What sexual dysfunction best explains Avatar fandom?

[The Fake Shemp]

Mandark, I don't think you get it. In order to really understand Green Shinobi's posts, to really comprehend the objectivity of it all, you need to apply these:

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[Mandark]

makes you a regular tosser, eh

God damn did I just get out-bantered.

I thought the story was told very well, it evoked a sense of wonder and adventure that few, if any, films have done before, its characters were lively and enjoyable, and as an example of visual storytelling it was unmatched by anything last year.

This is practically content free.  "Well told" in the context of describing a narrative is just about as specific as "good".

What was good about the story?  What was good about the characters?  I'm not asking for a novella here, just some attempt at engagement.

[The Fake Shemp]

Match point, Cormacaroni.

[brawndolicious]

But seriously, it'd be nice if GS could write anything in defense of the movie other than calling back to his own experience ("I enjoyed that part") or claiming validation from other people ("and so did they").  Talk about the movie itself, ferchrissakes.

There is no objective truth when it comes to film review. Very few films have anything near a universal consensus. The best I can do is something like this:

You can't say that something is objectively good or bad only if there's a universal consensus about that (ie: Europeans in the middle-ages believing showering was unhealthy).  Avatar succeeded at what it actually tried at (visual orgasm) but that's all it aimed for.  It did not try to entertain you with good writing or imposing performances.  Those two things kind of make sense as a general requirement for any Best Picture nominee I think.

[Ichirou]

Then someone will go "Hahaha, this is worse than when Green Shinobi got owned over Avatar" and he'll hop in and say he was never owned and the cycle will start all over again.

Oh man.

We should totally come up with some fictional past annihilation of Green Shinobi and make references to it.

Like he'll start arguing about something and then Willco would post "Oh God, this is going to be like the time that Patel annihilated you over Return of the King.  Don't do it man!"

Then Green Shinobi would say "I don't remember getting annihilated" like he always does and the rest of us would chime in.  "Dude, don't open it up again."  "I remember that.  So epic."  Etc.

Eventually he'd start wondering if maybe it had really happened and would start chasing Patel around in other threads to get the last word in an argument that never existed, before going completely crazy and disappearing.  Then Willco would write a script about it, and not give us a dime when he sold it on spec.

[Great Rumbler]

standard fair

One time I went to the Standard Fair and won an average prize at the regular ring toss.

The Standard Fair really isn't that great. The Ordinary Circus provides a much more enjoyable experience.

[Cormacaroni]

The secondary characters like the nerdy scientist, Sigourney Weaver's character and Tsu-tey all had lots of personality and enough quirks to differentiate them from the stock characters that populate many works in the genre.

sheer gold

[brawndolicious]

Jake was very poorly written.  Any real person who was crippled for several years would have too much self-respect to run around like that the moment they get their rental alien body.  They would probably have less interest in running fast or flying or some BS because they're able to live with being in a wheelchair.  That's an example of the shallow emotional cheap shots that this movie makes.

[The Fake Shemp]

The secondary characters like the nerdy scientist, Sigourney Weaver's character and Tsu-tey all had lots of personality and enough quirks to differentiate them from the stock characters that populate many works in the genre.

sheer gold

Oh my God

[The Fake Shemp]

You couldn't name Sigourney Weaver's character either! Truly the sign of a well-written film!

[Great Rumbler]

GS, no matter how many posts you make and no matter how eloquent or well thought out your arguments may be, you're never going to win this one, because this thread isn't even ABOUT Avatar. And it never was. It's about YOU.

[The Fake Shemp]

But mostly it's about Avatar.

[Great Rumbler]

But mostly it's about Avatar.

Not even close. 

[The Fake Shemp]

I also can't remember the names of either of the two main marines in The Hurt Locker. I can't remember George Clooney's character's name in Up in the Air. Would you post the laughing smiley if I said something like "The main bomb defuser in The Hurt Locker was very well-written and well-acted"?

Considering the amount of praise you have heaped on Avatar, which would be claimed as overzealous by even its most ardent supporters, I think it's pretty ridiculous that you have the gall to state that it is so well-written but cannot name characters you cite in your very argument.

If you pulled the same thing with The Hurt Locker, I'd also laugh at you.

[brawndolicious]

Jake was very poorly written.  Any real person who was crippled for several years would have too much self-respect to run around like that the moment they get their rental alien body.  They would probably have less interest in running fast or flying or some BS because they're able to live with being in a wheelchair.  That's an example of the shallow emotional cheap shots that this movie makes.

...
Seriously?
Words. I have none.

Because I imagine that most people who live in a wheelchair try to actually make sense of their situation rather than kick their heels and adopt a hippy lifestyle once they get their genetically-engineered Uhauls.

[The Fake Shemp]

It's true. If he was a real cripple, he would have run right out of the theater.

[brawndolicious]

If you actually think that a paraplegic who could suddenly stretch his legs and run wouldn't do so, then seriously, there are no words.

No, not when the doctors are telling him to sit down and are threatening him with sedatives.

The fact that they use try to bluntly fuck you in the brain by saying that his ability to control his farts makes him care more about nature is just insulting.

[brawndolicious]

No, that character.

[Mandark]

What makes it funny is that you're defending a character as having depth while referring to him as "the nerdy scientist".

Even you gotta see the irony in that.

[Raban]

Yes, I do. 

GS self-annihilation number whatever it is at this point.

This is you with the ball, 10 yards away from touchdown

Anyway, I wasn't trying to call him deep. I said that he had personality and was likable. You can accept that premise, can't you?

This is you throwing the ball into the bleachers, dropping your pants and mooning the crowd.

[Raban]

Raban, just shut the fuck up, honestly.

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[etiolate]

go out like Favre bro

[AdmiralViscen]

omfg

I eyerolled more at the 12 Monkeys reference btw.

Anyway, I wasn't trying to call him deep. I said that he had personality and was likable. You can accept that premise, can't you?

No, you said that he was more than a generic archetype while describing him as his generic archetype persona.

[Green Shinobi]

omfg

I eyerolled more at the 12 Monkeys reference btw.

Explain.

[AdmiralViscen]

You are misusing "theme"

Movies that used detachment from their old life and adaptation to their new one as a THEME like Avatar are the ones everyone uses to troll it. Shoehorning in a brain-damage-related plot point of 12 Monkeys to avoid mentioning Dances with Wolves struck me as silly.

[Green Shinobi]

You are misusing "theme"

Movies that used detachment from their old life and adaptation to their new one as a THEME like Avatar are the ones everyone uses to troll it. Shoehorning in a brain-damage-related plot point of 12 Monkeys to avoid mentioning Dances with Wolves struck me as silly.

Maybe you need to watch these movies again?

In Dances With Wolves there is no back and forth between one world and the other. Dunbar leaves white civilization 20 minutes in and doesn't return until very late in the film. The idea of a character being sent on a mission that involves him moving between two worlds and in the process forgetting which one is the real world for him is an idea that has much more in common with Twelve Monkeys than Dances with Wolves.

Anyway, why would anyone try to avoid mentioning Dances with Wolves? It's clearly a straight Pocahontas ripoff; the Costner film is irrelevant.

[AdmiralViscen]

This is my point. You are conflating plot points with themes to avoid having to mention a movie that makes Avatar look bad. Though yes, Pocahontas is yet another better example than 12 Monkeys.

Cole (see, I know his name) suffers from BRAIN DAMAGE as a SYMPTOM of TIME TRAVELLING away from a place where he's IN JAIL. He's not being lured away from a life of relative comfort by a tribal mid-90s woman in Philly.

[Green Shinobi]

This is my point. You are conflating plot points with themes to avoid having to mention a movie that makes Avatar look bad. Though yes, Pocahontas is yet another better example than 12 Monkeys.

Cole (see, I know his name) suffers from BRAIN DAMAGE as a SYMPTOM of TIME TRAVELLING away from a place where he's IN JAIL. He's not being lured away from a life of relative comfort by a tribal mid-90s woman in Philly.

That's really not what I'm doing at all, but by all means, keep drawing ridiculous conclusions about strangers on the internet.

The idea of forgetting which world you belong to is one of the major themes of 12 Monkeys.

[AdmiralViscen]

The movies can seem similar when taken at face value or described in a carefully worded sentence, but the motivations of the characters and the themes of the two movies are not all that similar. I just thought it was funny that you would make a reach like that when there are so many more obvious choices you could of made. But if you used one of those better examples it would surely be thrown back in your face as a reason why Avatar is generic. Which is funny.

Think to yourself, is Cole more interested in keeping a hold of all the magical things he has learned from his simple-minded lover, or leaving voicemails about dead cricket samples? Is he meant to be torn about returning to his familiar life of comfort, or does he come from a complete shit hole that the movie makes clear early on (by way of toothless hobos) that he can choose to abandon with absolutely no consequence from his superiors?

It's ok though, we don't actually have to get into this.

[Green Shinobi]

The similarities between Avatar and Dances with Wolves and Pocahontas have already been described in depth and to exhaustion. I was bringing up a new comparison because it's one that kept coming back to me as I was watching Avatar. Just because a movie has a similarity to one movie doesn't mean it can't have similarities to others. By bringing up the 12 Monkeys parallel, I'm not denying that parallels exist between Avatar and other films. Sorry if that's what you thought I was trying to do.

[AdmiralViscen]

Apology accepted. I apologize for my ignorance.

[Diunx]

Jake was very poorly written.  Any real person who was crippled for several years would have too much self-respect to run around like that the moment they get their rental alien body.  They would probably have less interest in running fast or flying or some BS because they're able to live with being in a wheelchair.  That's an example of the shallow emotional cheap shots that this movie makes.

Are you serious? I knew you where an idiot before but now you evolved to fucking distinguished mentally-challenged fellow.

[brawndolicious]

Are you serious? I knew you where an idiot before but now you evolved to fucking distinguished mentally-challenged fellow.

You don't care that a paraplegic wouldn't act anything like that?  Hell, probably no person would act like Jake but especially not a paraplegic who was too poor to get new legs and had to be in a alien-clone rental body for some unbelievable reason.

[Diunx]

Really? you think that a person who lost his ability to walk years ago and suddenly got it back wouldn't get excited and run? as someone with a paraplegic family member I'm telling you that you are completely wrong.

[Mupepe]

Really? you think that a person who lost his ability to walk years ago and suddenly got it back wouldn't get excited and run? as someone with a paraplegic family member I'm telling you that you are completely wrong.

As someone with SIX parapalegic family members I'm telling you that you are completely wrong!  SIX!  They're here right now shaking their head.  They said they have more self respect than that.  Toby said he might skip a bit.  But that's all

[brawndolicious]

Not seconds after getting mentally transported into a smurfohantas alien body while doctors are threatening to knock him out.  The first thing he would should be thinking about is how it feels to have a blue dick and tail.  Not to be overcome with the sense of wonder and adventure of running away from doctors.

[Diunx]

He went on a five years trip to a distant moon to perform a job he didn't even know the details about just to get the money to fix his legs, and you think is weird for him to get up and run around when he gets a new body with working legs? in your defense fapping with his tail was probably what he did that night.

[brawndolicious]

That'd be like jerking with your forearms.  There's not enough grip/dexterity.

Oh god this is getting furryish..

[AdmiralViscen]

Really? you think that a person who lost his ability to walk years ago and suddenly got it back wouldn't get excited and run? as someone with a paraplegic family member I'm telling you that you are completely wrong.

As someone with SIX parapalegic family members I'm telling you that you are completely wrong!  SIX!  They're here right now shaking their head.  They said they have more self respect than that.  Toby said he might skip a bit.  But that's all

[Flannel Boy]

Man, this thread is almost as bad as when Patel annihilated GS in the Return of the King thread.   

I thought we were never going to bring that thread up again after GS's suicide attempt. Way to open up old wounds.

[The Fake Shemp]

This is almost as embarrassing as that time that Glen Shinobi made up a bunch of events to deflect from his mental breakdown at the 4-H club outside the rabbit pen.

[The Fake Shemp]

Yes, Avatar's Oscar nomination hurts as much as not getting invited to a 4-H club event, which is the epitome of cool.

[Flannel Boy]

What the fuck are we talking about here?

The Return of the King thread located in The Baby Dumpster. I wouldn't read it; it's a bloodbath.

[The Fake Shemp]

The worst part is when drohne begin to pile on and Green Shinobi kept trying to claw his way out.

[Flannel Boy]

I remember the time GS told us Peter Jackson would call him up, asking him for advice on how to film the big battle scene in The Return of the King.

[The Fake Shemp]

That was up there with the time that he claimed James Cameron took him on a scuba expedition to find some gear he lost while filming The Abyss.

[Flannel Boy]

Patel really lost in that thread when Green Shinobi claimed that he was actually the ghost writer of "The Return of the King," writing most of the book for Tolkien.

[The Fake Shemp]

It was almost as sad when he said he was a ghost writer for the hit PBS show "Ghostwriter".

[Flannel Boy]

 

[Diunx]

Man, this thread is almost as bad as when Patel annihilated GS in the Return of the King thread.   

Link?

[The Fake Shemp]

Here's one that's actually real: remember that one time Green Shinobi slept with a fatty, and then she got upset mid-coitous when he yelled out, "Willco!"

That was awkward for everybody.

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

You guys can be such dicks sometimes

[The Fake Shemp]

Remember that time when Green Shinobi said he liked Muse's The Resistance?

Oh, wait - that one is real.

[Diunx]

Remember that time when Green Shinobi said he liked Muse's The Resistance?

smh

[The Fake Shemp]

Remember that time when Willco got fired from his job for giving discounts under the table?

Except, unlike you, that turned out to be a good thing.

[CajoleJuice]

Remember when whiteACID nudes were making the internet rounds?

/attempttolightenthemood

[Flannel Boy]

Yeah, that was a sad day for the Internet. 

[The Fake Shemp]

Yeah, posting naked pics of girls is gross

[Olivia Wilde Homo]

I have yet to see them.

I also admit that I never got to see the Christie Elaine nudes either

[Flannel Boy]

Not missing much.