LOL Kevin Smith too fat to fly, gets kicked off Southwest Airlines

[The Fake Shemp]

Yes.

The guy has scored major dough for gigs that were never produced, and despite the fact that his last two flicks underperformed, he still made quite a bit of cash. His latest flick, Cop Out, was just a pay day for him - he didn't even write it.

That's not including residuals on his older stuff. He's not filthy rich, but he's obviously not starving.

[Barry Egan]

listening to that podcast about the whole affair is just so weird and distressing.  The guy hovers over his denial multiple times throughout... he says things like "I'm fat but I'm not fat-fat..." and at one point "if I were really upset I'd be thinking up a diet right now.  But I'm not going to *sad-clown laughter*".  He justifies his outrage in all sorts of strange ways that conveniently side-step the central issue of his whale gut.  And the most unsettling part is how his wife keeps cooing and agreeing with everything he says.  "Oh, that's right honey, the seat-belt test.  Everyone knows that as long as you can violently compress your stomache enough to click your seatbelt together you're doin' fine".  You get the impression that she just totally does not give a fuck about her husbands health so long as she doesn't have to make any waves.  

A sad situation.  And all because you're Seth Rogen vehicle bombed? smh.  

[Howard Alan Treesong]

Well, if anyone knows how to get rich in Hollywood without a successful hit to your name, it would be Willco.

[The Fake Shemp]

She seems kind of like a trophy wife, but I think she's pretty hideous for a Hollywood trophy wife. Like, if I made Kevin Smith money, I'd probably outright buy some hot chick from an impoverished, third-world country (Detroit?). I mean, if you're going to do it - do it right.

[Van Cruncheon]

yeah, the scale goes

a few extra pounds
overweight
fat
pretty fat
obese
hambeast

Kevin Smith has reached hambeast territory

actually it is

1. could stand to lose a few
2. thick (women) / husky (men)
3. chubby
4. fat
5. fuckin fatass
6. obese
7. butter monster
8. hambeast

kevin is in butter monster country, heading to hambeast territory

[Howard Alan Treesong]

yeah, the scale goes

a few extra pounds
overweight
fat
pretty fat
obese
hambeast

Kevin Smith has reached hambeast territory

actually it is

1. could stand to lose a few
2. thick (women) / husky (men)
3. chubby
4. fat
5. fuckin fatass
6. obese
7. butter monster
8. hambeast

kevin is in butter monster country, heading to hambeast territory

is butter monster country next to flavor country

[Ichirou]

Does he really have that much money, though?

The guy has a miniature "empire" of idiots who buy his t-shirts, plastic figures, posters, and DVDs.  He's doing alright.  He has a fairly rabid fanbase of morons who will defend/praise 'most anything he does.

I posted a recent interview he did on AICN over on another forum, and in that interview he talked about how he's basically become a major pothead since Zack and Miri flopped.  Wouldn't be surprised if he's also gained some major weight too due to it.  He seems to be in denial of his depression and just acting like it's totally cool that his last few movies have been massive failures.

However, I don't want to get drawn into trolling Kevin Smith yet again, it was one of my favorite pastimes on GAF.

[Fragamemnon]

To be fair, I bet his problem is that he's hella insulin resistant/prediabetic and is constantly eating the stuff and snacks on set (which got him insulin resistant in the first place), mixed with not exercising. Staying in shape while traveling is also difficult if you don't plan for it.

I bet he actually does spend a bit on clothes-that stuff looks like it was made purposely to hide his incredible bulk.

I'd love to see the Rascal Scooter Butter Monster model.

[The Fake Shemp]

Yeah, I don't think it takes a huge leap of faith to draw a correlation between his newfound drug habit (which I do think has elevated past recreational) and how much weight he's put on in recent years.

[The Fake Shemp]

Went to go check Kevin Smith's Twitter and I got this message:

Twitter is over capacity.

Way to go, Kevin Smith. Now you are too fat to tweet.

[Herr Mafflard]

.... if he can fit in his seat.

Getting your elbows to touch the armrest is only half the battle! Trying not to gag and suffocate while being constricted by an inadequate system of smothering, metal furnishings is hell.  

Think of that poor guy that was "bigger" than Kevin Smith. Because old Smithy didn't say anything, that guy probably endured unbearable pain and suffering in those torture apparatus they call 'seats'.

Of course, Smithy wouldn't know this. The airline did him a favour by kicking him off. Self-delusion is a terrible thing.

[The Fake Shemp]

and the picture is this:

[BlueTsunami]

Oh man

That's definitely a depiction of what Kevin Smith wish happened on Southwest

[Rman]

To be fair, I bet his problem is that he's hella insulin resistant/prediabetic and is constantly eating the stuff and snacks on set (which got him insulin resistant in the first place), mixed with not exercising. Staying in shape while traveling is also difficult if you don't plan for it.

I bet he actually does spend a bit on clothes-that stuff looks like it was made purposely to hide his incredible bulk.

I'd love to see the Rascal Scooter Butter Monster model.

I'd agree.  Belly fat is key marker for insulin resistance and the dude looks pregnant.

[AdmiralViscen]

and the picture is this:

(Image removed from quote.)

Did it always say this?

Who are you looking for?

Examples: Bill, Bill Smith, or Whole Foods

[The Fake Shemp]

I don't know, to be honest. It's a shame it's down, I can't imagine people not tweeting him about this.

[Akala]

and the picture is this:

(Image removed from quote.)

 

[bork]

He put up a Smodcast all about this today.

[Rman]

The Fail Whale has always been there when Twitter is down.  Still funny, tho.

[pilonv1]

As big a Kevin Smith mark as I am, he's not done anything of value lately and it's pretty sad that this is the most newsworthy he's been in years.

[bork]

I listened to his whole one hour bitchfest about Southwest.  He came off like he was in complete denial over his weight ("I'm fat...but I'm not that fat!" was said numerous times) and then tried to make it look like he wasn't pissed off at them because of what they did to him, but because after he saw the same thing happen to some fat woman.  That's why he tweeted about this like crazy and rushed home to make a podcast about it.    

Dude needs to cut the pot and go on a diet; didn't he go into a downward depressive spiral over how bad Zack and Miri did?  (Which is why there was no commentary track for the DVD/BD...thanks for looking out for your fans, big K!)  Get over it already.

[Draft]

To be fair, I bet his problem is that he's hella insulin resistant/prediabetic and is constantly eating the stuff and snacks on set (which got him insulin resistant in the first place), mixed with not exercising. Staying in shape while traveling is also difficult if you don't plan for it.

That's like every person in the entire country. There's mountains of readily available garbage on every store. Delicious, carbohydrate flush garbage. And staying in shape is never easy. If it was easy, the majority of Americans wouldn't be chunky devils.

[pilonv1]

Z&M had no commentary track? What a waste.

[drew]

On the opposite we've got Smith trying to find the perfect angle where his back isn't hurting, which apparently involves sitting on his leg (which will eventually die and need to be amputated).

his feet are already dead to him, walking from his point of view probably looks like that robot from the jetson's gliding through the goddamn matrix

[Tauntaun]

[WrikaWrek]

Kevin smith so fat that if he up in the air, he stuck in the sky

[Robo]

Is there a worse stand-up comedian than Gabriel Iglesias?  I'm struggling to think of one.

[drew]

is there a better stand up comedian than aziz ansari?

spoiler (click to show/hide)

nnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[close]

[WrikaWrek]

Downloading his stand up right now drew, will check it out.

[Mupepe]

Is there a worse stand-up comedian than Gabriel Iglesias?  I'm struggling to think of one.

Robo?  Why?  Why the hell?  Oh god   Please tell me you're joking.  Pwease.

[lordmaji]

Is there a worse stand-up comedian than Gabriel Iglesias?  I'm struggling to think of one.

Carlos Mencia

[The Fake Shemp]

RoboJ is right. Iglesias is horrible. Like, Dane Cook bad.

[Mupepe]

WHAT THE FUCK!  YOU GUYS ARE RACIST

[Dickie Dee]

I don't know who that guy is but if he needs to go out in public with a witty saying on a t-shirt, there's a 99% probability that he's a wretched comedian.

[The Fake Shemp]

Yeah, he's just obnoxious. Carlos Mencia might be worse, though.

I think Mupepe is being racist.

[drew]

Downloading his stand up right now drew, will check it out.

make sure you watch intimate moments for a sensual evening before you pass judgement

[WrikaWrek]

Downloading his stand up right now drew, will check it out.

make sure you watch intimate moments for a sensual evening before you pass judgement

Was the only one available.

[Mupepe]

How am I being racist???

[Robo]

I forgot about Carlos Mencia.  Still, that's a tough call.

[Mupepe]

Gabriel is friggin adorable   He's the cutest fat guy ever.

[demi]

Gabriel is friggin adorable   He's the cutest fat guy ever.

ROFL

[Mupepe]

IT'S TRUE!

[Tauntaun]

IT'S TRUE!

No doubt son, I share the Iglesias love.   

[Mupepe]

*high five*

[Tauntaun]

*penis five*

[Mupepe]

mmmm mas, papi.  mas

[Tauntaun]

My mexican O face:

spoiler (click to show/hide)

[close]

[T234]

With regard to Latinos, it seems like the older they are the funnier they get. Old Mexicans have some of the funniest stories.

[OptimoPeach]

is there a better stand up comedian than aziz ansari?

spoiler (click to show/hide)

nnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[close]

That one old guy from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

[Mupepe]

With regard to Latinos, it seems like the older they are the funnier they get. Old Mexicans have some of the funniest stories.

like who?  I hate george lopez.  Goddamn.  I hate most hispanic comedians.  i hate hearing the same cliche jokes about hispanic families.  Maybe I don't find it funny because i despise most of it.  Like hispanic remedies for shit and all their "don't do that because it's bad for you." shit.  it annoys the fuck out of me.  and i don't want to hear some other mexican talking about how funny it is.  it's not.  it's stupid.  fkjakldfja;lfkjafkja;dkfja;dfj  i want to kill every hispanic like that. 

[T234]

Wasn't talking about comedians.

There ARE Mexicans in Kentucky. Like I told one Mexican guy: "I don't care if you jump the fence, just bring your cookbooks and your hot sisters."

[The Fake Shemp]

Wow, Kevin Smith's interaction with Southwest sounds a lot more ridiculous post-Fattygate ("bu bu bu the other passengers were already leaning away!").

From his blog:

“Linda - there’s nothing about me not being Too Fat To Fly,” I said.
“The people around you said they had to lean over to make room for you,” Linda offered.
“Linda, they didn’t! The older lady was leaning against the window like she was gonna nap, and the lady to my left was already leaning toward the aisle. I would never pick a seat that might possibly make me look even fatter because I don’t fit in it or something.”
“That’s the report I have,” she continued, then sighed and added “This is so embarrassing to talk about.”
“Wait - what people around me?” I asked.
“The people seated next to you.”
“You guys went to their houses and interviewed them?”
“No.”
“Then where’d that statement come from?”
“Others people around you.”
“Linda, there was nobody but me, the two ladies, and Suzanne. Are you telling me this is Suzanne’s report?”
“The report we received said the ladies were leaning away from you.”
“They were already leaning when I sat down! They didn’t lean because of me! I even asked them both if I was a problem. But you said you took their statements, and now you’re saying they weren’t interviewed at all. You said we’d get to the bottom of who made the decision to boot me, since it WASN’T the Pilot.”

And Linda apologized and pointed out the blog apologies for putting me on and taking me off the plane, as well as the refunded fares.

“But the last paragraph is still all about your two seat rule. By including it, you guys are still saying I was Too Fat To Fly - or at least NOT correcting it. You even say ‘You’re not here to debate the decision the Employees made.’ But when we spoke, you told me they were wrong, and THAT’S why I was happy and ready to drop all this. I don’t want your money, I just want you to put in print what you told me: that I was grabbed because I was the last guy on, not because I didn’t fit with the arm rests down, or because I couldn’t buckle the seat belt. Because I did. And we both know this.”

I feel like a broken record with that stupid “But I could buckle and fit” shit. Pathetic, right? Grasping at any dignity straws. But that’s what you do when you’re kinda stripped of your dignity.

You guys screwed up, SWA; why’s it so hard to own up to it? Now I’m gonna carry this Too Fat To Fly shit around like herpes for the rest of my life, and it was never even true.

DAMN YOU SOUTHWEST!!!

[Herr Mafflard]

/whitewhine

goddammit  just keep buying two seats or eat a salad once in a while sheesh

[Barry Egan]

You guys screwed up, SWA; why’s it so hard to own up to it? Now I’m gonna carry this Too Fat To Fly shit around like herpes for the rest of my life, and it was never even true.

getting serious vibes from this quote

[Howard Alan Treesong]

"they were already leaning" is the most pathetic straw grabbing

[The Fake Shemp]

Visualizing him saying that is more depressing than funny.

[Barry Egan]

on the podcast he talks about asking both ladies if they were uncomfortable.  The first said "I'll manage".  The second was too old and deaf to understand his question but just sort of nodded. 

[drew]

im kind of at the tail end of a bender and this whole thing is pretty surreal

[Mupepe]

I bet he smells too.  Most people that big usually start smelling throughout the day.  All that ass and thigh friction.  I bet it would be unbearable sitting next to him in a recycled air sardine can for a few hours.

[bork]

You think I dig being acknowledged for this dubious honor of Too Fat To Fly? Fifteen years of being “the CLERKS-guy” became TF-TF overnight. Awesome legacy.

Z&M had no commentary track? What a waste.

Because it did so poorly and Smith am cry  :'( :'( :'( :'(.  That didn't stop him from doing commentaries on all his other films though.  He owes his fans a commentary track.