So which religions are ok with wanking?

[Tieno]

I know Christians don't like it, but what about the others?
Jinfash, what about muslimism? Did Muhammed say anything about masturbation in his book?

[Reb]

Are you like Himuro, shopping around for a religion?

[Tieno]

lol, not at all. I'm a non-believer...I was just wondering about this after seeing this video
[youtube=560,345]fUspLVStPbk[/youtube]

[Flannel Boy]

I once had a Muslim co-worker tell me that he never masturbated, not even once, because it's forbidden by Islam. I don't think it's explicitly forbidden, but it's seen as forbidden because it is omitted as an approved sex act, which is between a man and a wife or a man and his slave.  

[Reb]

lol, not at all. I'm a non-believer...

Bummer, I was looking forward to follow-up questions about beans and nuts.

[Propagandhim]

I tend to agree with most religions that masturbation is wrong and sort of akin to premeditated murder.  I keep a fish bowl attached to my penis when I go to bed every night just in case I happen to dream of a butt during the night.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

Atheism is a religion 

[Napoleonthechimp]

I blame masturbation for me not getting laid. Why go out and meet girls when I've got the internet and five minutes to spare?

[Propagandhim]

I blame masturbation for me not getting laid. Why go out and meet girls when I've got the internet and five minutes to spare?

Human companionship.  Fun.   Pretty smells.  Cuddling.

[demi]

I blame masturbation for me not getting laid. Why go out and meet girls when I've got the internet and five minutes to spare?

Human companionship.  Fun.   Pretty smells.  Cuddling.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Cheebs]

I blame masturbation for me not getting laid. Why go out and meet girls when I've got the internet and five minutes to spare?

Human companionship.  Fun.   Pretty smells.  Cuddling.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

you wouldn't want to cuddle with a fattie?

[demi]

I was responding to a heterosexual relationship, Cheebs

Fukin poof

[Third]

I thought it was forbidden because you kill potential kids.

Each ejaculation contains millions and millions of potenital children.

[MCD]

god knows how many potential children i killed.

[Third]

god knows how many potential children i killed.

Seriously, I don't think even he(?) knows that. It's a massive amount of dead children. No one can count that far.

A friend of mine comes from Marocco and he told me that. I laughed at his face and wanked twice that day.

I don't know why wanking should be forbidden. That's just stupid.

[Tieno]

god knows how many potential children i killed.

Seriously, I don't think even he(?) knows that. It's a massive amount of dead children. No one can count that far.

A friend of mine comes from Marocco and he told me that. I laughed at his face and wanked twice that day.

I don't know why wanking should be forbidden. That's just stupid.

Gotta wonder about the dude who wrote this into the Bible...what was he thinking? Did he have some deformation, was jealous and wanted to spoil the fun for everyone?

[Third]

Never read the Bible. But does wanking really gets mentioned?

If people never wanked, they'd get sexually frustrated and would rape.

Nothing wrong with wanking. That's why pastors should do that too...

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

I've spilled the seed onto the ground enough times to reserve me a special spot in hell.

[Guybrush Threepwood]

The teacher of my abstinence-only sexuality class said this:

"The fact that people always laugh or feel nervous when masturbation is mentioned should tell you that there's something wrong with it."

[Reb]

The teacher of my abstinence-only sexuality class said this:

"The fact that people always laugh or feel nervous when masturbation is mentioned should tell you that there's something wrong with it."

Wow, so pooping is wrong as well?

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

The teacher of my abstinence-only sexuality class said this:

"The fact that people always laugh or feel nervous when masturbation is mentioned should tell you that there's something wrong with it."

I've never laughed or felt nervous spanking it.

[brawndolicious]

iirc, the bible forbids it because of some story about god smiting a guy for accidentally ejaculating outside of the woman.  that god was punishing him for not using his seed efficiently or something.

[Flannel Boy]

The teacher of my abstinence-only sexuality class said this:

"The fact that people always laugh or feel nervous when masturbation is mentioned should tell you that there's something wrong with it."

People will obviously feel nervous about masturbation if they've been told that it's wrong or sinful.

iirc, the bible forbids it because of some story about god smiting a guy for accidentally ejaculating outside of the woman.  that god was punishing him for not using his seed efficiently or something.

Talk about renewable natural resources. Don't worry God, there's plenty more where that came (pun intended) from.

[Brehvolution]

doh!

[Van Cruncheon]

iirc, the bible forbids it because of some story about god smiting a guy for accidentally ejaculating outside of the woman.  that god was punishing him for not using his seed efficiently or something.

that was onan, and he was punished for not knocking up the woman god told him to; instead, he shot his seed on the ground and lol'd at god and got his ass srsly smote

[Eel O'Brian]

what if you wank it TO the bible?

there's some penthouse-letter-level stuff in there...

[The Fake Shemp]

God sounds like a sick pervert.

"Do it. Stick it inside her and give her your seed.  Do it.  Yes!"

"Uh, fuck you, dude, I'm pulling out.  You've totally blown my spot."

"WTF NO!"

[brawndolicious]

iirc, the bible forbids it because of some story about god smiting a guy for accidentally ejaculating outside of the woman.  that god was punishing him for not using his seed efficiently or something.

that was onan, and he was punished for not knocking up the woman god told him to; instead, he shot his seed on the ground and lol'd at god and got his ass srsly smote

Yeah, that's what I was thinking of.  I think actually that all 3 abrahamic religions based some sort of sexual rules on that one story.  Christianity bans contraceptives and pulling out while Islam and I believe Judaism has rules on ritual cleansing after nocturnal emissions and sex.  And I'm certain that all of them ban spanking the monkey.

Ironically, it sounds like god was only mad at Onan for disobeying him.  Today, scholars can't decide whether Onanism should be a word for pulling out or masturbating.

[TVC15]

what if you wank it TO the bible?

there's some penthouse-letter-level stuff in there...

Lot's daughters rape him, repeatedly.  And that is AFTER the Sodom and Gomorrah thing.

Incestuous rape > homosexuality, according to the bible.

[Guybrush Threepwood]

kind of 

spoiler (click to show/hide)

http://s3.amazonaws.com/listverse/biblestories/onan.jpg

[close]

 

[Oblivion]

I thought it was forbidden because you kill potential kids.

Each ejaculation contains millions and millions of potenital children.

The funny thing about that is, even if you properly put your dick in a woman, million of sperm cells die anyway because not all are needed to fertilize the egg.

So really, we're all kinda guilty of filicide.

[Cormacaroni]

You kill sperm just as effectively by NOT wanking; these things don't have a very long shelf-life.

[TVC15]

You kill sperm just as effectively by NOT wanking; these things don't have a very long shelf-life.

They can survive for up to like 5 days after you spurt them into a female, which is much longer than if you pop them off into a tissue or inside your pet's ass.

[CurseoftheGods]

iirc, the bible forbids it because of some story about god smiting a guy for accidentally ejaculating outside of the woman.  that god was punishing him for not using his seed efficiently or something.

that was onan, and he was punished for not knocking up the woman god told him to; instead, he shot his seed on the ground and lol'd at god and got his ass srsly smote

[AdmiralViscen]

rofl @ guybrush and TVC

I went to Catholic elementary school, had sex ed in 8th grade or so, she said it was ok to jerk it

[Madrun Badrun]

I once had a Muslim co-worker tell me that he never masturbated, not even once, because it's forbidden by Islam. I don't think it's explicitly forbidden, but it's seen as forbidden because it is omitted as an approved sex act, which is between a man and a wife or a man and his slave.  

Do you often peruse the subject of masturbation with Islamic men, Malek?

[Rman]

iirc, the bible forbids it because of some story about god smiting a guy for accidentally ejaculating outside of the woman.  that god was punishing him for not using his seed efficiently or something.

Yeah, that's about it.  The Bible never mentions masturbation

that was onan, and he was punished for not knocking up the woman god told him to; instead, he shot his seed on the ground and lol'd at god and got his ass srsly smote

Yep.  That's about it.  The Bible never mentions masturbation.  I heard some pastor actually promote masturbation as long as you are not ''lusting'', either by watching porn or fantasizing in your head.

I don't even think that's possible.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

iirc, the bible forbids it because of some story about god smiting a guy for accidentally ejaculating outside of the woman.  that god was punishing him for not using his seed efficiently or something.

Yeah, that's about it.  The Bible never mentions masturbation

that was onan, and he was punished for not knocking up the woman god told him to; instead, he shot his seed on the ground and lol'd at god and got his ass srsly smote

Yep.  That's about it.  The Bible never mentions masturbation.  I heard some pastor actually promote masturbation as long as you are not ''lusting'', either by watching porn or fantasizing in your head.

I don't even think that's possible.

In my teenage days, 9 times out of 10, jerking it was a habit.  It is possible.

[Bildi]

what if you wank it TO the bible?

there's some penthouse-letter-level stuff in there...

I think in those days begatting was akin to shaking hands.

[demi]

I did a behemoth jizz tonight. Felt nice. Then I played Dragon Quest II on an emulator with my pants still down.

I didn't get very far.