I don't think I watched any horror last year.
Maybe this year... Pet Sementery remake? Or Colour out of Space?
I don't think I watched any horror last year.
Maybe this year... Pet Sementery remake? Or Colour out of Space?
Don't do this.
I think there are even a couple of unofficial sequels
It's funny that Piper is known pretty much entirely for his speaking abilities in wrestling, yet he's easily the worst actor with the worst delivery of every line except the bubble gum line in the entire movie
Made it like 20 mins in to They Live Inside Us and stopped. Just so fucking boring.
80s romp about a geeky vampire whose girlfriend was killed by a pirate with a rhinestone peg leg and a giant hambone:doge
9. Rockula (1990)
Cannon Films presents :jeb
(https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQnfIOPfFZ4OXvke5OgWMQ90pT5bzMw5NinIuMk_AaqkiR0_Bcx)
Was expecting some true Best of the Worst tier trash, what I actually got was a most exquisite (late) 80s romp about a geeky vampire whose girlfriend was killed by a pirate with a rhinestone peg leg and a giant hambone. Since he did nothing to save her, he is cursed to have his love reincarnate and every 22 years they meet again and she dies on Halloween night at the hands of a pirate with a rhinestone peg leg and a giant hambone. It's not a musical, but there are multiple musical performances because the current reincarnated love is a musician, and also the titular Rockula is also a musician so their romance is centered at the club and musical performances.
The look and tone I'd say is most like Bill and Ted and/or Little Monsters. It's very light, goofy, silly. Also god damn Toni Basil in this is so :mouf This also features the SHE BLINDED ME BY SCIENCE guy as the antagonist, Bo Diddly in a full spandex outfit, and a rap number that rhymes Mina with wiener.
13. Van Helsing (2004)
:dead Literally the only problem I have with this movie is it is too fucking long (over 2 hours wtf). This is a camp classic that seems far more inspired by Sam Raimi movies than the actual Universal Horror movies it is playing off of and exploiting. It's dumb as hell and absolutely ABSURD. :jeb
Van Helsing is actually the angel Gabriel who works for the church that is basically Assassin's Creed to hunt down monsters, Dracula is trying to use Dr. Frankenstein's notes to create life and use the Monster and Wolfman as his henchmen. Van Helsing is also tasked to help a Roma princess whose family line will not be able to get into heaven unless Dracula is killed. And also Van Helsing is basically Batman/Wolverine/Iron Man rolled into one and has a full blown Q/Bond scene on top of all that. Oh yeah and he turns into a werewolf by the end of the movie :lol
:klob
35. Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
First off, 4 years is too long between horror sequels. Whatever sequel to H20, if there had to be one (which there didn't have to be one), it should have come out in 2000 at the latest. Secondly, to follow up what was clearly meant to be the grand finale of the series by retconning the ending in the first 10 minutes and killing off the main hero of the series is a pretty questionable move. But there was money to be made, I suppose. I think what fascinates me most about this movie is how far away it is from the original piece. We've gone from a simple story about a masked killer with no background coming after a teenage girl for no apparent reason, filmed on location with long, slow steadicam shots, with a very slow and deliberate pacing and peppered with a minimalist score of 3 varying themes, and an almost complete lack of gore or effects, and Michael gets his ass kicked in a kung fu fight by a rapper who was allowed to basically rewrite the movie to suit him.
Then you have this movie, the 8th in the series, in its 3rd continuity, and it's set around a reality show livestream in the Myers house with 30% of the movie being on webcams from the early 2000s blown up to movie screen size, with constant shaky cam cuts and random slow down and Michael Myers inserts into the camera feeds, as well as a bunch of generic orchestral horror movie music and weird ass hip hop beats or trash rock. Laurie is dead, Loomis is dead, the whole middle part of the series is excised. There's no one chasing him. He's not chasing anyone. He's now just a monster in a haunted house. And it so happens there's now an internet reality show streaming from said house. Carpenter and Hill haven't been involved since the 3rd movie. None of the people involved in 4-6 are involved. I don't think anyone from H20 is even involved beyond Jamie Lee Curtis and the producers. There's no attempt to make this look like the Mid West, no attempt to not clearly be on a sound stage.
After this, the only remaining big slasher movie is the Freddy vs Jason crossover that certainly didn't follow the template of either franchise and ended both timelines. The same year, the horror remake era kicked off with TCM and torture porn genre with Saw in 2004, so this is really the swan song of the traditional slasher genre that started with Halloween in 1978, pretty much crashed with Halloween 5 (and F13th 8, ANOES 5) in 1989, was revived by Scream in 1996, and then was dead again by 2000. Of course it is terrible. Busta Rhymes completely hijacks the movie and no one even tried to stop him, even when he was kung fu fighting with Michael. It's just so far removed from the original it is hard to be as mad at it like 5/6 or the Zombie remakes.
The first Zombie one is like....it's hard to see someone miss the point by so much. Especially a guy whose entire life is steeped in spooky shit and B movies. Yet he doesn't understand Halloween at all or why it is such an enduring classic. I think what makes it so offensive is how aggressive he was about making a point to ruin a sacred cow and why people wouldn't like it, but effectively all he did was graft on 25 minutes of his white trash shit and then pretty much remade the original scene for scene but with cursing and blood everywhere and the Laurie is Michael's sister reveal. He just doesn't get it at all and was so indignant about it, even trashing John Carpenter at the time. It seemed like he didn't like Halloween at all and didn't want to make the movie in the first place.
The second one at least had its own idea (after the first 15-20 mins at least), one which isn't used very often in horror movies, which is what happens realistically to the survivor of these such events, but it's also full of absolute nonsense 12 year old dream psychology bullshit and at one point turns into a Smashing Pumpkins music video. And he also didn't want to make that one either.
WHY DID YOU MAKE THESE MOVIES, ROBERT ZOMBIE?