I unintentionally cheated in a high level Magic: the Gathering tournament and didn't immediately inform the judge who was personally observing my match of the situation and take the automatic loss. (My dumbshit opponent was wearing a shirt advocating cheating so in a field of hundreds we were being personally supervised by a judge.)
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"Dude this is great, you've found someone who loves you for who you are and can handle all your bullshit. And they want to spend the rest of their life (presumably) with you. Bet the farm on this one, she's a keeper."
/Eel O'Brian
When I answer "I'm fine" whenever someone asks me how I've been :fbm
This would be it for me too. I remember sitting in pediatrics during my sophomore (junior?) year of high school, staring blankly into my doctor's face as she's talking at me. This is the first visit since I've stopped taking antidepressants, my view of medication in general has been skeptical at best, disillusioned at worst, I've decided that I'm more comfortable being subject to mood swings and intermittent bouts of depression than making a concerted effort to get better. I remember my attention snapping back into the conversation:
"I'm so glad you're in a better place."
(beat)
"Yeah." :goty2
[looking down onto her chart] "Oh, it looks here like you've lost some weight."
:smug
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I'm positive that I've said some actually hurtful lies that I've conveniently forgotten about, and if we expanded the conversation to the general vile shit I've said :kobeyuck
Were you playing high tide?
I would sacrifice every principle and everything I've ever loved for High Tide. :lawd
(Story in spoiler tag because it's long, nerdy as fuck, and probs most peeps don't want to read it.)
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I was playing Cunning Wake before the release of Scourge (i.e. instead of having an actual good win condition in Decree of Justice I had the fucking hooptie of win conditions--Elephant Ambush) in a Type 2 grinder for the U.S. National Championship. I had brought in a Ray of Revelation from my sideboard with my Cunning Wish during the game immediately preceding the rubber match but as I had never flashed it back during the course of events it was in my graveyard at the end of the festivities and I absentmindedly shuffled it up into my library instead of putting it back into my sideboard.
(Since the rule has changed, back then however many cards you registered your deck as having was the number of cards you had to have at the start of every game. i.e. I registered my deck as being 60 cards with a 15 card sideboard and at the start of every game my deck could only be 60 cards. Since I had left the Ray in my deck, my deck was 61 cards (at least) at the beginning of the rubber match and in violation of this rule. Given the level of the event I would have taken a game loss for this violation had they done a deck check or I hadn't been a cheating piece of shit.)
My opponent was playing this obnoxious monoblack metagame deck that relied on an enchantment to win and as I got further and further on the ropes in the rubber match he eventually drew it and played it smugly. (He was an openly arrogant opponent.) During my next draw step I fatalistically drew my card because even if I mised a Wish, I didn't have the mana available to cast both it and the Ray of Revelation I'd Wish for. (Cunning Wake sucks without a Mirari's Wake in play, protip/fyi/etc.)
But then I looked at the card I'd drawn and it was Ray of Revelation. At first I was ecstatic to have mised such a mise as this, but then I realized that I could only have mised it because I had broke the rules. Then, with a judge standing right over me, I had to decide if I would take the L and snitch on myself or break my "cheating in a game is fucking shitty and you're an asshole if you do it" principle and try and play the Ray while hoping no one would call shenanigans on my bullshit. (Cunning Wake only ever really ran 1 Ray of Revelation so mathematically it would make no sense whatsoever to sideboard it into your maindeck when you have 4 Cunning Wishes there already.)
Eventually I opted for the latter option, timidly tapped my lands, and played the Ray targeting the enchantment.
Besides the judge, maybe 4 to 6 people were spectating our tie because my opponent was very loud and also because the nature of my deck made our tie run long so people were done with their shit and had nothing to do. As soon as I played the card everyone went deathly silent because I had mised but it was the most insane mise anyone could ever mise. My opponent looked at me like I'd fucked his soulmate while killing his beloved childhood pet and swindling his family out of everything. My opponent had no way of preventing the Ray's resolution but the judge wouldn't let play advance while pondering the situation for a few minutes THAT FELT LIKE INDESCRIBABLY EXCRUCIATING AGONY TO MY CHEATING ASS but eventually said that this wasn't the droid he was looking for and that I could move along.
After I cheated I went on to get off the ropes and subject my opponent to an excruciating Cunning Wake loss (Weren't they all excruciating? -ed.) and win the tie.
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I was playing High Tide in like the 6th round of a legacy event a couple of years ago, and I basically made a nice little spread sheet whenever I started comboing off that kept track of number of active High Tides, mana in my mana pool, and spells cast this turn in case I decided to just Brain Freeze someone to death.
My opponent was playing Counter-Top and was a real douche, and we were about to go to time, which is fine by me since I'll get another couple of turns and on one of them I'll win. So, proceed to time, I'm about to win on my 2nd turn of extra turns and he all snidely says, "I bet you can't combo off without your little sheet," to which I say I most certainly can, but will only do so with a judge present in case of any disagreements. He gets all bitchy, "Oh now you're calling me a cheater, huh?" which I was waiting for- I knew this fucker, and he'd been banned for six months a year ago for, you guessed it, cheating. So I calmly told him "No, but the DCI did."
:aah
He continued pitching a fit, a judge had wandered over by now anyway, and I proceeded to combo off without the sheet to the delight of everyone watching. Apparently no one liked this fucker. He conceded when I asked him if he preferred to be Zenith'ed or Brain Freeze'd to death.
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(I haven't played it since its 1.X days because Candelabras are like $400 a pop. :tocry)
:whoo @ that ethering you gave.
@Shinobi - I typed up a version of that story that someone who doesn't know the game could passably follow and posted it on another forum months ago but I know there's a lot of card flippers here so I went slangy as hell. Do the kids even use mise anymore?
As someone who lies about anything and everything irl as a matter of course, ironically I've never told a romantic partner I loved them if I didn't mean it.
Back in the day when I could tell one was working up the courage to drop an L bomb on me when I didn't have reciprocal feelings I'd find a reason to end the relationship before they could finally muster the courage to drop it, too.
It's not exactly like I'm an upstanding guy so the causation of this narrow spectrum of humanity is unknown to me.
BTW this is my real worst lie I've ever told, I've also told a lot of the lies itt too:
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The Green Ranger was Tommy. Jason was the Red Ranger, pleb.
I think PD read the "worst" in "whats the worst lie you've ever told?" as in of poor quality, not most repugnant.
Good job exposing yourself doe.
:expert
Tommy gave his Green Ranger powers to Jason before he lost them for good after face turning, by the way. So PD's worst lie is actually the post itself, not the lie he told at church camp. :ohhh
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:expert