Author Topic: In this thread we cast old-timey movie stars as Evilboreans. (Read 6146 times)

Ichirou · « **on:** January 27, 2008, 11:15:30 PM »

Sort of like that thread I made last year about Evilbore: The Movie, except this time we restrict ourselves to actors who are either dead or currently senile.

Humphrey Bogart as "Mr. Angry Face"

Edward G. Robinson as "Cajole Juice"

Al Jolson as "Phoenix Dark"

Vivien Leigh as "Cloud Walking", and Hattie McDaniel as "Himuro"

Peter Lorre as "Professor Prole"

Vincent Price as "dcharlie"

whats ur dream cast

lol dreamcast

MrAngryFace · « **Reply #1 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:17:59 PM »

I woulda said TVC as Vincent Price!

Ichirou · « **Reply #2 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:19:50 PM »

Conrad Veidt as TVC 15

dcharlie, ever thought of growing a mustache?

Tauntaun · « **Reply #3 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:21:49 PM »

Quote from: Ichi on January 27, 2008, 11:15:30 PM

(Image removed from quote.)
Al Jolson as "Phoenix Dark"

lol dreamcast

@ PD pick

and Dreamcast 2 would be awesome.

Ichirou · « **Reply #4 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:22:22 PM »

Charles Laughton as "Synbios"

And introducing Charles Laughton as "The Dark Shake"

Tauntaun · « **Reply #5 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:23:06 PM »

I give props to ichi for this fine thread (and a hand job too

)

TVC15 · « **Reply #6 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:24:44 PM »

It seems he is only remembered for blackface by the populace, but Al Jolson was the fucking man. He is too good for PD!

TakingBackSunday · « **Reply #7 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:25:15 PM »

I see your Charles Laughton and raise:

Ichirou · « **Reply #8 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:26:20 PM »

OK, but who would he play?

Mupepe · « **Reply #9 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:27:37 PM »

Quote from: Ichi on January 27, 2008, 11:15:30 PM

(Image removed from quote.)

I watched this movie today

Tauntaun · « **Reply #10 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:28:22 PM »

Quote from: Mupepe on January 27, 2008, 11:27:37 PM

I watched this movie today

Who's gonna play the mexi? ^ hey baby

Powerslave · « **Reply #11 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:30:16 PM »

PICK ME

PICK ME

TVC15 · « **Reply #12 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:33:56 PM »

Come on, there's better people for Synbios. Like, anyone from the cast of Freaks. Namely, this guy:

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #13 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:34:39 PM »

Jimmy Stewart is Raoul Duke

Ichirou · « **Reply #14 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:35:14 PM »

Toshiro Mifune as "Crystal Gemini"

Fatty Arbuckle as "G"

TVC15 · « **Reply #15 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:38:43 PM »

So which contender for King of the Homojapuals gets to be Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany's?

Ichirou · « **Reply #16 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:39:13 PM »

Charlton Heston as "Mupepe"

Elisha Cook Jr. as "FlameofCallandor"

Ichirou · « **Reply #17 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:41:56 PM »

Props to anyone who can guess why I cast Charlton Heston as "Mupepe." (Hint: Heston has experience in playing Mexicans)

Ichirou · « **Reply #18 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:44:05 PM »

Doris Day as "Gay Boy"

TakingBackSunday · « **Reply #19 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:46:14 PM »

Ichi, Nosferatu was for synbios

TVC15 · « **Reply #20 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:46:48 PM »

Quote from: Ichi on January 27, 2008, 11:41:56 PM

Props to anyone who can guess why I cast Charlton Heston as "Mupepe." (Hint: Heston has experience in playing Mexicans)

duh, Touch of Evil.

Orson

And someone has to be Orson Welles. HAS TO BE.

Human Snorenado · « **Reply #21 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:47:32 PM »

Quote from: Ichi on January 27, 2008, 11:44:05 PM

(Image removed from quote.)
Doris Day as "Gay Boy"

Needs better hair. I'd say something along the lines of

Ichirou · « **Reply #22 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:48:23 PM »

omg perfect

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #23 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:49:03 PM »

Quote from: Ichi on January 27, 2008, 11:41:56 PM

Props to anyone who can guess why I cast Charlton Heston as "Mupepe." (Hint: Heston has experience in playing Mexicans)

Because he use to fuck a stewardess that liked to be spanked and called a Nazi?

Ichirou · « **Reply #24 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:50:14 PM »

Quote from: TVC 15 on January 27, 2008, 11:38:43 PM

So which contender for King of the Homojapuals gets to be Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany's?

(Image removed from quote.)

I'd rather be old-timey Oscar-winning Rican Jose Ferrer:

Beezy · « **Reply #25 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:50:43 PM »

@ Himuro

TakingBackSunday · « **Reply #26 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:51:01 PM »

Quote from: TVC 15 on January 27, 2008, 11:46:48 PM

Quote from: Ichi on January 27, 2008, 11:41:56 PM
Props to anyone who can guess why I cast Charlton Heston as "Mupepe." (Hint: Heston has experience in playing Mexicans)

duh, Touch of Evil. Orson

And someone has to be Orson Welles. HAS TO BE.

I shall become him.

Actually, I'd probably be the dude(?) in the middle of this Freaks picture.

Ichirou · « **Reply #27 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:52:22 PM »

Orson Welles as "Willco"

TVC15 · « **Reply #28 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:55:16 PM »

Touch of Evil has that boner inducing long tracking shot right at the beginning, right? I am gonna put it in because that is porno-quality.

Okay, which EBer would play Joseph Cotton and Orson in this clip?

[youtube=425,350]F_SQyCJega8[/youtube]

Ichirou · « **Reply #29 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:56:55 PM »

Yeah, the funny thing is that when it was originally released in theater the tracking shot was covered up by the opening titles.

I'm at work - is that clip from Citizen Kane?

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #30 on:** January 27, 2008, 11:58:06 PM »

I want to be played by an old Lionel Barrymore, or not at all:

Ichirou · « **Reply #31 on:** January 28, 2008, 12:00:35 AM »

In full Mr. Potter mode?

Madrun Badrun · « **Reply #32 on:** January 28, 2008, 12:00:51 AM »

Quote from: Beezy on January 27, 2008, 11:50:43 PM

@ Himuro

I didn't see that before.

Himu knows nothing about birthing no babies.

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #33 on:** January 28, 2008, 12:02:36 AM »

Quote from: Ichi on January 28, 2008, 12:00:35 AM

In full Mr. Potter mode?

And with the bowler hat.

TVC15 · « **Reply #34 on:** January 28, 2008, 12:04:26 AM »

Quote from: Ichi on January 27, 2008, 11:56:55 PM

Yeah, the funny thing is that when it was originally released in theater the tracking shot was covered up by the opening titles.

I'm at work - is that clip from Citizen Kane?

No, the famous Harry Lime reveal from the shadows in The Third Man.

I think mupepe may have to be the forum's orson welles. Everyone familiar with orson's work knows that he was basically the most charismatic person ever, at least on film. I can listen to that man talk for hours and hours. And he was handsome before he got fat. And he still got hot hot ass when he was fat.

Ichirou · « **Reply #35 on:** January 28, 2008, 12:07:32 AM »

In the case of that Third Man clip, Joseph Cotten would be Willco and Orson Welles would be NotSoCoolGuyChris!

Ichirou · « **Reply #36 on:** January 28, 2008, 12:08:58 AM »

If we're going with just how much pussay the actor got, Mupepe would be Errol Flynn.

The Fake Shemp · « **Reply #37 on:** January 28, 2008, 01:09:57 AM »

I <3 Orson

Ichirou · « **Reply #38 on:** January 28, 2008, 01:31:34 AM »

When I get home, I'll find that awesome audio of Orson Welles trying to record that radio commercial. Unfortunately, YouTube is blocked at work.

ferrarimanf355 · « **Reply #39 on:** January 28, 2008, 01:39:34 AM »

Steve McQueen as me. You know, so I can get the Highland Green '68 Mustang.

Smooth Groove · « **Reply #40 on:** January 28, 2008, 01:39:41 AM »

John Holmes as Mupepe

Ichirou · « **Reply #41 on:** January 28, 2008, 01:49:10 AM »

Yeah, that one. It's

awesome, and there's a YouTube of some guy dressed as Orson Welles actually miming along to the recording.

Also:

Sidney Poitier as "Dr. Smooth Groove"

TVC15 · « **Reply #42 on:** January 28, 2008, 03:07:00 AM »

The peas commercial thing is so incredible. A lot of people use it to make fun of Orson, but it makes me admire him even more. He took his shit pretty seriously. Even when working a shitty job that he clearly hated, he was a true craftsman. Even if he was just trying to be difficult, every word of advice he offers is sound.

Orson. His awesomeness cannot be understated!

Ichirou · « **Reply #43 on:** January 28, 2008, 03:09:27 AM »

Have you heard the William Shatner commercial outtakes one? It's on the YouTube/GAF thread, it's amazing.

Have you read This is Orson Welles, the big interview book Peter Bogdanovich did? It's enlightening as to Orson's methods and how he saw himself as an artist and craftsman, but what I love about it is how it inadvertently reveals what a gigantic, arrogant douchebag Bogdanovich is.

TVC15 · « **Reply #44 on:** January 28, 2008, 03:15:31 AM »

Quote from: Ichi on January 28, 2008, 03:09:27 AM

Have you heard the William Shatner commercial outtakes one? It's on the YouTube/GAF thread, it's amazing.

Have you read This is Orson Welles, the big interview book Peter Bogdanovich did? It's enlightening as to Orson's methods and how he saw himself as an artist and craftsman, but what I love about it is how it inadvertently reveals what a gigantic, arrogant douchebag Bogdanovich is.

No, I haven't. If you say it is worth it, I will buy it, though.

I think it is pretty clear that Orson was more interested in the art of cinema than anything else--his heart was always in the right place, but he appeared to be bitter about having to compromise his integrity for a few bucks (but then again, who wouldn't be?).

It's weird. Half of me says that if he lived today, he would have been able to work in the system and make great movie after great movie. Then the other half of me says that if he lived today, he would have never directed a picture at all.

Ichirou · « **Reply #45 on:** January 28, 2008, 03:22:02 AM »

It's worth it if you're a big fan of Welles and are willing to hear him go on about his more obscure productions, acting jobs, and project that almost happened but then fell apart. The book includes a ridiculously complete listing of everything Welles did as an artist, from radio to theater to film, excerpts from the screenplay with the original ending to the Magnificent Ambersons, and that (along with the 56-page memo regarding the editing of Touch of Evil, which is also included in the DVD of that film) take up almost half of the book.

The big problem I have with the book is the tone of it. Bogdanovich seems to come off as very smarmy and elitist (which, by all accounts, he is), which makes Welles look downright humble in comparison. Bogdanovich's comments had me rolling my eyes every few pages. The other problem I have with the book is that Bogdanovich states in the introduction that he edited out a lot of Welles's commentary on contemporary directors and actors at Welles's request (because Welles didn't want to be seen as bashing other people working in the same field).

As far as artists commenting on their own films go, I prefer Scorsese on Scorsese and Something Like an Autobiography by Kurosawa (yeah, I know you're not a Kurosawa fan).

Ichirou · « **Reply #46 on:** January 28, 2008, 03:26:20 AM »

Quote from: ParticleReality on January 28, 2008, 03:12:44 AM

Can I be Duane Jones?

(Image removed from quote.)

Or does he have to be 30's-50's?

I was thinking that you'd be more along the lines of...

TVC15 · « **Reply #47 on:** January 28, 2008, 03:27:43 AM »

I hate to ask something so specific, since you probably do not recall tiny details, but do you know how much it goes into Mr. Arkadin? In some ways I consider it the most interesting Welles film.

Also, did Bogdanovich actually interview him, or was this totally independent?

Ichirou · « **Reply #48 on:** January 28, 2008, 03:36:21 AM »

Quote from: TVC 15 on January 28, 2008, 03:27:43 AM

I hate to ask something so specific, since you probably do not recall tiny details, but do you know how much it goes into Mr. Arkadin? In some ways I consider it the most interesting Welles film.

Also, did Bogdanovich actually interview him, or was this totally independent?

Bogdanovich and Welles were actually really good friends for a long time (Bogdanovich goes at great lengths as to the extent of their relationship in the book's intro - Welles actually lived at his house for a few years), and yep, this is basically a book-length series of interviews that they had over the course of a couple of years going starting with his theater days and then going into his films.

It's been like a year since I read it (I actually still have it with me so I can check when I go home today), but as I recall, there's maybe 15 pages on Mr. Arkadin? I wish they had gone more into what happened during editing (Welles just states it was taken away from him and his idea for a broken chronology was mostly discarded). Welles talks about where he got the idea from (it was originally going to be a Harry Lime radio script but then he decided the idea was too good to waste on a radio show so he kept it to himself), and the whole process of procuring financing, casting, shooting, and the mess that happened afterwards when he lost control of it.

I've only seen the public domain version of Mr. Arkadin. I've never seen the Criterion release that supposedly re-edits it to be closer to what Welles intended.

TVC15 · « **Reply #49 on:** January 28, 2008, 03:42:44 AM »

Argh, I could talk about Mr. Arkadin for DAYS. It is an incredibly interesting film, and even in its imperfect form, it is pretty captivating, and evident that Orson had another masterpiece in the chamber. For whatever reason, I find the clearly flawed more interesting than the perfect diamonds, and Arkadin is the definition of this tendency.

The Criterion set is my favorite of all Criterions. The essay book that accompanies it does an excellent job of explaining the complicated logistics of the situation, and it also comes with a novelization of Mr. Arkadin, along with several of the radio plays based off of it and The Third Man (Mr. Arkadin is a sorta prequel).

In short, not only did Welles not edit it, but he never even really finished shooting. There are some insane visuals in that movie. I <3 it. I have watched all of the cuts of it so many times, and read the book, and I am STILL guessing at how Welles was approaching it.

Ichirou · « **Reply #50 on:** January 28, 2008, 03:45:35 AM »

Hahaha, I love the discussion Welles and Bogdanovich had about the Mr. Arkadin novel.

B: The novel you wrote based on your Mr. Arkadin screenplay was quite successful.
W: Oh, I didn't write it. It was ghost-written by some hack the production company hired.
B: Oh really? It won such-and-such literary awards and is quite well regarded in Europe.
W: Well, maybe I did write it, at that.

Ichirou · « **Reply #51 on:** January 28, 2008, 03:51:15 AM »

Welles does talk a lot about Chimes at Midnight, and I think you like that one, also. He goes on at length about all his Shakespeare productions, actually.

Ichirou · « **Reply #52 on:** January 28, 2008, 03:57:45 AM »

Please write a three-paragraph essay on why you think Duane Jones is the perfect choice to play you on film.

TVC15 · « **Reply #53 on:** January 28, 2008, 04:00:16 AM »

Quote from: Ichi on January 28, 2008, 03:45:35 AM

Hahaha, I love the discussion Welles and Bogdanovich had about the Mr. Arkadin novel.

B: The novel you wrote based on your Mr. Arkadin screenplay was quite successful.
W: Oh, I didn't write it. It was ghost-written by some hack the production company hired.
B: Oh really? It won such-and-such literary awards and is quite well regarded in Europe.
W: Well, maybe I did write it, at that.

The Criterion goes into this, too. There is no clear answer on who wrote the novel. It was probably, at the very least, heavily based off of some set of Welles notes, but there is a very real possibility he did write it himself.

Quote from: Ichi on January 28, 2008, 03:51:15 AM

Welles does talk a lot about Chimes at Midnight, and I think you like that one, also. He goes on at length about all his Shakespeare productions, actually.

Chimes is probably his objectively best movie, and I know he thought highly of it. If you haven't seen it, I highly suggest viewing it. It will make you love Shakespeare.

Note that you will have to pirate it. It is unlikely that it will ever receive a US release. Criterion has been trying for more than a decade. Welles as Falstaff, though, he has to rival anyone that's ever played him. He is absolutely perfect.

Ichirou · « **Reply #54 on:** January 28, 2008, 04:03:36 AM »

I love Welles's fucked-up version of Macbeth. I haven't seen Chimes at Midnight, tho.

TVC15 · « **Reply #55 on:** January 28, 2008, 04:08:46 AM »

You gotta see Chimes, dude. My words can't do it justice. You have to see it for yourself.

xnikki118x · « **Reply #56 on:** January 28, 2008, 05:45:33 AM »

Who am I/who is me? I don't know enough about old actresses to even venture a guess.

Ichirou · « **Reply #57 on:** January 28, 2008, 05:47:03 AM »

Quote from: TVC 15 on January 28, 2008, 04:08:46 AM

You gotta see Chimes, dude. My words can't do it justice. You have to see it for yourself.

If you can let me know where to torrent it, along with Salo, I'd love to see it!

Ichirou · « **Reply #58 on:** January 28, 2008, 05:55:48 AM »

BTW, I'm at home right now and leafing through the Orson Welles book, looking for Mr. Arkadin tidbits.

The Sceneman · « **Reply #59 on:** January 28, 2008, 06:00:11 AM »

Scenester is Clark Gable

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Author Topic: In this thread we cast old-timey movie stars as Evilboreans. (Read 6146 times)