Author Topic: Gaming in the Clinton years (Read 6534 times)

originalz · « **on:** October 15, 2008, 09:37:19 AM »

http://www.navgtr.org/library.html

These were apparently from some old TV show. Vintage gaming reviews!

My personal favorite is the Toy Story one.

GilloD · « **Reply #1 on:** October 15, 2008, 09:59:20 AM »

ActRaiser 2 is the most disappointing sequel of all time.

Sho Nuff · « **Reply #2 on:** October 15, 2008, 11:31:40 AM »

I love these so much. They are so terrible.

GOOD GAME, BUT NO CODES!

bork · « **Reply #3 on:** October 15, 2008, 11:32:51 AM »

Quote from: Sho Nuff on October 15, 2008, 11:31:40 AM

I love these so much. They are so terrible.

GOOD GAME, BUT NO CODES!

I love how the guy reviews fighting games as if they are single player-only affairs and is very harsh on them if they lack FMV endings.

bork · « **Reply #4 on:** October 15, 2008, 11:37:41 AM »

Ahahaha, the Toy Story review is hilarious! The guy talks about Disney's marketing strategies before the game play, which is just him bitching about not being able to make a jump in level three or something. LOLZ.

Sho Nuff · « **Reply #5 on:** October 15, 2008, 11:38:42 AM »

Holy shit at the Toy Story one

"The first think you notice is the poor edging on Woody. The movie was done with Silicon Graphics computers. The instruction book says the game's graphics were created with the same 3D models that were used in the making of the blockbuster movie. We don't know, however, if the game actually used Silicon Graphics computers. If SGI computers were involved, we suspect they were only used for character animation, because the backgrounds do not have the detail or quality graphics of Donkey Kong Country. As any game player knows, the graphics of Donkey Kong Country were created with Silicon Graphics computers, and it DOESN'T have edging problems. What's even more strange is that Woody is the ONLY character with edging problems."

"One question remains. Why didn't Disney Interactive use Silicon Graphics computers for the entire game? Were they too expensive? I don't think so. Come on. Big Disney is one of the richest corporations in the country. Let's get real here. The only explanation we can think of is that Disney did not use SGI computers because graphics cannot be handled by Genesis for the Genesis version."

wwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaatttttttt

bork · « **Reply #6 on:** October 15, 2008, 11:40:25 AM »

Uniracers- "It's fast and you have to do tricks to get ahead of the competition, which is assuming you can do the tricks and OH FUCK IT CHECK OUT THE ENDING!! NO, THE REAL ENDING IF YOU BEAT THE TWO SECRET WORLDS!"

recursivelyenumerable · « **Reply #7 on:** October 15, 2008, 11:41:46 AM »

I actually have a bunch of SGI Indigo-2's, an O2 and an Octane in my basement. I bought them a couple years ago at a garage sale for $2 apiece, seriously.

bork · « **Reply #8 on:** October 15, 2008, 11:42:21 AM »

Watch the "Bloody Roar 2" review. He talks about it for literally two seconds.

Sho Nuff · « **Reply #9 on:** October 15, 2008, 11:42:36 AM »

Wait, now he's complaining that cheats ruin the game, but he complains in other videos when the games DON'T have cheats

Did this ever air on TV!?

EDIT: OH MY GOD now he just started talking about bootleg Street Fighter toys

Sho Nuff · « **Reply #10 on:** October 15, 2008, 11:43:07 AM »

Quote from: recursivelyenumerable on October 15, 2008, 11:41:46 AM

I actually have a bunch of SGI Indigo-2's, an O2 and an Octane in my basement. I bought them a couple years ago at a garage sale for $2 apiece, seriously.

YOU COULD MAKE TOY STORY!!!

bork · « **Reply #11 on:** October 15, 2008, 11:44:37 AM »

Castlevania SOTN- "[The game has] no in-game cinemas or anything to set it apart from previous Dracula outings." "We also have one complaint about one aspect of the game's control: You can't jump in the middle of a swing. Think about that for a moment- If you're standing still, and you swing your whip, you can't jump until the whip has come all the way back to you. Now that's ridiculous, folks. Ridiculous AND frustrating. I mean really, that is one annoying flaw! So much for realism."

WHAT WHIP, distinguished mentally-challenged fellow??

"Castlevania SOTN is a pretty decent game. You won't not like it, but you won't not sing out loud about it, either...Castlevania [SOTN] just creates more of the same."

Sho Nuff · « **Reply #12 on:** October 15, 2008, 11:49:44 AM »

I am reading NAVIGATR's site and check this out, apparently if you win an award from them and want the trophy then you have to pay $250:

http://www.navgtr.org/id7.html

WTF WTF WTF WTF

bork · « **Reply #13 on:** October 15, 2008, 11:53:38 AM »

I also like how every video opens with a song from Shadowgate for NES. Shadowgate was released BEFORE the Clinton years, geniuses.

Sho Nuff · « **Reply #14 on:** October 15, 2008, 11:55:45 AM »

HOLY SHIT I'M ON ONE OF THEIR NOMINEE LISTS

and they spelled my name wrong rofl

WHO ARE THESE GUYS!?

bork · « **Reply #15 on:** October 15, 2008, 11:59:53 AM »

Killer Instinct and KI Gold-

Quote

"The thrill of competition. Incredible morphing characters. Panoramic backdrops. The best soundtrack *ever* in a video game. What are we talking about? There's only one answer: KILLER INSTINCT."

And then, when talking about the follow-up-

Quote

Yippee-kai-yay. Another street fighting game....it's just plain "blah" to us. The best part of the game is not even the game-- it's the handy cheat sheet that comes inside!

Comedy gold!

Quote

The CAMERA ISN'T UTILIZED VERY WELL. The game play ISN'T 3D. It's practically no fun at all!

bork · « **Reply #16 on:** October 15, 2008, 12:11:56 PM »

No words for the Marvel Super Heroes review. NO. WORDS.

ferrarimanf355 · « **Reply #17 on:** October 15, 2008, 12:13:41 PM »

Daytona USA came out in the early Clinton years, no?

bork · « **Reply #18 on:** October 15, 2008, 12:23:51 PM »

Quote

As for street fighting games though, we definitely think they lack substance. Adding cinema scenes after every battle would change that to some extent. Then the games wouldn't be 100% fighting.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA this is the best review series, EVER!

Sho Nuff · « **Reply #19 on:** October 15, 2008, 12:26:48 PM »

Super Mario vs Resident Evil

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3181503251799704191

What just what

edit: Check out the absolutely crack-smoking quote from Tom Kalinske in there too

bork · « **Reply #20 on:** October 15, 2008, 12:29:41 PM »

EVERY VIDEO IS

bork · « **Reply #21 on:** October 15, 2008, 12:31:38 PM »

The Chrono Trigger review: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6836543842350001462

I AM IN TEARS RIGHT NOW

Sho Nuff · « **Reply #22 on:** October 15, 2008, 12:54:37 PM »

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2380817746576881376

"Three fat black ladies fighting one skinny white turd"

bork · « **Reply #23 on:** October 15, 2008, 12:56:09 PM »

Some GAFfots are saying this was proven to be fake?

Sho Nuff · « **Reply #24 on:** October 15, 2008, 12:59:44 PM »

There are WAY too many of these to be fake.

Sho Nuff · « **Reply #25 on:** October 15, 2008, 01:14:34 PM »

[youtube=425,350]WdFecfgL46c[/youtube]

What in the hell IS this? Who ARE these people? Why has NOBODY heard of these guys before? Is this some gigantic joke that's been going on for years?

Jump to the joke at 7:30

I am now convinced that FatalFarm is behind this

GilloD · « **Reply #26 on:** October 15, 2008, 01:31:19 PM »

"Many kids need BOMBS to get them out of bed"

originalz · « **Reply #27 on:** October 15, 2008, 08:07:44 PM »

Quote from: the lyte edge on October 15, 2008, 12:56:09 PM

Some GAFfots are saying this was proven to be fake?

Definitely not fake. If it was fake, it would be the greatest prank in history. This guy made hundred of videos throughout the 90s for an old TV show and has his own "awards show" that he hosts each year. Way too much effort involved, I think that GAF just can't accept that such a thing existed because the reviews are so absurd.

Truth be told though, this is a pretty good retrospective of what things were like back then. Back in the day, everyone really only cared about graphics and the "wow" shit like cutscenes and the game's ending. Things have definitely changed over time, so it's easy to think that these are fake if you don't remember or didn't live through that era of reviews and talking to other people about games.

originalz · « **Reply #28 on:** October 17, 2008, 05:03:09 AM »

Quote from: Sho Nuff on October 15, 2008, 11:49:44 AM

I am reading NAVIGATR's site and check this out, apparently if you win an award from them and want the trophy then you have to pay $250:

http://www.navgtr.org/id7.html

WTF WTF WTF WTF

That ain't nothing.

http://www.navgtr.org/id50.html

For 100-500 bucks you can buy a nomination for their awards show! Regardless if you game is a total piece of shit that was panned by every review group the world over you could still pay these guys 100 bucks and they will nominate your game for what ever category I want, or 500 for that game of the year status!

There's so much wrong with this company.

ferrarimanf355 · « **Reply #29 on:** October 17, 2008, 09:45:01 PM »

They didn't do any Cruis'n games... :'(

BobFromPikeCreek · « **Reply #30 on:** October 18, 2008, 03:34:06 PM »

The Contra III review is hilarious. They just show the ending sequence.

cool breeze · « **Reply #31 on:** October 18, 2008, 03:40:32 PM »

I watched these on google video a few months back. They are the most bizarre game reviews I've ever seen.

homborg · « **Reply #32 on:** October 18, 2008, 03:41:53 PM »

Quote from: Sho Nuff on October 15, 2008, 01:14:34 PM

Is this some gigantic joke that's been going on for years?

yes. why is this so hard to believe?

laesperanzapaz · « **Reply #33 on:** October 18, 2008, 04:56:22 PM »

wow i cant believe you are just finding these out

and i cant believe i am saying this but...watch it on youtube. google video is shit.

and no, it's not fake.

originalz · « **Reply #34 on:** October 18, 2008, 10:53:06 PM »

Quote from: homborg on October 18, 2008, 03:41:53 PM

Quote from: Sho Nuff on October 15, 2008, 01:14:34 PM
Is this some gigantic joke that's been going on for years?

yes. why is this so hard to believe?

It may seem fake, but then you have to take into account that he made over half a thousand videos and many of them are completely uneventful and dull. If he was a troll, would he really make several hundred perfectly normal videos? He's also desperately trying to make money off of this. He's a Youtube partner meaning Youtube actually pays him for these, and he charges people just to claim "awards" they won on his awards ceremony. I don't see a troll going through that much effort over 15+ years.

bork · « **Reply #35 on:** October 19, 2008, 03:07:27 AM »

I still cannot get over this. I don't really like FFVII, but even I have to laugh at the "review." Plus the spoilers for the story? WTF?

But the Goldeneye 007 review is another tear-spilling laff-fest:

Quote

...You will open up levels for the four-player mini-games. Which we can't show you, because we only have one controller. And frankly, we don't care about the multiplayer stuff. No one buys a game specifically for multi-player options.

EDIT: The entire Gran Tursimo review is just

bork · « **Reply #36 on:** October 19, 2008, 03:17:31 AM »

Street Fighter Alpha 2 is both

and

.

Dan is one of the best characters in the game because he has good legs, I didn't know this!

cool breeze · « **Reply #37 on:** October 19, 2008, 03:32:43 AM »

wow http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2646861003300954312

Sho Nuff · « **Reply #38 on:** October 19, 2008, 11:45:28 AM »

I downloaded a shitload of them off Google Video and threw them on my iPod. I learned so much:

-- Eek the Cat is a good game because of the opening sequence
-- If you do not buy Donkey Kong Country, you're STUPID

and finally

[youtube=425,350]zzj48oQoTzU[/youtube]

this is supposed to be funny.

If you look at the awards show it seems that they actually have a full staff of supporters. Completely baffling. Also, Halverston's name is attached to it.

tiesto · « **Reply #39 on:** October 19, 2008, 11:49:45 AM »

Quote from: Sho Nuff on October 19, 2008, 11:45:28 AM

-- Eek the Cat is a good game because of the opening sequence

Sharkey

Sho Nuff · « **Reply #40 on:** October 19, 2008, 11:59:24 AM »

Kum ba yah! It never hurts to help!!!

[youtube=425,350]B3Vh--awqmQ[/youtube]

Looks to me like you need some AWESOME VIDEO GAMES

Eel O'Brian · « **Reply #41 on:** October 19, 2008, 12:14:09 PM »

clayfighter review, strategy tip:

"try to use this coooOOOOoOOOOool technique whenever possible"

cool breeze · « **Reply #42 on:** October 19, 2008, 12:43:52 PM »

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2866735942494615154

He complains about there being no Canadian snowboarder about 2 seconds after showing the Canadian snowboarder on screen.

MyNameIsMethodis · « **Reply #43 on:** October 19, 2008, 12:56:02 PM »

He also said theres no female snowboarder, yet he shows the female snowboarder next to the canuck.

MyNameIsMethodis · « **Reply #44 on:** October 19, 2008, 01:06:30 PM »

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8949512819745519792

"The 3D format just totally blows...the whole game"

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #45 on:** October 19, 2008, 01:17:00 PM »

Quote from: MyNameIsMethodis on October 19, 2008, 01:06:30 PM

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8949512819745519792

"The 3D format just totally blows...the whole game"

Nintendo needs to stop calling everything an adventure mode!

MyNameIsMethodis · « **Reply #46 on:** October 19, 2008, 01:22:19 PM »

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2537549446127444180

He thinks this is the best game ever and decides to show it for 6 minutes striaght.

cool breeze · « **Reply #47 on:** October 19, 2008, 01:26:02 PM »

Doom 64: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1389343398034513353

He claims graphics are the reason to buy this game.

Pilot Wing 64: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7337646327354739619

He claims people don't buy games because of the graphics.

MyNameIsMethodis · « **Reply #48 on:** October 19, 2008, 01:27:09 PM »

"We had a blast making three fat black ladies fight one skinny white turd. You don't get to do that everyday"

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2380817746576881376

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #49 on:** October 19, 2008, 01:49:29 PM »

Blast Corps

"Waaaatch that guy stomp that skyscraper to the grouuuuuund! Woo!"

Joe Molotov · « **Reply #50 on:** October 19, 2008, 01:57:19 PM »

Mario Kart 64

The N64 produces graphics at 93.75mhz, while the PSX only produces them at 33.5mhz, causing pop-up on the PSX and making games like Mario Kart 64 impossible.

N64

PSX

Barry Egan · « **Reply #51 on:** October 19, 2008, 02:46:06 PM »

Final Fantasy 7:

"People disagree with our review in three areas. The first is game design. First of all, since we're talking about game design, that excludes the games movie scenes, which are inherently and rightfully unplayable"

wtf?

The 3rd criticism was that the game was turn-based instead of an action game.

Hitler Stole My Potato · « **Reply #52 on:** October 19, 2008, 02:48:03 PM »

The guy must've drank all of the N64/Ultra/Project Reality kool-aid that Nintendo was passing around back then. Kinda funny comparing his Nintendo reviews to the Playstation ones. And I love how every game is "impossible" without some sort of cheating on his part.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6842961151593388375
"..overly active analog control, stupid enemies that never break a sweat and just stroll leisurely toward you while you shoot at them, a primary weapon and a secondary weapon. WOOPDEE FREAKING LA DEE DA!"

u mad?

archie4208 · « **Reply #53 on:** October 19, 2008, 02:57:11 PM »

Quote from: Joe Molotov on October 19, 2008, 01:49:29 PM

Blast Corps

"Waaaatch that guy stomp that skyscraper to the grouuuuuund! Woo!"

oh man blast corps would own on xbla. does rare still own the rights to it?

Barry Egan · « **Reply #54 on:** October 19, 2008, 03:03:20 PM »

Goldeneye review:

"If you beat the game on the hardest mode you will open up hidden levels for the four player mini-games, which we can't show you because we only have one controller. And frankly, we don't care about the multiplayer stuff. Noone buys a videogame specifically for multiplayer options"

wtffffff?

News:

Author Topic: Gaming in the Clinton years (Read 6534 times)