saddest poster on the internet (it's a gaffer!)

[Mupepe]

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=192876

omg  LOL  i'm sorry, i thought this deserved it's own thread.

how sad do you have to be to take that shit from someone?

[demi]

I bet she was a heffer.

[Mupepe]

I bet she was a heffer.

HE LET HER MAKE OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

All of the problem threads there are hilarious.  I just read some other guys who said that his girlfriend refused to go somewhere with him because she was going somewhere "personal" and that they've been together for 2 years and haven't fucked.

I'd imagine she's been getting fucked... just not by him!

[demi]

Jeez, what noobs. I only met that one chick for a couple weeks and she was already wanting to go spread eagle for me.

[Mupepe]

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=192713

there it is.  so sad.

..but yet so funny.

[demi]

Mupepe did you see the supposed Meg White sex tape? She (if it's her) has some nice saggy boobs with fat nipples.

[bud]

Mupepe did you see the supposed Meg White sex tape? She (if it's her) has some nice saggy boobs with fat nipples.

her bellay

i would definitely do her, tho

[demi]

She was getting her hair pulled and enjoying that dick. Bonerrr.

[Fragamemnon]

The best part about those two posts are their presentation. Jumbled run-on sentences come alive in a cacophony of confused despair and self-delusion. I only have one word for it-delicious.

People need to get their shit straight with themselves. Both of those duders got into their problems because they convinced themselves of something that didn't exist, and then tried to project their fantasy on others. Sorry, angsty gaffers-that only works when playing off of people's fears, not their desires.

[Mupepe]

Mupepe did you see the supposed Meg White sex tape? She (if it's her) has some nice saggy boobs with fat nipples.

not yet.  downloading it when i get home.  she's got some delicious looking tits in pics so i can't wait.  i'll pm you what i think when i watch it.

The best part about those two posts are their presentation. Jumbled run-on sentences come alive in a cacophony of confused despair and self-delusion. I only have one word for it-delicious.

People need to get their shit straight with themselves. Both of those duders got into their problems because they convinced themselves of something that didn't exist, and then tried to project their fantasy on others. Sorry, angsty gaffers-that only works when playing off of people's fears, not their desires.

for real real.  these people are sad and they get attached to relationships that never fucking existed.  wow.

[Mandark]

well we don't [have sex] i still have my V card here with me. She tries to avoid any contact and loving expressions

I shouldn't be surprised by any amount of cognitive dissonance at this point but WTF.

[FlameOfCallandor]

i feel sorry for the guy.

Girls suck

[Mupepe]

i feel sorry for the guy.

Girls suck

...

I'm sorry.  The guy is a douche.  I can't blame the girl when he makes it so easy.

[FlameOfCallandor]

True. Even I wouldnt have put up with that.

[Mupepe]

True. Even I wouldnt have put up with that.

cuz u r bootyful

[TakingBackSunday]

I don't think that Meg Whtie sex tape is real.

[Phoenix Dark]

Looks real. I would definitely hit that, tummy and all. Her breasts remind me of thanksgiving omg

[brawndolicious]

wow.

[Van Cruncheon]

THE BRUTAL TRUTH: you are not a gentleman when you pretend to sincerely care. all you do is guilt the girl into setting you up for shit. that chick invited him out of pity, because he was being nice to her and she felt obligated to "be nice" back, even though she had zero interest in him. admittedly, she shoulda said "you can hang, but we ain't gonna have anything between us," but realistically what  chick would EVER say that? she thought "oh, he's nice, but he's an ug, he can come hang and maybe he'll meet one of my friends or something lol wut omg sarah's hair is soooo nasty lololol omg bill just dropped me from his myspace friend list cry".

rule 1: don't play mister sympathy to chicks if they haven't expressed any previous signals. send signals, not symapthy. be overt. unfortunately, most women respond to passive-aggressive guilt and pathos, and not in a way that gets you pussy. nobody wins when your pickup technique is "acting like a gentleman," particularly when you don't know what a "gentleman" really is. gentlemen are chivalrous, and chivalry does not include needy sympathy. other chicks give them sympathy, and other chicks become friends with them, not fuck buddies -- UNLESS IT'S HOT LIKE THAT AM I RITE??!!

[Mupepe]

omg thank you for putting into words what i couldn't


and if i might elaborate...

If you have just met a girl and you're trying to act like a "gentleman" by being sympathetic with a lot of "aw's" and "i will take you there!" and "you're absolutely right!" it comes off as...

a) insincere
b) creepy
c) you're just trying to get laid

take a pick!

protip: you can't care about a girl if you don't know her!  they are not THAT dumb.

[cubicle47b]

Looks real. I would definitely hit that, tummy and all. Her breasts remind me of thanksgiving omg

I don't think it's her but there's nothing wrong with the girl in that video.  Fuckin' GAF and their stupidly high standards.  That's the reason Mup is awesome, he likes real women.

[Mupepe]

Looks real. I would definitely hit that, tummy and all. Her breasts remind me of thanksgiving omg

I don't think it's her but there's nothing wrong with the girl in that video.  Fuckin' GAF and their stupidly high standards.  That's the reason Mup is awesome, he likes real women.

I don't think it's her either after watching it.

[Van Cruncheon]

omg thank you for putting into words what i couldn't


and if i might elaborate...

If you have just met a girl and you're trying to act like a "gentleman" by being sympathetic with a lot of "aw's" and "i will take you there!" and "you're absolutely right!" it comes off as...

a) insincere
b) creepy
c) you're just trying to get laid
d) you're another chick and she will treat you like one -- chick friends get to sleep over without fucking!

take a pick!

protip: you can't care about a girl if you don't know her!  they are not THAT dumb.

fixed

[demi]

It's not, I would be more embarrassed to be the guy who lasts like 3 minutes banging faux-White. Not even one to the face to end it.

[Mupepe]

omg thank you for putting into words what i couldn't


and if i might elaborate...

If you have just met a girl and you're trying to act like a "gentleman" by being sympathetic with a lot of "aw's" and "i will take you there!" and "you're absolutely right!" it comes off as...

a) insincere
b) creepy
c) you're just trying to get laid
d) you're another chick and she will treat you like one -- chick friends get to sleep over without fucking!

take a pick!

protip: you can't care about a girl if you don't know her!  they are not THAT dumb.

fixed

Well yeah, I left that out because I've said my piece about the gay straight best friend.

[Eel O'Brian]

The biggest tip is not to post about this shit on the internet.  The internet never is, never was, and never will be, your special girl advice friend.  The internet exists to mock.

[Mupepe]

not to mention, if you're like this douche, you're essentially asking for advice from guys who are either where you're at or even worse because they can't even get a girl to invite them places!

[abrader]

i say its fake.

[Ichirou]

It's not, I would be more embarrassed to be the guy who lasts like 3 minutes banging faux-White. Not even one to the face to end it.

And he lasts all of 2 minutes and 31 seconds.

I think it's her, btw.  Someone on GAF said this, and it's true, she makes the same faces while having sex as she does when playing drums.  It's hawt. 

[Trent Dole]

Man I wish I'd seen Prole's rule #1 a few years back. 

[etiolate]

The problem with the OP is he probably listened to the women around him growing up and took what they said seriously.  That is always a mistake.  He shouldn't be the stereotype of males either, but you have to realize the force you are fighting against. 

[Ichirou]

The problem with the OP is he probably listened to the women around him growing up and took what they said seriously.

QFT

Don't listen to your mom when it comes to dealing with the ladies. 

[Polari]

Hilarious. Best bit is how he just hung out until dawn.

[Ichirou]

He shoulda at least knocked on the door and asked "Wanna make it a threesome?  "

[etiolate]

He shoulda knocked on the door and said "I need to talk to you about some recent bloodwork I just got back.."

[Mupepe]

actually he should have kicked the door in while holding a videocamera and yelling "IT'S A RODEO BITCH!  HOLD FOR 8 SECONDS" and filmed while she tried to run away and he tried to keep riding her.

[Polari]

It's hard to pick a winner, but one thing is clear: all three are superior to crying himself to sleep.

[Mupepe]

Real talk, real gaf pussies.
Are these guys 13 or something?

the guy in my second link is 25....

25!!!!

[recursivelyenumerable]

I'm 25 too, but am attempting to sublimate my sexual frustration into obsessive study of automated reasoning and Marxist philosophy.  so if things work out I still won't have any sexual success, but won't care anymore.  like Isaac Newton was apparently celibate for his entire life and people don't consider him a failure right?   stay tuned for further developments.

goddammit why am I reading this forum I'm supposed to be obsessively studying instead, and working on programs and essays

because I'm a very serious, driven person
serious
driven

I don't waste my precious time on frivolous shit like this
I spend every waking hour on important meaningful work

[recursivelyenumerable]

Did Isaac Newton ever have sex, the voyeuristic modern wants to know? He never married, never kept company with a woman and apparently never had a lover. Though he never recorded details of his private life, his notes do occasionally reveal his feelings about sexuality, and they are morbid -- suffused with horror and disgust, sometimes of a religious nature.

Once he wrote John Locke that he had wished him dead, ''being of opinion that you endeavoured to embroil me with woemen.'' Another time he wrote, ''The way to chastity is not to struggle with incontinent thoughts but to avert the thoughts by some imployment, or by reading, or by meditating on other things.'' These comments hardly amount to evidence of anything but a mood. Still, one constant in his life was his solitude; his absolute, antisocial, possibly pathological aloneness.

Curiously, we do have one explicit piece of posthumous testimony on the question of Newton and sex. The enthusiastic young writer Voltaire arrived in London just in time for Newton's death, and he wrote that Newton -- in noteworthy contrast to the French philosophical hero, René Descartes -- had lived his whole life a virgin. Voltaire attributed this information to Newton's deathbed doctors (and he added, with Gallic solemnity, ''One can admire Newton for that, but one must not blame Descartes.'')

<3 <3 Newton

[recursivelyenumerable]

also as head of the Mint he was totally badass

As warden of the royal mint, Newton estimated that 20% of the coins taken in during The Great Recoinage were counterfeit. Counterfeiting was treason, punishable by death by drawing and quartering. Despite this, convictions of the most flagrant criminals could be extremely difficult to achieve; however, Newton proved to be equal to the task.

He gathered much of that evidence himself, disguised, while he hung out at bars and taverns. For all the barriers placed to prosecution, and separating the branches of government, English law still had ancient and formidable customs of authority.

Newton was made a justice of the peace and between June 1698 and Christmas 1699 conducted some 200 cross-examinations of witnesses, informers and suspects. Newton later ordered all records of his interrogations to be destroyed. Newton won his convictions and in February 1699, he had ten prisoners waiting to be executed.

Newton's greatest triumph as the king's attorney was against William Chaloner. One of Chaloner's schemes was to set up phony conspiracies of Catholics and then turn in the hapless conspirators whom he entrapped. Chaloner made himself rich enough to posture as a gentleman.

Petitioning Parliament, Chaloner accused the Mint of providing tools to counterfeiters (a charge also made by others). He proposed that he be allowed to inspect the Mint's processes in order to improve them. He petitioned Parliament to adopt his plans for a coinage that could not be counterfeited, while at the same time striking false coins. After being exposed by Newton, Chaloner was hanged, drawn and quartered on March 23, 1699.

I didn't really get why someone would be hanged AND drawn and quartered though (I was thinking of the French punishment called "quartering" as it turned out) so I looked it up on Wikipedia:

   1. Dragged on a hurdle (a wooden frame) to the place of execution. (This is one possible meaning of drawn.)
   2. Hanged by the neck for a short time or until almost dead. (hanged).
   3. Disembowelled and emasculated, and the genitalia and entrails burned before the condemned's eyes (This is another meaning of drawn. It is often used in cookbooks to denote the disembowelment of chicken or rabbit carcasses before cooking).[2]
   4. Beheaded and the body divided into four parts (quartered).

[...]The condemned man would usually be sentenced to the short drop method of hanging, so that the neck would not break. The man was usually dragged alive to the quartering table, although in some cases men were brought to the table dead or unconscious. A splash of water was usually employed to wake the man up if unconscious, then he was laid down on the table. A large cut was made in the gut after removing the genitalia, and the intestines would be spooled out on a device that resembled a dough roller. Each piece of organ would be burnt before the sufferer's eyes, and when he was completely disembowelled, his head would be cut off. The body would then be cut into four pieces, and the king would decide where they were to be displayed. Usually the head was sent to the Tower of London and, as in the case of William Wallace, the other four pieces were sent to different parts of the country.

...wow.

[Bloodwake]

Man I wish I'd seen Prole's rule #1 a few years back. 

Me too, sir. Me too.