-
I chastise him because he chastised me. Fire with fire, fuck him.
-
my father is a quite taciturn and silent person and sometimes it's kinda hard to understand what he thinks of,my mother is the complete polar opposite and ALWAYS have to say what she thinks off even for the most trivial stuff to the point she sometimes annoys me and we end up quarrelling
my mother is also quite religious which seems a pretty common thing in this thread :lol
i have a brother too,like my mother he can be often overbearing too,he and my mother often see things in complete opposite way which makes for a lot of discussions,i guess being overbearing it's a thing that runs in the family
otherwise they are coo and i guess i could do worse :)
-
My father Terence is a red-head, and my mother Troshala is Congolese.
I'm Terrys Chocolate Orange.
-
Totally despise the padre, full stop.
Hate the way my dim bulb, uber conservative mother acts sometimes. I love her, but I sure as hell don't like her.
-
My parents divorced when I was 15. Both are pretty chill and easy to talk to. They are cordial to each other too which is nice.
My father in law never cared about politics in all the years I've known him until Obama was elected. Since he's retired and gets to watch faux news all day, he's an expert in government and loves the tea party. He lives off of veteran's benefits and Social Security, hates government spending. We have arguments here and there. I pick my battles with him because he spent 18 month in Vietnam. He's entitled to his opinions even if I think he's wrong.
My mother in law is very sweet and kind Italian lady. She battled thyroid cancer for the first 6 years I knew her. She likes Sean Hannity but she doesn't wear her politics on her sleeve like he does.
-
My father Terence is a red-head, and my mother Troshala is Congolese.
I'm Terrys Chocolate Orange.
:lol
-
My father passed away ~10 years ago but he was a good man - very intelligent, liberal, hardworking and good to both me and my brother (helped us pay for college). Rather frugal though, a trait I have too... he never really wanted to go out for nice dinners or on fancy vacations (excepting chaperoning school trips to Europe).
My mom is your typical overbearing Italian mother. Spoils me and is still pretty overprotective (even though I'm turning 30 next month and should finally be all moved into my house by then), traditional/old-fashioned, and has an opinion about EVERYTHING, not afraid to speak her mind even if what she is saying is not nice.
-
Spoils me and is still pretty overprotective (even though I'm turning 30 next month and should finally be all moved into my house by then), traditional/old-fashioned, and has an opinion about EVERYTHING, not afraid to speak her mind even if what she is saying is not nice.
maybe it comes with italian blood? ???
-
So does fucking fat chicks and having a big dick
-
I don't see how you picked me in particular when my parents, particularly my mom, is in the same boat as the rest of the thread who aren't chummy with their folks, in that she's manipulative, especially when it comes to money and pretends like her husband and son exist. It just sounds to me like you're playing Olympics,"My parents are far worse, you have nothing to talk about" which is stupid.
well you're the one who made the thread. I'm just saying count your blessings and all that.
-
I think my mom is using a refund check from my college loans to pay the mortgage. I don't have all the evidence yet but I think I'm right.
Wait? Don't the refunds go through you first?
-
Emotionally unavailable. But they provided everything, so it's ok.
-
I think my mom is using a refund check from my college loans to pay the mortgage. I don't have all the evidence yet but I think I'm right.
Wait? Don't the refunds go through you first?
Exactly. I got the check a few months ago, and was going to send it to the loan people immediately. It then disappeared, I asked what happened to it, and she admitted to taking it, but refuses to give it back. It was a 10k check too.
-
I think my mom is using a refund check from my college loans to pay the mortgage. I don't have all the evidence yet but I think I'm right.
Wait? Don't the refunds go through you first?
Exactly. I got the check a few months ago, and was going to send it to the loan people immediately. It then disappeared, I asked what happened to it, and she admitted to taking it, but refuses to give it back. It was a 10k check too.
Is that legal? Did they co-sign for your loans?
-
ya did she pay for your school?
-
Didn't co-sign the loans.
-
Didn't co-sign the loans.
If your parents didn't take out the loans, then she can't do that.
Unless you're not telling us the entire story, again.
-
Well, I haven't seen that check in months. That's all I know. I'm not making a big deal of it though. I'm just trying to get a new car so I can finally move out. I can't move out without a car but old car is apparently done at the shop so I may pick it up and start looking at apartments in the city.
-
If the check was in your name, she cannot legally cash it and use it. Unless she forged your name or something.
-
It was in my name, it's probably just sitting around. But then again, she has used my cards as her own personal thing in the past because her cards are full up, so I wouldn't put it past her.
-
It was in my name, it's probably just sitting around. But then again, she has used my cards as her own personal thing in the past because her cards are full up, so I wouldn't put it past her.
Call the loan company and ask if the check was cashed. If not, see if they'll cancel it and send you another one.
-
Huh? Oh. You're confused. The SCHOOL sent me a check, I'm supposed to give that money to the LOAN people.
-
Huh? Oh. You're confused. The SCHOOL sent me a check, I'm supposed to give that money to the LOAN people.
Then call the school and see if the check was cashed. If not, see if they'll send a you a new check.
-
So does fucking fat chicks and having a big dick
word
-
I love all your mothers! In a sexual way! Haha peace.
-
Unless you're not telling us the entire story, again.
:lol
-
My parents divorced when I was 15. Both are pretty chill and easy to talk to. They are cordial to each other too which is nice.
My father in law never cared about politics in all the years I've known him until Obama was elected. Since he's retired and gets to watch faux news all day, he's an expert in government and loves the tea party. He lives off of veteran's benefits and Social Security, hates government spending. We have arguments here and there. I pick my battles with him because he spent 18 month in Vietnam. He's entitled to his opinions even if I think he's wrong.
My mother in law is very sweet and kind Italian lady. She battled thyroid cancer for the first 6 years I knew her. She likes Sean Hannity but she doesn't wear her politics on her sleeve like he does.
My parents used to watch NBC Nightly News and CNN. They were agnostic for several years because they hated how arrogant most Christians are. Both of them voted for Obama and my father was a self proclaimed redneck who liked huntin' n shootin'. When they switched to a basic cable package, they lost CNN but Fox News was included.
Now they watch Fox News exclusively, are die hard conservatives, and consider themselves good Catholics, in spite of not even going to mass in over a decade. Fox News rots the brain.
-
Fox News is terrible, I'm glad I got away from that before the current craziness hit.
-
The mainstream media is bad enough, but Fox is basically a propaganda arm/wingnut welfare circuit for "conservative thinkers" (and isn't that an oxymoronic term) that is blatantly awful and bad for humanity. I'm pretty different from even 4 years ago as far as what I'll consume/follow (don't follow stuff every day on MSNBC anymore, mostly stay up to date via Balloon Juice and occasionally TPM and the guardian.uk) but sweet Jesus, people who regularly watch Fox are probably 75% more likely to snap and shoot someone in my opinion. If you believed even half of the bullshit they say, you'd probably think it was the right thing to do.
-
Not bad for a channel owned by an Australian and Saudi prince.
-
I think my mom is using a refund check from my college loans to pay the mortgage. I don't have all the evidence yet but I think I'm right.
Wait? Don't the refunds go through you first?
Exactly. I got the check a few months ago, and was going to send it to the loan people immediately. It then disappeared, I asked what happened to it, and she admitted to taking it, but refuses to give it back. It was a 10k check too.
Man, I would have gone nuclear if I found out my parents basically stole money from me and refused to give it back. Even if it was to pay a mortgage, the amount of disrespect that shows, I wouldn't be able to take it. You are a stronger man than I in this situation. But you got the right idea, saving up for a car and getting out at the right time is the way to go.
I mean, yeah I live with my parents too and they sometimes use my refund money. But they always ask first, I mean jeez.
-
The only way that would be remotely ok is if you had been living with them for a while and not helping out financially, or if you'd started a gay sex dungeon in their basement. Either one is plausible with Himuro.
-
GAY SEX DUNGEON? SHIT I'M HEADING OVER!
-
The only way that would be remotely ok is if you had been living with them for a while and not helping out financially, or if you'd started a gay sex dungeon in their basement. Either one is plausible with Himuro.
Nope, pay what I can and don't have gay dungeon.
-
It's that liberal education. You'd have a gay dungeon by now if you'd just stayed out of school.
-
My parents stole $7,000 from me during my college years. Considering how deep in debt I was, that $7k would have helped. When confronted with it, they got all pissy about it. For the purpose of family togetherness, which I didn't believe much in (and this event certainly didn't help), I dropped the issue.
I had a joint checking account with mom that I opened up when I was 16 (you had to have a parent/guardian on your account if you were under 18) and I just left her name on it because I figured it wasn't going to harm anyone. My parents retired at 53 with over $350,000. Due to some very poor financial decisions in starting up a business, within six months, they wound up with about $50,000 left. Since $50,000 is hardly any amount to retire on, especially if they are both 53, and since the business was hemorrhaging money, they had to go back and work. I guess they didn't like that and since I had over $100,000 in the bank, they decided that a 26-27 year old shouldn't have that kind of money and that they deserved some of it. In disgust and haste, I switched to a new account at a credit union, closed out my old account, and left it at that. My mom called up pissed off that I did that, why I didn't want to help them out, etc. Of course the fact that they enjoyed touting themselves as family values conservatives was just another layer of bullshit on the cake of shit.
-
No wonder you sold me that 360 for only $100. ROLLIN IN DAT CASH
-
:lol
-
I love my parents, despite their faults.
I'm slowly beginning to hate my in-laws though. I used to like them, then I realized what a miserable, manipulative, self-obsessed woman my mother-in-law is (and her husband enables her). I became cautious of her but remained cordial. Now we've realized that us being cordial and holding our tongues for sake of not being rude has completely backfired. She does and says shit to be hurtful in order to make herself feel good since she knows we won't say much about it. She knows everything and is always right, she makes shit up to give my husband guilt trips, and the world revolves around her.
I thought us having a baby would change things (since she hasn't stopped pestering us about it since she met me), but she's actually gotten much worse and completely unbearable. She nearly ruined my baby shower (similar to my wedding rehearsal, bridal shower and wedding), and she is constantly putting me down about the pregnancy. I'm not the type of person who likes being the center of attention, but she is, to the point where she gets very upset and acts out (like a child) to remind everyone of her existence. Instead of focusing on the baby, she just keeps talking about how this will or should change things for her. She really has no questions about anything and is generally disinterested in the whole process (my mom and pretty much every other woman in my life wants to know everything the doctors say, our plans for the big day, how we want to care for and raise the baby, etc). Instead, she gives me really bad and unsolicited advice or "facts" that dumb people from her work have told her - the hospital automatically allows grandparents in the room during labor and delivery, she's allowed to come to all the ultrasounds (internal/vaginal included), that I must drink beer during every breastfeeding session or I won't be able to nurse (so 8-12 beers per 24 hours that is directly going into my infant's body), etc. When my husband or I tell her that the "facts" aren't exactly accurate, then she resorts to telling me how wide my ass/hips have become (I've only gained 20lbs and have actually slimmed down to a very healthy size), or insisting that I must be having twins because I'm so huge. She refuses to apologize for any of this and has even denied the events of my baby shower, despite all the other guests witnessing the whole thing. She's actually turned it around on my husband, saying he never defended her, even though she hurt my feelings repeatedly and offended pretty much everyone in my family. I've actually had to go to the ER for pregnancy complications over the stress, and she knows that but still won't apologize or acknowledge she did anything wrong. She couldn't have kids, so I'm not sure if this stems from resentment, or if it's just because she can't be the center of attention, or both.
I'm not all that concerned about myself, but she's been hurtful to my husband his entire life, and she's been a total bitch to me during the entire pregnancy knowing any stress directly affects the baby. So I know she would treat our daughter the same if we let this behavior go on.
Edit: good lord that was long, and only scratched the surface.
-
Jeez, Len.
Found out today that my car that has been in the shop ALL YEAR is done for pick up. I thought the car was toast, but it has life in it yet. It'll have to do while I look for apartments.
-
can't begin to describe how S-class my parents were.
Grew up in a family that had nothing but they provided all the tools we required to get our lives sorted.
From a low class background, my mother provided all the skills i needed to get to college whilst my dad provided endless morale support and general hijinks that my home life was insanely happy even though, in the main, we had very little.
I seriously couldn't have asked for my parents to provide me with anything else - the whole experience prepared me for life and made me the person i am.
(both were avid gamers as well - Mother is a Tetris and Tapper master, father used to buy games involving bikes and destroy them (Super Hang on, Road Rash, Super Cycle etc)
-
I love my parents, despite their faults.
I'm slowly beginning to hate my in-laws though. I used to like them, then I realized what a miserable, manipulative, self-obsessed woman my mother-in-law is (and her husband enables her). I became cautious of her but remained cordial. Now we've realized that us being cordial and holding our tongues for sake of not being rude has completely backfired. She does and says shit to be hurtful in order to make herself feel good since she knows we won't say much about it. She knows everything and is always right, she makes shit up to give my husband guilt trips, and the world revolves around her.
I thought us having a baby would change things (since she hasn't stopped pestering us about it since she met me), but she's actually gotten much worse and completely unbearable. She nearly ruined my baby shower (similar to my wedding rehearsal, bridal shower and wedding), and she is constantly putting me down about the pregnancy. I'm not the type of person who likes being the center of attention, but she is, to the point where she gets very upset and acts out (like a child) to remind everyone of her existence. Instead of focusing on the baby, she just keeps talking about how this will or should change things for her. She really has no questions about anything and is generally disinterested in the whole process (my mom and pretty much every other woman in my life wants to know everything the doctors say, our plans for the big day, how we want to care for and raise the baby, etc). Instead, she gives me really bad and unsolicited advice or "facts" that dumb people from her work have told her - the hospital automatically allows grandparents in the room during labor and delivery, she's allowed to come to all the ultrasounds (internal/vaginal included), that I must drink beer during every breastfeeding session or I won't be able to nurse (so 8-12 beers per 24 hours that is directly going into my infant's body), etc. When my husband or I tell her that the "facts" aren't exactly accurate, then she resorts to telling me how wide my ass/hips have become (I've only gained 20lbs and have actually slimmed down to a very healthy size), or insisting that I must be having twins because I'm so huge. She refuses to apologize for any of this and has even denied the events of my baby shower, despite all the other guests witnessing the whole thing. She's actually turned it around on my husband, saying he never defended her, even though she hurt my feelings repeatedly and offended pretty much everyone in my family. I've actually had to go to the ER for pregnancy complications over the stress, and she knows that but still won't apologize or acknowledge she did anything wrong. She couldn't have kids, so I'm not sure if this stems from resentment, or if it's just because she can't be the center of attention, or both.
I'm not all that concerned about myself, but she's been hurtful to my husband his entire life, and she's been a total bitch to me during the entire pregnancy knowing any stress directly affects the baby. So I know she would treat our daughter the same if we let this behavior go on.
Edit: good lord that was long, and only scratched the surface.
That's horrible :(
How feasible would it be for you and your husband to cut her out of your lives?
-
I've actually had to go to the ER for pregnancy complications over the stress, and she knows that but still won't apologize or acknowledge she did anything wrong. She couldn't have kids, so I'm not sure if this stems from resentment, or if it's just because she can't be the center of attention, or both.
your husband is adopted?
-
Jesus guys. I guess I should actually count myself lucky. Parents stealing stuff??? Absolutely mind-boggling.
-
Time to move out.
Some of the stories here...
-
Yea, he's adopted, and it's relatively feasible to cut them out, or at least cut down our time spent with them to major holidays.
I truly believe they adopted with the hope that they would fit in at work/in society and have stories to tell about being a parent, etc. Then when they realized that it's a child who requires care and love, it wasn't all rainbows and cupcakes anymore. It's similar to people who want a puppy to say they have a puppy, unlike us, who wanted dogs to raise and care for for the rest of their lives. She brings up everything he's ever done wrong from the time he was an infant, almost like he did things on purpose to her, when in fact those things are just a part of having kids. It creates such a negative air at holidays that my parents (who lost their only son a few years ago, absolutely adore my husband, and have forgotten all the dumb shit me and my 2 siblings did as kids) don't want to be around them any longer.
She's really going to have a hard time when my daughter comes and everything is all about her instead. She doesn't do well with women as it is, and the only reason we've gotten along to this point is because I'm not a normal woman. I'm predicting that she will try to show up a dramatic 5 year old little girl at every holiday. I have shitty grandparents on my dad's side that are eerily similar to my in laws, and I was 2 when I told my mom I didn't want to be around them because of how they treated my dad and put him down, so I know our daughter will pick up on that shit and hate them too.
-
My mothers parents were emotionally abusive people (she was also adopted, strangely enough) and when I was born she gave them an ultimatum: you two will be on your best behavior around my son or you will never see him. They knew she was serious and they complied. It's a different situation for you because it's your husbands parents, but I would talk with him about making sure there are some serious boundaries set around your child. People like the woman your describing need to be put on a very tight rope, as I'm sure you already know. Anyway, that's my unsolicited advice for the day.
-
That's interesting... Did they comply? Were they behaved around you? (It's sad when we talk about our parents and grandparents like they are the children.) My husband has been planning on talking to them about everything, but just wanted to wait until I wasn't pregnant and could handle additional stress from any potential fallout...
I have an older friend who was also adopted and had issues with her adoptive mom. She was adopted by a family member after her real mom couldn't care for her, so the woman wasn't really prepared to raise a child. The mom ended up having a kid of her own years later and treated the biological child the complete opposite. My friend and I have discussed it from time to time, and she's been very helpful in my understanding. Her theory is that some women are natural caretakers and mothers before they ever become real moms, and they'll love a child regardless if they gave birth to them or not. I've always been very maternal (might be my only feminine quality!) and my mom is the same way, which is probably why it's so hard for us to understand how you could treat your adoptive kids any different. Other women don't have a natural maternal instinct at all until they go through months of pregnancy and have a child of their own (if then even). Example - my mother-in-law. She has very much always been the center of attention and very immature, and she has never been able to give that up, even for her own child. Maybe if she would've given birth to him, things would be different, but it's impossible to say. My friend is also convinced that my MIL is acting out partly due other own inability to have children and her resentment toward us for getting pregnant. She sees how much attention we are getting, me especially because I'm growing a bowling ball of a baby, and she's upset that the focus isn't on her, and also because she never experienced that attention women get during pregnancy. It's an interesting theory and would answer a lot of questions.
The last time my husband and his mom spoke about all this bs going on, she sobbed hysterically and told him that he didn't love them as much because they aren't his real parents. Obviously that isn't true because he had no choice to the parents he was born with, like anyone else, so it really doesn't matter if they are biological or not. But the fact that she would even bring that up and is insecure about it makes me wonder if she actually feels that way about him. Adopting him was a last resort to have children and proof that they could never have their own.
I know other people who adopted their kids and that's all they can talk about, in a good way. But they're also naturally amazing parents who appreciate the opportunity to be able to adopt a child.
-
Bad grandparents? Damn that would suck. All my grandparents were great, and got along with each other/my parents perfectly. Come to think of it, I can only think of one instance where one of my grandparents was mad at me: when I was like 6 or 7 my grandma (on my dad's side) asked me to sweep the kitchen floor. I...didn't know how lol and she was like "your mother didn't teach you how to sweep a floor? boyyyy what's the matta with you." Then she taught me how to sweep
-
My grandparents were serious alcoholics and would become visciously cruel when they had enough to drink. Grandpa couldn't conceive and perhaps saw his adopted daughter as a symbol of his impotence. He also probably suffered from PTSD from his time in WWII, not to excuse him for what a piece of shit he was. The amount of verbal abuse my mother had to deal with growing up, more or less every night until she could move out, is nightmarish.
Now, I think your situation is different because the woman your describing sounds like she has a narcissistic personality disorder, which my grandparents did not have. My grandparents chose to be cruel but had the capacity for empathy. So when my mother gave them the ultimatum she did, they were able to adjust accordingly. I loved seeing my grandparents as a child. My mother was watching them like a hawk whenever we would interact of course, but I didn't have a clue, I was just happy to have grandparents. I never knew them as cruel people until I was much older and they had both passed away.
It sounds like you are dealing with someone who can't take accountability for anything if she tried, so it may be impossible to get her to play by any rules. And I know this because my fathers side is where all the narcissistic personality disorders dwell :lol. But at least if you offer a similar ultimatum and she disregards it you'll know you gave it a shot.
But honestly if it were my kid he/she would only interact with the person your describing as little as humanly possible. She wants what you have and can't control herself, and she will try to turn your kid to "her side" (and against you and your husbands) every chance she gets, I guarantee it.
-
Hmm.. Now that you mention it, my mom's mother was abusive toward them as kids, but was still a great person and a wonderful grandmother. Probably wasn't nearly as abusive as your grandfather, but was taken to court over it. I loved her and never felt negatively toward her, because I never saw that side of her. She was always great with my older siblings, so my mom trusted her by the time I came around.
My dad's mother is exactly like my mother-in-law. She has never changed, she's still a hateful bitch, and she will manipulate and reign havoc for the rest of her days. I'll give my in-laws the chance to change their ways, but my hopes are very low. My husband has been so stressed about all of this and has to tiptoe with everything he says to her because she will start arguing and/or sobbing and saying hurtful things to him in order to get him to say something hurtful back. That way she can turn it around on him and say, "But you said xxxxxx to me!" The last time they spoke, she tried every tactic under the sun to get him upset, but he remained calm and repeated his points until she finally got so upset that she became hysterical and hung up.
At this point there's really no discussion necessary with them. It just has to be, "Look, you have a choice. You can continue doing x and x and x and x. Or you can see your granddaughter." We'll just have to cut her off when she tries to argue and manipulate. It's just a self-fulfilling prophecy for her, because she has been telling my husband that she just knows we're going to keep the baby from her (and that MY mom is manipulating the situation so she has full control over the baby - wtf. My mom is going to be our child care so she'll have plenty of time with the baby anyway). So when we do have this conversation, she's going to have a hissy fit with the I told you so's and I just knew it's. But if she knew we would be inclined to keep the baby from her because of the events that have transpired and her inappropriate behavior, then why hasn't she apologized and made things right? Because nothing would make her happier than being able to tell everyone she meets how mean her son and daughter in law are and how we keep her only grandchild from her. She would rather be "right" and be a victim than be happy and surrounded by family.
I still don't plan to have the baby around them much even if they do change, and likely never alone with her and/or my father-in-law (who is disgusting and says the most sexual and inappropriate things he can think of in front of us, my parents, and everyone else.) The baby would either grow up hating them, or become a total nightmare because of them. I'd rather her have few but fond memories of them.
Wish us luck... :/ Totally the last thing we need to worry about when I'm getting ready to pop out this baby.
-
I had great and supportive grandparents. I wish you all the luck int he world, Len.
-
These stories kinda shock me. With how blessed I've been, it's hard for me to image some of the shit yal have went through
-
Thanks... :(
I got a voicemail at work today from her being a bitch saying she thought I would answer my phone since my husband won't answer his but she was wrong. Wtf, I'm 9 months pregnant and worked an hour and a half of overtime today. I didn't answer my phone because I'm at work. Even if I would've gone home at 5, I would've been in crazy traffic when she called.
My husband called her to tell her that all this negativity and bitchiness needs to stop, but she started off with her manipulative shit. He told her that the voicemail upset me, and he explained I probably thought I would be getting an apology, but got a hateful message instead. She said why should she apologize as she was the one who was "wronged." (FYI the baby shower incident was between her and my mom, and I did nothing that contributed.) So I kinda snapped, took the phone from him and wouldn't let her talk. Basically I told her to never leave me a snide voicemail ever again depicting how awful my husband and I are, and that our child will never hear these remarks about him or me or my family ever. Then she tried to interrupt me and I said, "Oh no, we've heard plenty of what you have to say. You need to listen to what we have to say for once." and then she hung up and refused to answer the phone when he called her back.
So we won't have to worry about how to handle the awkward situation when they want to come to the hospital. :lol A resounding "fuck no" is warranted.
-
Wow, she sounds completely worthless. She'd even make things about her during your labor. Good riddance.
-
good lord
-
You don't have to invite her to the hospital right? I'd just invite your parents and whoever is on the list, have the kid, and call her the next day. Boom
-
just make sure to let hospital staff know she aint allowed around during the pregnancy so she doesnt pop in unannounced and try to fuck everything up
-
She sounds like she'd try to fake a faint during the labor process and be like "I need a doctor and nurse, help me! :smug"
-
Oh, I'm really sorry about your situation, Lends.
(Good job Chipo, you know you've caused this!)
-
We're probably not calling anybody until after the baby's born. I don't want people to rush up to the hospital and I'm still in labor another 12 hours or whatever. It's only going to be me and hubs, maybe my mom, in the room during labor so there's really no need to call a bunch of people just for them to sit around in the waiting room.
And no, his parents don't have a right to be at the hospital. We can put whatever restrictions we want for visitors, thank god.
:lol I can only imagine her in the room during labor. She's the loudest woman I've ever met anyway. When I had Bell's Palsy two summers ago, they didn't know if I maybe had a stroke or had a brain tumor, but she called me when I was home resting and told me all about how she twisted her knee and how bad it hurt. Thank god she never gave birth because she probably would've really hated my husband.
-
Thanks for your support guys.... :heart We've seriously wondered if we were the crazy ones in this situation, or if cutting them out was too harsh. They obviously have no consideration or respect for us, so why should we respect them? They may be our "elders" but we're far more mature and concerned about our child's health and well being than they have ever been.
-
I'd cut her off. Life is too short and if she is one of those types that you always have to accommodate to, it is best just to move on. You can lay out some clear terms for her and let her decide whether she wants to be a part of your kid's life or not. I suspect she'll ratchet up the victimizing but sometimes you just gotta do it.
Bad grandparents? Damn that would suck. All my grandparents were great, and got along with each other/my parents perfectly. Come to think of it, I can only think of one instance where one of my grandparents was mad at me: when I was like 6 or 7 my grandma (on my dad's side) asked me to sweep the kitchen floor. I...didn't know how lol and she was like "your mother didn't teach you how to sweep a floor? boyyyy what's the matta with you." Then she taught me how to sweep
I haven't seen or talked to my paternal grandfather in almost 20 years. He's half native american and suffers from the trappings of being a native american (extreme poverty, never graduated high school, severe alcoholism). He's almost 90 and still alive; I assumed cirrhosis would have taken him out a long time ago.
-
My grandma and grandad on my mom's side must have really had it bad during the Great Depression as they were always obsessed with making sure everyone ate, constantly wondering whether we were hungry, etc. My granddad would also constantly tell us education was sort of important, but working on a farm was far better in terms of securing financial stability. Yeah.
He told some insane WWII stories too. He fought in the Pacific and said Japanese soldiers/couriers would enter segregated black camps and tell them they'd be treated much better if they joined the Japanese army
-
we cut my grandmother on my dad's side out of our life. no loss. she was classic insane npd.
-
we cut my grandmother on my dad's side out of our life. no loss. she was classic insane npd.
Totally read that as "classic insane npc" first time.
-
also that!
-
I cracked and sent my father a $25 gift card to Cabela's for Father's Day.