But no, instead a dog comes around from the side of the house . I suppose it was supposed to be a guard dog (pit bull terrier), but this one was too.... friendly. While I'm shitting my balls off it sits down politely and gives me a weird look.He was just surprised that he wasn't the only one who has to go outside to poop.
your sister's dirty whore mouthNews for you buster, I don't have a sister.
I was hoping you'd have some epic homeless shit stories brehOther than being scared because it was such a dangerous neighborhood, there was nothing memorable about those shits. I was in an all-black hood (:hitler) and even Jack In The Box had those plastic compartments separating the customer from the employees. Shit was ridiculous. I pinched some loafs in alleys behind businesses during the day.
Aware me :rejoice
The night of 20 December, 2012 only comes to me in a series of flashing images. I can see 50 some-odd people in a small living room clustered around two plastic folding tables; I can see myself telling the dj to play When the Last Time; I can see myself downing multiple bottles of Bourbon while reassuring losing, dejected beer pong players that "I can cover for [them]"; and I can see my friend pushing me out the front door to her parents' old, abandoned house telling, from what I could tell no one in particular, "You need to leave."My slacks
do go on
Do go on
oh just fyi, most of you, if not all, have stuck your own shit in your mouth and gotten some down the tip of your dick.Isn't that the point?
sleep well.
neogaf
I think you've left some here too :hitler
The night of 20 December, 2012 only comes to me in a series of flashing images. I can see 50 some-odd people in a small living room clustered around two plastic folding tables; I can see myself telling the dj to play When the Last Time; I can see myself downing multiple bottles of Bourbon while reassuring losing, dejected beer pong players that "I can cover for [them]"; and I can see my friend pushing me out the front door to her parents' old, abandoned house telling, from what I could tell no one in particular, "You need to leave."My slacks
do go on
Then everything was white. Wait no that's the floor. What the fuck? "Jake." Going back to sleep is definitely my best option. "Jake." Do you have any idea how fucking annoying you sound [redacted]? "Jake, you need to get up." Who are you my fucking mom? "Jake get up." Alright but don't take any satisfaction from this. "Jake, lift your feet up so we can put these garbage bags on." Alright, just let me piss in the bathtub first. "We need to go outside, follow me." Alright whatev- Jesus Christ it's cold, what is it, 6 in the fucking morning? "Here, take this blanket and hop in the backseat." Cool, I'm just gonna close my eyes real quick.
In shit-smeared pants, wrapped in a sky blue snuggie, I occupied myself on the ride home by staring out of the back window of my friend's SUV listening to her phone's automated female voice direct her to my address. They dumped me off at the mouth of my street. I jogged the last ~50 yards where, upon arriving at my front step, my mother opened the door for me.
"What happened??"
I took a step inside.
"Bad things."
Out the window of a moving vehicle('s)spoiler (click to show/hide)I once crapped outside the window of a train. You could see the devastation on all the windows of the cars further down the train.[close]
I also took a crap in my cubicle one day at work many moons ago. But that was due to a toilet issue and being on lockdown. Love that IRS response to anything remotely crazy halfway around the world.
Asshole "friend" at the time spiked my drink with ex lax after he and I had a serious argument over Dumb and Dumber. One moment we were talking about Home Alone on the gameboy, the next my ass is out the window exploding with fire death like diarrhea. In that split second I had to make a choice to either shit my pants or spray it in the wind. They kicked us off the train and made our parents come pick us up (10 hour trip by car back and forth), we were on our way to his grandparents house for the week. Our friendship never recovered and we never spoke again. That was till I was reminded on facebook many years later about the whole damn thing by them one day. That's ok his life went down the shitter and his marriage failed and all that good stuff that happens with karma.
On Prole's chest
On Prole's chest
On Prole's chest