Set your phasers for LAME: So THIS is how Kirk beats the Kobayashi Maru test...

[The Fake Shemp]

He just bangs some chick and asks her to change the simulator.

I know J.J. Abrams is telling wankers like Cheebs that he wants to turn Kirk into James Bond in space, but I didn't know he'd just outright ape James Bond.

[Ichirou]

Is the chick Kirk bangs played by Tyler Perry?

[Howard Alan Treesong]

this is gonna be the second worst movie of the year after JJ Abrams' Cloverfield

[The Fake Shemp]

this is gonna be the second worst movie of the year after JJ Abrams' Cloverfield

Abrams isn't directing Cloverfield, so neener-neener!

[Ichirou]

Tyler Perry's going to have screenwriting duties for the next Star Trek flick!

[The Fake Shemp]

TYLER PERRY'S DIARY OF A MAD BLACK STARFLEET CAPTAIN

[Ichirou]

Starring Benjamin Sisqo!!!!

[The Fake Shemp]

Reeves is a shitty director. The guy writing Cloverfield also sucks.

Not really.  They're both unknowns, really.  They're from the Abrams and/or Whedon camp of television production, so they're not awful and they ought to understand genres working underneath those two.  But neither have much in the way of a resume when it comes to film, so you can't really say if they're bad or good.  Cloverfield will speak for itself.

[Ichirou]

It's getting dumped in January, tho - I mean, it really seems like the studio doesn't have much faith in it, even tho the marketing's been so cool.

[The Fake Shemp]

It wasn't dumped in January - its release date was publicized before they even were in post.  It was just marketing.  For awhile, people even thought it was called 01-18-08.  It's pretty genius - a genre film like that won't survive against behemoths like Indiana Jones or The Dark Knight, but a solid genre film could do good bank in January where the market is relatively devoid of quality cinema.  We've seen it before.

[Howard Alan Treesong]

this is gonna be the second worst movie of the year after JJ Abrams' Cloverfield

Abrams isn't directing Cloverfield, so neener-neener!

I never said he was directing it, just that he's the one responsible.

[Ichirou]

I pretty much dislike everything Abrams has ever worked on so I don't have very high hopes for any of these upcoming movies.

[Yeti]

What is the kobeyoshi maru test?

[The Fake Shemp]

I never said he was directing it, just that he's the one responsible.

The only thing he's responsible for is getting it greenlit, signing checks and spearheading the marketing.  He's so entrenched with Star Trek that he really cannot afford to be a creative force on this production.  That gives me hope that it will be good!

I pretty much dislike everything Abrams has ever worked on so I don't have very high hopes for any of these upcoming movies.

He's a hit or miss guy for me, but he's excellent in crafting good concepts.  I have more hope for Cloverfield than Star Trek because people other than him will be executing said good concept.

ParticleReality, you've got to be kidding me.  Even if Felicity or Lost are not your cup of tea, to say that they're awful is pretty bad.

[Himu]

TYLER PERRY'S DIARY OF A MAD BLACK STARFLEET CAPTAIN

OMG

[The Fake Shemp]

What is the kobeyoshi maru test?

Kobayashi Maru is the name of a spaceship in a training exercise in the Star Trek fictional universe. In the exercise, the "Kobayashi Maru" is the precipitating element in a simulated no-win scenario. The ship's name is occasionally used among Star Trek fans or those familiar to describe such situations.

The Kobayashi Maru was first depicted in the opening scene of the film Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, in which command division cadets at Starfleet Academy are presented with a no-win scenario as a test of character. This provided context for how the main character, Admiral James T. Kirk, deals with the possibility of unwinnable situations, and death in particular.

... Kirk is the only one to have beaten the test and the original logic is that he reprogrammed the simulator because it was unfair to put people in a no-win situation, so he had to cheat in return.  Which makes more sense then banging program simulators to cheat for him.  Abrams is turning Kirk into a dumb jock!  I bet he'll even have Spock do his homework for him!

[TVC15]

Reeves is a shitty director. The guy writing Cloverfield also sucks.

Not really.  They're both unknowns, really.  They're from the Abrams and/or Whedon camp of television production, so they're not awful and they ought to understand genres working underneath those two.  But neither have much in the way of a resume when it comes to film, so you can't really say if they're bad or good.  Cloverfield will speak for itself.

Drew Goddard was one of the best writers of the later seasons of Buffy. That ain't saying much, and since he has a lot of writing credits on Lost and the non-good years of Alias, it is a safe assumption that he is at best mediocre.

Matt Reeves, well:

Cloverfield (2008) (completed)
... aka 1-18-08 (USA: promotional title)


"Conviction" (1 episode, 2006)
    - Pilot (2006) TV episode
"Miracles" (1 episode, 2003)
    - Pilot (2003) TV episode
"Felicity" (5 episodes, 1998-2001)
    - The Declaration (2001) TV episode
    - The Slump (2000) TV episode
    - Felicity Was Here (1999) TV episode
    - The Last Stand (1998) TV episode
    - Pilot (1998) TV episode
"Gideon's Crossing" (1 episode, 2000)
    - The Gift (2000) TV episode


"Homicide: Life on the Street" (1 episode, 1997)
... aka Homicide (USA: informal short title)
    - All Is Bright (1997) TV episode
"Relativity" (1 episode, 1997)
    - Billable Hours (1997) TV episode
The Pallbearer (1996)
Future Shock (1993) (segment "Mr. Petrified Forrest")


He is a TV director that has never done anything that important.  And now he has a big movie that absues shaky came.  Po-tay-to, Po-tat-o, you say unknown quantity, I say mediocre.  B- 6.5/10

[Ichirou]

Didn't he do some episodes of Angel's 5th season, too?

[Gay Boy]

He just bangs some chick and asks her to change the simulator.

I know J.J. Abrams is telling wankers like Cheebs that he wants to turn Kirk into James Bond in space, but I didn't know he'd just outright ape James Bond.

How does this sound any different than the Kirk of the show? He sleeps with women to get what he wants 91849489128 times in the show.

[The Fake Shemp]

Uh, did you watch the show?  Kirk rarely has sex or - hell! - kisses a broad unless there's some kind of amnesia or telekinetic hold on him.  He uses his charm and flirts with women, even occasionally to distract, but he's never used sex as a manipulative tool and he's also pretty moral.  This completely changes how he beats the test.

Train wreck confirmed.  Only Tyler Perry can save this movie now.

[AdmiralViscen]

What is the kobeyoshi maru test?

Go see the Wrath of Khan.

[Bloodwake]

This basically continues to prove my point about this new Star Trek abortion: they are going back, making every unknown quantity that was halfway cool or awesome in Star Trek and going to fuck it up. I mean, shit, this sounds like someone is trying to make Kirk an intergalactic James Bond or some shit. Fuck that.

Plus, the way Wrath of Khan makes it sound, it sounds like while he cheated, his instructors were impressed at what he did to do it. I don't think professors are really impressed at some punk kid fucking some chick to get a better grade. Bullshit.

This movie is going to suck ass. People should just listen to me and take the Doctor Who approach. Let Star Trek die for a few years and put it on the backburner, or on an indefinite hiatus, then, fifteen years later, debut a new show and make it set a benchmark for new writing and story.

[The Fake Shemp]

I concur.  This is lame and will retroactively ruin the good Trek movies.  The Kobayashi Maru test is never seen in Wrath of Khan, but its inclusion is a key character moment in defining Kirk (and later his relationship with others).  Making it some dumb fan service moment where he bangs a chick to get her to reprogram the simulator totally ruins all of that.

[Eric P]

i'm nominally a trek fan (i started watching the original series dvds recently through netflix and find most of them horrible, but like the stand out eps) but i agree with willco.  this is horrible

[Ichirou]

I always pictured Kirk hax0ring the simulator himself, and I figured that was one of the reasons his instructors were impressed (didn't he get a commendation for "creative thinking"? It's been a while since I watched Wrath of Khan).

[Yeti]

What is the kobeyoshi maru test?

Go see the Wrath of Khan.

I haven't seen anything Star Trek. Well, I saw about half of one episode and I was bored.

I'm a bad nerd. 

[AdmiralViscen]

What is the kobeyoshi maru test?

Go see the Wrath of Khan.

I haven't seen anything Star Trek. Well, I saw about half of one episode and I was bored.

I'm a bad nerd. 

I had no familiarity with TOS (and vague childhood familiarity with TNG) until I got the complete movie collection for $38 on deepdiscount. They're enjoyable flicks.