Author Topic: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread (Read 9732 times)

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #60 on:** January 14, 2008, 11:52:23 PM »

Quote from: Father_Mike on January 14, 2008, 11:50:48 PM

"It is not good that man should be alone" - GOD

:'( :'( :'(

White Man will take you in. You don't even have to spare a rib, your anus will do.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #61 on:** January 14, 2008, 11:54:02 PM »

I WAS CRYING FOR YOU ASSHOLE!

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #62 on:** January 14, 2008, 11:58:24 PM »

because of PhoenixDark's porn links, I should be fine for a few weeks.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #63 on:** January 15, 2008, 12:44:39 AM »

spoiler (click to show/hide)

Which is your favorite?

god won't see it if it's in spoiler caps

[close]

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #64 on:** January 15, 2008, 12:49:58 AM »

God can see everything. Unless you hide behind a tree.

* Malek: King of Kings pats himself on the back for the biblical reference

spoiler (click to show/hide)

pornohub
tnaflix
freeporn4all

[close]

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #65 on:** January 15, 2008, 12:57:43 AM »

GOD be damned, spankwire is where it's at.

Phoenix Dark · « **Reply #66 on:** January 15, 2008, 01:10:37 AM »

This has the best porn music I've ever heard

spoiler (click to show/hide)

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Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #67 on:** January 15, 2008, 02:14:02 AM »

Why does God say he's going to limit the life span of humans to 120 years after the flood but then all of Noah's descendants live like 500 years?

Up to chapt 12.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #68 on:** January 15, 2008, 02:15:12 AM »

trust a jew god to fudge the numbers

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #69 on:** January 15, 2008, 02:16:52 AM »

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #70 on:** January 15, 2008, 02:18:57 AM »

O shit Drinky

But serious PD explain it to me?

Quote from: Malek: King of Kings on January 14, 2008, 07:22:26 PM

Genesis 2.4-3.24: ToxicAdam and Eve:

This passage of the Bible contradicts the previous passage. Instead of being created after the animals, man is created before them. And instead of being created at the same time as man, woman is created some time afterwards.

God creates woman as an afterthought, as a mere 'helper' for his earlier creation - man. This is just the begging of the misogyny. God only resorts to such a lowly creation after failing to find a helper in the animals. Woman is derivate - she is made from one of man's ribs. Woman turns out to be an evil temptress - a theme continued to this very day - who ruin's man innocence. Man, of course, cannot control himself. For her crime God punishes woman by making childbirth painful and placing her under the thumb of her husband.

What did Eve do to warrant such punishment? She dared to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. This tree symbolizes knowledge, and once she ate from it her blissfully ignorant life came to an end. By gaining knowledge Adam and Eve's existence became worse off. Animal House was wrong; knowledge is not good.

The passage is thus morally abhorrent because of its misogyny and its misology (hatred of reason). And who is the lowliest creature in the passage? The serpent. This crafty creature dared to express doubt; doubt in God. Of course he was right. God did not kill Adam and Eve like he said he would if they ate from the tree. The moral of the story is that you should trust a snake before you trust a god.

I was struck by the anthropocentricism in the previous passage and by the anthropomorphism in this passage. God walks around Eden, he cannot see Adam and Eve when they hide behind a tree (what happened to his omniscience?), and he feels threatened by Adam and Eve's newfound knowledge. "If God has made us in his image, we have returned him the favor."

You are reading the notes right? The discrepancies are explained in the multiple sources edited together theory.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #71 on:** January 15, 2008, 02:19:40 AM »

Where are you guys at? whats tomorrows reading too?

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #72 on:** January 15, 2008, 02:21:23 AM »

I am aware that the passages were likely written by different authors. Or God has multiple personalities. The monotheistic god with polytheistic personalities.

Tomorrow I'm reading something that doesn't give me a headache.

CajoleJuice · « **Reply #73 on:** January 15, 2008, 02:23:12 AM »

Holy shit @ Drinky

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #74 on:** January 15, 2008, 02:23:28 AM »

Maybe the OT god was a trinity too.

I had to pour some SCOTCH to adviod a headache.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #75 on:** January 15, 2008, 02:23:32 AM »

you haven't even got to the juicy parts yet, like the SODOMY, the PAEDOPHILIA, the RAPE, and the EMBUGGERING OF NOAH

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #76 on:** January 15, 2008, 02:25:08 AM »

You mean Noah and his son, naked and drunk.

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #77 on:** January 15, 2008, 02:26:10 AM »

Quote from: Professor Prole on January 15, 2008, 02:23:32 AM

you haven't even got to the juicy parts yet, like the SODOMY, the PAEDOPHILIA, the RAPE, and the EMBUGGERING OF NOAH

trust a catholic god to include sodomy, pedophilia, and rape.

TVC15 · « **Reply #78 on:** January 15, 2008, 03:44:05 AM »

Arvie come to seattle and let me depucelate your dugs

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #79 on:** January 15, 2008, 06:33:05 PM »

Genesis 4.1-4.16: Cain and Lynch (TOO MUCH SWEARING :gerstmann )

Cain: Lord I brought you some fruit.

God: I have no fucking regard for your shit offering.

Abel: Would you like some of my thick juicy meat?

God: Fuck YES! gag... gaaag... mmmm... gag

LATER
Cain: He was mine!

Abel: I had what he wanted assface.

Cain: Die bitch!

LATER
God: Hey Cain, do you know where I can find Abel?

Cain: I'm not mother fuckin' married to him.

God: What… what is this red stuff?

Cain: Beats the fuck out of me.

God: That's it I'm turning you into a damn distinguished black fellow. Mormon style!

edit: 6666 :bowser

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #80 on:** January 15, 2008, 06:44:19 PM »

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #81 on:** January 15, 2008, 07:22:48 PM »

Genesis 6.5-8.22: God throws a Fit

God messed up as his creation turned out to have a flawed nature. Instead of blaming himself for creating the flaw, he blamed his creation instead.* Angered by human violence, the fair and benevolent being decided to kill every last living creature on Earth. After realizing he wouldn't have anyone to push around anymore, he spared Noah and his family, along with two animals of every species (clean animals get seven pairs).

Of course this supernatural deity needed to use a natural disaster to kill all those not spared. Noah managed to build a giant Ark and bring every species of animal into it—apparently including marsupials, indigenous to Australia. God opened the dome's windows and it rained for forty days and forty nights. After months and months the flood waters began to recede. Somehow during the intervening period the herbivores survived without plants to eat and the carnivores survived without other animals to eat. Afterwards God spoke and said, "we cool. we cool bro."

*Free will does not absolve god. Free will is as big of an article of faith as god himself.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #82 on:** January 15, 2008, 07:26:58 PM »

Whats better is that Noah bribes God and God then promises never to destroy mankind again in a flood, even though we still have the same defect - evil - which was the sole reason he killed everyone in the first place.

I beat God decided to kill mankind on a Monday. Seems like a Monday thing to do.

Flannel Boy · « **Reply #83 on:** January 15, 2008, 07:29:03 PM »

Yeah, God was swayed by the pointless killing of innocent animals. bubububsophisticatedtheology

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #84 on:** January 15, 2008, 07:51:35 PM »

Do you think Abraham sat in a dark corner, shadowed eyes from the lip of their hats, smoking, while Sarai and the Pharaoh got it on?

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #85 on:** January 15, 2008, 10:16:41 PM »

The most erotic thing a woman can ever say to a man

spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Go in to my slave-girl"

[close]

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #86 on:** January 15, 2008, 10:25:46 PM »

What. why is god making Ishmeal an ass of a man? because Sarai beat her slave girl? I thought god was on abrahams side.

This young god sure is fickle.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #87 on:** January 15, 2008, 11:50:15 PM »

Up to chap 26.

Lot and his daughters YUM!

Oblivion · « **Reply #88 on:** January 16, 2008, 08:14:40 PM »

Wait, guys I want in on the fun. I'll go get this 'bible' thing today.

Oblivion · « **Reply #89 on:** January 16, 2008, 08:16:11 PM »

Wait, which version are you guys reading?

Rman · « **Reply #90 on:** January 16, 2008, 08:25:23 PM »

That's cool you guys are reading the Bible. Are you guys going to read it from cover to cover? I've been a committed Christian for about 7 years. I'm not overly sensitive about it or think I have all the answers. Enjoy. The OT has some crazy stuff.

In Genesis, God strikes down one of the descendants of the Abraham because he pulled out before ejaculating. Can't remember the chapter, though.

bluemax · « **Reply #91 on:** January 16, 2008, 08:26:26 PM »

I can also add in the Joseph Smith translations for the Old and New Testament if anyone is interested. I'm pretty sure I didn't put my Bible in storage.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #92 on:** January 16, 2008, 08:27:40 PM »

Oblivion:

N.R.S.V

New oxford annotated.

Rman · « **Reply #93 on:** January 16, 2008, 08:27:45 PM »

I read from the New International Version mostly.

Ichirou · « **Reply #94 on:** January 16, 2008, 09:27:24 PM »

Quote from: Rman on January 16, 2008, 08:25:23 PM

That's cool you guys are reading the Bible. Are you guys going to read it from cover to cover? I've been a committed Christian for about 7 years. I'm not overly sensitive about it or think I have all the answers. Enjoy. The OT has some crazy stuff.

In Genesis, God strikes down one of the descendants of the Abraham because he pulled out before ejaculating. Can't remember the chapter, though.

Onan, right? The source for the word "onanism" (since it was originally mistranslated and thought to be masturbation instead of pulling out)?

Rman · « **Reply #95 on:** January 16, 2008, 09:37:14 PM »

Quote from: Ichirou on January 16, 2008, 09:27:24 PM

Quote from: Rman on January 16, 2008, 08:25:23 PM
That's cool you guys are reading the Bible. Are you guys going to read it from cover to cover? I've been a committed Christian for about 7 years. I'm not overly sensitive about it or think I have all the answers. Enjoy. The OT has some crazy stuff.

In Genesis, God strikes down one of the descendants of the Abraham because he pulled out before ejaculating. Can't remember the chapter, though.

Onan, right? The source for the word "onanism" (since it was originally mistranslated and thought to be masturbation instead of pulling out)?

Yep.

The Bible never mentions masturbation.

Rman · « **Reply #96 on:** January 16, 2008, 09:39:22 PM »

Many scholars believe that God smote Onan because he was, in a sense, refusing to pass his seed. The Hebrew God wanted his people to multiply.

Ichirou · « **Reply #97 on:** January 17, 2008, 01:54:36 AM »

Quote from: Rman on January 16, 2008, 09:39:22 PM

Many scholars believe that God smote Onan because he was, in a sense, refusing to pass his seed. The Hebrew God wanted his people to multiply.

And yet the Catholic Church advocates the Billings method of birth control, which is basically what Onan did. Weird.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #98 on:** January 24, 2008, 12:17:07 AM »

Jacob has got to be the luckiest guy in the Old Testament. Sisters!...and Sex-Maids!

Bloodwake · « **Reply #99 on:** January 24, 2008, 12:42:28 AM »

See, I'm going to ruin some of it for you guys.

Around the time the books were written, the Jewish religious leaders changed the stories in order to calm the people a little bit and to tell them basically whatever they wanted to do, which is why a lot of the stories don't fit. They were written by several different authors, even in the context of the same book.

Then, after that, the Romans did the same thing to the New Testament around the time of Constantine. It makes perfect sense. No sex before marriage? That just curves the birth rate of oppressed people groups so that they don't outnumber the tyrants.

Perfect sense. The Bible, which has a verse in it about not changing it under the penalty of death, has been changed millions of times in order to oppress people or to enforce a moral code decided by humanity.

INTUNEevolution · « **Reply #100 on:** January 24, 2008, 12:46:55 AM »

I understand that the primary source for today's Christian homophobia was the misinterpretation of a quotation by Jesus that read, "Burn the feggits" which we know to mean as burn bundles of sticks. Well, now look.

Bloodwake · « **Reply #101 on:** January 24, 2008, 12:50:28 AM »

Honestly, in my experience with Christianity, that might just be true.

Never was there a body of "loving" people that hated so much.

INTUNEevolution · « **Reply #102 on:** January 24, 2008, 12:53:52 AM »

Also, description in the bible does point to Jesus being black. I know, but what does "olive skin" and "hair of wool" say to you?

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #103 on:** January 24, 2008, 12:56:36 AM »

Malek help. We need some intelligence back in here! Don't break your new years resolution!

Bloodwake: there are plenty of reasons why societies create the no sex before marriage, such as STD's, babies, doweries ect.
INTUNEevolution: I highly doubt that. Anti-homosexuality is all over the bible even starting in Genesis with the burning of Sodom and Ghamhora

INTUNEevolution · « **Reply #104 on:** January 24, 2008, 01:00:54 AM »

But that is not what I am saying. First, modern homophobia developed from the misinterpretation. Previous homophobia was really just sort of a "Hey, guys, cut it out" It has since been turned into a violent and reprehensible prejudice.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #105 on:** January 24, 2008, 09:48:19 AM »

O sorry, that makes total sense.

INTUNEevolution · « **Reply #106 on:** January 24, 2008, 03:09:09 PM »

I hate arguing Bible.

Way too much sarcasm all around.

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #107 on:** February 03, 2008, 12:21:39 AM »

Genesis is done. Where are you heathens at?

Can anyone tell me why God came down to fight Jacob when Jacob was heading into the land of his brother?

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #108 on:** February 25, 2008, 06:15:33 PM »

"I will utterly blot out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven" - GOD Exo 17.14
"The Lord will have war with Amalek from generation to generation" - Exo 17.16

See Malek the way your life is going isn't your fault, it's just God hates you. Sorry.

TVC15 · « **Reply #109 on:** February 25, 2008, 06:26:18 PM »

This reading has been going on for a month and a half, and you're only on the second fucking book of the bible? WTF Arvie? You read like old people fuck.

Howard Alan Treesong · « **Reply #110 on:** February 25, 2008, 06:28:29 PM »

Lost Odyssey > The Bible

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #111 on:** February 25, 2008, 06:31:15 PM »

Quote from: TVC 15 on February 25, 2008, 06:26:18 PM

This reading has been going on for a month and a half, and you're only on the second fucking book of the bible? WTF Arvie? You read like old people fuck.

And I'm leading the pack too! Shameful. No wonder God makes war on Malek.

To be fair, I've been reading other things.

TVC15 · « **Reply #112 on:** February 25, 2008, 06:35:08 PM »

Have you made it to page 10 of any of those other things?

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #113 on:** February 25, 2008, 06:50:00 PM »

No I make it to page 9 then the bifocals cause my eyes to give, and I fall asleep in my rocking chair under the warmth of the shroud over my shoulders.

Van Cruncheon · « **Reply #114 on:** February 25, 2008, 07:49:57 PM »

ESAU I HAVE HATED

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #115 on:** February 25, 2008, 07:59:59 PM »

Quote from: Professor Prole on February 25, 2008, 07:49:57 PM

ESAU I HAVE HATED

so you only made it half way though genesis then? Thats forgivable as you have already read it, but I'm still disappointed in Malek.

TVC15 · « **Reply #116 on:** February 25, 2008, 09:00:37 PM »

http://www.exitmundi.nl/bible/

CHeck this out. The Exit Mundi dude is doing it, so it will be entertaining and well researched. Forgive the odd typo here and there as English is not his first language.

So much of both the old and new testament is ripped off wholesale from Zoroastrism.

bagofeyes · « **Reply #117 on:** February 25, 2008, 09:08:47 PM »

When I was a little kid my mother used to get up at 5am every morning and go and sit in the lounge and read the bible until everyone else woke up. It was kind of creepy.

News:

Author Topic: Professor Prole and Father Mike's Bible Study Thread (Read 9732 times)