This is it? This is what it took 19 years, script rejection after script rejection, and lots of debate between George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, and Harrison Ford as to what a fourth Indy movie should be? This is the idea that finally united them? Warning: knowing that it took so long for them to agree on a script, and that this is the best they could come up with, means I’m going to be extra hard on it.
Wow, this movie sucks. It’s like, Hook bad. Hell, it makes Temple of Doom look like a passable movie. The plot is distinguished mentally-challenged, it plays more like a screwball comedy than an adventure movie, there is never any sense of danger (which strips the film of any sort of thrills), the callbacks are predictable and annoying (Marion could also have been cut from this wholesale; making Mutt Indy’s son just seemed like a convenient way to shoehorn her character into the movie), Indy has become Basil Exposition, the new characters have the depth of the shallow end of the kiddies pool (and John Hurt looks like he is just continuing his performance from The Proposition), the cinematography is way off base for an Indy movie (its predictably Kaminski-ed; washed out color palettes and weird, “bloomy” lighting), effects work is shoddy for ILM’s standards (and there is far too much CGI), it uses some of the oldest film clichés out there, hell, even the action scenes, which are Spielberg’s bread and butter, are bland and uninspiring (actually, I felt overall this war far from Spielberg’s finest hour behind the camera). I don’t even know what to say about the A-bomb scene, the CG gophers, the Tarzan scene, the aliens, John William’s forgettable score, or the cheesy wedding. Raiders is a classic, Temple is crappy but watchable, and Last Crusade is a lesser Raiders retread held afloat by Sean Connery’s performance. Skull has none of these traits. And what in god’s name is Cate Blanchett doing in this? She is far too talented for this production.
If I had to mine a few positives out of this turd, they would be a few decent visual gags (I liked Indy going from Mutt’s bike into the enemy car and back again), the chemistry between Shia and Harrison, and the art design.
In terms of the three summer movies I’ve seen thusfar, Crystal Skull is at the bottom of the heap, quite a bit below both Speed Racer and Iron Man. In terms of Indy movies, Raiders >>>> Last > Temple > Skull.
