THE FINAL CHAPTER OF THE EPIC SAGE OF GILLOD AT WORK.
SO, we hired this guy to replace me. I am essentially irreplaceable, but whatever. Even in this economy, we only got like 3 applicants. The first guy we really liked, but it turned out that he lied up and down on his resume. So, with the clock ticking we picked up the other guy who applied (The 3rd guy was like way,way,way,way overqualified, like when Kosma applied to BK). Today is his 34th birthday. He dresses like he's 16 and made at his Dad. He was one of those like. SUper-long bang haircuts? And everything he owns has skulls on it.
Now, I'm no "LETS ALL BE PROFESSIONAL IN THE WORKPLACE", but he's 34. You don't have to wear a suit, but at least act like you give a fuck. ANyway- We hire him. He has an MS in Comp Sci and has worked at a bunch of companies on some really pro websites and has a great freelance portfolio. But I would fucking swear he'd never used a computer before. Like as I am writing this I said, "T- I'm not here today. You take over, you're in charge. If you have serious, serious questions, I can answer them, otherwise you're on your own".
His first task is to get a file from our warehouse's FTP folder, upload it to our server and run a PHP script. WHy does he have to do it manually? Because I asked him to write an ftp_get() last week and he never did.
Anyway, he's been at it for an hour. It should take 4 minutes. He has 0 resourcefulness or. Just an ability to figure shit out.
But enough about that, here's some juicy stuff: He is SWEATY. He sweats like an animal. I've never seen anything like. He just drips all day long. Also, I think he might have some kind of muscular disorder- He falls down several times a day. I keept elling him to see a doctor and all he says is, "Oh I have". Last week he like fell up two stairs, landed on the landing and then did a barrel roll, spilling his coffee everywhere and going "Woahhhoohohohohwaohhh".
I'm just astonished by his lack of resourcefulness. If he doesn't know the 100% absolute answer, he just. Flunks. I get the feeling that if he didn't know the way to the grocery store he'd starve to death.
So, we may fire him. On his birthday. I volunteered.
Ugh.
