Those of us from rural south know how to handle toilet paper shortage. Eat more corn on the cob! The corn isn't important, but the cobs are free and work great! (Just don't flush them!) You're welcome!
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https://twitter.com/amenbreakfast/status/998049864981319680
...fork?
The personal table fork was most likely invented in the Eastern Roman (Byzantine) Empire, where they were in common use by the 4th century
The first recorded introduction of the fork to Western Europe, as recorded by the theologian and cardinal Peter Damian, was by Theophano Sklereina, the Byzantine wife of Holy Roman Emperor Otto II, who nonchalantly wielded one at an Imperial banquet in 972, astonishing her Western hosts.
https://twitter.com/BillCorbett/status/1001294951504900098