Seen House of the Dead by our dear friend Uwe Boll? *spoilers*

[MrAngryFace]

Sure, I had 3 shots of whiskey successively as I fired it up. Sure it was almost 10pm, but I knew that a Uwe Boll movie experience needed these elements to reach the sort of nirvana normally only reached via meditation.

First off, I have to get this quote off my chest:

Rudy: You did all this to become immortal. Why?
Castillo: To live forever!

I mean come on, who wrote this? Whats best is after the question is answered there is a flash back where he says variations of 'live forever' like twice again, then cackles.

The start of the film has acting and writing and hell directing thats so bad you will be entertained with all the normally boring STORY parts of an action movie. Then you get to the action and its like jesus christ wtf who directed this? The best part of the action shots were the completely useless bullet time rotations around each character. I also like how captain kirk is smuggling a very small chest of goods and it just so happens when they are trapped on the island, with these cuban cigars are LOTS OF GUNS and how this small chest can hold tons of guns and a very long semi automatic shotgun. Wtf

Then this girl is bragging about her date to the island exclaiming that he's a WORLD FAMOUS UNDERWEAR MODEL. so this underwear model gets his face hurt in the movie and this girl starts kissing him cause he's gone all emo and he's like YOURE JUST TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER and shes like NO IM TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. I lolllled and fell outta my chair.

This is a movie I will buy, because it is without a doubt the worst action movie to own, and for that reason the most hilarious piece of filmmaking ive seen in quite a while. And im saying this after having seen a miyazaki movie where raccoons assault cops with their morphing testicles the very same day.

Stiff competition, lol.

[Van Cruncheon]

This movie was awesome. It was better than Ultraviolet.

Pom Poko was all kinda lame. The movie's moral is apparently "keep trying bad ideas until you give up and then pretend everything's okay." Which *is* a valid approach to life, but I really don't need to be reminded of it, especially by raccoons with testicular disorders.

[TVC15]

This movie was awsome. It was better than Ultraviolet.

and Superman Returns

[bork]

[Raist]

I mean come on, who wrote this?

Uwe Boll, I think.

[Tasty]

This movie was awesome and that "to live forever" line still makes me bust a gut every time.

Don't forget this amazingness:



I understood why they went in the direction they did for the sequel (and it was admirable to get at least one returning actor from the first -- like honestly who in their right mind would sign up for a sequel to that thing??), but it stunk.

I recently watched Postal and it cheered me up immensely. Scott Farcus needs more work.